Struggling with my guilt. Help!

[Redbudlover]

Hi, I am a big believer in going solo to Disney and do it often. I am also a big believer in couples getting away alone together to deepen their relationship. But I am a little concerned here - not about your leaving the kids behind but about the parenting of your new guy... And I may get flamed like crazy about this. But I think in a new relationship it is very important to look hard at the person you are considering as a partner. I am concerned you just came out of a bad marriage and a tough divorce and are really excited about this new love. And I hope you will look closely to be sure he is the parent you want for your child. I am not worried that he wants to go away alone with you. I am worried about his reasons for leaving your child behind., He said he's never been and he wants to really enjoy himself... before he takes the kids. It could be just the way it was written but it could also be a red flag that he doesn't think of taking the kids as a way to enjoy himself. I think there are a lot of people out there - a lot of fathers - whose greatest enjoyment would be taking their kids and seeing the world through their eyes. But because he hasn't been before he wants to go by himself so he can enjoy it? I am probably overly sensitive because I was married to a man who was so totally self involved that he didn't enjoy giving happiness to our children, didn't enjoy seeing the joy in their faces. I didn't see that for a long time because the concept was so alien to me. But I hope you will watch and be careful as you bring this man into your life and that of your child's that he is the loving and giving man you want as a father for your child. And that he is not a man who puts his own pleasure before that if his family.

 

[beansmom]

i had 3 children..and did EVERYTHING for them. Did without to make sure they had all they needed and lots of what they wanted. Do love me more than if I hadn't done without for them? Nope...they don't even realize it. I'm not being bitter..just realistic. I agree, we DO NOT owe our children THE WORLD. But I work hard..have for 30 years...and now it's my turn to enjoy life.

My only regret is that i didn't do it sooner.

Go...don't feel guilty. Yes, you are supposed to do for your children...but you are supposed to do for yourself as well. ENJOY your trip!

 

[sarcasticfiesta]

Hi, I am a big believer in going solo to Disney and do it often. I am also a big believer in couples getting away alone together to deepen their relationship. But I am a little concerned here - not about your leaving the kids behind but about the parenting of your new guy... And I may get flamed like crazy about this. But I think in a new relationship it is very important to look hard at the person you are considering as a partner. I am concerned you just came out of a bad marriage and a tough divorce and are really excited about this new love. And I hope you will look closely to be sure he is the parent you want for your child. I am not worried that he wants to go away alone with you. I am worried about his reasons for leaving your child behind., He said he's never been and he wants to really enjoy himself... before he takes the kids. It could be just the way it was written but it could also be a red flag that he doesn't think of taking the kids as a way to enjoy himself. I think there are a lot of people out there - a lot of fathers - whose greatest enjoyment would be taking their kids and seeing the world through their eyes. But because he hasn't been before he wants to go by himself so he can enjoy it? I am probably overly sensitive because I was married to a man who was so totally self involved that he didn't enjoy giving happiness to our children, didn't enjoy seeing the joy in their faces. I didn't see that for a long time because the concept was so alien to me. But I hope you will watch and be careful as you bring this man into your life and that of your child's that he is the loving and giving man you want as a father for your child. And that he is not a man who puts his own pleasure before that if his family.

Well I think you're making judegements before you really know our situation. My DBF is one of the best men I have ever known besides my own father. He has been the one taking care of his kids since his ex wife left. He works harder than anyone I know. There are no red flags here. I would never be with a man who didn't care as deeply for his children and mine as much as I do. He is a completely devoted father who has given everything to his children, and he's loved my son from the start no questions asked, just like his own. It's not that he doesn't want to go to Disney with our children. As I stated, we are bringing them in May. We are just taking advantage of this opportunity to get away together and experience something he never got to as a child (our children couldn't go regardless because they're in school). Alone time is an impotant part of making our relationship work too. We rarely have alone time. And my DBF is not meant to be my son's father, even though he loves him as such. He has one of those already who loves him deeply. Just because my marriage was bad, doesn't mean my son doesn't have a father. Sorry for the rant. I'm not trying to be mean, but this really hurt me. People are way too quick to judge.

 

[CptJackSparrowsGirl]

Totally understandable
We never went until me and my brother could appresiate it and afford it lol.
My parents have even teased about going without us, which makes me upset, but now I think it would be ok. When I get a job I can save up for a trip of my own. Plus I when I meet the right guy, I want to go to WDW with him on our honeymoon XD And I'm so not having my family with me lol So don't feel bad. You can bring them when their older and they'll love and remember it more

 

[Chelley00]

DH and I got a guilt trip from tons of people this summer. We didn't go on Disney trip, we went on a cruise to celebrate our anniversary, and I can't even begin to count the people who said "I can't believe you are leaving your kids for two weeks!". Sometimes I felt like a horrible parent, but had to keep reminding myself that our lives revolve around the kids, and someday they are going to grow up, leave the nest, and I wanted to make sure DH and I hadn't let our marriage go. We needed the time to reconnect and to laugh and to be adults, not parents. Go, have fun, and you'll be even more prepared when you take the kids since you'll know they lay of the land.

 

[Redbudlover]

Well I think you're making judegements before you really know our situation. My DBF is one of the best men I have ever known besides my own father. He has been the one taking care of his kids since his ex wife left. He works harder than anyone I know. There are no red flags here. I would never be with a man who didn't care as deeply for his children and mine as much as I do. He is a completely devoted father who has given everything to his children, and he's loved my son from the start no questions asked, just like his own. It's not that he doesn't want to go to Disney with our children. As I stated, we are bringing them in May. We are just taking advantage of this opportunity to get away together and experience something he never got to as a child (our children couldn't go regardless because they're in school). Alone time is an impotant part of making our relationship work too. We rarely have alone time. And my DBF is not meant to be my son's father, even though he loves him as such. He has one of those already who loves him deeply. Just because my marriage was bad, doesn't mean my son doesn't have a father. Sorry for the rant. I'm not trying to be mean, but this really hurt me. People are way too quick to judge.

I am really sorry I hurt your feelings. That was not my intent at all. I sincerely apologize to you. It may have sounded like I was making a judgement about your BF, but meant to just say to keep your eyes open. You wanted to know what we thought so I answered what I thought. Like I said I believe in couples getting away together. My own experience with a man who was strongly interested in me and not in my kids has colored my views of men who want to get away from kids to enjoy themselves. I would like other women to be able to avoid the experience that hurt me and my kids so badly. You asked for our opinions so I offered mine.

 

[sarcasticfiesta]

I am really sorry I hurt your feelings. That was not my intent at all. I sincerely apologize to you. It may have sounded like I was making a judgement about your BF, but meant to just say to keep your eyes open. You wanted to know what we thought so I answered what I thought. Like I said I believe in couples getting away together. My own experience with a man who was strongly interested in me and not in my kids has colored my views of men who want to get away from kids to enjoy themselves. I would like other women to be able to avoid the experience that hurt me and my kids so badly. You asked for our opinions so I offered mine.

It's ok. I understand that you were just trying to give your opinion, but I think it turned into you judging my boyfriend's character and intention, and I wasn't asking that. I know exactly where he stands. It's not that he "has" to get away from the kids to enjoy himself. The opportunity arose, so we're taking it. We have our kids all the time and we certainly have fun doing all sorts of things with them. This just happens to be a fun thing we're doing without them.

Thanks to everyone for your input. I really appreciate it. My DBF and I are both a little nervous to leave the kids for a week, but we're going to go ahead with the trip. This will probably be a once in a lifetime thing, so we're going to make the most of it. I'm getting more excited every day , and I guess I just have to learn to ignore all the negativity.

 

[delaneyc52]

First off, I just tell the naysayers that I am obsessed with Disney and sorry that they can't handle it. Or I remind them how many trips to Cabo they take without the kids (just an Example of course). Then I promptly ignore them and go back to happy planning.

Now, for what you can do as adults at the world. . .

1. Your kids are small. . .ride all the big rides this trip cause you will probably skip them with the kids. Expedition Everest, Big Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Soarin, Test Track, Mission Space, Dinosaur, Rock n Roller Coaster, Tower of Terror, etc.

2. Check out all the small rides that they can ride and decide now what they would like and what would freak them out.

3. Enjoy your TS meals at a leisurely pace. You got free dining so take advantage.

4. Enjoy Adult Beverages at all parks except Magic Kingdom (its a dry park).

5. Shop and drink around the world at Epcot. Most young kids are bored with Epcot after only a couple hours.

6. Enjoy rope drop at each of the parks if you have the time. . .the pre-shows are great.

7. Watch the shows. . .some would be fun with kids, others don't have enough going on to entertain the little ones.

8. Explore your resort. Swim, have a poolside beverage. . .if you are in a moderate or deluxe use the hot tub.

9. Since you are going during the holidays go to each resort and check out the christmas decorations. . .beautiful.

10. Best of all. . .relax and have a wonderful trip.

Excellent advice!!!