Stressed Out Teens--What Helps?

[QueenIsabella]

I have a teen who gets stressed pretty easily. She's a hard worker, over-achiever type who tends to over-think situations and not handle life's curveballs very well. I don't think she would be diagnosed with anxiety, but she could benefit from some calming techniques. Any suggestions that have worked for your teens? Yoga? Meditation? Visualization?

If it matters, my DD plays an instrument and dances several hours a week, both of which IMHO, provide balance to her schoolwork.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I have a teen who gets stressed pretty easily. She's a hard worker, over-achiever type who tends to over-think situations and not handle life's curveballs very well. I don't think she would be diagnosed with anxiety, but she could benefit from some calming techniques. Any suggestions that have worked for your teens? Yoga? Meditation? Visualization?

If it matters, my DD plays an instrument and dances several hours a week, both of which IMHO, provide balance to her schoolwork.

My kids are in middle school, but they’ve been feeling the pressure lately. We do mindfulness things sometimes to just focus on breathing to give their brains a break... My less traditional way, if they are having an especially hard time, is that I’ll let them yell it out in the car on the way to school or in the basement (it has involved swear words a time or two ). Venting to the universe seems to help.

 

[verleniahall]

Young Living Essential Oil Peace and Calming and a difuser - have her diffuse a few drops at night or during homework

 

[LovesTimone]

A trip to Disney ought to do the trick...just sayin'

Making her unplug... outing's that she can't keep looking at the phone, texting, posting, Instagram'ing - even better somewhere were there is no signal...

Dinner time - NO phones or devices allowed... that means everyone... Having time to just talk, laugh, share your day... Communication is looking at each other... not the screen...

Walking, hiking, swimming, picnic in a park, something outdoors for me helped at that age...

Volunteering, like a hospital, nursing home, or together as a family at a homeless shelter, food bank... it really puts things in perspective,

 

[xlsm]

Yoga!!

Last year my oldest son was really struggling with his emotions - breakup with the "dream girl", leaving middle school, high school looming ahead, etc...

We found a teen/tween yoga class for him and he loved it! He was always the oldest there, and then they cancelled it for the summer, so he's been out of yoga so far this year, but he's going to find a good class after the new year. He is even considering taking the classes to teach it, which I think would be awesome for him.

The stress relieving techniques really worked for him, the breathing exercises and stretches.

Good luck to your DD, hang in there Mom

 

[SteveH]

I would suggest finding a good therapist that can work with her to help her work through finding the right calming techniques, that can last a life time.

 

[DLgal]

Start with a cognitive behavioral therapist who specializes in teens/young adults.

If that doesn't help within a few months, seek a psychiatric evaluation. Anxiety can quickly escalate beyond "self help" level and become a physical threat. My son is 14, and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder 2 years ago. He was constantly having a racing heart and his blood pressure was at a level that is considered high for adults, and that was when he was "at rest" and appeared to be calm! His doctor was very worried about the long term effects of being in such a constant state of of stress. That is not good for anyone, but especially kids. He was given a low dose (super low) of Prozac which has helped immensely to ratchet down the stress and allow him to go about his day without over thinking and catastrophizing everything.

 

[easyas123]

Making her unplug... outing's that she can't keep looking at the phone, texting, posting, Instagram'ing - even better somewhere were there is no signal...

Dinner time - NO phones or devices allowed... that means everyone... Having time to just talk, laugh, share your day... Communication is looking at each other... not the screen...

Walking, hiking, swimming, picnic in a park, something outdoors for me helped at that age...

Volunteering, like a hospital, nursing home, or together as a family at a homeless shelter, food bank... it really puts things in perspective,

These are excellent ideas. I will add to it I'm hugely uptight, uptight over stuff that doesn't warrant being uptight. Yoga had helped A LOT, and so has acupuncture - it really relieves the physical issues that come from me being super uptight that manifest in my shoulders.

 

[barkley]

If it matters, my DD plays an instrument and dances several hours a week, both of which IMHO, provide balance to her schoolwork.

does she find either relaxing at all? ask her to be honest with you on it b/c it could be adding to the stress. i was the theater geek who did drama, choir and dance while most of my friends were the musicians. it's very different to be doing this kind of stuff for enjoyment vs. constantly being under the threat of losing/having to compete for your chair in band/rehearsing for a performance/production. i knew many a teen who was stressing trying to balance everything out, and paranoid about dropping drama, dance or band b/c that was THEIR extracurricular, and 'everyone knows colleges don't take you without extracurriculars (greatly overstated to kids imho). if it gave them enjoyment/relaxation it was in an environment where there were no pressures-a non performance based choir group, dance classes that didn't lead to recitals, just for fun 'jamming' music groups (a phenomenal high school band teacher i knew years ago provided one of these every summer for anyone who wanted to join, he contended it gave the kids a chance to see if they really just enjoyed playing in a totally non competitive/non performance environment-the kids that went year after year are the ones now 30-40 years later that i still know play, some professionally but all for the pure enjoyment and relaxation).

i have an anxiety disorder-i'm also an 'a' type personality who was an overachiever. i overachieved myself into 2 strokes (i didn't listen to my body and when i didn't deal with the stress and tried to keep pushing through my body finally made me slow down-permanently). when my dd (24) started showing signs of being similar we took her to her doctor to see if there was anything we needed to look to, she was diagnosed similarly and has found that young adult 'group' therapy is beneficial-they can all discuss how they are feeling w/no one they know/unjudged. it gave dd some perspective that she wasn't alone in her feelings/how to cope w/ or w/o meds (meds are not a bad thing nor do they have to be an all the time and forever thing).

 

[gotomu212]

There are a lot of mindful apps and websites out there there have little guided exercises for stopping to catch your breath and meditate for a few minutes. I don’t have anxiety but I do have a stressful job and taking 10 minutes to plug in my headphones and listen to one of the podcasts does a lot to reduce my stress in the moment and re-center. It’s almost as good as a nap.

Mind Yeti is a very popular one that’s targeted to younger kids, BUT we listened to it with my son and I love it. His teachers and other parents have all admitted to using it for themselves too.

 

[BrinkofSunshine]

While yoga and mediation and exercise are all wonderful ways of managing stress, I would echo others to take her to see a therapist who can determine whether she has a level of anxiety that needs to be medicated, and even if not they can help her with various techniques. I finally was medicated for anxiety this past year after I became so sick/in pain I could hardly function, but looking back at my teen years, while I was functioning and a successful student, I absolutely had anxiety and so could have benefitted from seeing a professional.

 

[luvsJack]

Dd stressed as a teen. She still stresses. Over really odd stuff some times.

She vents, I tell her to breathe and then suggest she take her dog out to play, go for a walk, dive into a new book or start a new series on Netflix. Anything to empty her mind of the stressor.

And once she is calm, I tell her to come up with a plan for dealing with whatever it is. If it’s money, write down what you need and what you have and what’s coming in. If it’s school and assignments, sit down and make a schedule for getting them done.

Any activities outside of school are great but for a teen who stresses, sometimes they can add to the stress.

Dd has no anxiety diagnosis, just stresses out sometimes. These things seem to work for her.

 

[clh2]

When my DD was in college, there was a direct correlation: the lessor amounts of sleep greatly exaggerated every little situation.

So I would keep an eye on if she is well rested, in addition to other suggestions!

 

[tcufrog]

I was finally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was in high school and wish I had been diagnosed sooner. She may not have GAD or some other form of persistent anxiety but you won't know unless you meet with a qualified diagnostic psychologist. Seeing one saved me and I'm grateful that my mother took my teacher seriously when my teacher told her that she thought something was wrong.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

https://www.amazon.com/Wellness-Boo...t=&hvlocphy=1018289&hvtargid=pla-488914869523

 

[QueenIsabella]

Thanks for all the input! My only objection to taking her to a therapist is, she might perceive it as, we think she needs fixing. I will try to talk to her about it over Christmas break, when things are much calmer, and talk about how it could help her. Her older brother, who has diagnosed anxiety and depression, sees a therapist, and it's painless (no meds at this time, just visits every 3-4 weeks), so hopefully she will see that it's more like a steadying adviser than a doctor (and no shots!). Heck, even my oldest--sane and rational as they come--sees a therapist occasionally, mostly to help her deal with stresses at work. She teaches English Language learning students, and as you might imagine, most come with a lot of baggage.

As to the music and dance--I do worry that she does too much dance, ~8 hours a week. Much more this week, since we're doing Nutcracker this weekend (I do wardrobe, hence the "we"). For better or worse, she's not a naturally talented dancer, and just earned her pointe shoes after a great deal of effort. She has many good friends in dance, and is looked up to--not for her skills, but for her kindness and willingness to help wherever needed. With her music--now there, she does have lots of talent, and works hard. But, it's not a future career for her (she wants to be a lawyer). She had to give up the HS orchestra this year--her choice--due to scheduling conflicts. She still plays in a youth orchestra (meets once a week on a college schedule) and takes private lessons.

In looking at this past week, the incident that prompted my post was uncontrollable shaking, plus nausea. In looking further beyond the obvious stressors (last week of school, Nutcracker), I realized that the dance studio has been messing with her. Not on purpose, but she has her regular dances (groups--she doesn't get solos), then she was asked to help out with the youngest dancers, plus she's helping with some Special Olympics dancers who are in the party scene, and also performing at intermission. Then just this week, they asked her to help with some other parts of the performance (being a runner and doing some prop manipulation while in the wings). They ask her to do these things because she's so kind and gentle, but it's the last-minute aspect that throws her. And believe me, I was at dress rehearsal last night, and they were changing things so much, she STILL doesn't know what she's doing. And I get that this is the nature of performances, and if she wants to continues, she has to learn to roll with this stuff, but I think the late changes threw her, causing the shaking. But, life can be like this--ask any parent, ever! And especially if she wants to be a prosecutor (her dream job), this issue will exist.

Sorry about the novel. I'm going to get her through this weekend, then evaluate other ideas with her in the next couple of weeks.

 

[mousefan73]

Seems she does have a lot on her plate. Maybe it‘s something simple as her not getting enough sleep to balance things. Sleep for me is my de-stresser. This us why on weekends I stay in bed until 10 am. Or take naps. Rule though- no phones in bed.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I definitely think lack of sleep is a factor. Everything seems worse when you're tired. Luckily, she could sleep in today, and tomorrow as well (call isn't until after noon both days). She seems in good spirits, which is great. I'm just trying to look "big picture", and get some stress relievers in place before the next big issue comes up.

 

[tcufrog]

According to the latest research, you can't actually make up a sleep deficit over the weekend. Over Christmas Break I strongly urge you to sit down with her and reevaluate her weekday schedule if she's not getting enough sleep during the school week.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Teach her to say no. The extra asks for the nutcracker seem to be stretching her resources significantly

We are taught, especially girls, to be nice, to please others. It is perfectly ok to say no. To focus on her dance experience rather than helping others. If more helpers are needed, let the dance studio owners deal with it.

Keep looking out for her mom!