Strange comment said to me at work

[RickinNYC]

Here's one for the books. The senior manager of HR was acting buddy buddy to me shortly after she started working at our company. Then one day, she bluntly told me (not asked me, told me) that I was gay. Then she idly commented that she always wanted a gay best friend and would I consider being her Will to her Grace.

I tried to make light of the situation by laughing and telling her, "Sorry, my people aren't Pokemon cards. You can't collect us."

Then she said, in all seriousness, that she always wanted to be a "*** hag" and why wouldn't I consider it an option for her.

It had to be single most strange conversation I have ever been a part of. Especially given her role in human resources!

What makes the situation even more crazy is she is constantly asking me to come into her office and brings the topic up virtually every time!

Some people are just plain weird.

 

[Pam]

Have you ever thought about reporting her to HER supervisor in HR?? Her comments are totally out of line.

 

[Mad4Mickey]

NOOOOOOOOOOO WAYYYYYY !

Reminds me of when I 1st started at my job and my best friend came to see me . When he left one of the Techs said " Hey where did you get the gay guy?" I just walked away but I should have just said " I didnt GET him , I fed him on the porch about 20 years ago and he wouldnt leave"
In the 24 years we have been friends it always shocks me when people think it is ok to ask such a thing .


See you soon RIck
WAND in hand
Mishell

 

[lisajl]

Whoa! I can't believe someone actually said that!

I mean, I believe you, it is just strange to think someone would say that to you!

I think I would report it also.

Lisa

 

[ahutton]

On the other side of that coin... When I found out I was expecting DD1 a coworker I barely knew came up to me and said that is what happens when you get physical with a man. I had been married to DH for 3 years - would it be unusual that we be having a child? It made me very uncomfortable.

 

[janette]

That is strange, maybe a night on the town would solve it but that could also make it worse. Can't really think of a way around this. I spent my bar-hopping days in the late 70's & early 80's at more gay bars than straight and still think they are probably much more fun. Someone that has never been exposed would probably love or hate it.

I've lost touch with many of my bar-hopping friends and too many have passed away.

Their sexual preference was never the most important part of the friendship. It was just part of who they were. Maybe suggest that you prefer that office relationships don't extend beyond the office and give her some names of places she can hang out and maybe meet a new friend.

 

[Disney Doll]

It amazes me the way people see no problem with commenting on things they have no business commenting on!!!!! It amazes me that this woman is in HR.

I think I'd ask her to stop the badgering about your sexual preferences before I reproted it to her supervisor. If she doesn't stop, then I'd think about reporting it. It doesn't seem appropriate to me.

 

[ohanafamily]

Hi Rick, I would suggest something a little more subtle, if you haven't confirmed anything to this HR person, I am sure you could arrange to have a female friend come up and ask her to stop calling you a *** and that you are afraid to say anything to her because of her position. If she has confirmation then the conversation "Please understand you are not my type. Please respect my sexual preference at work. My Life Partner is very jealous, and I have had some bad experiences. Please let us keep our relationship on a professional level"

If all else fails, you can feed her to the prince of darkness or beat her with your wand.

There really is no place for that in a charitable organization. In a family business you used to be able to talk about anything, but now days you have to walk on eggshells. Being in HR, she should know better. If she doesn't, she has no business being in HR.

She may think she is trying to be a friend, and may not be aware that she is making you uncomfortable. I would definitely let her know before reporting her to her superior...

 

[christineann]

that is harassment, plain and simple. She should be reported, IMHO.

 

[Margie J]

"Sorry, my people aren't Pokemon cards. You can't collect us."

Love that line!


Anyway, what this woman is saying to you is totally unacceptable. Being in HR especially should make her more aware of what is and isn't appropriate.

Have a chat with her and tell her that this makes you uncomfortable. If it continues then you need to speak to her Supervisor.

 

[370HS5V0773H]

She wants to convert you. Sounds like harassment. I would tell her to stop or go over her head, you don't have to put up with that.

 

[ohanafamily]

Rick, I asked DW, and she said report it immediately before she has a chance to turn it around on you. If she is a SENIOR HR person, she should know better and understand that this is harassment. If you warn her then she might nail you.

DW is angry at this person, so I will not continue on the string of words she is espousing. She has worked in the real world, I have not. She says tell Rick to cover his Donkey.

 

[Nephosaurus]

Mr. inNYC, why did you have to go and upset my Auntie? Ohanafamily asked her what she thought, and she has been on a tear as to how inappropriate this is. I cannot even watch my Chocolate movie in peace.

(If you don't mind me quoting her, "Nail Her to The Wall!!!")

 

[holycow]

I would go to the supervisor in Hr(her superior) and report her...this could start bordering on harrassment if it goes on any longer.

My DD had a job she loved but some women felt that they needed to discuss their love preferences at work...my DD declined and kept declining until 6 months later she quit her job because they just wouldn't leave her alone! She was out of a job for 3 months before she found anything....some people just don't get the hint. and she should know better being in the position she is!

Good luck to you

HC

 

[ohanafamily]

Rick, DW thought this was a good picture for you to take into work with you...

 

[Bichon Barb]

Honestly Rick, I have no idea what you should do. BUT, I have to tell you I'm still choking on my coffee over the Pokemon card remark.

Quite frankly, I think she's been watching too much TV. Maybe she thinks you will with come to her house with four of your friends with some new outfits and redecorate her house.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am not sure what to tell you here.. I think you handled it with grace and dignity and she did not get it... if she calls you in again and tries to bring it up... I would stop her dead in her tracks.. with something like my personal life is not up for discussion as it does not affect my work and I have a SO and we are a small group.. I am not sure what to say but if she does not get it after that, I would take it to the next step which is go to her superior...if you were straight would she be pushing to be your friend. I do not get it???

maybe she knows that gay men make the best friends.. loyal and true.. I know that and I was just out antiquing with one of mine. We have a ball together... maybe she did not mean anything by it and just wanted to have some fun...who knows.. but to pressure is just plain wrong if you are not receptive to her being your friend.

 

[my3kids]

Sexual Harrassment...clear cut. Lets substitue some characters and look at it another way,

Big Man Personnel Director goes up to new female employee and says, I know you're quite a little lady....I always wanted a companion like you....won't you come be my friend. The lawsuit would hit the desk faster than you can say Will and Grace.

Document document document! This needs to be reported, because the person that said the tables could be turned and she report you is likely pretty accurate. You need to so something, and NOW!

 

[dianeschlicht]

THis is definately sexual harassment.

 

[KathyFP]

Document document document! This needs to be reported, because the person that said the tables could be turned and she report you is likely pretty accurate. You need to so something, and NOW!

I agree completely!