Stop blowing me off!!!

[freepixie]

Okay I've had it with a friend of mine!!!!

Okay her name is "Becky" and we used to work together until I switched jobs in March, and when I worked at that place we would hang out all the time, we were buds and talked on the phone and all...

Well since summer I've tried and tried to get together with her to catch up, and she keeps blowing me off - like, we will set a date and time, then all of a sudden she calls with "oh my grandkids are coming into town," or "my boyfriend needs me to take him somewhere," or "I have a doctor appt."

So I called her on this (saying like I hope you aren't blowing me off, something always seems to come up, and of course she denied it) and so we set up to go out to lunch this Thursday...

And she calls tonight with the flu

I'm so done. If she wants to hang out, SHE can call ME and set it up, I'm so done with her.

Sorry, I just needed to vent!

 

[Wall-E1]

Of course, if she succumbs to the swine flu, I would consider that a valid excuse.

 

[freepixie]

Of course, if she succumbs to the swine flu, I would consider that a valid excuse.

True true

 

[js]

Hi. What I type is really meant to be said nicely but know sometimes things can be interrupted differently how we write.
I use to work with someone and if you asked her, we were close.
Yes, we would talk a lot at work (we sat right next to each other) and often on the phone, although she would call me MUCH more often. I liked her as a co-worker and she really liked me much more as a friend. Our dhs didn't really click and I know this since she asked for us to go out a few times for dinner and then I did the same to reciprocate (we live in two different boroughs in New York).
When she left our job for another job, she still wanted to get together and feeling bad I did a few times but she would call much more than I and I really stopped accepting offers to get together. I told my co-workers (where I now currently work) that I just wanted to "break up" our "friendship". I sounded (maybe still do) like a real ***** but really we didn't have anything in common, she really was a nice aquantance, not friend, although she really could be a very good one, just not for me.
So, I basically stopped returning her calls and stopped sending b'day cards. When she would call, I would be very nice, but wouldn't commit to meeting.
She eventually stopped calling and I do think of her since I feel bad but was I just to say I don't want a friendship? I wish I just could have since I know she is very sensitive and probably thinks she did something wrong. It was just me not clicking with her as a real friend.
So, the moral of my long-winded post is that maybe "she's just not that into you?" Sorry, but maybe that is it?

 

[freepixie]

js - I have indeed thought of that, but its just so different now. I mean we used to hang out outside of work back when I was at that place and at least I felt we had a lot in common. Only difference is she likes to go out to bars and I don't - I personally don't believe in drinking.

I'm also thinking she may be a bit jealous of my new job, I don't know. But this last blow-off of hers was just the last one for me. I have lots of other friends from many different places (church, old work, current work, school, etc.) so its not that big a deal like she would be my only friend or anything.

I just feel bad, not devastated, just bad.

 

[js]

js - I have indeed thought of that, but its just so different now. I mean we used to hang out outside of work back when I was at that place and at least I felt we had a lot in common. Only difference is she likes to go out to bars and I don't - I personally don't believe in drinking.

I'm also thinking she may be a bit jealous of my new job, I don't know. But this last blow-off of hers was just the last one for me. I have lots of other friends from many different places (church, old work, current work, school, etc.) so its not that big a deal like she would be my only friend or anything.

I just feel bad, not devastated, just bad.

I'm sorry. I know my old co-worker probably felt bad too. Like you, not devasted, just bad. Maybe she just wants to go out and doesn't know how/where to fit you in her life right now, not an excuse just another thought.
Were you the one that initiated when you use to get together outside of work or was it her. I know it was really never me that did. I hope it works out for you and so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could have just told my old co-worker I like you but just not as friends but that wouldn't be so nice either.
So sorry again.
Have a happy new year with your family and real friends!

 

[minkydog]

this is a difficult situation. I really do get how you feel. Sad. Betrayed. Disappointed. I"ve been going through this with a long-time friend and it doesn't feel good. i've called my friend and emailed her--she doesn't call or email me back. We live one block from each other and now & then we'll see each other in the yard and talk. She always seems so glad to see me, but if I say "Hey, let's go get coffee sometime" or "come on up and sit on the porch with me" there's always a reason not too. She's not ugly about it. I just think my friend has moved on. She has other things vying for her attention and I'm no longer important to her. And that hurts.

All I can tell you is what i've done myself. I have not "confronted" my friend because that's not my style(or hers either.) I'm happy to see her when we meet, but i'm not going out of my way to make things happen. At this point the ball is in her court. If she doesn't want to call or email(or heck, just walk around the block!) then I suppose the relationship will continue to die and i'll make friends with other people. I'm not angry about it, just kinda sad. She was such a big part of my life for a long time. But relationships change for a lotta reasons and sometimes a friendship just runs its course. Maybe that's what has happened with your friend.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

i'm sorry she's doing that to you, hun.

i've had a few friends do that to me so i did just what you said, i stopped making plans with them. it hurts because i don't really see them anymore, but it's better than looking forward to something just to have them cancel at the last minute, you know?

 

[terri01p]

The ball is in her court now so until she picks it up just leave it there.

 

[Wall-E1]

Shoot, I was about to respond, but my son just got into a tussle with a wolverine and now he's gotten his big toe stuck in the light socket, so it looks like it's pretty serious. We'll have to get together on this another time.

 

[bumbershoot]

Shoot, I was about to respond, but my son just got into a tussle with a wolverine and now he's gotten his big toe stuck in the light socket, so it looks like it's pretty serious. We'll have to get together on this another time.

 

[freepixie]

Shoot, I was about to respond, but my son just got into a tussle with a wolverine and now he's gotten his big toe stuck in the light socket, so it looks like it's pretty serious. We'll have to get together on this another time.

LMAO!!!


I'm feeling much better this morning and hey, I got an email from another friend wanting to get together, so we set it up for Thursday lunch

Thanks for letting me vent, I felt pretty bad last night, but this morning I've got a much better attitude about me after sleeping on it. Thanks again for the advice and kind words, I love you all!!

 

[freepixie]

I'm sorry. I know my old co-worker probably felt bad too. Like you, not devasted, just bad. Maybe she just wants to go out and doesn't know how/where to fit you in her life right now, not an excuse just another thought.
Were you the one that initiated when you use to get together outside of work or was it her. I know it was really never me that did. I hope it works out for you and so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could have just told my old co-worker I like you but just not as friends but that wouldn't be so nice either.
So sorry again.
Have a happy new year with your family and real friends!

Ya know, it was a mutual thing back then, like one time I'd initiate, next time she would, and so on... That's what makes this whole thing entirely strange...

 

[Liberty Belle]

Shoot, I was about to respond, but my son just got into a tussle with a wolverine and now he's gotten his big toe stuck in the light socket, so it looks like it's pretty serious. We'll have to get together on this another time.

Wall-E, you crack me up.

OP, do you know if she's being social with anyone else? If not, maybe she has a social thing and doesn't go out unless kind of forced.

Maybe drinking is important to her and she really doesn't want to waste her "going out time" with someone who doesn't drink? Or maybe you've come across as sanctimonious and she's tired of it?

I'm sorry you're hurting, but like you said, you have lots of other friends. Put your energy into your relationships with them and let your old friend go.