Stepson Dilemma - WWYD?

[grinningghost]

My stepson is jerk. He just became a father, is a drugged out mess, punched some holes in his apartment walls, got kicked out by his girlfriend, has no job and is on probation. (That's the short list).

He just called my DH and asked him for money so he can buy his baby Christmas gifts.

I told DH if ANYTHING, we should buy a couple extra gifts and put his name on the tag, rather than hand him any cash - it'll go right up his nose, and if we buy gift cards, he'll just buy himself stuff.

What do you think? Wrong decision?

 

[kdibattista]

You're right... no way in heck would I give him any money. I'm so sorry

 

[inaminute]

I'd buy a couple of extra gifts and put YOUR name on them.

Buying his gifts for his baby is not your (or your husband's) responsibility.

 

[Sherri]

My stepson is jerk. He just became a father, is a drugged out mess, punched some holes in his apartment walls, got kicked out by his girlfriend, has no job and is on probation. (That's the short list).

He just called my DH and asked him for money so he can buy his baby Christmas gifts.

I told DH if ANYTHING, we should buy a couple extra gifts and put his name on the tag, rather than hand him any cash - it'll go right up his nose, and if we buy gift cards, he'll just buy himself stuff.

What do you think? Wrong decision?

I totally agree with you.

 

[daisyduck123]

I told DH if ANYTHING, we should buy a couple extra gifts and put his name on the tag, rather than hand him any cash - it'll go right up his nose, and if we buy gift cards, he'll just buy himself stuff.

What do you think? Wrong decision?

Love it! Perfect! Don't give him any money. You take care of it!!

What did your DH say?
I hope he agreed with you.

 

[JadenLayne]

I agree, no money, no way, no how. If you want to buy some gifts for the baby and put his name on the card ALONG WITH YOURS then I would. I'm sure the baby's mama will know it's really from you and your DH.

 

[grinningghost]

I'd buy a couple of extra gifts and put YOUR name on them.

Buying his gifts for his baby is not your (or your husband's) responsibility.

Thank you! That was our first thought, and then the guilt started to creep in - but why???? This kid needs to grow up and take care of his own.

 

[NMAmy]

What do you think? Wrong decision?

No, it sounds like the right decision. Does he live close enough that your DH could take him shopping so he could pick out what he wanted to buy the baby?

 

[mtemm]

I'd say the best gift for his daughter would be rehab for him.

 

[grinningghost]

I'd say the best gift for his daughter would be rehab for him.

You are so right. This kid is so far gone on drugs, it's the only thing that MIGHT help. He already has a record as long as my arm and he says his girlfriend is a "bad parent".

We can thank our lucky stars that his girlfriend is, so far, a very GOOD parent despite the baggage he brings to her doorstep.

 

[Sandy V.]

I'd buy a couple of extra gifts and put YOUR name on them.

Buying his gifts for his baby is not your (or your husband's) responsibility.

I agree with this. Good advice.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Good decision.

However it is a baby--I wouldn't get too much and honestly, find what you can on consignment. That way dear old dad can't attempt to return it for cash.

 

[grinningghost]

Good decision.

However it is a baby--I wouldn't get too much and honestly, find what you can on consignment. That way dear old dad can't attempt to return it for cash.

Good point. And the baby is only a month old - it's not like she's going to know whether she gets gifts or not - he's just using this as a ploy to suck money out his dad - it never ceases to amaze me the level this kid will sink to.

 

[texasthree]

I wouldnt give him money either. Buying the gift and putting his name on them is a very nice gesture, I hope he appreciates it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree with the others that you are right on the money. You could put your name on it instead of his, but I probably wouldn't.

I'd go a step further. Not only would I buy the gifts, I'd deliver them. Druggies are so sneaky and can find a way to turn a buck out of anything. Good luck. I hope he turns his life around.

 

[magicmato]

Do you have any sort of relationship with the girlfriend? Personally, I would go directly to the girlfriend and ask her what she needs for the baby. I would buy it an outfit or two and maybe a toy and deliver them directly to her. That would make it impossible for him to return them and use the money for himself. Also, this way you can find out if there is anything she is desperate for, like diapers, formula or a certain must have toy she cannot get herself.

 

[Makdyn]

Do you have any sort of relationship with the girlfriend? Personally, I would go directly to the girlfriend and ask her what she needs for the baby. I would buy it an outfit or two and maybe a toy and deliver them directly to her. That would make it impossible for him to return them and use the money for himself. Also, this way you can find out if there is anything she is desperate for, like diapers, formula or a certain must have toy she cannot get herself.

I agree with this.

 

[Missy1961]

Do you have any sort of relationship with the girlfriend? Personally, I would go directly to the girlfriend and ask her what she needs for the baby. I would buy it an outfit or two and maybe a toy and deliver them directly to her. That would make it impossible for him to return them and use the money for himself. Also, this way you can find out if there is anything she is desperate for, like diapers, formula or a certain must have toy she cannot get herself.

I also agree with this.

 

[camreesmom]

Do you have any sort of relationship with the girlfriend? Personally, I would go directly to the girlfriend and ask her what she needs for the baby. I would buy it an outfit or two and maybe a toy and deliver them directly to her. That would make it impossible for him to return them and use the money for himself. Also, this way you can find out if there is anything she is desperate for, like diapers, formula or a certain must have toy she cannot get herself.

another vote for this option....especially since the baby is so young. At least the child is too young to know what is going on. No way in heck I would hand him money though.

 

[Chicago526]

Do you have any sort of relationship with the girlfriend? Personally, I would go directly to the girlfriend and ask her what she needs for the baby. I would buy it an outfit or two and maybe a toy and deliver them directly to her. That would make it impossible for him to return them and use the money for himself. Also, this way you can find out if there is anything she is desperate for, like diapers, formula or a certain must have toy she cannot get herself.

A forth vote for this! The motion has carried! Next item of business, please!

The DIS boards should be given the job of finding world peace, we'd have it worked out in about 30 minutes!