Stag Weekend Problems

[Florida Bride]

Girls,

I am totally stressed and you guys are probably the only people who will understand.

My fiance has decided to have his stag weekend the weekend of the 28th September in Amsterdam. Problem is my grandmothers 2 year annivesary is on that date and my mums family are going nuts that he has picked that weekend for his stag.

Theres a perfectly reasonable explanation but I don't feel like I have to explain myself or that my fiance should have to explain himself to them. We don't need their approval!!!!

My fiance always wanted his stag at the end of September, he chose the 28th as he gets paid on the 25th and the 28th slots perfectly into his dads time schedule. When he booked it he totally forgot it was my grandmothers anniversay sure why would he remember its not his grandmother and if I dont have a problem with it and my mum doesn't (it is her mothers annivesary) why the hell is everyone else over reacting.

I am so distressed I cried most of last night cause now my uncles are threatening not to go to the wedding. Im tempted not to invite them at all with his stupid carry on but that would upset my mum too much which I would never intentionally do.

I understand it'll be a hard time for them but the bloody stag was organised innocently no malice intended and in hindsight my DF said he'd have picked another weekend if he had known.....

Where do I go from here because right now I can't even look at any of my uncles and if they dare mention it to me I'll do one of two things 1. cry my eyes out or 2. lose my temper and tell them to mind their own business!!!!

Any help / suggestions please post!!!!

 

[Maggimus]

I do realize you have a lot on your shoulders. However, I do not feel that this is a big deal at all. So your DF cant make it to your Grandmothers anniversary-- it isnt his grandmother, and if your mom herself doesnt mind-- go without him. He will become a part of the family soon-- but he isnt binded at the moment and sometimes things come up. Thats a part of life. Is your grandmother the one who is really upset? If so maybe you can have a mini party including you and him before he leaves... I realize your grandmothers anniversary is important to her-- but his stag party is important to him. Just forget about the criticism and go without him-- no one will be able to change that he wont be there and eventually will get over it.

Really no big deal--

GL with your planning!! Maybe you should get together with your girlfriends to get rid of some of the wedding planning stress! Youll have a good time!

 

[Florida Bride]

Thanks for your reply.

I probably should have explained what I meant by 2 year annivesary better...when I saw its her 2 year annivesary I mean she died two years ago on the 28th September.

My mums family are going crazy that his stag falls on the same date but its wasn't planned that way intentionally , poor DF wouldnt remember the date the way we all would!

I don't see it as a big deal but they are all threatening not to go to the wedding as a result....

Just found out that they are all complaining about us getting married in Florida too! I know its a long way from Ireland but its always been my dream to marry in Disney and I don't feel I should give up on my dream for any of them. Once Im happy, my DF is happy and my close family are happy that should be all that matters surely?!

 

[purplegirl247]

Yeah! What Maggimus said!

 

[purplegirl247]

Ah, ok. I see what you mean now. I still agree with Maggimus: your DF didn't pick the stag weekend to be intentionally cruel so I don't see why anyone would be upset with him. He honestly didn't know that the date was so meaningful.

If your family is already giving your problems about having the wedding in the States, they may just be trying to give you a hard time. Why? Who knows. Families are like that sometimes. DBIL-to-be initially said he wouldn't come to our wedding "because if our kids aren't welcome, we're not welcome." We're having an intimate wedding! We don't have room for kids! On a school day besides!

Some people are just...grumpy!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

what do they do for the anniversary??

I ask because if its during the day & DFs party is later on into the night, whats the big deal??

Life goes on! you can remember someone without the "celebration"

Everyone is right, he didnt do it on purpose

try not to let them get to you & let them know you will be there

FAMILY....Why must they make life such a soap

 

[Maggimus]

Are they feeling upset because he will be celebrating something on a day when he should be mourning her loss? If so I feel as though (JMO here) that your family needs a new outlook on life. Celebrate in her life-- and know she is in a better place. if they get together or something on the anniversary of her death i still dont see the big deal. He cant make it because he had prior engagements. He may not have even known her. Every year on the date you cant sit at home and doing nothing-- you must continue to live-- otherwise we would never leave the house. I think your family is just giving you a hard time-- and its probobly something a lot deeper. If they are upset about your DF missing this then I think they are going overboard and may become the 'crazy in-laws'. I hope things work out.

Please clarify so we can help you more-- what exactly will he be missing on this day? A party? A day of mourning? Is there an event he should be attending or is it because he is celebrating something on this day?

 

[Belle1981]

WOW you do not need this right now! I could understand stand it being an issue if just happened last year but the fact of the matter is it has been two years. This is something he had planned beforehand and like you said with no malice. Families like to cause drama when they don't need to. If they don't want to come to FLA than too bad for them! This may sound bad but its your day don't let them ruin it!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

Are they feeling upset because he will be celebrating something on a day when he should be mourning her loss? If so I feel as though (JMO here) that your family needs a new outlook on life. Celebrate in her life-- and know she is in a better place. if they get together or something on the anniversary of her death i still dont see the big deal. He cant make it because he had prior engagements. He may not have even known her. Every year on the date you cant sit at home and doing nothing-- you must continue to live-- otherwise we would never leave the house. I think your family is just giving you a hard time-- and its probobly something a lot deeper. If they are upset about your DF missing this then I think they are going overboard and may become the 'crazy in-laws'. I hope things work out.

Please clarify so we can help you more-- what exactly will he be missing on this day? A party? A day of mourning? Is there an event he should be attending or is it because he is celebrating something on this day?

maggie I agree with you 100%.....but I held back saying it...thanks...but I completly agree

LIVE LIFE everyday
Dont dwell on the past
& there are better ways to remember someone

 

[Florida Bride]

Wow! am I glad I put my dilema up on the board. I am so glad to see that you guys all see things the way I do. I feel so strongly about this. I see no reason why my DF should feel guilty or have to change his plans.

The main reason (or at least what I think is the main reason!) that they are giving me a hard time is on that day there is an annivesary mass for the deceased. Its a 30 min mass where her name will be mentioned - thats it nothign else , no party, no get together nothing! But they all feel that he shouldn't be enjoying himself on that particular day.

I've still got steam coming out of my ears when I think about it and then for them to question why Im getting married abroad, who he hell do they think they are. Last time I checked I didn't have to run my plans by them.

I called to see my mum last night because shes the one on the receiving end, they don't phone me to moan, they phone her which is totally uncalled for and she seems ok which is my main concern. The minute they start upsetting her or taking from her excitement they better go into hiding cause I will really seriously lose my temper with them.

I ended up in bed last night at 6.30pm with severe back pain and I would swear it was from stress. If I had my way I wouldn't invite any of them but that would upset my mum so in this instance I am going to try and be the bigger person!

All in all,the saying whereby you can't chose you family seems very appropiate right now. And I am determined (particulary after reading all of your messages of support) that they will NOT take from my planning and they will NOT take from my day. I am fulfulling a lifelong dream and if they chose not to be a part of it their loss! And it'll mean more money in my pocket to spend on other Disney extras on the big day!

Aside from all that, I am on the countdown now to my planning session , 4 weeks today and I'll be on a plane to FLA and I can tell you I just can't wait!!

I just can't thank you all enough, please keep your messages coming and any suggestions on how to get over this hurdle!

On a totally different note, would anyone have any contact numbers for a gospel choir, Im toying with the idea of including a gospel choir at my wedding ceremony(I still pinch myself everytime I say my wedding!!! )

I look forward to hearing from you all real soon!

As the Irish say - Take Care!!
xx

 

[Andy B]

I have to say this seems a little unreasonable, if we were to not do anything on days with sad connections we would spend half of our lives in quiet contemplation.

Dates also have the strange ability to have multiple meanings. On the day my father died the nephew of my now wife was born, it was also the birthday of my neice and 25 years later was the day her mother, my sister had a fatal asthma attack. What should we do?

Also my MIL died on Halloween 2005 aged 90 after a long deline. We had a party aranged for the children an my wife wanted things to go ahead. we must be bad people.

 

[Florida Bride]

Andy you hit the nail on the head when you said it was "unreasonable" thats exactly what they are although I had a number of other very strong words on the tip of my tongue when it all blew up the other night.

Ugh! Families - very complicated at times eh!

 

[Laurafoster]

Im with you on that!! Various members of DH's family caused chaos when we wanted told them we were getting married in WDW!! They said why dont we just get married in a theme park back home or at disneyland paris?!?!

In the end DH told his family that it was our wedding and not theirs - and we wanted to enjoy every last minute of the planning and events around it etc and if they didnt like it to stay at home (which they did LOL)!

 

[Eeyore's Tailfinder]

I don't know your grandmother, but I wouldn't want people's lives to stop on the anniversaryh of my death - and I'm sure your DGM would rather your DF enjoy himself!

Tell him to enjoy Amsterdam - I love it there! If he hasn't booked a hotel yet - Frisco Inn is the place