Spouse's FB comments - inappropriate?

[undecided101]

Posting undercover cause this is, IMHO, an embarrassing thing to have to ask about it. DH and I have a disagreement. He posted a status on Facebook that I felt was inappropriate to begin with and it led to what I felt were some inappropriate comments by him and a couple of women he is friends with on there. I think I have a right to be very upset. DH thinks I'm reading too much into it. I'm curious to see what other people think.

Here are the details:
-- DH posted a status using a line from the beginning of an old song - I'm the friendly stranger in the black sedan.
-- A couple of women that he is friends with on FB - women I do not know, mind you - commented on his status. The comments were definitely playful but not too risque. At least not to begin with.
-- DH's last comment was "I'll be your car baby!" in response (obviously) to what one of the women had commented. This was about the 6th or 7th comment so this exchange did not last very long.
-- I don't recall all the comments made in between and can't look them up because right after I saw that last comment and indicated to DH that it was out of line, the whole thing - status and comments - disappeared. DH says he did not delete it.

So - do I have a right to feel that my husband was talking dirty to other women on the I'net? He insists that it was just supposed to be funny - no flirting, no sexual innuendo.

Another aspect to this - he and I are friends with a lot of the same people, him with just about EVERYBODY we know. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. So there is no telling who saw this before it mysteriously disappeared.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Yet another reason to avoid FB.

 

[Kath2003]

Posting undercover cause this is, IMHO, an embarrassing thing to have to ask about it. DH and I have a disagreement. He posted a status on Facebook that I felt was inappropriate to begin with and it led to what I felt were some inappropriate comments by him and a couple of women he is friends with on there. I think I have a right to be very upset. DH thinks I'm reading too much into it. I'm curious to see what other people think.

Here are the details:
-- DH posted a status using a line from the beginning of an old song - I'm the friendly stranger in the black sedan.
-- A couple of women that he is friends with on FB - women I do not know, mind you - commented on his status. The comments were definitely playful but not too risque. At least not to begin with.
-- DH's last comment was "I'll be your car baby!" in response (obviously) to what one of the women had commented. This was about the 6th or 7th comment so this exchange did not last very long.
-- I don't recall all the comments made in between and can't look them up because right after I saw that last comment and indicated to DH that it was out of line, the whole thing - status and comments - disappeared. DH says he did not delete it.

So - do I have a right to feel that my husband was talking dirty to other women on the I'net? He insists that it was just supposed to be funny - no flirting, no sexual innuendo.

Another aspect to this - he and I are friends with a lot of the same people, him with just about EVERYBODY we know. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. So there is no telling who saw this before it mysteriously disappeared.

I won't comment other than to say that no one can delete your status but YOU, so you DH clearly DID delete it...

 

[undecided101]

I won't comment other than to say that no one can delete your status but YOU, so you DH clearly DID delete it...

This is what I thought. Which means he is lying about it. And I don't know why he would lie about deleting the status - that, to me, would have been a good thing. But he insists that sometimes stuff on FB just disappears and that he didn't take it off.

 

[Kath2003]

This is what I thought. Which means he is lying about it. And I don't know why he would lie about deleting the status - that, to me, would have been a good thing. But he insists that sometimes stuff on FB just disappears and that he didn't take it off.

He's wrong. Sometimes "stuff" disappears because other people delete it from THEIR profile, but no one can delete anything from your profile except for YOU.

 

[NMAmy]

You have the right to feel however you feel. You're the one who read the whole conversation and felt it was inappropriate. Your husband should accept that whether or not he meant to be inappropriate, he upset you with the conversation.

And, I agree, that I think your husband must have deleted the posts. And, frankly, the fact that he was not being truthful would bother me even more than making the comments which he honestly could have meant jokingly. The fact that they were deleted leads me to believe that he knew that it was not appropriate Facebook conversation.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Posting undercover cause this is, IMHO, an embarrassing thing to have to ask about it. DH and I have a disagreement. He posted a status on Facebook that I felt was inappropriate to begin with and it led to what I felt were some inappropriate comments by him and a couple of women he is friends with on there. I think I have a right to be very upset. DH thinks I'm reading too much into it. I'm curious to see what other people think.

Here are the details:
-- DH posted a status using a line from the beginning of an old song - I'm the friendly stranger in the black sedan.
-- A couple of women that he is friends with on FB - women I do not know, mind you - commented on his status. The comments were definitely playful but not too risque. At least not to begin with.
-- DH's last comment was "I'll be your car baby!" in response (obviously) to what one of the women had commented. This was about the 6th or 7th comment so this exchange did not last very long.
-- I don't recall all the comments made in between and can't look them up because right after I saw that last comment and indicated to DH that it was out of line, the whole thing - status and comments - disappeared. DH says he did not delete it.

So - do I have a right to feel that my husband was talking dirty to other women on the I'net? He insists that it was just supposed to be funny - no flirting, no sexual innuendo.

Another aspect to this - he and I are friends with a lot of the same people, him with just about EVERYBODY we know. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. So there is no telling who saw this before it mysteriously disappeared.

Of course it was flirting on the net. He has the attention of other women. At least he deleted it. Don't like the fact that he lied about it.

Ask him to put certain people on private (so others cannot see his chatter) or unfriend them (if you think that he is crossing boundary lines).

 

[undecided101]

Of course it was flirting on the net. He has the attention of other women. At least he deleted it. Don't like the fact that he lied about it.

Ask him to put certain people on private (so others cannot see his chatter) or unfriend them (if you think that he is crossing boundary lines).

He has deactivated his account. And I think that those types of comments with other women are inappropriate whether he does it privately or not. He knows this. The fact that he did this in a very large, very popular public forum just adds insult to injury in my opinion.

 

[alldiz]

The internet is not a great place for a marriage. I'm happy that your DH did the right thing. IMO......harmless flirting is how it all begins.

 

[undecided101]

The internet is not a great place for a marriage. I'm happy that your DH did the right thing. IMO......harmless flirting is how it all begins.

I'm not sure that him deactivating the account really means anything - least of all that he's doing the right thing. I know that he has exchanged email addresses with at least some of these women. So it is certainly possible that he could continue his relationship with some of these women - only this time, where I can't see what is being said.

Also, being new to Facebook, I don't know if it's possible for him to go back in a create a new account that I don't know about. I would think so tho - as long as he is careful about what name he uses and who he friends.

I probably sound paranoid but, yes, we have had some trust issues in the past. I have very good reason to be suspicious. I thought we had come a long way but apparently not.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm not sure that him deactivating the account really means anything - least of all that he's doing the right thing. I know that he has exchanged email addresses with at least some of these women. So it is certainly possible that he could continue his relationship with some of these women - only this time, where I can't see what is being said.

Also, being new to Facebook, I don't know if it's possible for him to go back in a create a new account that I don't know about. I would think so tho - as long as he is careful about what name he uses and who he friends.

I probably sound paranoid but, yes, we have had some trust issues in the past. I have very good reason to be suspicious. I thought we had come a long way but apparently not.

 

[undecided101]

Thanks.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Sorry OP

Sounds like a good heart to heart with your dh to talk thru this would make you feel better
Any conversation that "needs" to be private or unseen by a spouse/partner is crossing the line, whether that be twitter, fb, email, text etc...
I am hoping you can work thru this "blip" and move forward...

 

[NMAmy]

I'm not sure that him deactivating the account really means anything - least of all that he's doing the right thing. I know that he has exchanged email addresses with at least some of these women. So it is certainly possible that he could continue his relationship with some of these women - only this time, where I can't see what is being said.

Also, being new to Facebook, I don't know if it's possible for him to go back in a create a new account that I don't know about. I would think so tho - as long as he is careful about what name he uses and who he friends.

I probably sound paranoid but, yes, we have had some trust issues in the past. I have very good reason to be suspicious. I thought we had come a long way but apparently not.

It is possible for him to create a new account with a different name. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[scrapquitler]

I'm not sure that him deactivating the account really means anything - least of all that he's doing the right thing. I know that he has exchanged email addresses with at least some of these women. So it is certainly possible that he could continue his relationship with some of these women - only this time, where I can't see what is being said.

Also, being new to Facebook, I don't know if it's possible for him to go back in a create a new account that I don't know about. I would think so tho - as long as he is careful about what name he uses and who he friends.

I probably sound paranoid but, yes, we have had some trust issues in the past. I have very good reason to be suspicious. I thought we had come a long way but apparently not.

A 'decativiated account' is not deleted, it's just not active, kind of like it is on hold. If you deactivate your account, you can go back in and turn it back on later.

Here is what facebook says:
If you deactivate your account, your profile and all information associated with it are immediately made inaccessible to other Facebook users. What this means is that you effectively disappear from the Facebook service. However, we do save your profile information (friends, photos, interests, etc.), so if you want to reactivate at some point, your account will look just the way it did when you deactivated. Many users deactivate their accounts for temporary reasons and expect their information to be there when they return to the service.

If you permanently delete your account, all personally identifiable information associated with your account will be purged from our database. This includes information like your name, email address, mailing address, and IM screen name. Copies of some material (photos, notes, etc.) may remain in our servers for technical reasons, but this material is disassociated from any personal identifiers and completely inaccessible to other users. Facebook also does not use content associated with accounts that have been deactivated or deleted.

So your husband can turn around and get his account back, just like it was, anytime he wants to.

I have several friends who activate and deactivate their account repeatedly depending on what kind of drama is going on.

 

[java]

Now no way am I taking his side
But
Were the comments all lines from the song?
His is pretty close to
"I'll be your vehicle babe" from the song.

It still stinks but maybe not as bad as you fear.

 

[Swan4Me]

Yet another reason to avoid FB.

Nope-it's just easier for jerks to flirt-if they want to


My Facebook interactions are torally "G" rated-Facebook doesnt turn decent people into something they arent

 

[cm8]

The internet is not a great place for a marriage. I'm happy that your DH did the right thing. IMO......harmless flirting is how it all begins.

agreed!

 

[bicker]

Yet another reason to avoid FB.

That's like saying that a good reason to avoid a paintbrush is because you don't like the color of the paint. FB is a tool. The problem highlighted in the OP isn't FB: The problem is what people decided to post.

 

[DrCavin]

The internet is not a great place for a marriage. I'm happy that your DH did the right thing. IMO......harmless flirting is how it all begins.

Ironically posted on the internet