Split Checks?

[design_mom]

I wonder if you realize how insulting these assumptions are. I've never welshed on a bill...if I have more than others I throw in much more than the difference in cost plus tax plus tip and it's taken off the top....and then we divide the bill evenly. I dine with friends, family, and co-workers. We all like each other and take care of each other. We don't scrounge around trying to take advantage of each other. Who in their right minds would dine with people (and I truly hesitate to call them friends) trying to take advantage of their dining companions?

I do realize that assumptions are insulting... but so are the assumptions that people who prefer separate checks are "cheap."

It sounds like you are also mentally calculating (and paying for) what you ordered -- and I think that's great. I don't see a big difference between mentally calculating what you owe when you order on the expensive side, and mentally calculating what you owe when you order on the inexpensive side. In both cases, you're paying for what you ordered. But people on this thread (not directed at you in particular) want to paint anyone who pays more than their per-person allotment of the check as "very generous" and anyone who pays less as "cheap." Everyone *should* pay for what they order. Separate checks (where available) make it SO much easier and prevent people from taking advantage (again, not directed at you).

I have been in situations where people have taken advantage (or "made a mistake" or whatever). No, these people are not my "friends" but sometimes dining with them cannot be avoided -- either because someone else invited them, or because the situation calls for dining together. And sometimes I'm not really sure who "shorted" everybody else because all the money's on the table and nobody's claiming to put in less than they owe. I just know it wasn't me who put in less.

When we go out with friends we usually get separate checks (not a problem here), everyone orders what they want and pays for what they order, nobody accuses anyone else of being cheap, and there are no hard feelings.

 

[Disneygirl26]

It's not that I think it should be split evenly if my share was 2 to 3 times more, if it was that big of a gap, I'd probably just pick up the entire check as the easier thing to do. It's just that I probably wouldn't be going out to dinner with friends who just ordered water, no app, looking for a low cost entree type experience. When I go out to dinner with friends I think of it more of a get together celebration where we all share wine, great food and have fun. Sitting over a glass of water and eating the early bird chicken special is not a fun dining experience, and I would be very uncomfortable ordering 2 to 3 times worth of dinner.
It's not that I think a person is cheap for wanting a low cost dining experience, it's the experience itself that I would think as cheap.
Has it happened before? Sure, but usually we just don't go out together for dinner again, unless it's someone like my grandmother or a few good friends that i want to see and in that case I would just pay the whole thing so they wouldn't have to worry about the cost when ordering.

I feel the same exact way, when I go to dinner with friends and family, I'm going to have fun, catch up and enjoy good food, I don't really care if I have to chip in a few extra dollars because someone wanted desert and to be honest I never really gave it much thought but I have never been out to dinner and asked for seperate checks and I've never been asked did I want seperate checks and we've always split the check 50/50 it has never been a problem.

 

[2girls4me]

I don't get the arguments on this.

Do what works for you. Who cares if you put in exactly $12.95 for your salad or you chip in $25 to cover half the bill. It shouldn't be this much of an argument over this.

 

[Bob NC]

I don't get the arguments on this.

Do what works for you. Who cares if you put in exactly $12.95 for your salad or you chip in $25 to cover half the bill. It shouldn't be this much of an argument over this.

You must be new here.

 

[DMRick]

I've traveled all over the states and separate checks have usually been no problem. We find it harder in NYS, and very easy in Florida. I hate doing dividing, and since we don't drink alcohol or soda, and seldom get dessert or an appetizer, I would not like always dividing a check evenly. Some of our friends like very very expensive wine, and our bill could easily jump up from $40 to $70 if we split it. And our friends would be uncomfortable ordering just what they wanted, if they thought it would raise our cost significantly. Yeah, they could toss in extra, but then you are back to trying to figure out who owes what. Separate checks are perfect for us.

 

[2girls4me]

You must be new here.

Not my first rodeo, thanks.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have noticed that most of the people who complain that their dining companions "pull out a calculator" are ones who prefer to fully enjoy the dining experience with alcohol, appetizers, etc. And those who wish to pay for only what they consume are the ones who look "cheap."
..

Actually, I have noticed that most people who tend to split the check evenly, and not even think to do separate checks, are those in the same regional area. Our culture, in many areas, is different from other areas. I can guarantee you, if you eat in a restaurant, in my town (no chains), that you will not be asked if you want separate checks, even with a large group. It may be hard for you to believe, but it is what it is. It really has nothing with people being cheap - far from it.

 

[gina2000]

It sounds like you are also mentally calculating (and paying for) what you ordered -- and I think that's great. I don't see a big difference between mentally calculating what you owe when you order on the expensive side, and mentally calculating what you owe when you order on the inexpensive side. In both cases, you're paying for what you ordered. But people on this thread (not directed at you in particular) want to paint anyone who pays more than their per-person allotment of the check as "very generous" and anyone who pays less as "cheap." Everyone *should* pay for what they order. Separate checks (where available) make it SO much easier and prevent people from taking advantage (again, not directed at you).

I hope you don't mind that I edited your quote....I just wanted to comment on this part of it. If we go out...we pretty much don't distinguish between a $20 entree or a $30 entree. We figure it all evens out in the end. Usually we share appetizers or everyone orders one. We share desserts if we have them. Often we exclude the younger kids and absorb the cost of their meals into ours - regardless of whose kids they are. We share wine. If someone orders a couple martinis, that's the person who will always throw in an extra $20 or more before the bill is divided. If someone doesn't have wine (and that rarely occurs), we will tell them to put less in. It's not methodical. Someone always steps up and throws extra in because they ordered more or drank more. Usually the extra is subtracted out of the bill before it is divided.

I've never thought you could ask for separate checks...with the exception of WDW and that surprised the heck out of me. I've also never seen more than one credit card per bill. That stunned me especially since we made sure we had extra cash when we met our friends in Pittsburgh this past weekend. My friend had to explain it to my husband and me. We did divide the bill evenly (which did not benefit him but was his choice)- he paid and we gave him cash but we could have divided it in half and both given credit cards. Who knew? He didn't say we could divide it different ways though. The next time we're out, I'll ask.

I don't consider any of the alternatives cheap....merely alien to what I assumed to be the norm. Now I know. We're content with the way we do things....but I think I'll probably conduct an informal poll among friends and waitstaff to see how common separate checks are in this neck of the woods.

 

[2girls4me]

The worst experience I had was with dh's family. We "split evenly" and somehow it came to $80 a couple. I have pasta, my bil had lobster.

We don't eat out with his family much.

 

[Acklander]

Is it that they split an entree or that they've pulled out a calculator? Or both? For the life of me I can't see how splitting an entree would cause such a negative impact that it would make someone not want to dine with them again. If you were dining with me, I could care less whether you ate a salad and water while I had pasta and soup. I can't see why someone paying for what they owed means that it is not worthy of them going out as a dining companion again. That's very sad to me as there are wonderful folks out there who just happen to naturally eat little, are on a diet, or are on a budget.

Honestly when I read this, and I'm not meaning you directly, the first thing I thought of is that this is exactly what others don't want to have happen when they're of the split-the-check frame of mind. It's really hard to push the cost of wine and more expensive entrees on the back of another couple when it's blatently obvious that other couple ate lightly by splitting an entree and drinking water.

I've never pushed the cost of anything I've ordered on anyone else.

If I'm going out to dinner, I don't want to be the only one trying the appetizers, I'd feel foolish eating in front of someone, while they sat there waiting for me to finish - very uncomfortable - and I wouldn't enjoy it as much as if I was sharing with others. If you're looking for the cheap dining experience (and I'm talking about the experience being cheap, not the person) I'm not interested in that kind of thing. So what??? It's the same if someone went out for Indian food every time they went out to dinner. I'm ok with Indian food, but only once in a blue moon. If I want to meet up with someone for dinner, I'm not going to call the people who will only eat Indian food, I'm going to call someone who has similar tastes as us. It doesn't mean I don't like or appreciate the people who only eat Indian food - it means I'm not interested in the same dining experience as them.

 

[bookgirl]

WE're in the midwest, we only do a even split if we all have roughly the same amount on the check, or it's a set menu/price per person. I do have a a few friends that I meet for lunch and sometimes we split but a lot of the time one of us just picks up the tab and then the other picks it up another time. If it's my best friend I try to pick up the tab more often as we have different income brackets and I like to treat her sometimes as I have more discresionary income.

If it's family (me, brother, his kids, and whichever grandparents are with) then we all just take turns picking up the tab with my brother doing the majority of the picking up, but me and the grandparents taking a turn every couple of times.

If it's me and my dad and my stepmom (both retired) then I tend to pick up the tab the majority of the time, if it's my mom (retired), step dad and me I pick up the check as many times as my mom will let me get away with it. LOL She's a mom but I win probably half the time and my step dad picks up the tab fairly often as well.

 

[Acklander]

The worst experience I had was with dh's family. We "split evenly" and somehow it came to $80 a couple. I have pasta, my bil had lobster.

We don't eat out with his family much.

I'm sure the brother in law was well aware that his meal was more expensive, and he chose to take advantage. Some people are like that - and it's not just a go out to dinner thing - in life, some people are naturally takers, some are naturally givers.

 

[smitch425]

I've never pushed the cost of anything I've ordered on anyone else.

If I'm going out to dinner, I don't want to be the only one trying the appetizers, I'd feel foolish eating in front of someone, while they sat there waiting for me to finish - very uncomfortable - and I wouldn't enjoy it as much as if I was sharing with others.

We don't go out with friends too often, but we almost always do separate checks, and if I order an appetizer I will always offer some to our friends. Sometimes they will eat it, sometimes not. I certainly wouldn't expect them to pay for any of it, but I also am not going to NOT order it because of any awkwardness. If they want an appetizer, they can order one. When I go out to eat, I order what I want and I pay for what I order. It's not rocket science. (And I know this because I have eaten with ACTUAL rocket scientists. )

 

[mhsjax]

I wonder if you realize how insulting these assumptions are. I've never welshed on a bill...if I have more than others I throw in much more than the difference in cost plus tax plus tip and it's taken off the top....and then we divide the bill evenly. I dine with friends, family, and co-workers. We all like each other and take care of each other. We don't scrounge around trying to take advantage of each other. Who in their right minds would dine with people (and I truly hesitate to call them friends) trying to take advantage of their dining companions?

No more insulting than those here that are implying that those of us who want separate checks are cheap.

 

[Janepod]

No more insulting than those here that are implying that those of us who want separate checks are cheap.

I never tried to imply separate check people are cheap. I implied they were anal. To me the separate checks just seems counter to going out with friends to have a relaxed good time. It just seems so fussy. But hey, if that's how it's done in your circle, have at it.

 

[mhsjax]

I feel the same exact way, when I go to dinner with friends and family, I'm going to have fun, catch up and enjoy good food, I don't really care if I have to chip in a few extra dollars because someone wanted desert and to be honest I never really gave it much thought but I have never been out to dinner and asked for seperate checks and I've never been asked did I want seperate checks and we've always split the check 50/50 it has never been a problem.

Yeah, a few dollars no big deal, Try about $50.00 one night, Yep that is right $50.00. Big dinner, funds were miscalculated and several people left.

 

[gwynne]

We don't go out with friends too often, but we almost always do separate checks, and if I order an appetizer I will always offer some to our friends. Sometimes they will eat it, sometimes not. I certainly wouldn't expect them to pay for any of it, but I also am not going to NOT order it because of any awkwardness. If they want an appetizer, they can order one. When I go out to eat, I order what I want and I pay for what I order. It's not rocket science. (And I know this because I have eaten with ACTUAL rocket scientists. )

We handle checks exactly the same...except we don't have any rocket scientist friends.
Seriously, who knew that just asking for separate checks is a big deal to some?
I had to ask dd about this, she waited tables through school. She said it wasn't easier to split/handle multiple cc's than to just have separate checks.
She said she really didn't have a preference for either as long as their cc went through, and they remembered to add the tip.

 

[mhsjax]

I never tried to imply separate check people are cheap. I implied they were anal. To me the separate checks just seems counter to going out with friends to have a relaxed good time. It just seems so fussy. But hey, if that's how it's done in your circle, have at it.

Didn't say "you " did, but I have to ask, how is it fussy. It is way more "unfussy" ( yeah, not a real word) to get separate checks, if the server offers and here they do. The whole restaurant gets separate checks. To me it looks much more complicated and totally silly and fussy,/complicated to have everyone look at the bill figure out what they owe and throw it in a pile. In the end it is way more relaxed, you get your bill pay and you can still enjoy what is left of the evening without trying to figure out who had what and did everyone chip in enough to cover the bill and the tip. Than again, I am talking about going out with multiple couples and kids, this may also be a difference. We usually go out with 5 families.

Now if the restaurant doesn't do is, no big deal, but where I am we are always asked how we want the checks to be done and they have no problem what so ever with it.

 

[njmom47]

That's how it's done here as well with my circle of friends. Everyone stops at the ATM beforehand in order to have enough cash. Nobody really knows ahead of time who will "take care of" the check. Most of the time one person puts the entire check on his/her credit card and receives cash from the other parties.



Believe me, 99% of the time it's not a mistake; they're trying to get away with something.

Automatic gratuities for large parties is the result of servers being stiffed too many times by large groups who "forget".



That's the norm in NJ. Separate checks are pretty much unheard-of.





Yeah, the customer knows it's a violation, the merchant knows it's a violation, but is it really worth the effort to report the merchant to the CC company? You just buy somewhere else if the practice bothers you. Like a PP already said, it's just the way it is.



Many places here at the beach don't accept credit cards: ice cream stands, miniature golf, arcades, bagel/sandwich shops, etc. But almost all will have an ATM on the premises (with a high service fee no doubt). So you might as well have cash anyway.

Most NJ beaches charge a fee. The other day this one family group of about 10 people asked to pay with a CC. The beach badge lady, who looked like a tough old broad, snarled back at them with her best Jersey attitude: "YA GOTTA BE KIDDIN' ME!!"
Jim

We don't have an attitude like that!
We don't go out to dinner all that much (dh works nights so he's usually sleeping at dinnertime) but when we do, we usually pay (it's us and the kids) or if my dad takes us out, he pays. We offer to pay the tip when he does though.
I do agree with ops that state when they drink water and have pasta, and a dining companion has filet mignon and alcohol with dinner, I don't think it's fair to split the bill equally. We are modest with our money so we don't usually go "all out."

 

[sam_gordon]

I never tried to imply separate check people are cheap. I implied they were anal. To me the separate checks just seems counter to going out with friends to have a relaxed good time. It just seems so fussy. But hey, if that's how it's done in your circle, have at it.

So wanting to pay for what you consume is "anal"? As has been mentioned, I don't think most people will bother over a couple dollars, but adding $10, $20, or even $50 onto your bill to cover someone else's "mistake" isn't exactly nice.

Separate checks simply eliminate anyone making a "mistake" on calculating their portion. To me, that's much less stressful than having five different people try to figure out their portion of a single bill, and factoring in the tip.