Split Checks?

[design_mom]

It seems like folks can't believe that there are places where it is VERY rare for people to have separate checks, or where people split the bill evenly. It seems like people can't believe that others go to restaurants and bring cash!

Therefore, HERE, if someone asks for a separate check, YES, it does make them seem cheap, because IT'S JUST NOT DONE here! It would be like someone asking to decide who pays the whole check via rock/paper/scissors - again, also not done here.

I still don't understand how asking for a separate check makes them look "cheap." To me, one would only look cheap if he was unwilling to pay for what he ordered. With separate checks, paying for what you order is not an issue.

I understand that in your area, separate checks are never offered and may not be available. If you said "if someone asks for a separate check, I'd assume they're an outsider" or "they look like they don't know the customs around here," then I would understand it.

But, to me, the only reason it would it would look "cheap" is if you think the asker would be paying less than what he would pay if the tab was otherwise divided. Since he would be paying for what he actually consumed, the only conclusion I can come to is that you mean he is cheap if he is unwilling to subsidize his dining companions' meals. It keeps coming back to that.

I completely understand "I would be taken aback if someone asked for separate checks, because it's just not done here." But I don't understand the jump to "I would think that person was cheap." Would you think someone was cheap if they asked for separate checks, then ordered twice as much as you did? Or are you assuming that the asker is going to order low, and doesn't want to pay for what you get? (I can see that being considered "cheap," I guess... but it's really more like "equitable.")

 

[Bob NC]

if I brought it up, out with friends, they would probably feel uncomfortable

Uncomfortable? Really?

They would feel uncomfortable due to the way you all decide to pay for a meal check?

 

[cornflake]

I still don't understand how asking for a separate check makes them look "cheap." To me, one would only look cheap if he was unwilling to pay for what he ordered. With separate checks, paying for what you order is not an issue.

I understand that in your area, separate checks are never offered and may not be available. If you said "if someone asks for a separate check, I'd assume they're an outsider" or "they look like they don't know the customs around here," then I would understand it.

But, to me, the only reason it would it would look "cheap" is if you think the asker would be paying less than what he would pay if the tab was otherwise divided. Since he would be paying for what he actually consumed, the only conclusion I can come to is that you mean he is cheap if he is unwilling to subsidize his dining companions' meals. It keeps coming back to that.

I completely understand "I would be taken aback if someone asked for separate checks, because it's just not done here." But I don't understand the jump to "I would think that person was cheap." Would you think someone was cheap if they asked for separate checks, then ordered twice as much as you did? Or are you assuming that the asker is going to order low, and doesn't want to pay for what you get? (I can see that being considered "cheap," I guess... but it's really more like "equitable.")

Because the norm here is that it's generally just split by people looking at the check and putting in what they owe, if someone I was out with asked for a separate check I'd be thrown and think it odd - and I can also see thinking it cheap.

Now that I know this is the norm in some areas, it's different I suppose. However, the reason it'd seem that way is because if you always go out and manage, without conflict or anyone being ripped off, to split the bill up fairly, and someone suddenly says 'oh, I'd like a separate check,' can you see how that'd come off as either 'I don't trust you people' or 'I don't want to pay a single *penny* more than I owe.'

Again, we're not saying people should subsidize others meals unless they want to (like treating or with close friends where you just toss in more or split an inequitable bill evenly, figuring it evens out in the end).

In the general circumstance, if I go out with people, look at a bill and see what I ordered came to, say, $32 - I'd probably throw in $40 for my share. That's $32, plus 8.25% tax, plus 20% tip. Which is about $40. It's actually <$1 under. So if I have another dollar, I'd throw it in, if I didn't, probably wouldn't. Times I do, the extra change on that dollar is 'subsidizing' the person with the same sort of bill who didn't have the dollar on them. See what I mean?

So the person saying 'I'd like a separate check please' is calling me cheap for occasionally being X cents short on a $40 bill (and occasionally being X cents over) and saying they don't want to put in their extra cents ever again. They don't want to be part of the group - as this is the way the group does it.

Hence it can read like the person is so concerned with money they wouldn't risk having to toss in an extra dollar (which they wouldn't, someone else would). Cheap. See?

 

[Bob NC]

Now that I know this is the norm in some areas, it's different I suppose. However, the reason it'd seem that way is because if you always go out and manage, without conflict or anyone being ripped off, to split the bill up fairly, and someone suddenly says 'oh, I'd like a separate check,' can you see how that'd come off as either 'I don't trust you people' or 'I don't want to pay a single *penny* more than I owe.'

The difference really is that 70+ percent on this board are basically saying that any way people choose to pay a check is fine, though many have their preferred way. The only problem is that there are a few saying their way is the only "right" way, and if checks are paid in ANY other way then people are cheap, anal, unsophisticated.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

See, to me, that approach is WAY too time-consuming. The waiter hands over one check. Let's say there are six of us. We each have to look at the check, do the mental math, maybe ask someone else at the table to make change for us...
Some people are really bad at doing math in their heads. By the time the check has gone around the table for everyone to figure out, a lot of time has gone by. Certainly, I'll do it if necessary - if we forgot to mention separate checks at the beginning of the meal, so the waiter shows up with just one - but I much prefer the simplicity of separate checks. Not because I'm cheap - I just don't see where that comes from - but because it's easier.

TP

 

[cornflake]

See, to me, that approach is WAY too time-consuming. The waiter hands over one check. Let's say there are six of us. We each have to look at the check, do the mental math, maybe ask someone else at the table to make change for us...
Some people are really bad at doing math in their heads. By the time the check has gone around the table for everyone to figure out, a lot of time has gone by. Certainly, I'll do it if necessary - if we forgot to mention separate checks at the beginning of the meal, so the waiter shows up with just one - but I much prefer the simplicity of separate checks. Not because I'm cheap - I just don't see where that comes from - but because it's easier.

TP

It doesn't seem time consuming at all to me. To me, the idea of X separate transactions seems time consuming.

The waiter brings six different checks, has to distribute them, everyone looks at them, finds some method of payment, say half cash half cards, then he comes back, collects six folders, goes off runs three cards, makes change for three people, comes back to distribute, the three have to write a tip, sign... To me, this seems like WAY more trouble. One transaction seems much simpler.

Guess it's just what you're used to.

 

[JessicaR]

I'm curious for those that do separate checks. Has it always been that way? Did you used to just split it?

How long has this been the norm? Wondering if this is going to be a thing here too but so far I haven't seen any signs of that. I am not saying I never heard of the concept just saying I haven't dined that way before.

Like the waiter/waitress asking before taking our order if we want separate checks or do you have to ask for them?

 

[Bob NC]

I'm curious for those that do separate checks. Has it always been that way? Did you used to just split it?

How long has this been the norm? Wondering if this is going to be a thing here too but so far I haven't seen any signs of that. I am not saying I never heard of the concept just saying I haven't dined that way before.

Like the waiter/waitress asking before taking our order if we want separate checks or do you have to ask for them?

An overwhelming majority of the places we go the waitperson asks upfront if it will be separate checks. Not if it is me and the wife and kids, but if it obvious there are several families, or couples, they always ask.

I would hazard a guess that even if you and your friends do not get separate checks at the places you frequent, your waitpeople are very familiar with the process.

I hear that at the grocery store many many people use coupons. I don't use them and I don't notice others using them.

I, however, am not going to stick to some crazy opinion that nobody uses them because I am not familiar with them.

Oh, and it wouldn't make me confused or uncomfortable if someone made the suggestion that I try using a coupon.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

It doesn't seem time consuming at all to me. To me, the idea of X separate transactions seems time consuming.

The waiter brings six different checks, has to distribute them, everyone looks at them, finds some method of payment, say half cash half cards, then he comes back, collects six folders, goes off runs three cards, makes change for three people, comes back to distribute, the three have to write a tip, sign... To me, this seems like WAY more trouble. One transaction seems much simpler.

Guess it's just what you're used to.

Yes, but all six of us are looking at our checks at the same time, not one after another as we have to do if there is a single check. PLUS we don't have do as much math in our heads (dividing if there were multiples of the same item, adding up all the items, calculating taxes) which can take a LONG time for some people!

And if some people are paying by cards and some with cash with a single check, then they have to explain what they are paying with the cards to the waiter before he can go run the cards, which also takes time.

TP

 

[cornflake]

Yes, but all six of us are looking at our checks at the same time, not one after another as we have to do if there is a single check. PLUS we don't have do as much math in our heads (dividing if there were multiples of the same item, adding up all the items, calculating taxes) which can take a LONG time for some people!

And if some people are paying by cards and some with cash with a single check, then they have to explain what they are paying with the cards to the waiter before he can go run the cards, which also takes time.

TP

Again, I have not only never seen this happen, I didn't know it was even possible. Which is the same thing others have said so it's not just me. With the people I've like, ever been out with, one transaction, either a single card and everyone gives them cash or cash.

 

[mickeysgal]

Because the norm here is that it's generally just split by people looking at the check and putting in what they owe, if someone I was out with asked for a separate check I'd be thrown and think it odd - and I can also see thinking it cheap.

Now that I know this is the norm in some areas, it's different I suppose. However, the reason it'd seem that way is because if you always go out and manage, without conflict or anyone being ripped off, to split the bill up fairly, and someone suddenly says 'oh, I'd like a separate check,' can you see how that'd come off as either 'I don't trust you people' or 'I don't want to pay a single *penny* more than I owe.'

Again, we're not saying people should subsidize others meals unless they want to (like treating or with close friends where you just toss in more or split an inequitable bill evenly, figuring it evens out in the end).

In the general circumstance, if I go out with people, look at a bill and see what I ordered came to, say, $32 - I'd probably throw in $40 for my share. That's $32, plus 8.25% tax, plus 20% tip. Which is about $40. It's actually <$1 under. So if I have another dollar, I'd throw it in, if I didn't, probably wouldn't. Times I do, the extra change on that dollar is 'subsidizing' the person with the same sort of bill who didn't have the dollar on them. See what I mean?

So the person saying 'I'd like a separate check please' is calling me cheap for occasionally being X cents short on a $40 bill (and occasionally being X cents over) and saying they don't want to put in their extra cents ever again. They don't want to be part of the group - as this is the way the group does it.

Hence it can read like the person is so concerned with money they wouldn't risk having to toss in an extra dollar (which they wouldn't, someone else would). Cheap. See?

I understand what you are saying. I really do.

I have to wonder how many times there is a group of people who are afraid to speak up and want that separate check but are afraid of those in the group that may be so judgemental and set in their ways that it would be misinterpreted that they are being "cheap" but in reality they just want to pay for what they alone consume.

Yes, some people are concerned with money - they may be on a budget. Not everyone's financial circumstances mirror our own. In your example it's conveniently only a dollar but often it can, as example as example on this thread has shown that it is more than that. All those overages can add up over time. In a perfect world, it may work out evenly, but it only takes a time or two to get burned with high cost eating/drinking to just say, forget it to going out with the group, or throwing caution to the wind by saying those magic words "separate check please", or worse, quiet acceptable but internal resentment.

I just can't see socially brow beating someone into compliance because that's the way it's always been done and if you want to be part of the group, you go along and not rock the dinner crowd boat.

 

[design_mom]

I'm curious for those that do separate checks. Has it always been that way? Did you used to just split it?

How long has this been the norm? Wondering if this is going to be a thing here too but so far I haven't seen any signs of that. I am not saying I never heard of the concept just saying I haven't dined that way before.

Like the waiter/waitress asking before taking our order if we want separate checks or do you have to ask for them?

Back in high school/college/early adulthood (early- to mid-90s), separate checks were less common here. That's also when I experienced getting taken advantage of by the divide-evenly and chip-in-what-you-owe methods. Perhaps (hopefully) as adults, people would handle it better.

Separate checks are readily available here now and I just they cut out so much hassle. Most of the time, the waiter will say "how would you like the checks?" at the beginning of the meal. If not, someone will ask. I think there might be an old-time diner style restaurant downtown that is cash only, one check per table.. But other than that, I can't think of any restaurants --- big or small, independent or chain-- that won't do separate checks.

ETA: I have never seen a case where multiple credit cards were applied to one bill...

Honestly, I doubt anyone here would get upset over an extra dollar added to their check, but it is often much more than that.

 

[Janepod]

The difference really is that 70+ percent on this board are basically saying that any way people choose to pay a check is fine, though many have their preferred way. The only problem is that there are a few saying their way is the only "right" way, and if checks are paid in ANY other way then people are cheap, anal, unsophisticated.

But the survey is flawed. It combines "separate checks" and "chip in what you owe" as one response. There is a big difference between the two. I do the latter but never the former. So I abstained from answering the survey.

 

[cornflake]

I understand what you are saying. I really do.

I have to wonder how many times there is a group of people who are afraid to speak up and want that separate check but are afraid of those in the group that may be so judgemental and set in their ways that it would be misinterpreted that they are being "cheap" but in reality they just want to pay for what they alone consume.

Yes, some people are concerned with money - they may be on a budget. Not everyone's financial circumstances mirror our own. In your example it's conveniently only a dollar but often it can, as example as example on this thread has shown that it is more than that. All those overages can add up over time. In a perfect world, it may work out evenly, but it only takes a time or two to get burned with high cost eating/drinking to just say, forget it to going out with the group, or throwing caution to the wind by saying those magic words "separate check please", or worse, quiet acceptable but internal resentment.

I just can't see socially brow beating someone into compliance because that's the way it's always been done and if you want to be part of the group, you go along and not rock the dinner crowd boat.

Again, though, the separate check thing just isn't done here - despite people's insistance that it just MUST be because it's common where they are.

I don't think people aren't asking for it because they're afraid it'd be frowned upon or because they're browbeaten, but because it'd never even occur to them.

It's not as if I - or any of the other posters (to my knowledge) who have said the same thing - are 12. I'm a grownup. I've been going out to eat since I was a literal infant. I have never been asked about separate checks, I've never been part of a table that had them.

It's not like we're choosing one check, it's the default. It's not even a question or consideration. Not because we don't want them but because it's just not even in the realm of our experience. You're coming from the idea that we don't want to use them and there might be people at the table who do but... this is like my saying your kids may want to take the subway to school, you're just not letting them (er, if there is no subway by you). You'd be all 'what?'

Saying what you're saying above is like me saying ...I dunno, maybe people who go to the market with you would really prefer to take a cab. If you never, ever have taken a cab to the market, you'd think that a ridiculous possibility. Because we here do/can take a cab to the market doesn't mean people other places do.

Yes, people have tight budgets. It is, however, not generally inequitable to any extent more than the proverbial buck (unless in the aforementioned purposeful close friend/family situations). It's just really not a deal.

 

[JessicaR]

An overwhelming majority of the places we go the waitperson asks upfront if it will be separate checks. Not if it is me and the wife and kids, but if it obvious there are several families, or couples, they always ask.

I would hazard a guess that even if you and your friends do not get separate checks at the places you frequent, your waitpeople are very familiar with the process.

I hear that at the grocery store many many people use coupons. I don't use them and I don't notice others using them.

I, however, am not going to stick to some crazy opinion that nobody uses them because I am not familiar with them.

Oh, and it wouldn't make me confused or uncomfortable if someone made the suggestion that I try using a coupon.

Did you take offence to my post?

I don't care how anyone does it nor would I want to change the way they do it. I was curious about it and asked a few questions.

 

[Planogirl]

Anecdotal stories aside, does it really matter how people pay? As long as they pay.

 

[JessicaR]

Back in high school/college/early adulthood (early- to mid-90s), separate checks were less common here. That's also when I experienced getting taken advantage of by the divide-evenly and chip-in-what-you-owe methods. Perhaps (hopefully) as adults, people would handle it better.

Separate checks are readily available here now and I just they cut out so much hassle. Most of the time, the waiter will say "how would you like the checks?" at the beginning of the meal. If not, someone will ask. I think there might be an old-time diner style restaurant downtown that is cash only, one check per table.. But other than that, I can't think of any restaurants --- big or small, independent or chain-- that won't do separate checks.

ETA: I have never seen a case where multiple credit cards were applied to one bill...

Honestly, I doubt anyone here would get upset over an extra dollar added to their check, but it is often much more than that.

Thanks! In a large group this would be great actually! Everyone orders what they want and pays for what they get.

 

[pixie dust 112]

We generally split the check evenly, but if I have had a more expensive meal I always put in more.

 

[handinpocket]

Anecdotal stories aside, does it really matter how people pay? As long as they pay.

Apparently so. In some areas IT JUST ISN'T DONE! Those people have half million dollar homes and would never dream of asking for a separate check, that is just classless........


FYI: I come from an area where servers automatically ask if there will be separate checks.

 

[fiestamomma]

Again, though, the separate check thing just isn't done here - despite people's insistance that it just MUST be because it's common where they are.

I don't think people aren't asking for it because they're afraid it'd be frowned upon or because they're browbeaten, but because it'd never even occur to them.

It's not as if I - or any of the other posters (to my knowledge) who have said the same thing - are 12. I'm a grownup. I've been going out to eat since I was a literal infant. I have never been asked about separate checks, I've never been part of a table that had them.

It's not like we're choosing one check, it's the default. It's not even a question or consideration. Not because we don't want them but because it's just not even in the realm of our experience. You're coming from the idea that we don't want to use them and there might be people at the table who do but... this is like my saying your kids may want to take the subway to school, you're just not letting them (er, if there is no subway by you). You'd be all 'what?'

Saying what you're saying above is like me saying ...I dunno, maybe people who go to the market with you would really prefer to take a cab. If you never, ever have taken a cab to the market, you'd think that a ridiculous possibility. Because we here do/can take a cab to the market doesn't mean people other places do.

Yes, people have tight budgets. It is, however, not generally inequitable to any extent more than the proverbial buck (unless in the aforementioned purposeful close friend/family situations). It's just really not a deal.

Would you consider asking for separate checks next time you dine out with friends to see how it works?

I'm not being a smart a* or trying to be conflicting at all! I understand what you're saying; what's done with your group is just how it's done. Nothing more, nothing less. You can't be wrong if it's all you've known and it works! In the words of Cogsworth "If it's not 'Baroque', don't fix it!"

I'm just thinking it would be a neat experiment to try in your area with a group of close friends who understand its just to try for kicks!

I'm a separate cks kinda gal it's what's done here, with someone in the group picking up one another's drinks or appetizers as they want. But we have been out with others who like to split evenly or do the math off of one check. But hubby and I like our own check and yes it's because we don't like "subsidizing" some of our friends more expensive tastes but we gladly pick up the appetizers or cocktails!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards