Spending money...

[STAYC18]

Honestly, it is still a mess. Really, it is a mess.



Oh I understand that the DVC belongs to you but if your DH has to come up with a sum of money to satisfy the Court, and he will be going to Court, you and he are going to need to pay a lot of legal fees, back support, penalties and interest. It is going to be very expensive.

Now if you get fed up with the whole thing you can be the ex who is trying to squeeze money out of Mason's Dad. Or going to court to get him to pay insurance. I have no idea what your source of income is but vacations are a luxury for many if they have no income, are on State welfare benefits and use food stamps to live. Oh, you know that because this is how your DH ex id forced to live.

she's not forced to live this way...She could get a JOB...

 

[marmalade]

she's not forced to live this way...She could get a JOB...

You do know that if she gets a job, she is going to lose all her assistance and will probably go after your DH for back due child support. If he is giving her $75/wk in cash he won't be able to prove any support paid.

 

[ccgirl]

thank you... one more thing, its my DVC and its paid for... bring on the next 75 years...

Sounds like there is a lot of compromise in your marriage. I hear you saying a lot of, "it's mine". Where's the "ours"?

 

[Maggie'sMom]

Okay- I get the picture now. Stacey- let me explain what is going on between your DH and his ex. They are scamming the State of Ma. Yup, the reason she agreed to $75 a week for the girls is because if there is no real record of his paying any child support she gets state insurance, WIC if the ages are appropriate, subsidized rent and utility assistance, free lunch in school and food stamps. She is also eligible for the Earned Income Credit if she is working.

He gets off easy. He pays a pittance towards their upkeep and he is not responsible for health insurance or real child support. She is not hiding anything.......they are hiding their real income.

Now here comes the fun part. There may come a time when the department of welfare decides that the children need to have been fathered by someone so in order for the ex to continue to collect she will have to provide a name. Guess who? Or she will run out of time under the welfare to work program and will decide to go after your ex for support. I have seen this happen and there is one little function included in that pesky little calculator. It has a back button. There is no statute of limitations concerning back support. The State gets their share and the mom gets some too.



Now here is one more little life lesson you can choose to take or toss out: Be nice to the lady who holds your financial future in her hot little hands. She may not think the little rice krispy treat you hold over her head is enough anymore and presto bingo.........you and your DH are selling DVC in order to pay all that back money he skipped out on and no one is going to count his 300 a month. You are correct about that. There is no court order for it.

Well, thank you but I don't think I will have to worry about that.

I know

No, you clearly don't!

 

[crashbb]

she's not forced to live this way...She could get a JOB...

Or your husband could pay her proper child support.

 

[Nancyg56]

Stacey- this happens to a lot of people. You and your DH have gotten into a bit of a pickle here and if you understand that I cannot understand why you would not take every step to keep that ex as happy as a clam. I just don't get it.

You want your son's future to be insulated from any negative financial impact your stepchildren may have on him, begrudge his ex because she might have $20 to spare to give her girls while they are vacationing away from their siblings and yet cannot see that a woman who exists on welfare and food stamps does not have a very high standard of living. If anything, your standard of living is better because her is so low. I don't know how you and your DH share expenses but I do know that if he was paying what he should be paying your household income would drop dramatically. In the event the State catches up to him, and that usually happens, the drop will be immediate. There is no presumption of ignorance and no excuses. You pay. Period. That means that all of your finances are scrutinized, especially if you file joint returns.


I don't have a dog in this race, but if you were my daughter I would be having on heck of a chat with you. Your DH needs to step up fast. And if he does not you do. You are not responsible for the support of his girls but you really should accept some responsibility for how that family lives. No wonder Mom does not take vacations. She cannot. She cannot give a big fat sum of money for spending, she does not have it. Since you are benefiting from the lost income her family is experiencing it would be a very nice idea to spring for more than a rice krispy treat for those children who are affected by the sleazy agreement your DH has with their mother. It stinks.

 

[Alesia]

she's not forced to live this way...She could get a JOB...

Oh, good lord, you'd better hope that she doesn't. If she gets a job, she'll lose her public assistance and then she'll definitely go after your husband for the back child support.

 

[STAYC18]

You do know that if she gets a job, she is going to lose all her assistance and will probably go after your DH for back due child support. If he is giving her $75/wk in cash he won't be able to prove any support paid.

he deposits it into to her account, thats all the account is used for and gets a receipt and keeps every receipt...

 

[marmalade]

he deposits it into to her account, thats all the account is used for and gets a receipt and keeps every receipt...

That's good. At least if they do go after your DH for past due support he will have something to show what he did pay. But I know where I live, once the state steps in they don't care about that and will go after the dad for the entire amount anyway.

 

[jujube]

he deposits it into to her account, thats all the account is used for and gets a receipt and keeps every receipt...

That will make it much easier if they come down on both the mom and your husband.

 

[Mama Who]

Now back on topic. I have just decided that they will spend their money on what ever they choose, and thats that, when its gone, its gone. If they are able to get themselves and who ever they want something that's great too. It's our vacation and its about our family, not anyone elses.

thank you all

p.s. How was my grammar on this one.

Still very poor, since you asked.

 

[STAYC18]

Stacey- this happens to a lot of people. You and your DH have gotten into a bit of a pickle here and if you understand that I cannot understand why you would not take every step to keep that ex as happy as a clam. I just don't get it.

You want your son's future to be insulated from any negative financial impact your stepchildren may have on him, begrudge his ex because she might have $20 to spare to give her girls while they are vacationing away from their siblings and yet cannot see that a woman who exists on welfare and food stamps does not have a very high standard of living. If anything, your standard of living is better because her is so low. I don't know how you and your DH share expenses but I do know that if he was paying what he should be paying your household income would drop dramatically. In the event the State catches up to him, and that usually happens, the drop will be immediate. There is no presumption of ignorance and no excuses. You pay. Period. That means that all of your finances are scrutinized, especially if you file joint returns.


I don't have a dog in this race, but if you were my daughter I would be having on heck of a chat with you. Your DH needs to step up fast. And if he does not you do. You are not responsible for the support of his girls but you really should accept some responsibility for how that family lives. No wonder Mom does not take vacations. She cannot. She cannot give a big fat sum of money for spending, she does not have it. Since you are benefiting from the lost income her family is experiencing it would be a very nice idea to spring for more than a rice krispy treat for those children who are affected by the sleazy agreement your DH has with their mother. It stinks.

I am nice to her, if you can all belive it, I always invite her to things, she declines everytime. Like this weekend we will probably make mother's day cards so they have something to give her. I guess being a giving person gets everyone rawled up on here...I'm trying to get us to all get along and have all the kids now each other, her youngest daughter supposedly call my sons name all the time at home and she doesn't even know other than meeting at friendly's to get the girls and leave.

she chooses to live this way and she has a husband and she doesn't go with out... she takes them places like NH and local things but if she got a job she could save money like I do so she can take nice trips too...

hey she probably resents me for having money to do things she could only hope. Idon't know

 

[vwaller72]

 

[mvazul]

I am nice to her, if you can all belive it, I always invite her to things, she declines everytime. Like this weekend we will probably make mother's day cards so they have something to give her. I guess being a giving person gets everyone rawled up on here...I'm trying to get us to all get along and have all the kids now each other, her youngest daughter supposedly call my sons name all the time at home and she doesn't even know other than meeting at friendly's to get the girls and leave.

she chooses to live this way and she has a husband and she doesn't go with out... she takes them places like NH and local things but if she got a job she could save money like I do so she can take nice trips too...

hey she probably resents me for having money to do things she could only hope. Idon't know

I think it's great that you will be helping them make cards for their mother. However, if you think that alone makes you a giving person, you sure don't show it in your responses here. All of your posts have been completely opposite of giving.

And your husband paying $75 a week for support for two children? Disgusting. He very well CAN take her to court and have an order put in place. I receive $110 a week for my son (ONE child) - with NO state benefits - and it doesn't even come close to paying for all of his needs. Again, your husband needs to man-up.

 

[Nancyg56]

Stacey- you still do not understand how public assistance works. If she gets a job most of her assistance will not be available. Her already low standard of living will drop and once you factor in child care she is screwed. That is when she goes after your husband for back support. The nicest thing she has done for your family so far is to be complicit with your DH as they commit fraud. Your DH will most likely have to pony up for health insurance for the girls as well as a hefty boost in weekly support along with one big debt to the State of MA. This is one instance where the government garnishes wages.

You hold her in contempt for not working but honestly her career as a SAHM is probably why you can take those trips to Disney if you rely on your DH to contribute to your household expenses.


I cannot understand how you do not understand how problematic this entire thing is.

 

[Kidanikiki]

I'm all for people working and paying their own way, but government assistance is a horrible trap. The moment she gets a job (and I'd rather see her working), she will likely lose most of her benefits. Getting a job will not help her to save for vacations, because she will have to use that money to make up for the assistance she is losing. As others said, she will (rightfully) go after your husband for more support, and then you two can commiserate about not going on vacations together, because the jig will be up.

 

[PebblesMK]

Call me a skeptic, but I find it hard to believe that the girls know how much their mother gets for food stamps...or that she even gets them. Welfare typically isn't something to be proud of and many parents try to keep their financial issues away from their children.

Also, you said that she could get a job for the extra income. If I recall correctly, you said her other children are under 5, which is why they qualify for WIC? Child care for two children would be ridiculous and she'd end up bringing home next to nothing. I know many people with small children and the mom stays home because it's not worth the few extra dollars for them to work. If your husband is in the financial position, he should definitely be paying more.

 

[STAYC18]

Thank you,

 

[Kidanikiki]

Call me a skeptic, but I find it hard to believe that the girls know how much their mother gets for food stamps...or that she even gets them. Welfare typically isn't something to be proud of and many parents try to keep their financial issues away from .

Depends where you are. In the inner city, where many receive assistance, there is no shame. I teach in a school where every child receives free lunch, breakfast, and boatloads of other benefits. These kids are smart, know how much their families get, what day the benefits come in, and are not embarrassed about their situations at all. In fact, the rare kid who brings his/her lunch to school is the one that is ridiculed.

 

[PebblesMK]

Depends where you are. In the inner city, where many receive assistance, there is no shame. I teach in a school where every child receives free lunch, breakfast, and boatloads of other benefits. These kids are smart, know how much their families get, what day the benefits come in, and are not embarrassed about their situations at all. In fact, the rare kid who brings his/her lunch to school is the one that is ridiculed.

How very sad. I know that it happens, but didn't think it was that common. I'm hoping that's not the case with the biological mom in this story.