Spending money...

[STAYC18]

I think you're getting a little bit confused. As the mom of an 11 year old, and an aunt of a 15 month and 3 year old, I can tell you there is a big difference.

The differences between a 7/11 year old and a 15 (20) month old is huge. Giving your son the same amount is not smart. At that age, anything shiny will cause him to want the item. You'd have his money spent before you leave the airport. As a parent, you have control to say no. His "wants" aren't really wants.

I see the point in wanting to be fair, but it just isn't that way when the ages are so different. And let's face it, the older girls get, the more expensive their taste.

Unlike others, I do think a set limit is a good thing. It will teach them responsibilty with their money. However, you and your husband need to explain a few things to them. Look at the Disney website, let them know things are pretty expensive there and the money will be gone quickly if they're not careful. If they choose to buy something for their family (with or without their help), they need to be told how sweet they are to think of others before them. You already said that they won't be walking away with nothing, as you will buy all the kids a few things.

Last night my niece, daughter and I made "Disney banks" and decorated them. They both know that if they want a bit of extra money while there, they can help out around the house to EARN money before we go. Since the girls are older, offer them the opportunity to make some money to bring so there's even more for them to work with.

It sounds as though there will be plenty of Disney trips in the future, so you don't need to go crazy with souvenirs. But given the amount you're spending on the trip, don't let a few dollars upset you.

so when the girls ask well how much does my son get... i say he has unset amount because his needs and wants are different than yours... ok i'm fine with that...

 

[STAYC18]

I think you're getting a little bit confused. As the mom of an 11 year old, and an aunt of a 15 month and 3 year old, I can tell you there is a big difference.

The differences between a 7/11 year old and a 15 (20) month old is huge. Giving your son the same amount is not smart. At that age, anything shiny will cause him to want the item. You'd have his money spent before you leave the airport. As a parent, you have control to say no. His "wants" aren't really wants.

I see the point in wanting to be fair, but it just isn't that way when the ages are so different. And let's face it, the older girls get, the more expensive their taste.

Unlike others, I do think a set limit is a good thing. It will teach them responsibilty with their money. However, you and your husband need to explain a few things to them. Look at the Disney website, let them know things are pretty expensive there and the money will be gone quickly if they're not careful. If they choose to buy something for their family (with or without their help), they need to be told how sweet they are to think of others before them. You already said that they won't be walking away with nothing, as you will buy all the kids a few things.

Last night my niece, daughter and I made "Disney banks" and decorated them. They both know that if they want a bit of extra money while there, they can help out around the house to EARN money before we go. Since the girls are older, offer them the opportunity to make some money to bring so there's even more for them to work with.

It sounds as though there will be plenty of Disney trips in the future, so you don't need to go crazy with souvenirs. But given the amount you're spending on the trip, don't let a few dollars upset you.

i agree... that what i plan on doing with them this weekend... make a chart and a saving envelope for spending... their old enough they can help with their brother or around the house, or try not to fight for a whole day in order to get some extra cash....


really truly all i wanted to know if Their mother should give them money to pick up something if not for her and her husband but their siblings at home... thats all... if she don't and they don't get them something by the last day.. i will get them something to bring back home for them... not a big deal...

i love these girls and i just want it to be a great trip with the least of amount melt downs...

 

[Alesia]

so when the girls ask well how much does my son get... i say he has unset amount because his needs and wants are different than yours... ok i'm fine with that...

Or you say that he doesn't get a souvenir budget because he's really too young to shop.

 

[mjkacmom]

so when the girls ask well how much does my son get... i say he has unset amount because his needs and wants are different than yours... ok i'm fine with that...

Tell them he doesn't get any money, because toddlers are not consumers! You can feel free to purchase things for your ds, because he's a baby, and you want to buy him something - it's really for you, the same way first birthday parties are for the parents. Toddlers can't budget money, and decide what they want to purchase.

Heck, if I take my puppy shopping, and want to buy a toy for her, I will - I'm not giving her her own funds.

 

[STAYC18]

Or you say that he doesn't get a souvenir budget because he's really too young to shop.

he does and its the same as his sister.. maybe less maybe more... don't really know till i'm there... he may want a balloon, they may not...

 

[PebblesMK]

i agree... that what i plan on doing with them this weekend... make a chart and a saving envelope for spending... their old enough they can help with their brother or around the house, or try not to fight for a whole day in order to get some extra cash....


really truly all i wanted to know if Their mother should give them money to pick up something if not for her and her husband but their siblings at home... thats all... if she don't and they don't get them something by the last day.. i will get them something to bring back home for them... not a big deal...

i love these girls and i just want it to be a great trip with the least of amount melt downs...

Unless her mom specifically asks for something, nope, she shouldn't send money. I would never expect my child to pick up something for her siblings. Life isn't always fair. If it's going to be a big deal, have the girls go home and say "Mom, I'd really like to get my brothers and sisters something when I'm gone, but I don't know if I'll have enough money. Will you pay us if I do some extra work?".

 

[Nancyg56]

i agree... that what i plan on doing with them this weekend... make a chart and a saving envelope for spending... their old enough they can help with their brother or around the house, or try not to fight for a whole day in order to get some extra cash....


i love these girls and i just want it to be a great trip with the least of amount melt downs...

There is nothing wrong with helping them to earn their money. My DGD has been saving her spending money and earning some since she was 4 years old. She is very shopping savvy at ten, let me tell you

I think that this is a great idea. Stop trying to make thing even and start teaching them how earn money and to save for an occasion. Once they have done this teach them how to make good choices with that money so they know how to budget for gifts and for themselves. This is tougher than it looks. I remember one year my DH took the kids out to shop for each other. My youngest son came home with very thoughtful gifts for his siblings. My DD the same. My oldest shopped for himself first and had very little left so he bought small cheap ( I mean CHEAP) gifts for his siblings. I did not say anything, he knew that he was supposed to be Christmas shopping. HE did not feel so good about his shopping spree when he opened his watch from his brother and never made that selfish mistake again.


I believe that you love the girls so as an older parent I would suggest that you put their situation in perspective. You and their Dad are one part of their family. Their Mom and her other children are the other part. They cannot do anything to make the two halves whole so as the adult you pave the way to make that divide easier. It seems that your DH trusts that you can and will do this so accept that things are never going to be precisely even. Your son is not sharing two homes so he really has the sweet deal right now.

And I might as well break it to you now, as long as you have girls there is no chance of maintaining a balance. In anything. Ever. I have one daughter and two sons. Financially my daughter has broken our bank over and over. And over again. We went to a wedding and my sons got dressed. My daughter shopped to get dressed. A dance? The boys went. My daughter shopped. And don't begin to discuss proms and The worst offender was my DH. We have a DGD who just needs to smile and she has my DH reaching for his wallet. It started when she was toddling around showing him her Easter Dress selections. Not one, not two but all three plus a pretty sweater, hat and little pocketbook for his little Princess. A boy would have gotten an outfit and maybe a jacket. And a fishing pole! No equality at all.

 

[STAYC18]

Unless her mom specifically asks for something, nope, she shouldn't send money. I would never expect my child to pick up something for her siblings. Life isn't always fair. If it's going to be a big deal, have the girls go home and say "Mom, I'd really like to get my brothers and sisters something when I'm gone, but I don't know if I'll have enough money. Will you pay us if I do some extra work?".

great thanks...

i just feel... how awful the other kids would feel when they come home and we got this and this and them hoping they got something... but it doesn't matter cuz if anything I am getting their siblings something... even if its those darn Rice Kripy treats that are so delish...

i know i would feel bad for my son if that happend, hense why i would give them money to bring something back for him...

maybe i shouldn't really care about their siblings, but i do because when i pick the girls up the kids cry and wanna go with them and its heart breaking (yeah i have a heart)

 

[mvazul]

when with their mother their step-dad is their financial responsibilty plus my husband child support...

This is the thing you can't stand, isn't it? You hate the fact that your husband has to pay to the EX WIFE for THEIR children. Guess what - he helped create those children, he is responsible for the rest of their lives.

What happens when these girls need new shoes? Glasses? Braces? Have activity fees? Etc... Do you and your husband tell their mother, "Too bad. That's what child support is for." I have a feeling you do. Sounds to me like their mother's new husband is taking on all of their every day needs while your husband just pays child support.

If you're in this much of a snit, because you feel the mother should send spending money while the girls are with their FATHER, then your husband should be sending spending money each and every time those girls go somewhere with their mother. After all, why should the step-father have to always foot the bill? Your husband needs to man-up and help his daughters pay for these hypothetical gifts for the mother and siblings.

You really need to take a step back and re-read this thread. Or better yet, let your husband read it - or his mother. I have a feeling they would be telling you the same thing everyone here is telling you. Don't make those girls pay for your insecurities.

 

[Alesia]

great thanks...

i just feel... how awful the other kids would feel when they come home and we got this and this and them hoping they got something... but it doesn't matter cuz if anything I am getting their siblings something... even if its those darn Rice Kripy treats that are so delish...

i know i would feel bad for my son if that happend, hense why i would give them money to bring something back for him...

maybe i shouldn't really care about their siblings, but i do because when i pick the girls up the kids cry and wanna go with them and its heart breaking (yeah i have a heart)

But you can't control what their mother does, and you have to let it go. If you feel that they should bring a little something home for their other siblings (and I agree, for what it's worth,) why not just pay for it if their mother doesn't send them money. I mean, what's an extra $10 for some rice krispie treats?

I get that's it's the principle that upsets you, but often times you have to choose between standing on principle and having peace in your family. On this particular issue, I would choose the latter.

Like I said before, you'll be dealing with the girls' mother for many years to come. If you freak out over every tiny thing that happens, you'll have a heart attack before you turn 40. You really do need to work on picking your battles - trust me, the teenage years are coming soon enough. In about 4 years you'll be wishing that you still had problems like this one.

 

[Mama Who]

Exactly. Each child will have different needs at different times. A 15 month old does not need his own spending money on a trip in order for things to be fair.

Yep. My kids are get "unequal but fair" all the time. The 14 year old and the 2 year old get different things. The 2 year old doesn't get a "budget" nor do I need to spend more on her if I spend more on her big brother. Because I love both children and want both to have what is appropriate for them, I do not need to keep score.

I maintain that the simple, drama-free solution is for the actual parent to handle this, but maybe simple and drama-free is not the goal.

 

[wvjules]

I would buy a souviner for the children left behind and not expect the children you brought with you to be responsible for it. I don't care who the other children belong to. It's the nice thing to do.

And I would not expect the ex-wife to send spending money with the girls. HOWEVER, I would send the girls with money if I were their mom.

 

[declansdad]

he does and its the same as his sister.. maybe less maybe more... don't really know till i'm there... he may want a balloon, they may not...

How will you know what he wants?

 

[STAYC18]

How will you know what he wants?

i don't but what almost 2 year wouldn't love a balloon....

 

[STAYC18]

I would buy a souviner for the children left behind and not expect the children you brought with you to be responsible for it. I don't care who the other children belong to. It's the nice thing to do.

And I would not expect the ex-wife to send spending money with the girls. HOWEVER, I would send the girls with money if I were their mom.

exactly, thank you

 

[Alesia]

i don't but what almost 2 year wouldn't love a balloon....

Balloons are so dangerous for children that age - they are the number one choking hazard for kids. I would strongly encourage you to buy him something else.

http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2520&e=advicedetail&ccat=changingtimesgp&cid=59310

 

[declansdad]

i don't but what almost 2 year wouldn't love a balloon....

So why would you need for the three kids need the same amount of money. Your son won't know, care or understand what is going on.

 

[duffy]

Let's be honest. This is about keeping all the spending money focused on one thing: the baby.

Every penny Dad spends on those two little girls, is a penny that is not being spent on the baby. And that's what it's all about: spending money on the baby, and how do you keep from having to spend money on those two interlopers?? You try to say that their mom should give them money, so you don't have to spend it on them.

And I know your response will be: "Oh, I'm giving them this wonderful trip!" You had a thread before, in which you asked what people thought of just taking Mason on the trip, and leaving the 2 girls at home, so that he would not "miss out". You were shamed into taking them.

Your signature used to mention having a son, Mason, and 2 stepdaughters, without their names. You asked to have the thread deleted when it didn't go as planned. How long till you ask the same of this one?

And, before you ask, I just remember. Your use of ellipses, ("...") all the time, is memorable.

 

[mvazul]

i understand that.. but to me i have one biological child and 2 step-children i don't see anything wrong with saying it like that... their not my children nor am i their mother... nor would i ever try and take the place of their mother... but because i don't call them my children in every context get flamed everyone assumes i hate them... really... i don't hate them and i do more with them then their own father does...

i just think the mother sould give the girls some money to bring back their siblings something...thats all...no one else does so i'm fine with that and thread can now be closed...

Let's be honest. This is about keeping all the spending money focused on one thing: the baby.

Every penny Dad spends on those two little girls, is a penny that is not being spent on the baby. And that's what it's all about: spending money on the baby, and how do you keep from having to spend money on those two interlopers?? You try to say that their mom should give them money, so you don't have to spend it on them.

And I know your response will be: "Oh, I'm giving them this wonderful trip!" You had a thread before, in which you asked what people thought of just taking Mason on the trip, and leaving the 2 girls at home, so that he would not "miss out". You were shamed into taking them.

Your signature used to mention having a son, Mason, and 2 stepdaughters, without their names. You asked to have the thread deleted when it didn't go as planned. How long till you ask the same of this one?

And, before you ask, I just remember. Your use of ellipses, ("...") all the time, is memorable.

Page 9!!

 

[duffy]

Page 9!!

Ha, I missed that!

And then a few months will go by...., and new threads just.....littered...with ellipses....asking once again, if it's okay to not spend money........on these 2 little girls.....but keep spending it on a baby......will appear...