Sorry, another vent about family!

[phillmolly]

errrr, my sister is driving me crazy!

My DH and I just bought a new house and while we are in the process of trying to sell our old house we are letting my sister and her family move into it RENT FREE! Thats right, we are not charging them rent while they are living there!

So now my vent is that she is nagging me about moving all my stuff out of the house! She yelled at me over the phone today because I told her that I was not going over to the old house to finish packing up the computer room. She wanted me to wake my 22 month old son from his nap, drop him off at her looney bin and go over there and get everything out TODAY!

Now, my sister is very high strung, I get that and usually just let everything she says or does roll right off my back, but today she just really got to me! Its not as if she is living on the street or anything like that, she still has pay rent on her apartment through the end of September so she still has two months before she has to move.


What really drives me crazy is that she was going on and on about how she has two kids and can get so much done, while I only have one child and it takes me forever to do anything! Yes, she has two children, a daughter who is two weeks younger than my son and a nine year old son who severely mental disabled. But she also has my mom, my 20 year old sister, and her boyfriend living with her! I am basically a single mom as my DH works 6 days a week, 14 hours a day! And sure it would be easy to get stuff done if I stuck my son in front of the TV and ignored him all day and let everyone else take care of him! I became a mother to mother my child, not to let someone else take care of him. I enjoy spending time with my son and I do a lot of actives with him during the week and on Sunday when my DH is off we like to spend time together as a family.

She is right when she says it is not my priority to be over at the old house finishing the packing, I have just about everything I need here at my new house. At the old house is mostly just stuff that really just needs to get donated or trashed. And for the record it's really only one room that still needs to get cleared out, the master bedroom, the babys old room, and the living room are all cleared out so she can start moving stuff into those rooms anytime she wants.

What it really all boils down to is that I am not doing excatlly what she wants me to! She is so used to everyone just bowing down to her and kissing her booty that it is driving her nuts that I am not doing it. Seriously, you should see the way my mom and her boyfriend treat her, she says jump and they see who can jump higher!

For the most part we really do get along very well, our babies love to play together, and so we do get together a few times a week. But right now she is driving me crazy! I know part of it is that I am the older sister and she feels like I have always gotten everything and she just gets handme downs, but at some point she needs to let that stuff go! We are in our 30's now, it's time to quit playing the "mom always loved you best" game.

I was planning on going over there today and packing some stuff up, my mom was going to come over to my house and watch my DS for me while he was napping, but she wasn't feeling well. Probally because she was up all night taking care of my sisters son!

And yes, I am jealous of all the help my sister gets, but I also understand that she really does need it more than I do!
Okay, vent over!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have to say you are a better person than I am. IN the situation you describe I would be calling her to say "You know I just don't think this is going to work our after all. It was probably a bad idea to mix business with family to begin with. You still have two months to come up with something and I will be happy to help you look if you'd like." She sounds pretty ungrateful--sorry about that

 

[bumbershoot]

I am the older sister and she feels like I have always gotten everything and she just gets handme downs

Heh heh...and now she's temporarily getting your hand me down house.


Sorry she peeved you. I haven't been in your situation, but if I were about to let someone live in my house rent-free, they would need to be polite to me, and not be a jerk.

But if you're going to be selling the old house...is it a good idea to have someone living there? What if it sells immediately? What if she, or her boyfriend, don't treat the place well? (I've found that people don't always value what comes to them for free)

 

[NHdisneylover]

Molly--I had the same thoughts.

 

[MonkeyDishwasher]

Just tell her "Look, I'm handing you this house for FREE. DEAL WITH IT! Or you could always move into a miniature apartment. Your call."

See how she decides to treat that bit of information.

And of course, following the NEW RULE!

errrr, my sister is driving me crazy!

My DH and I just bought a new house and while we are in the process of trying to sell our old house we are letting my sister and her family move into it RENT FREE! Thats right, we are not charging them rent while they are living there!

So now my vent is that she is nagging me about moving all my stuff out of the house! She yelled at me over the phone today because I told her that I was not going over to the old house to finish packing up the computer room. She wanted me to wake my 22 month old son from his nap, drop him off at her looney bin and go over there and get everything out TODAY!

Now, my sister is very high strung, I get that and usually just let everything she says or does roll right off my back, but today she just really got to me! Its not as if she is living on the street or anything like that, she still has pay rent on her apartment through the end of September so she still has two months before she has to move.


What really drives me crazy is that she was going on and on about how she has two kids and can get so much done, while I only have one child and it takes me forever to do anything! Yes, she has two children, a daughter who is two weeks younger than my son and a nine year old son who severely mental disabled. But she also has my mom, my 20 year old sister, and her boyfriend living with her! I am basically a single mom as my DH works 6 days a week, 14 hours a day! And sure it would be easy to get stuff done if I stuck my son in front of the TV and ignored him all day and let everyone else take care of him! I became a mother to mother my child, not to let someone else take care of him. I enjoy spending time with my son and I do a lot of actives with him during the week and on Sunday when my DH is off we like to spend time together as a family.

She is right when she says it is not my priority to be over at the old house finishing the packing, I have just about everything I need here at my new house. At the old house is mostly just stuff that really just needs to get donated or trashed. And for the record it's really only one room that still needs to get cleared out, the master bedroom, the babys old room, and the living room are all cleared out so she can start moving stuff into those rooms anytime she wants.

What it really all boils down to is that I am not doing excatlly what she wants me to! She is so used to everyone just bowing down to her and kissing her booty that it is driving her nuts that I am not doing it. Seriously, you should see the way my mom and her boyfriend treat her, she says jump and they see who can jump higher!

For the most part we really do get along very well, our babies love to play together, and so we do get together a few times a week. But right now she is driving me crazy! I know part of it is that I am the older sister and she feels like I have always gotten everything and she just gets handme downs, but at some point she needs to let that stuff go! We are in our 30's now, it's time to quit playing the "mom always loved you best" game.

I was planning on going over there today and packing some stuff up, my mom was going to come over to my house and watch my DS for me while he was napping, but she wasn't feeling well. Probally because she was up all night taking care of my sisters son!

And yes, I am jealous of all the help my sister gets, but I also understand that she really does need it more than I do!
Okay, vent over!

 

[golfgal]

I would tell her to either deal with it or move out.

 

[Hoodie]

While it's nice of you to offer the house while it's on the market, I have to agree with a PP that it will probably cause more headaches than help. Not only could the house sell quickly, which would mean your sister and her family would have to move again, but most agents do not want the occupants there when they show it. Is your sister prepared to leave teh house on fairly short notice? It sounds like she has a lot on her hands. Can she keep the house clean and organized for showing?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

She can complain all she wants. You have the upper hand, use it. Plus selling your home is going to be impossible with her there. You made a mistake with that. She sounds uncooperative.

 

[RunningGirl]

Sorry that your sister seems to be so ungrateful. It sounds like she expects the rest of the family to take care of her.

I have to agree with other PPs that letting her live in your house while it's for sale seems like a strange idea. What if it sells immediately? That still happens, even in this real estate market. Will she clean the house before showings and get her kids out? Does she have a plan for moving out, since she'll probably only get 30 day notice? Is she a good housekeeper?

I think you're setting yourself up for more problems in the future.

 

[Pamlur]

All I see this bringing you is more and more problems.

 

[Wishing on a star]

BAD idea.....

Don't throw good money and time and effort in after bad....
I would let her know that you AND YOU DH (he should back you up here.....) will be signing with a realtor soon, and you really need for her to stay back with mama, or find another place...

Sorry....
People can only screw you like this when you actually hand them the screwdriver.

 

[barkley]

While it's nice of you to offer the house while it's on the market, I have to agree with a PP that it will probably cause more headaches than help. Not only could the house sell quickly, which would mean your sister and her family would have to move again, but most agents do not want the occupants there when they show it. Is your sister prepared to leave teh house on fairly short notice? It sounds like she has a lot on her hands. Can she keep the house clean and organized for showing?

that would be my concern as well-and in the area we last sold in, even when it was a HOT sellers market, you had to disclose up front for potential buyers that a home being shown was not owner occupied. i don't know if it was a regional thing, but homes that even for a short period of time that actualy were/or were perceived as "rentals" were considered less desireable/of lesser value than identical properties.

my other concern (and this comes from my own family history involving a family member owning a home which included as a resident, another family member living rent free) is, if the sister can be difficult, demanding and used to people giving in to her-is what will be the sister's legal standing as a rent free resident in a home for sale.

i mention this b/c, we learned that in the state our family member lived in-b/c the owner of the home the home did not charge at least $1.00 per month in rent there existed no "landlord/tenant" relationship which meant when the owner got to the point of selling the home, and the other family member balked at moving out (they were ungrateful, used to getting a free ride, and did'nt want to have to find thier own rental on their own dime) it was going to entail a major legal hassle to get them out of the home (could'nt use the traditional eviction process, could'nt use trespass b/c they were "invited" into the home) that would have ended up very costly, costly to the owner only b/c the other family member would have gotten free legal aide to represent them. the owner ended up having to pay off the other family member to get them to leave

there was a similar situation covered by the media a couple of years ago where we live now. a mom and dad went through over a year of legal battling b/c the son they allowed to live rent free in a property invited other people (his girlfriend and her kids) to live with him. son ends up going to jail, the girlfriend/her kids refuse to leave. owners try to evict-find out they are not legaly her landlords. she moves in her NEW boyfriend and some others-it was a god awful mess for the owners.

suffice it to say-there needs to be something in writing that establishes the legal relationship of the owners and the residents.

 

[malibuconlee]

I agree with the PP who said letting her live there while trying to sell is a BAD idea.

You'll want the house ready for immediate showings. Not at your sister's convenience. She has plenty of time to find something else.

I am a firm believer in money and family not mixing and in this case it definitely will. Your money you have tied up in your house!

 

[DMRick]

If she were paying rent, would you have had the house all cleaned out? Is just one room that she can't use, or is that room filled with the most stuff, and you still have other stuff to move? If it's one room, why not just let her know that that one room will remain yours? However, that said, I don't think I'd want to move into a house that has stuff that needs to be donated or trashed. Don't get me wrong, I think the offer is generous of you, but why not give her a move in date that will be after you get it cleaned out?

Does she need that room, since she has your mom, her BF and your other sister living with her? So, is everyone going to be living rent free?

 

[LuvOrlando]

She's barely even in the house and giving you trouble. I don't have a crystal ball but doubt the situation is going to end well. I have no advice just wishing you the best of luck with the situation.

 

[mumom95]

Yeah, I'm with everyone else. Her living there is a bad idea.

Good luck.

 

[malibuconlee]

I agree with the PP who said letting her live there while trying to sell is a BAD idea.

You'll want the house ready for immediate showings. Not at your sister's convenience. She has plenty of time to find something else.

I am a firm believer in money and family not mixing and in this case it definitely will. Your money you have tied up in your house!

 

[dakcp2001]

Aside from the fact that she is ungrateful, it seems as though she is also incredibly selfish. Letting her live in your home for FREE is a terrible idea, she now has incentive for it NOT TO SELL.

If it does sell, it is going to be bad for her, so why would she want to spend all of the time and effort it takes to keep it showcase clean, which is how it needs to be to sell. Right now my home is going on the market (Wed of this week) and we had to clean scrub & move a ton of stuff to storage. We basically have to live as though we are not really living here while it is for sale. It is going to be a huge pita. I cannot imagine doing this with 2 children.

You need to put the brakes on this NOW while she has 2 months notice to make other arrangements. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a situation in which you two are constantly fighting and your house never sells, and eventually you will be forced to kick her out & go clean up after her. Then the relationship might be irreprable and she will blame it all on you. DOnt do it!!!! This is why we never rent to friends or family! Keep your business separate.


Right now you still have the option of giving her 2 months notice to find something else. Blame it on the realtor or the market, tell her they told you in order to sell your home it needs to be empty.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Ow!

We are renting to our contractor. They came to our messy house on Saturday just after the movers finished. We hadn't cleaned or tidied--but due to a tight schedule, that was how it needed to be done.

I was told to not worry about the condition, that her husband woudl dispose of the shelves of old paint, to not worry that I can't pressure wash the pool deck or get around to mulching the front garden are or to remove the grass and weeds from the back garden area, and overall to just not worry!!!!

They are getting s discounted rental rate due to our as is condition and he first month's rent free in exchange for repairing any dings on the walls and paintif the entire interior. They have carte Blanche on color, we have given permission on modifications they could make, and since he is a contractor---he can fix things and do minor repairs around the house.

They are nothing but GRATEFUL! Moving into our home saves them a minimum of $1500 per month between the rental rate and electric bill savings. We are doing each other a favor.

They are even getting 3 additional weeks for free because we need the lease to begin sooner than thy can move for insurance and other logistics reasons.

Maybe your relative's lease is up? Who knows? But her behavior is totally inappropriate. It also seems this all should have been taken care of in writing. Even if it is free rent, I might have done a lease anyway. Our lease begins August 9 even though occupancy is not until Sep 1 and the first rent check is not due until Oct 1.

Hope things are better for you!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Even if it is free rent, I might have done a lease anyway. Our lease begins August 9 even though occupancy is not until Sep 1 and the first rent check is not due until Oct 1.

Hope things are better for you!

Oh, that is a good point. It certainly would be important because you would need to spell out what the terms are for the occupancy.

Stuff like repairs, house showings, yard work, damage they do to your home, etc. might need to be spelled out. If she gets mad at you, she might trash the place out of spite. She sounds like the type.

Your sister may find that she disagrees with your "rental free" terms and this would give her enough time to find a new place and save yourself money and fights with family.

I would rather fight now than later.