"Friendship," Judy Garland and Johnny Mercer
If you're ever in a jam, here I am
If you're ever in a mess, S.O.S.
If you ever feel so happy you land in jail, I'm your bail
...
If you're ever down a well, ring my bell
And if you're ever up a tree just phone to me
A-yes-sir-ee
If you ever lose your teeth and you're out to dine, borrow mine
...
If they ever black your eyes, put me wise
If they ever cook your goose, turn me loose
And if they ever put a bullet through your brain, I'll complain
...
If you ever lose your mind, I'll be kind
And if you ever lose your shirt, I'll be hurt
If you're ever in a mill and get sawed in half, I won't laugh
And from I Love Lucy: