Sometimes people don't realize

[Philagoofy]

that something they say or do, no matter how innocent or innocuous they think it is, can hurt someone. Especially when they don't give an explanation.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

 

[quentina]

that something they say or do, no matter how innocent or innocuous they think it is, can hurt someone. Especially when they don't give an explanation.

Can you share that thought with my mother in law???

I hear you, I live it daily. Sometimes, I look at her and say...why do you allow that stuff to spew out of your mouth?

It took me 20 years to say.....screw it, I am not taking it anymore.

 

[corndog]

that something they say or do, no matter how innocent or innocuous they think it is, can hurt someone. Especially when they don't give an explanation.

Yes. Don't you hate when people don't give an explanation for their statements?

 

[MoniqueU]

Yes. Don't you hate when people don't give an explanation for their statements?

LOL I was thinking the same thing, a little more info and an "explanation" from the OP sounds like it is in order rather then a complaint about behavior similar to hers.
No one on the Dis is a mind reader, either tell the story or don't waste a post.

 

[Stacerita]

that something they say or do, no matter how innocent or innocuous they think it is, can hurt someone. Especially when they don't give an explanation.

Care to explain?

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

That's where apologies come in. Whether we intended it or not, we've hurt another person and s/he deserves an apology. (yes, even if we didn't mean anything by it).

 

[novajeanjellybean]

I agree

 

[C.Ann]

I'm totally confused by this thread, but yes - sometimes even the best of intentions can go haywire..

 

[JR6ooo4]

No matter what was said, if it was not intended to be offensive, then it should not be considered offensive.

Well, not for very long....

Mikeeee

 

[Philagoofy]

We have a partial season baseball ticket plan & my husband was going with my Dad on Saturday. The ticket was a birthday present to him. We do this every year. My husband talked to my dad on Monday about the time to meet, etc & everything was fine. On Wed, the mail contains an envelope from my dad with a 3x5 card that says; "husband's name, I will not be going to the ball games anymore. Take Philagoofy and (friend's name) and have a good time. Don't call & ask why. Love, Dad".

I know this probably doesn't sound bad but we thought it was very strange & rather rude. My husband has been through alot medically the last few years, has no family anymore, just my side & has always gotten along fine with them. His spirits are down (mine aren't much better) so this kind of hurt. If it's a matter of money, that we were paying for the tickets - he had another set that he was going with one of this friends - then say that. He could return that set & still accept the one ticket as a birthday gift & go with my husband. But to say don't call & ask why & leave it like that.

I think if we weren't down to begin with, this probably wouldn't have bothered us so much. I don't feel like we have much to look forward to anyway & this was, I don't know.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

That does sound odd. This obviously hurt you. You need to talk to your father and let him know how it made you feel.

 

[Va-bear]

I'm so sorry. I hope you can talk to him - though, it is tough because he asked you not to. Is he perhaps suffering from some illness and not wanting to talk about it? Or, if he's like my elderly mom, becoming agoraphobic (not wannting to leave the house), or paranoid about outings and strangers?

Just some thoughts, to show it may be something that, in his mind, has nothing to do with you - but, ofcourse, it does because it affects you and you love him. (I was encouraged to see he signed it 'love')

Good luck w/this.

 

[MoniqueU]

Ok, I am soooooo sorry he hurt you that way but there like has been said could be a very good reason that he doesn't feel comfortable talking about. Has he seemed nervous or down himself? I can think of a dozen reasons why I personally would do something like that and not mean anything to the people I sent that letter too, just that I don't think they would understand and it would be easier not to discuss it.

 

[Philagoofy]

He enjoys going out, he still works 2 days a week, goes bowling, he's 78 & very, very good mentally. He talked to my husband Monday, everything was fine, looking forward to going & the next day he mailed the note & tickets back.

He did something like this last year or the year before. He was supposed to go & then told us he wasn't interested anymore. When they were in the playoffs last year, my husband talked him into going & he was glad he went. I really think it has to do with money somehow. I'm not going to pursue it with him. We just won't offer anymore. I'm getting to the point where I care less & less about everything anyway. Don't know why this is bothering me.

Thanks for everyone's good thoughts. I'll keep that in mind that he didn't mean anything by it but that it's personal to him. That's what I meant in my first post, people don't always realize...

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

He enjoys going out, he still works 2 days a week, goes bowling, he's 78 & very, very good mentally. He talked to my husband Monday, everything was fine, looking forward to going & the next day he mailed the note & tickets back.

He did something like this last year or the year before. He was supposed to go & then told us he wasn't interested anymore. When they were in the playoffs last year, my husband talked him into going & he was glad he went. I really think it has to do with money somehow. I'm not going to pursue it with him. We just won't offer anymore. I'm getting to the point where I care less & less about everything anyway. Don't know why this is bothering me.

Thanks for everyone's good thoughts. I'll keep that in mind that he didn't mean anything by it but that it's personal to him. That's what I meant in my first post, people don't always realize...

Maybe your dad is hurt because he told you last year that he wasn't interested in going to the games, and yet you still gave him a ticket this year as a birthday present?

I'm sorry that you and DH are feeling so down. I'm sure your DH was looking forward to spending the time with your dad, but maybe you can find another way to celebrate his birthday that will make all of you happy.

 

[Buckalew11]

He enjoys going out, he still works 2 days a week, goes bowling, he's 78 & very, very good mentally. He talked to my husband Monday, everything was fine, looking forward to going & the next day he mailed the note & tickets back.

He did something like this last year or the year before. He was supposed to go & then told us he wasn't interested anymore. When they were in the playoffs last year, my husband talked him into going & he was glad he went. I really think it has to do with money somehow. I'm not going to pursue it with him. We just won't offer anymore. I'm getting to the point where I care less & less about everything anyway. Don't know why this is bothering me.

Thanks for everyone's good thoughts. I'll keep that in mind that he didn't mean anything by it but that it's personal to him. That's what I meant in my first post, people don't always realize...

Sad topic and situation but this bolded statement bothers me the most.

Do you mean you care less and less about family situations like this or life in general? If it is life in general, please seek some help. Caring less and less is usually a sign of depression. A place you can sink so quickly into that you do not even know you are there. I speak from experience. Please talk to someone.

 

[MariDisney]

I'm sorry. This is obviously a difficult situation for you. I would think about why he might not be interested anymore and is possibly embarrassed to tell you about it. Are the steps and all the walking at the ballpark difficult for him? Is he beginning to get nervous in places that aren't his every day places? Does he get very tired and need to get to bed early? Maybe he wants to seem strong, but has a real reason for not being interested. Or, not so much that he's not interested but that he's limited. Maybe he is somehow offened or hurt that he said he wasn't interested in that and yet that's what he got for a gift? I would be very tempted to sit down with him and lovingly and kindly try to get to the bottom of it.

Editing to add: I reread your earlier post and feel even stronger about him being limited in some way. The fact that he said he wouldn't be going to the games "anymore" indicates a finality to the experience. It's like he's beginning to close a chapter of his life if it's something you've always done together. I think it deserves some exploring.