Someone please explain 12 year old girls to me

[Mimi Q]

DD is going to cheerleading camp next week with her middle school squad. Her "best friend" since fourth grade is on the squad, and they were planning to room together. I found out the room assignments today, and the other girl didn't even request DD as her roommate. She put down two other girls who are supposed to be "more popular" but have been mean to this other girl all year. My DD cried for 30 minutes as she feels that her best friend doesn't like her. The other girls she is rooming with are sweet girls and she likes them. She said, "I just can't believe she didn't even request me". To make things even better her mom is my cousin and we are taking her to the beach with us in July. DD doesn't want her to go now, but tough luck cause we've already invited her. Ugh! I hate the social aspects of middle school. Friends one day and enemies the next.

 

[jimmalru80]

Father of twin 14 year olds. They deal with friends, best friends, and best friends forever. It does get crazy, and it changes day to day. However, they have each other to fall back on when the going gets rough. Good luck.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Ok I will give it a shot! My dd is 13, btw.

You as a parent are supposed to hug and comfort her and not say a word as she feels the sorrow of her loss. She will rant that she doesn't want her friend there but (really) she does. She is just hurt that her friend did this to her. So you quietly comfort and say the plans are made and we will make the best of it.

Then when you are at the beach they will act like nothing happened and if you even question dd about it she will look at you like you are crazy!
Then she will say that she is over that.

So just gives lots of hugs and don't try to analyze unless something REALLY awful happens. Hurt feelings, oh that will happen alot. And you know what? She will get stronger as you stand by her. She will learn how to navigate these waters.

{HUGS}

 

[pat fan]

I hear you. I wish someone would explain 15 year old girls to me!Thank goodness I have 2 boys, but my 15 DS's best friends are girls and now one of them(his BEST friend)is going through some thing where she keeps ignoring him and then getting mad at him when he hangs with someone else!He only does this because SHE has been ignoring him!What is he supposed to do?Wait around by himself until she feels she's had enough "girl" time with her girlfriends and can fit him into her schedule?he's just very crushed that she's acting this way and doesn't know what to do.Any advice about 15 yr.old girls?

 

[mickey65]

I teach grade six and deal with this on a daily basis too. One day they are best friends and the next day they will never ever talk to so and so ever again. It is difficult to watch the ones that complain that so and so is saying mean things, and then they turn around and want to be best friends with that person!

 

[Mimi Q]

I feel so upset myself. It feels better to be able to vent here. I know I need to stay out of it. They have to work it out themselves. It just hurts to see your child hurting.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

Originally posted by Mimi Q
I feel so upset myself. It feels better to be able to vent here. I know I need to stay out of it. They have to work it out themselves. It just hurts to see your child hurting.

I can understand the feelings you are feeling... this is not just her best friend since 4th grade- she's your 2nd cousin, right? So really she's a relative... distant but still a relative, no? So that makes it harder, for her and YOU... you spending time with them later/etc. This isn't just like a friend at school that dissed her (for lack of a better way to put it) where she can just ignore her/forget her now... she's a distant relative already invited to beach in July and someone she'll see outside of school in the future whether she likes it or not.

 

[lulubelle]

My DD is 17. Ever since about 5th grade, her group of girlfriends has been one of the most important aspects of her life. Teens (especially girls, I hate to say) can be so mean and so fickle. Like you say, they can be close friends today, and so over her tomorrow. I have found as long as they HAVE friends it is all ok. And I bite my tongue and try to stay out of it. Good Luck.

 

[Mimi Q]

Yes, thankfully she has other friends and stays busy in competitive gymnastics. I don't think she will dwell on it nearly as long as DH and I will.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

the social hierarchy in middle school is all-important. far too many girls will ditch a close friend if a more popular girl invites them somewhere.

I've got a 6th grader and an 8th grader, I understand completely how you feel.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by pat fan
I hear you. I wish someone would explain 15 year old girls to me!Thank goodness I have 2 boys, but my 15 DS's best friends are girls and now one of them(his BEST friend)is going through some thing where she keeps ignoring him and then getting mad at him when he hangs with someone else!He only does this because SHE has been ignoring him!What is he supposed to do?Wait around by himself until she feels she's had enough "girl" time with her girlfriends and can fit him into her schedule?he's just very crushed that she's acting this way and doesn't know what to do.Any advice about 15 yr.old girls?

She probably LIKES him.

 

[FroggyinArk]

(* this is a joke) hmm dd turns 12 next week dw is remodeling her bed room now as her b day present,, and we are trying to let her take her time and make her own choices as far as color etc goes,, mostly cause we figure she gonna stay sooo grounded to it for ever now we are leaving her phone in there so we can check up on her,, figure after her actually b day we'll shut the doors and windows an just nail her in there,, let her out in say 8 yrs or so,.....



serious note It takes Much prayer and patience to raise a daugfhter these days god bless you,

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

froggy!

I feel the same way.

 

[DisneyVillain]

Females are only understandable up to age 9. After that, it is too late.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

i know I'm going to get ragged on for this --- I've mentioned this book several timess -- but it really is a good guide for parents of adolescent girls.

Queen Bees and Wannabes

From Our Editors
The Barnes & Noble Review
Contrary to popular lore, girls are not made of sugar, spice, and all that's nice. Some -- especially those teetering on the brink of puberty -- seem to be composed of C-4 explosive and designer jeans. Aware of this tangled transformation, author Rosalind Wiseman's Queen Bees and Wannabes provides an insightful, useful, and sometimes painful primer for parents of teenage girls.

Having spent more than ten years in the inner sanctums of adolescence -- the classrooms, bathrooms, cafeterias, and malls of America -- Wiseman decodes the gossip-and-clique-filled "Girl World" of teenagers. Much of what she finds there is a dangerous hierarchy -- from the "Queen Bee" who dictates rules such as who wears what and who dates whom, to the "Wannabe" trying ingratiate herself into a clique or the poor "Target" of a clique's wrath. And while these may seem to a parent like stock characters in a teen drama, Wiseman warns that these roles are "powerfully and painfully reinforced every moment of every day."

What's a parent to do? Wiseman has plenty of practical advice (e.g., Never call boys "boys" -- they're "guys" now), including a strategy for parents to start opening channels of communication, but it requires careful attention and patience. Her highly readable and authoritative insights are sometimes shocking, but they provide parents an invaluable view into the modern adolescent world. Ultimately, this book can help you and your daughter navigate the barbed path that leads to womanhood -- together. (Jessica Leigh Lebos)

 

[FroggyinArk]

figured i better mark it up front as a joke,,lol,, fore some one decided it was a good idea..lol... shes actually not that bad,, shes just got this attitude that i wanna tryand get her out of. shes really geting her room remodeled thuogh,, and she was groundedfor 5 weeks until last weekend.

 

[kasar]

Briar Rose: I'm in the middle of reading it right now. I have to say that it's incredibly painful to even read, let alone experience.

I've got 9 and 11 year olds and, boy, I don't think I'll breathe for the next 6 or 7 years. Why do girls, and women for that matter, do this?

 

[Mimi Q]

I just ordered it. Maybe it will give me some insight into the workings of middle school. I just turned 40, and I don't remember all this drama when I was that age.

 

[antbritt]

I keep meaning to buy that book. I actually looked for it in B&N but could not find it. I must look again. \

My DD will be 12 in July . This year has been ............ Well to say the least very challenging. She is not the kind of kid who is bold enough to stand up for herself and she has cried many times. She has some great friends. But .... Some of this kids are so busy fighting thier way thru the social ladder that they are willing to hurt thier friends to get to whatever they believe is the top.

I know how it feeels to wish yu could help your child and feel so helpless in it all. I guess they have to figure it out and all we can do is try to guide them not to become one of those who are mean and at the same time be ok.
I think that basically most of the books pretty much say that girls are like they are in part because it is not acceptable for them to work out thier problems openly so I guess that is why they backstab and talk mean.

I look at my DD when she is having problems with her so- called friends and I just want to make it all better. But I can't I listen to her and she talk to me about it and I try to offer some advice. Mostl I keep telling her to stay true to herself. The girls go on AOL Instant messenger and boy does that cause soooooooo many problems. I have now done 2 things with that 1 is to limit it and 2 is that I no longer allow her and her friend(s) to go on that when they are together here. It seems that when there ismore then 1 girl on Aol it tends to make them piclk on the girl who is not at the others house. This is not just happening to my kid I know but when it is your child you feel they are so alone.
Thank Goodness scchool is almost over and she will be at camp!!!