Some WDW trips not for family?

[mefordis]

Well, I guess since the parents make the money they get to decide the trips.

 

[JimmyV]

When we went somewhere, it was where my parents wanted to go. Nothing wrong with that as they earned money and I didn't!!

After six pages of this thread, I am still having a hard time with this whole "The one with the gold rules" concept. My DW is a SAH mom who does volunteer work. I make all the money. Not in a million years would I consider playing the: "I make the money, so I make the decisions" card with her. And if I wouldn't do it with her, I wouldn't do it with my DD. I really think that the whole bread winner argument is extraneous to the discussion. If not, then that level of authority could be wielded against one's non-earning spouse. I doubt that happens all that often. The real issue is the parent-child dynamic. Not the income earner vs. non income earner dynamic.

 

[Dorisk3]

After six pages of this thread, I am still having a hard time with this whole "The one with the gold rules" concept. My DW is a SAH mom who does volunteer work. I make all the money. Not in a million years would I consider playing the: "I make the money, so I make the decisions" card with her. And if I wouldn't do it with her, I wouldn't do it with my DD. I really think that the whole bread winner argument is extraneous to the discussion. If not, then that level of authority could be wielded against one's non-earning spouse. I doubt that happens all that often. The real issue is the parent-child dynamic. Not the income earner vs. non income earner dynamic.

I agree, I'm really surprised by all the it's my way or the highway responses. Someone a few pages back said that this topic may be hitting close to home for some people, and I think that's why we are seeing so many of these knee jerk reactions.

 

[Phatoomch]

Well, I guess since the parents make the money they get to decide the trips.

Well yes, but as a parent surely you decide on trips that the whole family enjoy

My parents booked a vacation abroad every year and every year they looked to places that not only they would enjoy but (moreso) me. They got more enjoyment out of my reaction than their own. The same as I get more enjoyment watching my own daughter discover the world

Having said that, I realise not everybody has the same ideas and I respect that - just so you know I'm not here to just to share

 

[Nancyg56]

My DD wants to go there too!! She says that will be her next vacation pick (next year). If kids are actually interested in that kind of stuff it would be such a shame to let that enthusiasm go to waste.

DD is planning to take her. My DSIL cannot tolerate intense heat so it is going to be a challenge to manage the vacation and the weather bit they will. Kady loves Disney but there is a huge world out there. She wants to become a marine biologist or a vet so my DD takes her to aquariums. And science museums. And of course we take her to the beach. Lots to do and learn.

After six pages of this thread, I am still having a hard time with this whole "The one with the gold rules" concept. My DW is a SAH mom who does volunteer work. I make all the money. Not in a million years would I consider playing the: "I make the money, so I make the decisions" card with her. And if I wouldn't do it with her, I wouldn't do it with my DD. I really think that the whole bread winner argument is extraneous to the discussion. If not, then that level of authority could be wielded against one's non-earning spouse. I doubt that happens all that often. The real issue is the parent-child dynamic. Not the income earner vs. non income earner dynamic.

You know, I thought that but did not go there. I read a thread a few days ago that the DH did not think DH was a worthy vacation destination for his wife . Someplace else? Sure. Disney? No. Now you know how that discussion went

 

[Planogirl]

I must be odd because I've always kept my son in mind when I plan trips that include him. I don't go strictly where he wants to go but I try to go where WE want to go. I think that it's more fun for everyone when it's planned that way.

Of course, I can only speak for us and not others.

 

[ladeedeb]

Sorry. I don't get this at all. This smacks of pure Disney myopia. Are you telling me that after ten consecutive years of going to WDW, if your kids came to you and said:

"Dad, we are studying U.S. history and we'd really like to go to Boston, Philadelphia, or Williamsburg for vacation this year",
or
"Dad, we are really interested in the arts, and we'd like to go to Paris to see the Louvre", you would say: "Suck it up Buttercup. I'm paying and we're going to Epcot and you can see France there and watch Ben Franklin and Mark Twain teach you about history!"

Part of parenting is teaching. If your kids want to expand their horizons, you have an obligation to foster their growth. It's called being a parent. Even if it inconveniences your annual trip to spin on the Tea Cups. Honestly. Only on a Disney chat board would you find such a: "I ain't letting my kids' preferences get in the way of my Disney fun" attitude.

Except this would depend on the kid. I would love it if my DS would want to do something like that instead of Disney. He likes Disney, but would like to do something else, however that something else involves going to other amusement park and riding big rides. I have found that many of those are a waste of money for me as I won't do any of those big rides, so we would not end up spending all that much time together anyway.

Most other things that my DH & I may like, he finds boring after a short time. Since I happen to love Disney and my DS likes it, I have found that to be the best all around make all of us happy vacation, with the occasional jaunt over to the dark side.

 

[ladeedeb]

My DD wants to go there too!! She says that will be her next vacation pick (next year). If kids are actually interested in that kind of stuff it would be such a shame to let that enthusiasm go to waste.

I agree. I wish my DS liked it. We live right outside DC and we rarely go there. I have seen most of it many times, and have taken my DS on rare occasion, but he really has no interest and hasn't for several years. He is 14 now and his favorite thing in DC is going to the run-down RFK stadium to see DC United play. I am going to try the Spy museum and Newseum to see if that will spark his interest. The other monuments and museums haven't done anything for him in about 10 years.

You should go. Your DD will love it. It really is an amazing place with so much to see & do if you have any interest in history, art, and government.

 

[chloe4ever]

I just cannot imagine being raised or raising kids in a "it is my way or the highway" and "I make the money--so what I decide goes--no discussion!" mentality. Does it make you feel like you have all the power? Is it because as a kid your parents did that to you and now you can "rule" over your kids because it is your turn? Strange. Kids have feelings, and needs, and opinions, and things that interest them. They want to feel like their opinions matter. So what if they are different than yours? You don't want to raise twins of yourself. That does not make them spoiled. It makes them little people who are trying to make their way in the world. Denying them any say or opinion seems so unfair--and I would think make resentful kids.

And I certainly do not understand the whole, "But some other kids cannot afford vacations so stop being a brat and wanting to go somewhere else" mentality......but YOU can afford it. So just because you can afford it and others cannot, that means that YOU make all the decisions and your kids should have some sort of guilt trip towards the less fortunate? What a burden for a 9 year to have to carry. And this has nothing to do with appreciating things. A kid can appreciate a vacation and also have a small say into where they are going and what they are doing.

It just seems like the Disney fanatics who defend the parents who do this just cannot possible imagine a kid not wanting to go to Disney 15 years in a row and mock the kids for that. Kids do, shockingly, have other interests outside of Disney and it is not sad when they want to go somewhere else.

 

[mieshie75]

Hubby and I have had this discussion. Although I am Disney obsessed, he is not. We have agreed to one more trip and then a 5 year break to go to other places. The kids will have to just go where we go. They really don't have a choice in what we do until they are old enough to go on there own, and pay for it on there own. However where ever we go we try to incorporate things that they like. No trip is fun if the kids are complaining the whole time. If you are close to these friends maybe you should initiate a group trip and show them that there is more to the world than just Disney, Or sit your friend down and have a heart to heart about the situation. You know there is always one other alternative, Plan a weekend trip for just the disney obsessed and call it Friend time.

 

[mom2rtk]

Hubby and I have had this discussion. Although I am Disney obsessed, he is not. We have agreed to one more trip and then a 5 year break to go to other places. The kids will have to just go where we go. They really don't have a choice in what we do until they are old enough to go on there own, and pay for it on there own. However where ever we go we try to incorporate things that they like. No trip is fun if the kids are complaining the whole time. If you are close to these friends maybe you should initiate a group trip and show them that there is more to the world than just Disney, Or sit your friend down and have a heart to heart about the situation. You know there is always one other alternative, Plan a weekend trip for just the disney obsessed and call it Friend time.

Seriously? They don't need an intervention. It's nobody's business but their own. The OP needs to just stay out of it. There is no "situation" that needs to be addressed.

 

[Magpie]

After six pages of this thread, I am still having a hard time with this whole "The one with the gold rules" concept. My DW is a SAH mom who does volunteer work. I make all the money. Not in a million years would I consider playing the: "I make the money, so I make the decisions" card with her. And if I wouldn't do it with her, I wouldn't do it with my DD. I really think that the whole bread winner argument is extraneous to the discussion. If not, then that level of authority could be wielded against one's non-earning spouse. I doubt that happens all that often. The real issue is the parent-child dynamic. Not the income earner vs. non income earner dynamic.

Thank you!

As another SAHM, this "I'm paying so I decide where we go" attitude was bothering me, too.

All of us contribute to the household, including the kids (who do a heck of a lot of dishes, not to mention other chores and tasks, without complaint). Vacations can be decided cooperatively, for the benefit and enjoyment of everyone.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Well, I guess since the parents make the money they get to decide the trips.

No, actually, it's since the parents are the adults and the persons responsible for making decisions for the individuals in the family, the parents choose the vacation destinations.

"Mom, I'm tired of you never letting me run with scissors; I'm going to do it from now on!"
"You're not me. I'll go to bed when I'm tired! Not my fault I'm late for school every day!"
"dad, you always tell me I can't drink beer. I'm making my own decisions now!"

It just seems like the Disney fanatics who defend the parents who do this just cannot possible imagine a kid not wanting to go to Disney 15 years in a row and mock the kids for that. Kids do, shockingly, have other interests outside of Disney and it is not sad when they want to go somewhere else.

Nothing at all to do with being Disney obsessed. Replace WDW with any destination and the response would be the same. The adults, being the adults, make the - all decisions for the family. What's next? The tweens (and really, if that description is accurate we're talking about 11-12) get to pick the new car? The living room furniture? The house? The city where they live?

 

[Nancyg56]

Seriously? They don't need an intervention. It's nobody's business but their own. The OP needs to just stay out of it. There is no "situation" that needs to be addressed.

I agree that the OP needs to mind her own business. I don't agree with how those parents choose destinations without their children in mind but they get to do that. The OP can think what she likes but it really should end there.

No, actually, it's since the parents are the adults and the persons responsible for making decisions for the individuals in the family, the parents choose the vacation destinations.

"Mom, I'm tired of you never letting me run with scissors; I'm going to do it from now on!"
"You're not me. I'll go to bed when I'm tired! Not my fault I'm late for school every day!"
"dad, you always tell me I can't drink beer. I'm making my own decisions now!"

I think that taking a child's opinion into consideration when it comes to vacation planning is very different than abdicating parental responsibility to allow little Johnny have a beer while watching Lilo and Stitch.

Yes, a parent can choose vacation destinations. Yes a parent has the final say. Yes a parent can overrule a kid's desire to vacation someplace else. What I find odd is a parent who is so obsessed with one destination (does not need to be Disney) even though the rest of the family would prefer anywhere else, Disney is the only vacation allowed. Parents get to do that but I really do not understand that mentality. My definition of family vacation is a trip that the entire family is looking forward to. I would not find any joy in dragging my family to a place just because I can. Telling the kids that they can stay home with Memere is they don't want to come just does not work for me. Just because I can does not mean I should.

And God help my DH is he ever tried t tell me that I have no say in our plans because he makes the money. I make his food......................that is paid for with his money. That would make the outcome of his dinner even more ironic

 

[JimmyV]

Nothing at all to do with being Disney obsessed. Replace WDW with any destination and the response would be the same.

So if the parents are obsessed with wine and took their kids along to Napa and Sonoma for winery visits, and the kids had to hang around the tasting room parking lots while the parents tasted wine all day; and they did this 15 years in a row, and the kids said one year: "This year, just ONCE, we'd like to go to Disney World", your response would be: "Shut your pie hole. We're going wine tasting"? Somehow I get the sense that if the jumping off point of this thread had been that the parents refused to go to WDW and the kids wanted to go, the collective wisdom of this board would take on a whole different perception of parental guidance and flexibility.

The adults, being the adults, make the - all decisions for the family. What's next? The tweens (and really, if that description is accurate we're talking about 11-12) get to pick the new car? The living room furniture? The house? The city where they live?

Apples and oranges. Of course parents make the decisions when it comes to the health, safety and upbringing of the kids. But we are talking about a vacation here. The kids aren't going to suffer or be endangered if their parents take them to the Smithsonian, or the Grand Canyon, or Yosemite, or the Outer Banks, or Cape Cod. Parents let their kids make plenty of decisions. Like what to order at a restaurant. What clothes to buy. What TV shows to watch. What activities to participate in. Parental guidance and wisdom is needed in all of these. But the dynamic is never: "I'm the parent and you have no say in the matter".

 

[CandleontheWater]

I think what we are forgetting is that the majority of americans vacation in the same place every year. Be it the same cottage on the beach, the same lake, the same campground or the same amusement park, most people are creatures of habit when it comes to vacationing.

Also I think there is a big different between the parent choosing the destination and the parent dictating every aspect of the vacation. If the parent chose Disney every year, and then forced the teenagers to ride Small World on constant loop, then maybe I'd see why they were whining. If the parent made compromises while ON vacation (I understand you don't like dining with the princesses, how about Blue Zoo instead!- or- I know you're not keen on Animal Kingdom, lets go for the morning, and then spend the afternoon at the pool), then I think the kids don't really have a leg to stand on.

Has anyone thought that perhaps the kids cannot agree on where to vacation, so the parents just step in and make the decision? I know I've talked about how I would have liked to go to more historical sights and museums on vacation, but really, it wouldn't have just been my parents, my brothers would have hated every minute of it! They would have just wanted to go to the beach, which I don't like being very fair and prone to burning. So, we went where my parents wanted, it at least solved the fighting between siblings.

Sometimes its just easier for the parents to take charge and make the big decisions.

 

[JimmyV]

I think what we are forgetting is that the majority of americans vacation in the same place every year.
Citation, please. I don't know that the majority do this at all.

Also I think there is a big different between the parent choosing the destination and the parent dictating every aspect of the vacation. If the parent chose Disney every year, and then forced the teenagers to ride Small World on constant loop, then maybe I'd see why they were whining. I see your point, and it is a good one. BUT, there is a big difference between whining because you don't like something and expressing a desire to do something else. Take "whining" out of the equation. The kids could LOVE WDW. But after 15 consecutive years, they might want to try something new. Why can't the spirit of compromise and reason that was employed to get the kids into bluezoo instead of the Princess meal be employed to get the family to a mutually agreeable alternative destination altogether? Why does the discussion and solution only come about once they are already at WDW?

Has anyone thought that perhaps the kids cannot agree on where to vacation, so the parents just step in and make the decision? I know I've talked about how I would have liked to go to more historical sights and museums on vacation, but really, it wouldn't have just been my parents, my brothers would have hated every minute of it! They would have just wanted to go to the beach, which I don't like being very fair and prone to burning. So, we went where my parents wanted, it at least solved the fighting between siblings.

As it pertains to a particular family in question, you are correct. We are far from understanding the complete picture. I am only commenting in the abstract.

Sometimes its just easier for the parents to take charge and make the big decisions.

The last sentence is all too true. Sometimes parents do what is easiest. Sometimes that is best. Sometimes it is a cop out.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have to admit I am commenting from the conversation I had with that mom whose kids were tired of Disney. That conversation tends to influence how I respond to these threads. This parent told me her two girls would love to go anywhere else but she has no desire so they will go to Disney. It is the only vacation option these kids ever got. She saw nothing wrong with that attitude but that is how she lives her life. My way or the highway. It is why we were never friends, I could not accept that my input was never welcomed. She treats her girls this way as well. They could never go to the water parks........there are water parks at home. Never mind that they never got to go to one at home.

They were never told about the vacation ahead of time, "Get too excited." Never allowed to tour their way............Tour Guide Mike is their guide. Never got to watch a parade.............attraction lines are reduced at that time. Never could stand in character lines, they went to character meals for that. The reality was that she did not want them to "help" plan so they were woken up and told they were going on vacation. Their clothes were packed and in the car. This was their Mom's vacation and every one else was along for her ride.

I guess that is why I dislike hearing that "I pay so what I say goes. Take it or stay home." These girls would have rather stayed home by the time they were teens. Yes, there are families that are not this extreme but as posted in this thread, many of us know "that" parent who does not put one iota of thought into pleasing their children when planning a vacation. The vacation is all about that parent.

I don't know for sure but I bet if the thread was about a family that only was allowed to vacation at Atlantis and the children were begging Mom and Dad to take them to Disney but Mom was obsessed with Atlantis the responses would be a tad different.

 

[JimmyV]

Somehow I get the sense that if the jumping off point of this thread had been that the parents refused to go to WDW and the kids wanted to go, the collective wisdom of this board would take on a whole different perception of parental guidance and flexibility.

I don't know for sure but I bet if the thread was about a family that only was allowed to vacation at Atlantis and the children were begging Mom and Dad to take them to Disney but Mom was obsessed with Atlantis the responses would be a tad different.

Looks like we're pretty much on the same page. Pretty sad when kids don't get to participate in the planning. I love asking my DD where she might like to eat when we are at the 180 day counting mark. Often, her answers surprise me and we go places I never would have expected. It's also great when she mentions one of my favorites as that reinforces what I have planned all these years. But if she ever said: "Let's do Carousel of Progress first and do Space Mountain later in the day", I'd have to pull rank!

 

[Nancyg56]

Looks like we're pretty much on the same page. Pretty sad when kids don't get to participate in the planning. I love asking my DD where she might like to eat when we are at the 180 day counting mark. Often, her answers surprise me and we go places I never would have expected. It's also great when she mentions one of my favorites as that reinforces what I have planned all these years. But if she ever said: "Let's do Carousel of Progress first and do Space Mountain later in the day", I'd have to pull rank!

I love the conversations we have with my DGD as we plan our trips. Two years ago she wanted to "surprise" her Pa and take him to the beach. We had so much fun!

This trip she is very involved. She has been enough times to know places to eat, attractions that are fun and this year she is planning things to do with my DH. He does not go each time and so she is thrilled. I would not trade having her participation for anything!