Soliciting funds for "learning experience" trips

[AndreaDM]

Ugh, just got another one of these letters from a friend's 21 year old daughter yesterday. She's going to India for 3 weeks this summer for a "learning and volunteer" experience, not for college credit or anything, through an organization similar to People to People but for adults. She "can't do this without our help", blah, blah. I told DH I'll be more than happy to pay her to wash my car or baby sit for me if she really needs to earn funds, but I'm not sending someone a check when I can't even afford to take the trip to Scotland we've been dreaming of for years.

Am I just a crotchety old biddy? Do you hand out money for stuff like this? I'm so over the school fundraisers and I thought it would end after high school, but apparently not.

 

[Darcy03231]

Ugh, just got another one of these letters from a friend's 21 year old daughter yesterday. She's going to India for 3 weeks this summer for a "learning and volunteer" experience, not for college credit or anything, through an organization similar to People to People but for adults. She "can't do this without our help", blah, blah. I told DH I'll be more than happy to pay her to wash my car or baby sit for me if she really needs to earn funds, but I'm not sending someone a check when I can't even afford to take the trip to Scotland we've been dreaming of for years.

Am I just a crotchety old biddy? Do you hand out money for stuff like this? I'm so over the school fundraisers and I thought it would end after high school, but apparently not.

No, I'm with you. I don't hand out money for these types of things. If you want your kid to visit a foreign country either the parents need to cough up the money or the kid needs to earn it (or a combination of both).

I have nieces that do destination trips with the girl scouts. I've never been solicited for money to send them on their trips. They're funded through the girl scouts, kids working, and their parents. I usually send them around $50 before they go for spending money, but it's never been requested, just something I want to do. I will say I always get a postcard from whereever they're visiting and a very nice thank you note when they return.

 

[pearlieq]

I'm with you. It's bad enough when kids panhandle, erm, "fundraise", without doing anything to earn the money, but I really can't see it for an adult.

If it were someone I was close to, I might make a contribution in lieu of a gift I would have ordinarily gotten them, but even that would bug me a bit. I hate the idea of reinforcing the concept of shaking down people you know for money for a luxury purchase, which this is.

On the other hand, I really have been wanting to take a world cruise. And I certainly couldn't do it without gobs of money I don't have. Maybe if I sent everyone I know a letter...

 

[AndreaDM]

I wouldn't give her money no matter what her parents make since she's an adult (although still lives at home), but it kinda burns my chaps that we got this letter when her parents each make more than DH and I combined. I'm sure her mother ok'd it and probably even helped because I know she wouldn't have had our address herself. I don't think I ever got a thank you card from the high school graduation or 21st birthday gifts we got her either.

I guess I'm a little annoyed today because this is the 2nd "money grab" invite we've gotten this week and we have a crap ton of medical bills to pay off. We've decided no WDW this year, but are renting a small cottage in Maine for a week instead, so over my dead body am I going to contribute to someone else's international travel. I also have a DD21 and I'd be mortified if she ever thought of sending out these letters!

 

[scrapquitler]

Ugh, just got another one of these letters from a friend's 21 year old daughter yesterday. She's going to India for 3 weeks this summer for a "learning and volunteer" experience, not for college credit or anything, through an organization similar to People to People but for adults. She "can't do this without our help", blah, blah. I told DH I'll be more than happy to pay her to wash my car or baby sit for me if she really needs to earn funds, but I'm not sending someone a check when I can't even afford to take the trip to Scotland we've been dreaming of for years.

Am I just a crotchety old biddy? Do you hand out money for stuff like this? I'm so over the school fundraisers and I thought it would end after high school, but apparently not.

I agree with you. At 21 she's an adult, she should pay for her own trip (or with her parent's help if they are so inclined).

 

[pocomom]

If it is a community service trip and they ask for supplies, like they are building schools and need pencils, I send those. But, especially for an adult, if they are asking for money for the actual trip they need to work, save or fundraise by doing something like a car wash. I mean 21, geez! I would probably make my own kids work for it at that age! Heck they do chores to earn spending money for our trips now!

 

[wilkeliza]

I'm 25 and have asked for donations to my run event fund instead if graduation gifts. I knew that 5 here and there was better than gift cards and nick nacks I would never use. Almost everyone gave or sent gift cards for my equipment and stuff. I would never ask for money outright though. If it isn't her birthday or graduation trip then I wouldn't give anything towards it. I'd rather give my money to friends and family raising money for charity walks and runs over just a fun trip.

 

[AndreaDM]

O, forgot to say the letter stated the total cost of the trip is $6000 and she "couldn't do it without help from all of us". Heck, for 6K my entire family can take one heck of a trip! And no, she didn't ask for any supplies, but there is a website that we can go to to deposit funds directly to her.

I got these from both my niece & nephew who live out of state for "mission trips" they were taking their Sr year of high school (private school). I sent them the $ I was going to send for graduation and if they chose to use it for that purpose, well then that was up to them, but even at that point I thought those letters were so tacky.

There are many, many people who would love to go abroad to "learn and volunteer", but you know what? Most of us can't, so we find ways to help our fellow man right here. There are tons of volunteering opportunities right here at home.

 

[RitaE]

Ugh, just got another one of these letters from a friend's 21 year old daughter yesterday. She's going to India for 3 weeks this summer for a "learning and volunteer" experience, not for college credit or anything, through an organization similar to People to People but for adults. She "can't do this without our help", blah, blah. I told DH I'll be more than happy to pay her to wash my car or baby sit for me if she really needs to earn funds, but I'm not sending someone a check when I can't even afford to take the trip to Scotland we've been dreaming of for years.

Am I just a crotchety old biddy? Do you hand out money for stuff like this? I'm so over the school fundraisers and I thought it would end after high school, but apparently not.

Our church sends a group of teens down to an orphanage in Costa Rica every summer. This is kind of a Rite of Passage experience for the Youth Group. You reach a certain age and that is the year you can take the trip.

This is a topic that comes up frequently. Traditionally, the kids were expected to earn the money to pay for their own travel expenses. That is a year long process of bake sales, rent a kid fundraisers, car washes and all of that. The old Youth Director was quite adamant about the need for them to work to earn those funds. No just standing around with a can asking for spare change or the parents taking gift wrap catalogs into work to annoy their co-workers.

The Church then did their part by collecting and shipping supplies down - school supplies, clothing, cleaning supplies etc etc.

It has all kind of changed with the new Youth Director and it is a big fuss, because anytime Church people start squabbling it is a big fuss. There was a letter in the Bulletin a couple of weeks ago asking for cash donations to help sponsor their trip, etc etc.

I have to admit I prefer the old way. There was just something about "I worked to earn this trip" that seemed to be a huge part of the benefit.

But no. If a 21 year old wants to take a trip she can earn the money. The whole "without your help" thing is entirely false. That trip can easily happen without others paying the bills for her.

 

[mercydisney]

UHM, I'll try.

Dear Friends and Family,
As you all know DD is graduating this year. Please send money because she really needs to go to Disney World. Any amount will do as long as it has Ulysses S. Grant on it.

Sincerely,
Mercy Disney




I really think if she wants to go she needs to get a part time job. I really think parents like your friend are enablers. I am sure whe will be looking at the want ads for her daughter too. When she does not get the job her Mom will be calling asking why DD did not get the job.

 

[AndreaDM]

Our church sends a group of teens down to an orphanage in Costa Rica every summer. This is kind of a Rite of Passage experience for the Youth Group. You reach a certain age and that is the year you can take the trip.

This is a topic that comes up frequently. Traditionally, the kids were expected to earn the money to pay for their own travel expenses. That is a year long process of bake sales, rent a kid fundraisers, car washes and all of that. The old Youth Director was quite adamant about the need for them to work to earn those funds. No just standing around with a can asking for spare change or the parents taking gift wrap catalogs into work to annoy their co-workers.

The Church then did their part by collecting and shipping supplies down - school supplies, clothing, cleaning supplies etc etc.

It has all kind of changed with the new Youth Director and it is a big fuss, because anytime Church people start squabbling it is a big fuss. There was a letter in the Bulletin a couple of weeks ago asking for cash donations to help sponsor their trip, etc etc.

I have to admit I prefer the old way. There was just something about "I worked to earn this trip" that seemed to be a huge part of the benefit.

But no. If a 21 year old wants to take a trip she can earn the money. The whole "without your help" thing is entirely false. That trip can easily happen without others paying the bills for her.

My kids did church trips too (not overseas, but camp, convention, etc.) and had to earn the money. One of the things the youth did was have a garage sale at the church. They did ask for people to donate items they no longer wanted and most people were happy to get rid of things. But, the kids had to sort, price and work the sale and they did quite well. I think they also grilled hot dogs and sold lemonade at the sale. I also think if church members want to contribute, then more power to them, it's something my own parents did, but sending out letters to your parent's friends you see maybe once a year?

 

[AndreaDM]

I really think if she wants to go she needs to get a part time job. I really think parents like your friend are enablers. I am sure whe will be looking at the want ads for her daughter too. When she does not get the job her Mom will be calling asking why DD did not get the job.

O she has a job! She graduated high school with her beautician license. She works at a salon and now takes part time college classes (paid for by her parents) - she wants to become an ultrasound tech. And yes, her mother works at the hospital and is in fact helping her with that! She still lives at home, so really no expenses, no reason she can't pay for the trip with the help of her parents if they so choose.

 

[eMd]

I'm 26, will be 27 in August and I am with you.

At 21 years old if she can't afford it on her own, she shouldn't be going. If at 21 her parents have the extra money to give her for a trip, so be it...otherwise she needs to earn that money herself and not solicit people for it.

If it was her birthday, christmas, a time when people would be giving her gifts...I would maybe request that whatever they would spend on a gift be cash instead for my trip. But I would never solicit money for my own vacation educational or not.

 

[Ephany]

If you want to sell me a product or a service, I'm all for it. I will not donate cash to any mission fund, youth trip, volunteer opportunity etc... Donating supplies or items to be sold doesn't bother me as much because the kids still have to work for the experience.

 

[MomToOne]

I've got an even better one for you: I got one of those letters from my well into middle-age, professional, make a whole-lot-more-than-me BOSS, for a church mission trip to Cambodia. Not to pay for her kids, to actually pay for HER to go. Actually, I've gotten them 3 times now from her - she goes every year or two.

Talk about awkward! It has no place in the workplace, but our HR group doesn't see it as a problem

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

I could never send a letter to friends begging them for money so my adult daughter can go overseas.

You have every right to not give her money. Don't worry about it. you have your own family to support.

 

[ProudMommyof2]

I can not stand any of these. Even, run/bike trips annoy me, though in lieu of a grad gift would be fine. We had a family member go to Alaska to run a marathon for Leukemia foundation and solicited donations. Let's be honest, if you really wanted to help the organization, you would pay your own expenses and make sure every donated dollar went to the charity.

If I want to help out an organization I will donate directly, not fund your "helping" vacation! I have looked into these travel/charity trips. You have to fund raise a certain amount over your expenses. BTW- local run/bike for a charity are a completely different beast.

 

[pocomom]

I've got an even better one for you: I got one of those letters from my well into middle-age, professional, make a whole-lot-more-than-me BOSS, for a church mission trip to Cambodia. Not to pay for her kids, to actually pay for HER to go. Actually, I've gotten them 3 times now from her - she goes every year or two.

Talk about awkward! It has no place in the workplace, but our HR group doesn't see it as a problem

oh my. What did you do? I would kind of feel like I HAD to donate. Of course you could bring it up in your review..."I would of loved to help but, well, you know what I make... "

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I am helping to send my cousin's kid (17) to Paris and Spain this summer. She is an amazing artist and it is an art program through her private high school.

Her parents are paying half and she is coming up a little short on her half.

I am giving her about $300 for the trip and then a couple hundred more for spending money.

I toured Europe a lot in high school and college (I paid), and those experiences were amazing - so I want others to have the same opportunity.

 

[brymolmom]

I can't IMAGINE allowing my child to do this. And honestly I would love to sit and question those who do. Are they in their right minds? Do they realize that kids/adults/people should only be taking vacations if they can afford to do so? OR, alternatively, they could learn a REAL lesson by earning their own money to go on the trip themselves. Most of these types of things, I think are usually at least 9 months before the trip. Let's take the OP's example:

$6,000
9 months = 36 weeks
= $166 per week

It's a lot but I'm guessing by picking up some breakfast or lunch shifts at a local restaurant it would do the trick.

I'm also a bit of a jerk about the sports team fundraisers. Would HAPPILY help out if they want me to pay them to rake and week my yard. But am annoyed when they want me to pay $10 for a 'lottery' ticket that will inevitably just be a contribution. AND that the kids did absolutely ZERO work to organize. They are learning nothing. IMO, if you want your kid to play on that team - you should be paying the bill. ONE EXCEPTION would be when the families truly can't afford it - but I am always asked by people who are making as much if not more than we are - they can afford it, just don't want to pay the extra $500 for the tournaments or whatever.