So who else is a 'young-love sceptic'?

[florida-again]

My mum and step dad both married at young ages, had kids at young ages and got divorced at young ages. Consequently they didn't get to do all the things they wish they had done in the past.

And boy am I paying for their mistakes now! They'd give their right legs for me to not be with BF (we've been together 3 years) They fear I will make the same mistakes they made (I won't!).

I keep telling them, I'm not married, I'm not getting married, I am getting an education and I am seeing the world.....AND I DO NOT NEED TO SPLIT UP WITH BF TO ACHIEVE GREAT THINGS- SO LEAVE ME ALOOONNNNEEEEEEE

I'd be interested to know if any other dis'ers agree with their sentiment?

 

[RyMickey]

My parents met in middle school, dated throughout high school and college, and have been married for 30 happy years...I only wish I could find the right girl so I could be like them. I don't think they feel they missed out on a single thing.

 

[gigglesnort]

Okay, I met my boyfriend young. To say I wish that I had not been so serious would be an understatement. At 32 I now find myself in a situation where I pretty much missed my 20's, am a totally different person than I was when we met, and yes I wish I had lived my life and figured out what I wanted before I got tied down.

I know some people will come on and say that they met their other in high school and are still happy 20 years later, but I'm sorry, I think you may be in the minority.

 

[Disney Doll]

There are exceptions to every rule, but in general I think the person you are in your teens and 20's is not the person you are going to be.

Some folks can learn and grow together, and grow in their relationship together, and some people can't.

I know people who got married young and got divorced, I know people who got married young and remain happy to this day, I know people who got married young and have regrets about not experiencing a lot of life before getting tied down.

Personally, I was 29 when I got married, had done a lot of travelling, had done a lot fo the things I wanted to do, lived a fun single life. I don't feel liek I missed a lot. Plus, my DH isn't the type of guy to tell me what to do or be overly controlling.

The older I get, the more I can tell the difference between married couples who got married young and those who didn't. Those who got married young tend to have the man in the position of power (like "Daddy"). Those who got married older tend to be more equal.

 

[mommaU4]

My DH and I first met in school when we were 13 and started dating at 16. We dated until we were 21 and then married. Our first child was born right after I turned 23. We have had our share of ups and downs, everyone does, but we are still happy and I'm 34 now.

I love that we grew up together and were each others "firsts" as in first kiss, etc. I was able to marry my best friend! It's very special. And when I see some of the losers that are out there on the market to chose from and how hard it is for some of my single friends to make a decent connection, I'm especially grateful for what I have.

Having said all that, I do think we are the exception rather than the rule. It's rare these days to see young love last. I have four kids and honestly don't know how I'll react if they get serious young. I don't want to knock it because it can work out, but I know it's a rare occurance. I'm just lucky I guess.

 

[RadioNate]

While I met my DH at 20 we didn't really get together for several years after that. I LOVED being single in my early 20's! I learned so much about myself that I couldn't have done with a boyfriend.

I dated complete loosers in HS so I can't imagine bing with any of those guys today. I'm sick when I think of all the time I wasted being heartbroken and sad when I went to a different college than the boyfriend I 'loved' at the time. I didn't have a clue what love was and what I was missing out on until I got smart and dumped the loosers and started taking care of myself!

So yeah I guess I'm sceptical of young love. It not really the young part, it's the inexperience part. I believe you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince!

 

[florida-again]

A further question then....

Do you think there is any benefit in doing what my parents do, and driving me CRAZY about it all the time.

BF and I have sustained 2 years in a long distance relationship, been together 3 years in total -- and yet my parents continue their campaign to make me young, free and single.

Examples of this include: lecturing me regularly about not getting tied down, asking me continually if I've met any new nice men (erm...hello....remember my BF???), if BF is late picking me up --commenting that perhaps I've been stood up....etc etc....etc...

Do you think parents should 'guide' their children to this extent?

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

My parents were like that and I wish I listened to them. They got married young (at 18 and 20) and when I was with my exh, they told me not to marry him at such a young age because our tastes will change as we mature. I did anyway (because what do parents know?). We got married at 19 and 20. We divorced 4 years later and I realized that parents aren't always dumb.

 

[gr8tpanther]

HA, I am 37 k? I been married, divorced and had my kids... my mother is on my ALL the time about WHEN I am going to get some stability in my life, BECAUSE I am NOT married AAAAAAAAAAGAIN!!!!!!!!!

I really think that parents need to LEAVE their kids alone! My DD is 11 and she says the following EVERYDAY! "I am not getting married, and I am NOT having kids! I am getting 2 dogs! One for the MAN I don't want, and one for the KID I don't want!"

I support that whole heartedly! too!

Kids need to make their own choices, whether they are right choices or wrong choices, and parents NEED not use THEIR own mistakes to hinder the decision of their child's future! After all, we ALL have to learn from our OWN mistakes, and if we learn from other's, then great, but it is ultimately the mistakes that WE make that impact our OWN lives.

*Stepping down and AWAY from the soap box now*

 

[florida-again]

further to the campaign of making me young free and single, the whole family is in on it....

My grandma called me up recently and asked if I'd met any nice men the night before.

So I said 'no grandma, I have a boyfriend remember?' (she DOES remember, she's only 60! Hardly so old she could forget!)

So she responded 'well it's still ok to have a little dance and a kiss with other boys now and again'....

DO THEY REALLY THINK I'LL FALL FOR THAT? I'M 21 FOR GOODNESS SAKE! AND ACTUALLY IT IS NOT OK TO HAVE A LITTLE DANCE AND A KISS WITH OTHER BOYS NOW AND AGAIN!

 

[gigglesnort]

further to the campaign of making me young free and single, the whole family is in on it....

My grandma called me up recently and asked if I'd met any nice men the night before.

So I said 'no grandma, I have a boyfriend remember?' (she DOES remember, she's only 60! Hardly so old she could forget!)

So she responded 'well it's still ok to have a little dance and a kiss with other boys now and again'....

DO THEY REALLY THINK I'LL FALL FOR THAT? I'M 21 FOR GOODNESS SAKE! AND ACTUALLY IT IS NOT OK TO HAVE A LITTLE DANCE AND A KISS WITH OTHER BOYS NOW AND AGAIN!

and that's where I think you are wrong. You are 21, have fun. Have a few more first kisses, get those butterflies of first dating while you can. It doesn't last! I miss all that and wish I had more of it when I could.

And parent's advice, hmmm, to this day there are still things I'm kicking myself about because I didn't listen to my father.

 

[RadioNate]

A further question then....

Do you think there is any benefit in doing what my parents do, and driving me CRAZY about it all the time.

BF and I have sustained 2 years in a long distance relationship, been together 3 years in total -- and yet my parents continue their campaign to make me young, free and single.

Examples of this include: lecturing me regularly about not getting tied down, asking me continually if I've met any new nice men (erm...hello....remember my BF???), if BF is late picking me up --commenting that perhaps I've been stood up....etc etc....etc...

Do you think parents should 'guide' their children to this extent?

The way I see it in your situation your parents may be seeing something that you aren't. While they may be somewhat tolerant of your relationship they didn't even invite him to your birthday dinner. To me that speaks volumes about their opinion of the guy. You've posted about being sad and depressed about being apart from him. If I were your parent I'd be worried that you are investing too much into this guy at a young age.

My parents were a lot like you've described your parents and like DisneyAddict_M as I've gotten older I realize that they were absolutely correct! I really wish I would have listened to them because they did have my best interest at heart. Looking back there are occasions I wish my parents had pushed harder to seperate me from a boyfriend or two.

I know right now you don't like it at all and are convinced this guy is your forever and while I hope you get lucky and he is, chances are if people in your life are trying to stop the relationship there is something they are seeing that you aren't.

 

[florida-again]

and that's where I think you are wrong. You are 21, have fun. Have a few more first kisses, get those butterflies of first dating while you can. It doesn't last! I miss all that and wish I had more of it when I could.

And parent's advice, hmmm, to this day there are still things I'm kicking myself about because I didn't listen to my father.

I do agree with this to an extent, I know that these are good things to do while I'm young (although pre-BF i did PLENTY of it, more than I should!)
What confuses me, is that while BF and I are together, are very happy together and have great fun together, why would my parents or anyone else think its a good idea for us to not be together?

If we were unhappy/unsure/bored then yes, I totally agree it's time to move on...but as I tell my mother often: If I was to follow her advice and just break up with BF, I would be one darn unhappy young woman!

I have followed my mother's advice in the past if she's thought guys were unsuitable, because in my heart I've known she was right.

But in the case of BF, who still gives me butterflies even three years on, it would go against everything I feel to suddenly break up with him.

 

[RadioNate]

DO THEY REALLY THINK I'LL FALL FOR THAT? I'M 21 FOR GOODNESS SAKE! AND ACTUALLY IT IS NOT OK TO HAVE A LITTLE DANCE AND A KISS WITH OTHER BOYS NOW AND AGAIN!

I actually think it is fine to dance with other boys. I'm happily married and I dance with other guys all the time. My DH doesn't mind at all.

Now I do agree about the kissing but having a little dance is ok.

 

[florida-again]

The way I see it in your situation your parents may be seeing something that you aren't. While they may be somewhat tolerant of your relationship they didn't even invite him to your birthday dinner. To me that speaks volumes about their opinion of the guy

At risk of sounding sweeping...trust me, it's not a personal reflection on BF, he is every mother's 'perfect' SIL, I'm almost 100% sure I would be in the same position no matter who my BF was.

 

[florida-again]

I actually think it is fine to dance with other boys. I'm happily married and I dance with other guys all the time. My DH doesn't mind at all.

Now I do agree about the kissing but having a little dance is ok.

Ok I'll give you the dancing one...but kissing, no way!

 

[florida-again]

I do agree with this to an extent, I know that these are good things to do while I'm young (although pre-BF i did PLENTY of it, more than I should!)
What confuses me, is that while BF and I are together, are very happy together and have great fun together, why would my parents or anyone else think its a good idea for us to not be together?

If we were unhappy/unsure/bored then yes, I totally agree it's time to move on...but as I tell my mother often: If I was to follow her advice and just break up with BF, I would be one darn unhappy young woman!

I have followed my mother's advice in the past if she's thought guys were unsuitable, because in my heart I've known she was right.

But in the case of BF, who still gives me butterflies even three years on, it would go against everything I feel to suddenly break up with him.

I am shamelessly and impatiently bumping my own thread and quoting my own thread!

But before you flame me or ignore me thread....its 12:30am here and I'm really excited to hear the thoughts of you all on the above comment....

and..... erm....if I'm honest, I don't sleep well if I'm looking forward to looking at something on the disboards in the morning....so I'm hoping to get some answers before I go to sleep! I get a bit over excited to sleep sometimes...

Edited to add: in case anyone thinks I'm being a pain in the **** my impatientness is just tongue in cheek, I could sleep really....honestly....

 

[tazz23]

lol! I don't sleep well when i'm expecting an email etc either so ill bump ur thread too
In my opinion, I agree what others said about perhaps your family seeing something in ur guy, that you can't see. Its easy to get swept into falling in love My mum is often right when she hints at one of my relationships, i guess i can be a bit naive!

But if you're truly happy, then thats all that matters really!

 

[florida-again]

lol! I don't sleep well when i'm expecting an email etc either so ill bump ur thread too
In my opinion, I agree what others said about perhaps your family seeing something in ur guy, that you can't see. Its easy to get swept into falling in love My mum is often right when she hints at one of my relationships, i guess i can be a bit naive!

But if you're truly happy, then thats all that matters really!

Thanks, for the bump and for the kind comments.
I'm not so sure about my mum not liking my BF. When I first met him she was so impressed and very encouraging. But when it became clear we were not going to break up despite going to different colleges...her attitude changed entirely.

 

[tazz23]

No problem Maybe she thinks you'll miss out on socialising, meeting new people or your work will suffer? or perhaps its something she regrets? You sound close and if its really bothering you, you should just ask her what she thinks!

On a side note, out of interest- are you at university in london?