So sad, newborn dies when sleeping father rolls onto him

[dismom9761]

Unfortunately this thread hit close to home here.My friend's 7 month old niece died on New Year's day.They don't know if her mother rolled onto her in the bed or if she died of SIDS.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Unfortunately this thread hit close to home here.My friend's 7 month old niece died on New Year's day.They don't know if her mother rolled onto her in the bed or if she died if SIDS.

I'm so sorry to hear of your friends loss.

 

[janette]

I think one of the co-sleeping things would be a must for me. My youngest was a colicky baby and I sometimes took her to bed with me. Usually she'd be next to me, one time she was between DH & I and I woke up as he stirred and almost rolled over on top of her, I put my hand up and moved him out of the way and moved her he did not wake. We had a water bed and the incident scared me badly. I didn't take that risk again, I would sleep in a recliner when the only way she would sleep is while she was held until she was older. I would have loved a co-sleeper but they just didn't make them then or at least I never saw them in the stores.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

But infants, unless they are in a special co-sleeper contraption, simply DO NOT need to be in the same bed as their parents, especially if the parents are going to put the baby in between Mom and Dad. There is TOO much risk that one of them is going to roll over and squish the baby, as happened in the OP's story.

Besides, have you ever attempted to sleep with a wiggling infant? How much sleep did YOU get? It's bad enough to have sleep deprivation because the baby is up every hour and a half or so wanting to eat, play,whatever.

TOV

Slept with DD since she was born until she was 22 months. She still comes in on occasion. It was/is worse sleeping iwth an older child than a newborn. And DS has slept with us (me) since he was born. He is 5 months 1 week.

The baby wakes up to eat when he needs too. For DS it is about every 3-4 hours. Normal for a BF infant. He only stays awake when he has had enough sleep like any child/adult. Sleeping next to me has nothing to do with that.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

These are just my views on this subject. I have a cousin whose husband suffocated their 2 month old while sleeping together on the couch. The baby rolled down between him and the couch cushions and he never woke up until the next morning when the Mom came into the room. It destroyed their family and marriage.

My prayers to this family. What a terrible thing.

If you read up on co-sleeping this is NOT considered safe.
Neither is sleeping with an infant after you have consumed alcohol (you don't have to be drunk) or taking medications that make you drowsy.

After I had DS I had to go to the hospital for a 4th degree tear repair. The dr., knowing I co-slept prescribed me tylenol with codeine. It makes you drowsy. Needless to say I did not take it, but others might not have thought of this.

 

[dopeys biggest fan]

That is sooooo sad. What a tragic thing to happen.

 

[Planogirl]

You know I was the first person last night to post on this thread and then went to bed shortly after. I came back now to check on it and when I saw how much it had grown my first thought was I wonder if these are all posts from people relaying their sympathies for this poor couple or if it has turned into some big debate.

Unfortunately it appears to be the latter.
These sort of "debates" remind me of a dog trying to catch it's tail. Going around and around in circles and accomplishing nothing. The ones who co-cleep are convinced they are right and the ones who say it's wrong are convinced they are right and never the two shall meet.

I just don't understand. Parenting is so hard. We all struggle with it to some degree. What works wonderfully for you may not work at all for your neighbor or best friend. Why can't we all just support each other and realize that when it comes to an issue like this there is no right or wrong. Only personal choices.

I noticed this too. And the debate rages on.

I think it's fine to do whatever works for you. My dh slept too wildly for me to ever have an infant in bed in those days. I was in pretty bad physical shape for a while so I spent a lot of time sleeping in a recliner for comfort anyway with DS next to me in a portable rattan bassinet.

It worked for us. I have no interest in what others do.

 

[Nancy]

Why is this a debate? If you like to sleep with your kids fine, if you want them in another room, fine. If you want them in their own bed in the same room, fine. They are YOUR kids, that is YOUR choice...doesn't mean another choice for someone else is right or wrong. As a parent all you can do is what works for you and your family...why is that hard to understand?

My heart breaks for those that have lost a child through rolling over on them...I don't know how one could get through the rest of their life after that.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I didn't cosleep with my kids, and as of now we're not planning on having any more children. However, if we did have another child, I would seriously consider using a co-sleeper.

I do have a question for those of you who have or presently cosleep with your children. Is there a reason you don't use a cosleeper attached to your bed? This really isn't meant in any judgemental way. I'm just curious what, if anything, you feel the cosleeper takes away from the experience.

 

[grlpwrd]

The parents, Melvin, 39, and Kelly Finke, 36, said they went to sleep about 12:30 a.m. in the master bedroom with the baby. When Kelly Finke awoke about 5 a.m. to feed the baby, she noticed he wasn't breathing...

Hmm...it seems weird that they went to sleep at 12:30am and awakened at about 5am to feed baby. The baby is 3 weeks old - the story doesn't make sense because I have never heard a 3 week old last that long between feedings either breastfed or formula fed.

This may be an isolated incident so I can't make judgment except to say that co-sleeping has been around for centuries. I'm sure there is more to this story...

 

[kbkids]

Hmm...it seems weird that they went to sleep at 12:30am and awakened at about 5am to feed baby. The baby is 3 weeks old - the story doesn't make sense because I have never heard a 3 week old last that long between feedings either breastfed or formula fed.

This may be an isolated incident so I can't make judgment except to say that co-sleeping has been around for centuries. I'm sure there is more to this story...

Well, if you're like me, that baby was my "alarm clock." If the baby didn't cry, I didn't wake up. Maybe she just woke up on her own at 5:00.

Just wanted to add that my second child did this to me the first night we brought him home. He was a preemie and was at the hospital for 10 days before he came home. Just like my other child, we went to sleep, and I expected him to cry when he got woke up hungry. We went to sleep around 10:00 - I woke up at 5:30 - totally freaked me out!! I just knew he had died. It was like those dreams where you're running and still can't get there fast enough. He was in his cradle just a couple of steps away from the bed, and he was totally fine. Of course, he woke up then because I was freaking out! Must say, that didn't last - he woke up every three hours for the next 2 months!

 

[justhat]

I didn't cosleep with my kids, and as of now we're not planning on having any more children. However, if we did have another child, I would seriously consider using a co-sleeper.

I do have a question for those of you who have or presently cosleep with your children. Is there a reason you don't use a cosleeper attached to your bed? This really isn't meant in any judgemental way. I'm just curious what, if anything, you feel the cosleeper takes away from the experience.

Like I posted earlier, we used a cosleeper for the first 3 months then we were out of town for 5 weeks and didn't bring it with us with so much other gear to lug around so Madison generally slept in our bed (some places had pack n' plays or cribs, but others did not so she stayed with us). When we got back home Madison was just around 4.5 months old and was rolling over both ways so it wasn't really safe to keep her in the cosleeper much longer. She went in it another couple of weeks or so, but then she was really too mobile so we tried moving her to the crib, which she wanted no part of by that point. We put her back in the cosleeper and she was okay for about another week, then a few days before she turned 6 months old she learned her to pull herself up to standing so that was the end of sleeping in the cosleeper. There's only one height setting for the 'mattress' so without the option of making it lower she was at a perfect height to pull herself up and fall over the side onto the floor. At that point we moved her into our bed, in between me and the cosleeper which acted as a bed rail. She had been sleeping there on and off over the past 6 weeks or so anyway (she'd start out in the cosleeper, but when I'd pull her into the bed to nurse I'd just leave her there the rest of the night most of the time) so it wasn't a huge change for us. So in our case, it's not that I felt that the cosleeper took anything away from the experience, it was just no longer a safe choice for a mobile baby. She stayed in our bed full time till about 10 months, then went into her crib, where she'd wake up every hour all night long, then when she was 14 months we got her a toddler bed and she did okay with that for awhile. Now she sleeps in an inflatable Pooh toddler bed on the floor next to my bed and is quite happy with that arrangement, though she'd still prefer to sleep in our bed if there were more room!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I didn't cosleep with my kids, and as of now we're not planning on having any more children. However, if we did have another child, I would seriously consider using a co-sleeper.

I do have a question for those of you who have or presently cosleep with your children. Is there a reason you don't use a cosleeper attached to your bed? This really isn't meant in any judgemental way. I'm just curious what, if anything, you feel the cosleeper takes away from the experience.

We have one. DD hated it. She would wake up as soon as I tried to lay her in it from day one. Didn't even bother with DS. It will go on the garage sale this spring. Considered a bassinet with DS, but again, decided not to waste (for us) the money on it. Others like them, but they just weren't for us.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Thank You for answering my question. Trust me, if I've learned one thing about motherhood after 5 1/2 years, it's just how much I don't now about raising children. All our children are lucky to have mothers (and fathers)who feel so passionately about our parenting techniques and our children. I think I would personally feel more comfortable with a cosleeper or one of those snuggle things that fit right in the bed. Of course, I'm the one who tosses and turns in bed. I guess though, it's a moot point if we aren't having any more children.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Thank You for answering my question. Trust me, if I've learned one thing about motherhood after 5 1/2 years, it's just how much I don't now about raising children. All our children are lucky to have mothers (and fathers)who feel so passionately about our parenting techniques and our children. I think I would personally feel more comfortable with a cosleeper or one of those snuggle things that fit right in the bed. Of course, I'm the one who tosses and turns in bed. I guess though, it's a moot point if we aren't having any more children.

After DD moved to her own bed in her own room full time I STILL woke up right before her in the morning for over a year. That wasn't fun for me since she liked to get up at 6am.

 

[Nik's Mom]

Did anyone see the HBO Autopsy special?


How Did Terrie Petrie's Babies Die?

In 2000, an Ontario woman named Terrie Petrie gave birth to a daughter, her second child. Eight days later, the baby was dead, and the cause of death was determined to be SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). A year and a half later, Terrie found out she was pregnant again, this time with twin boys. But three months and one week after the boys were born, they too died mysteriously - both on the same night. With police suspicious and newspapers vilifying her, Terrie wrote Dr. Baden on the Autopsy website, then flew to New York for an interview. Five months, myriad forensic analyses and a polygraph test later, Dr. Baden summoned Terrie back to deliver his opinion as to why the three babies died. As he explains to Terrie, there were four possibilities: 1) genetic abnormality; 2) SIDS; 3) accidental roll-over; and 4) homicide. Dr. Baden's verdict - based on evidence and interviews by both Terrie and her friend Tammy - is "not quite the answer I wanted to hear," confesses a sobbing Terrie.


IMHO, cribs were created for a reason and it wasn't to isolate the baby from the mom. It was to protect them.

I saw that autopsy special and cried. That poor Mom!

On a side note, I think the reason that people recommend not sleeping with your child isn't because fear of roll over. I think it has to do with the puffy blankets and pillows on our beds. As most of you know, big heavy blankets and pillows are not a good idea in a crib.
Sorry to read about Dad's getting a bad rap by some women. My DH has great parental instincts. In fact, he is the one who taught me how to swaddle the baby, change the baby, burp the baby. And he read the breastfeeding literature and helped to get the baby latched on. And when I cried from the pain of nursing, he held my hand and encouraged me. Kudos to all of the great Dads out there!

 

[tiggerlover]

How very tragic, those poor parents.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I saw that autopsy special and cried. That poor Mom!

On a side note, I think the reason that people recommend not sleeping with your child isn't because fear of roll over. I think it has to do with the puffy blankets and pillows on our beds. As most of you know, big heavy blankets and pillows are not a good idea in a crib.
Sorry to read about Dad's getting a bad rap by some women. My DH has great parental instincts. In fact, he is the one who taught me how to swaddle the baby, change the baby, burp the baby. And he read the breastfeeding literature and helped to get the baby latched on. And when I cried from the pain of nursing, he held my hand and encouraged me. Kudos to all of the great Dads out there!

Yes, and if you inform yourself about the do's and don'ts of co-sleeping you will know NOT to sleep with heavy blankets. Plus a good Ped. would tell you this. Mine did.

I will cut and paste since my post seems to keep getting misinterpreted.

When I said instincts I meant it in correlation with co-sleeping. The 'instinct' (and that's probably not even the right word to use) isn't the same as with the Mother which I went on to explain. Not that Dads have bad overall parenting instincts. I mean, I do have a DH and he is a great Father, but we both would not let him sleep with the bay by him. He is too heavy of a sleeper.

 

[jgmklmhem]

We co-slept with our first DD and had no problems. And for those who think that the mother is the one to always be "alert" with my wife that was dead wrong. She was worn out from delivery to BF'ing etc. I was the one who had to wake her up to nurse our daughter. Hey I was just out of college and was currently in grad-school so I did not know what sleep was most of the time. Our 2nd DD was born with mulitple birth defects (cleft palate andcraniosynostosis). We thought because of these problems we would let her sleep in a port-a-crib by our bed. First night home from the hospital she was gagging and whistling and such due to her cleft that I put her on my chest to sleep and she didn't leave but to only feed with mommy. Never rolled her or anything and when she started gagging I was right awake to deal with it. She still sleeps with us occasionaly now at 2.5 yrs. For those who don't think you would get any sleep with the baby in bed with you....don't knock it until you have tried it. I slept much more soundly knowing I would awake immediately if there was a problem since she was on my chest then when we had her at arms length. Also for those who think many docs discourage this activity. At both hospitals (Shand's in Gainesville, FL and Primary Children's in SLC) my daughter had skull reconstructions in they whole heartily recommended co-sleeping in the hospital after release from the ICU (meaning normal room where a real patient bed could be brought in for my wife to sleep with her) and this is when my daughters skull had pretty much been removed in most places and I would have thought it most dangerous. The doctors said the comfort level of having mommy right there would ease some of the pain and anxiety and in turn help the healing process.

 

[marybet]

Hmm...it seems weird that they went to sleep at 12:30am and awakened at about 5am to feed baby. The baby is 3 weeks old - the story doesn't make sense because I have never heard a 3 week old last that long between feedings either breastfed or formula fed.

This may be an isolated incident so I can't make judgment except to say that co-sleeping has been around for centuries. I'm sure there is more to this story...

My second son slept from 11 pm to 7 am when he was only a few weeks old. He was drinking 7 oz. of formula at each feeding. So yes, some babies do sleep that long.