so my "friend" confirmed she was using me

[luvmyfam444]

on Fri. I had this feeling that she might - so I've managed to put off play dates with our girls for a while - actaully she's only asked a couple of times -she doesn't call - just texts.

She txtd on Thurs & I said No -figured she needed me to babysit - told her maybe Fri. SOOO on Fri she txts just before school gets out & asks for her daughter to ride home with dd - so I say ok & get her @ 2:45
at 5:15 or so I have still heard NOTHING from mom - so I text her. She txts back - oh I have to work - can I come by and pick her up when I get off @ 9:00

She didn't ask me to babysit - they were supposed to just be playing. Told her dh would take her home - she says her dh isn't home - so I can't - so I told her I'd bring her to work - so dh did - I did feed her - had enough food cooked 'cause I was minus 1 child that night.

FWIW she just works with the highschool - she takes her often.

Wouldn't you be TICKED! Im guessing if I'd not txtd her I would have heard NOTHING til she showed up @ 9pm.

Needless to say -no more playdates - its sad 'cause dd really likes her. BUT this has happened before - just not to this extreme in a while.

 

[Bluestars]

Yes, that would upset me. I would do exactly the same thing as you are doing and not schedule any more play dates. What she did was wrong. I guess the only safe play dates would be to meet at a park or something.

 

[diznygirl]

I have no problem with a friend asking me to babysit when in a bind - but if they are sending her around to her friends to avoid paying for childcare - well, that's just not right. If they can't afford it, they can at least be up front with people and ask for help. They would probably be surprised to find that people are willing to help if they are honest about it.

 

[luvmyfam444]

Yes, exactly, I have no problem helping her out. Her dd is usually not a problem at all - though the longer she's here they can begin to fight - but as long as I know I'm babysitting I know how to plan the kids afternoon better - snack, outside playtime, quiet (tv) time, supper that kind of thing. If I only have them like 2 hrs there's no tv/computer allowed unless its a rainy day.

So, I think we'll be meeting @ the park from here on out

 

[Princesa]

Yep, this would irritate me... I have a friend that does the same thing!

She calls and it's never "I'm really in a bind...could you manage to watch her tomorrow?" it's "What are you doing tomorrow?" If I don't come up with a good plan quick, she's at our house at the crack of dawn. Again, she's a sweet kid, and like you, don't even mind having her here as my daughter plays really well with her and they enjoy the day. It's just the fact of feeling used.

NEVER has she offered to watch mine on a day off school... she's either working or "took the day off because she knew it was a school break and has plans" How convenient. So my kids go to childcare that I get to pay for, and then she forgets and tells me later how they just stayed at home all day in their jammies for a great day off. Sigh.

Really wish I would just start saying no, but it's complicated, and I really care about her child. But if I say that we are going to be doing x, y, and z which will involve eating lunch out somewhere in between two soccer games..could you at least send along $5 for her Happy Meal so I don't babysit for 9 hours for free and lose money doing it?

Sorry for the rant...apparently I'm a bit bitter that I had the day off school and didn't get to sleep in because she was here first thing...

 

[DizBelle]

on Fri. I had this feeling that she might - so I've managed to put off play dates with our girls for a while - actaully she's only asked a couple of times -she doesn't call - just texts.

She txtd on Thurs & I said No -figured she needed me to babysit - told her maybe Fri. SOOO on Fri she txts just before school gets out & asks for her daughter to ride home with dd - so I say ok & get her @ 2:45
at 5:15 or so I have still heard NOTHING from mom - so I text her. She txts back - oh I have to work - can I come by and pick her up when I get off @ 9:00

She didn't ask me to babysit - they were supposed to just be playing. Told her dh would take her home - she says her dh isn't home - so I can't - so I told her I'd bring her to work - so dh did - I did feed her - had enough food cooked 'cause I was minus 1 child that night.

FWIW she just works with the highschool - she takes her often.

Wouldn't you be TICKED! Im guessing if I'd not txtd her I would have heard NOTHING til she showed up @ 9pm.

Needless to say -no more playdates - its sad 'cause dd really likes her. BUT this has happened before - just not to this extreme in a while.

How about no more open ended play dates. Get the specified end time of the play date from her. What time will she pick her up or what time should you bring her back home. Or just TELL her what time she need to pick up her dd or what time you will have her back home.

But, I'd be afraid she wouldn't stick with the end time.

How in the world does "can my dd ride home from school with you" turn into 6 hours of babysitting?!?!?!?!? How can your "friend" think this is ok?

 

[RitaZ.]

How in the world does "can my dd ride home from school with you" turn into 6 hours of babysitting?!?!?!?!? How can your "friend" think this is ok?

Women that pull this crap always come up with some kind of justification. I have known a few over the years and I know that they didn't feel any kind of remorse for imposing on their friend and family. It's a shame because the kids are the ones that get penalized for mom's selfishness.

 

[ScottOKW2K]

The best thing to do in a case like this - tell the truth. If your "friend" is truly a friend she will understand that she has been too one sided in this relationship and will adjust accordingly. If she is not a friend, she will likely go away in a huff and probably not speak to you again. Either way the situation works out to the better for you.

There are several things I have learned in life :
- You cannot control what others think and do. What you can control is how you choose to react to that.
- You can only be "used" if you allow yourself to be.

Good Luck. I hope this works out for you.

 

[scrapbookworm]

We had that happen a few times, with a friend of DD's. She would call nearly every Sat, wanting to come over to play. Turns out that her parents were taking that time to go do work at their daycare. I started to wonder if they were putting the girl up to it. I counted 10x in one year they promised DD that she could come over the next day (or something along those lines), and they NEVER followed through. NEVER. I hate being lied to, and I hate lying to my child even more. I know that they would 'invite' DD over for the next day, but then wouldn't call. At first, I wouldn't call them, b/c I felt it was rude, but then I decided to let DD start calling them when they flaked. They didn't answer the phone.

I got tired of being used for free babysitting, but yet they wouldn't keep a child unless being paid $$. kwim?

Anyway, it got to the point where if DD and I had any sort of plans that day, I wouldn't even answer the phone when the child called. DD would try to call the girl sometimes, and they would never answer the phone. I felt like respect is a 2 way street, and was very annoyed with the whole situation. One time while we were gone on a GS event, the child called 6 times within an hour.

The friendship cooled off on its on. I don't 'hate' those people, but I don't need that kind of treatment. I work full time as well. We used their daycare for several years until DD started school, and we only needed after school care for a short while after that. I also had the impression that once we no longer needed their services, we weren't in the circle anymore, lol.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

on Fri. I had this feeling that she might - so I've managed to put off play dates with our girls for a while - actaully she's only asked a couple of times -she doesn't call - just texts.

She txtd on Thurs & I said No -figured she needed me to babysit - told her maybe Fri. SOOO on Fri she txts just before school gets out & asks for her daughter to ride home with dd - so I say ok & get her @ 2:45
at 5:15 or so I have still heard NOTHING from mom - so I text her. She txts back - oh I have to work - can I come by and pick her up when I get off @ 9:00

She didn't ask me to babysit - they were supposed to just be playing. Told her dh would take her home - she says her dh isn't home - so I can't - so I told her I'd bring her to work - so dh did - I did feed her - had enough food cooked 'cause I was minus 1 child that night.

FWIW she just works with the highschool - she takes her often.

Wouldn't you be TICKED! Im guessing if I'd not txtd her I would have heard NOTHING til she showed up @ 9pm.

Needless to say -no more playdates - its sad 'cause dd really likes her. BUT this has happened before - just not to this extreme in a while.

Just have to ask... is this the same friend that gave the used stuffed animals to your child as a birthday gift?

Not nice to not let you know ahead of time as you might have had plans.

But..if this is the same person, perhaps she was too embarrassed to admit that she couldn't afford daycare, and thought, as a friend, you would understand her situation since you already knew about the birthday present.

However, still not ok to not tell you that she wasn't coming till 9pm!

 

[disneymom3]

I have no problem with a friend asking me to babysit when in a bind - but if they are sending her around to her friends to avoid paying for childcare - well, that's just not right. If they can't afford it, they can at least be up front with people and ask for help. They would probably be surprised to find that people are willing to help if they are honest about it.

A friend of mine was in this situation. Not trying to get free daycare but unwittingly being the provider of it. She figured out after about three five hours Friday playdates that this mom of her DDs friend was going to work. Turns out the little girl was spending Tuesdays here, Weds there etc. CRazy.

We have some kids who live occasionally nearby--when they come to stay with their dad. Practically the entire time they are at their dad's house, they are basically at my house. We found out a couple of months ago that one of the days they were here all day, their dad and step mom were at a wedding! Now the oldest is 11. Sort of old enough to be left alone but not telling us when he was at our house that they were gone, really ticked me off.