So I guess I might need some help...

[Hydani]

I thought I could get over this alone, but it's really not working. My girlfriend of almost 14 months broke up with me on Monday. Most people would say that it wasn't that long of a relationship. However, her and I pretty much knew that we were going to get married one day. We just... had a great connection. Everything was going great until about a week ago, when she started telling me that she didn't think it was going to work and whatnot. Then on Monday, she finally broke up with me. She proceeded to tell me that she loves me and wants to be my friend. When I told her that I didn't really want to be her friend, she in turn told me that it was the most selfish thing I'd ever do if I went through with it.

She reminds me all the time how much she gave up for me. She lost her old friends when she became friends with me because I was out, but she hadn't even come out to her best friend. Turns out that her best friend wouldn't talk to her anymore because she didn't want to be associated with a *insert horrible name for lesbian here*. But, it's my fault that her friends left her. Now that we're broken up, I really have no friends anymore, they were all mutual and definitely liked being around her more.

And about my Disney trip? I don't even know what's happening there. I think it would be really uncomfortable to go with her, but I want to go and don't have the money to go alone. Ahh, well I'm just having a really difficult time and thought maybe it would be nice to just, get it out of my system. Thanks for reading guys.

 

[HelenParr]

Hydani,

This can only sound cliche, so I apologize for that, but...it really is going to get easier, and you will get through this. Time is the key.

My opinion only but don't go to Disney World with her. Wait until you can afford it yourself, or when you can go with somone that actually makes you happy (friend, family, sign. other). Your relationshipo ending is hard enough -- don't take the chance of a tense, unhappy vacation (and extra risk of making WDW an unhappy place for you).

It may be hard to digest, particularly right now, but it's not a great sign if someone is always reminding you of what they gave up for you. People are responsible for their own choices. Making you feel guilty about it is uncool.

Hang in there.

 

[soulmates]

I wish I had the words you need right now...ending a relationship is always tough.You'll go through stages and again, like the other poster said, TIME really is the key. I hope by the time your trip comes around your in a better place. Things will work out for the trip, the RIGHT person will go with you. Take care and hang in there!

 

[Hydani]

Thanks guys. Yeah, that's what I hear. Time will fix everything. I hope that's true. Either that or she comes back. Well, we'll see I guess.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I'm sorry. Sending you good thoughts. This is one of those sucky things that you just have to survive. No shortcuts, unfortunately. Be kind to yourself.

 

[kingLouiethe1]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles babe

I'm going to say something, and you're going to hate hearing it, because I used to hate it too, and it makes me sound old . . . .

But, you are still so young, and you've got so many experiences ahead of you. The person you are now isn't the same person you'll be in four years, and then there's a whole new shift coming in your mid 20's. It's just kind of hard to grow and really become that person you're going to be when you're in a relationship.

And, you had nothing to do with her losing her friends, coming out is always a personal choice. When I was in the closet, I stayed single because it was easier, but once I was out of the closet, I refused to date closeted guys. That's not me forcing anyone out of the closet, that's me wanting to be true to myself.

And one more thing. You don't have to be friends with her. And even if you wanted to, sometimes it takes a little time and distance for those feelings of longing and hurt to disappear before you can be ready to be friends with an ex.

 

[soulmates]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles babe

I'm going to say something, and you're going to hate hearing it, because I used to hate it too, and it makes me sound old . . . .

But, you are still so young, and you've got so many experiences ahead of you. The person you are now isn't the same person you'll be in four years, and then there's a whole new shift coming in your mid 20's. It's just kind of hard to grow and really become that person you're going to be when you're in a relationship.

And, you had nothing to do with her losing her friends, coming out is always a personal choice. When I was in the closet, I stayed single because it was easier, but once I was out of the closet, I refused to date closeted guys. That's not me forcing anyone out of the closet, that's me wanting to be true to myself.

And one more thing. You don't have to be friends with her. And even if you wanted to, sometimes it takes a little time and distance for those feelings of longing and hurt to disappear before you can be ready to be friends with an ex.

Your a wise OLD man!

 

[kingLouiethe1]

Your a wise OLD man!

Ah young tadpole, the true measure of wisdom is realizing how little we really know.

 

[soulmates]

Ah young tadpole, the true measure of wisdom is realizing how little we really know.

 

[2GirlsMama]

Hydani, I am so sorry your heart is hurting. I think you got some really great advice from Louie. He said exactly what I was thinking, too.

I hope the healing starts soon. It is so difficult to have a broken heart.

 

[jjjmranch]

Breaking up always hurts. It hurts worse when the guilt is applied to the break-up too. Take it one day at a time, realize your self-worth and heal.

 

[hematite153]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I agree that you've already gotten some great advice.

We are all responsible for our own decisions and if she is focusing on the idea that she gave things up for you and lost friends because of you then she's not taking responsibility for her decisions and that doesn't make for a good relationship.

I wouldn't go on vacation with her...it's not worth the risk of having a bad time in WDW.

Good luck getting through the early days.

 

[Hydani]

Thanks everyone... Everyone has made some great points... I'm hoping this week will be the hardest one to go through. I'm just excited for this all to be over. I can't wait to start feeling like myself again. Thanks everyone for your contributions

 

[chaoscent]

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. It isn't easy to lose someone you love. I think it is even harder to be friends with them without some time and space to heal. Mantras that got me through the days and nights were "this too shall pass", tomorrow is another day and it could be worse, because it could be. Sending you pixie dust and healing thoughts. Penny

 

[TagsMissy]

I am sorry to hear about your breakup -- take it from someone who went on a trip with my ex after a breakup ((Disneyland ironically)) because it was paid for and was within a couple weeks of the parting. I was 20 lor 21 and the trip was NOT fun. I was grateful a mutual friend was there to help ease off the pressure and awkwardness. And I in my midn 30s am NOT the same person I was then. I am far better off without my ex who I was going to marry. It hurts like an SOB I know but you will gain strength from it and add another layer toward the completion of you.

Remember, despite the crap about a partner completing you... Your partner doesn't complete you. You complete you; your partner compliments you.

 

[DouglasE]

Sorry to hear about the end of your relationship. From your description it sounds like the end was rather abrupt for you. That had to have been difficult. You were together for over a year. That's a significant amount of time. If I were in your shoes I would need time and distance too so don't think you are crazy for wanting that.

You have gotten excellent input and advice from others on the board. Besides saying, "ditto", I suggest something in addition.

Develop a network of friends. Join some kind of activity where you can make connections with others whether it's a football team, reading group, a chorus, etc. Find a structured outlet that can provide a social network for you. You make one friend and then that friend introduces you to other friends. It is a slow process. One word of caution: don't expect to have a new network of friends overnight. Having people that are there for you is priceless.

Stand strong sistah!

 

[TagsMissy]

Develop a network of friends. Join some kind of activity where you can make connections with others whether it's a football team, reading group, a chorus, etc. Find a structured outlet that can provide a social network for you. You make one friend and then that friend introduces you to other friends. It is a slow process. One word of caution: don't expect to have a new network of friends overnight. Having people that are there for you is priceless.

Stand strong sistah!

Very good suggestion... spring is around the corner so there will be softball, ultimate Frisbee, etc starting soon. Or if you want to get aggression out join an adult dodgeball team. Great way to get out steam and meet new friends. If sports isn't your thing, maybe do some volunteer work somewhere. Slowly but surely you will build a new network of friends.

Also don't count out your current friends; I try and not make judgment in relationships as the decision to split is a personal one between the couple and does not necessarily affect friendships. I have numerous friends of mine that were once couples and after the split I've remained friends with both. We just don't do stuff all together.

 

[hematite153]

Also don't count out your current friends; I try and not make judgment in relationships as the decision to split is a personal one between the couple and does not necessarily affect friendships. I have numerous friends of mine that were once couples and after the split I've remained friends with both. We just don't do stuff all together.

I have also been friends with exes, so, I know it can work well. But, it doesn't always work out and you need to follow your heart in the matter.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I don't think you can be friends with an ex that you still have feelings for. At least, *I* can't be friends with an ex I still have feelings for. Of course I have been with DH for almost 20 years so it has been quite awhile since I had an ex.

 

[TagsMissy]

I have also been friends with exes, so, I know it can work well. But, it doesn't always work out and you need to follow your heart in the matter.

I didn't mean be a friend with an ex... but current friends won't necessarily abandon you.