so I gave dd lunch $ & she used it for somethining else

[luvmyfam444]

how would you punish her? (she's 12)
She took the money ($5) & bought a ticket to a powder puff game @ school (which we would have given her the $ for if she'd asked - & it wasn't even due yet)

She was told specifically to only spend that $ on her lunch - so it was COMPLETE disobedience. In fact that day she didn't eat lunch cause she didn't have any in her account.

My thought is to go to the school & make her give the ticket back & make her miss the powder puff game.

BUT I'm worried about her being made fun of because of her not going (most EVERYONE will be going)

I'm pretty sure it will teach her a lesson if I do that....

BUT I also don't want to embarrass her - I can hear the kids now - "you're mommy comes to the school to punish you..." something like that.

I have nothing to take a way from her really (no extra curr activites - no allowance)

 

[Holly]

She went without lunch, which seems like a decent natural consequence to me.


I would leave it at that at her age.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would not even care about that. I don't understand micromanaging your children to death. That would not even concern me.

You say her lunch account has nothing in it? Make sure her account has money for lunch or make her bring her lunch when you do not have money for the lunch account. Problem solved.

 

[luvsJack]

Sounds like she was willing to take the natural consequence of not eating lunch so that she could go to the powder puff game.

I would probably take dd's computer or phone for a day or two for disobeying. And then we would try to figure out how to prevent this problem in the future.

Dd has a little change purse hidden in her book bag. It has (or had, not sure how much right at the moment) $10 in it. This is for unexpected things that she may forget to ask for money for or need money for,etc.

 

[golfgal]

She went without lunch, which seems like a decent natural consequence to me.


I would leave it at that at her age.

I agree-she chose to go without lunch vs the football game. End of story. Next time give her a check for lunch money.

 

[LilyWDW]

how would you punish her? (she's 12)
She took the money ($5) & bought a ticket to a powder puff game @ school (which we would have given her the $ for if she'd asked - & it wasn't even due yet)

She was told specifically to only spend that $ on her lunch - so it was COMPLETE disobedience. In fact that day she didn't eat lunch cause she didn't have any in her account.

My thought is to go to the school & make her give the ticket back & make her miss the powder puff game.

BUT I'm worried about her being made fun of because of her not going (most EVERYONE will be going)

I'm pretty sure it will teach her a lesson if I do that....

BUT I also don't want to embarrass her - I can hear the kids now - "you're mommy comes to the school to punish you..." something like that.

I have nothing to take a way from her really (no extra curr activites - no allowance)

Reread and thought to myself... what the heck post was i reading the first time...

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Well my first thought was she wasn't hungry and maybe she was worried they would sell out of tickets so she figured she'd use the lunch money for the ticket instead? I guess I don't see the big deal, I mean, if you were going to give her money for the game anyway, it isn't like she spent the money at the bookstore or someplace yo uwern't going to give her money for.

My DD16 has used her lunch money to buy tickets to dances and stuff when she heard tickets were running low. I don't know, my personal opinion is pick your battles. But, that is just one opinion.

 

[Suz725]

She needs to earn the money back by doing extra work around the house AND enough to pay for the ticket again (so a total of $10). She also will not be getting any money for lunch for the rest of the school year and will have to pack her own (to the extent she can).

You're kidding right?

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would not even care about that. I don't understand micromanaging your children to death. That would not even concern me.

You say her lunch account has nothing in it? Make sure her account has money for lunch or make her bring her lunch when you do not have money for the lunch account. Problem solved.

I have to agree with this.

 

[agnes!]

She made her decision, the game was more important to her than getting lunch, sometimes fun is just more important than eating! Beside, 12 is really old enough to be able to make her own peanut-butter sandwiches or whatever for lunch.

Yeah, don't go to school and do all that...pick your battles. Maybe actually sit down and talk to her, ask her why she made that choice and if she is happy with the outcome.

agnes!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Unless there is more to the story...

1. She did without lunch.... natural consequences.
2.. By your own words, probably EVERYONE is going (and that is the bottom line at that age). I have to wonder why she was so hesitant to ask for five bucks for something like this? Why would she have been hesitant/afraid.
3. I don't think punishing and micromanagement (why I am thinking she may have been so hesitant to ask) are not the way to go. If you want to make sure she eats, write a check to the school to keep her lunch account funded.

If there is micromanagement and judgment and punishment going on over things like this.... kids will only be more likely to keep more and more things like this from their parents as they get older.... There will likely be real issues (not just powder puff) in the near future.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

She went without lunch, which seems like a decent natural consequence to me.


I would leave it at that at her age.

Yep. ITA. She pretty much punished herself by not eating!

 

[LilyWDW]

You're kidding right?

Sort of...

I am a bit off my game this morning I think. I was woken up to a storm that REALLY freaked me out. I mean, the trees were being bent in half and rain was coming in sideways. It reminded me of what I had seen on TV over the year of hurricanes.

So yea, I reread what I wrote and had to laugh at myself. I would still say she owes the $5 back to her parents as it was not hers to spend the way she did.

 

[kellyg403]

I agree with the others that not having lunch and being hungry are natural consequences of her actions. For whatever reason she decided to use her lunch money for the ticket that day. Could have been a friend that said today is the last day, or she was worried there would be no more tickets. It sounds like the game was very important to her.

That being said, since you specifically asked her NOT to use the money for anything but lunch, I would agree that you will have to have some type of reaction at home, not school. At this age, I always felt it was very important to say "Please do not use this money for anything but lunch and if you do you will be staying home this weekend'. They needed to know when making choices, what their options/consequences are. 12 is right about the time peer pressure starts, decision making etc.

So honestly, it is very important that she listen when she is specifically told to something. Now, more than ever as she navigates the teen years. I would probably sit her down and calmly remind her of what you said and then have a consequence at home, like raking leaves on Sat afternoon, or missing a tv show. Really this is a blip in the radar. I wouldn't punish anything that involves friends or school for something that really isn't serious.

Again, at 12 picking your battles is a necessary evil.

Kelly

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Why would she have been hesitant/afraid.
3. I don't think punishing and micromanagement (why I am thinking she may have been so hesitant to ask) are not the way to go.

If she's anything like my 11 year old, it wouldn't have been fear of asking, it would have been forgetting. This is my child's first year of middle school, and juggling different assignments from different teachers, and lunch money, and permission slips, and extracurriculars is a lot. He has actually remembered almost everything, but I can imagine something like this slipping his mind and then being embarassed to admit to his friends that he had forgotten and "solving" the problem on his own.

I pay for lunch, that's my responsibility, and I do it because it's important to ME that my kid have enough energy to do well in the afternoon -- my son doesn't have the right to take the money I allocate for lunch and spend it on something else, any more than he can tell me at the mall "Don't buy me pants this year, I'll just wear my bathing suit all year and use that money to play video games at the arcade."

If my child had come home and said "I realized I forgot to ask you, it was important to me so I used the money, I'll pay you back." I might say "actually I would have paid for it if you'd asked, so it's fine". Or "OK, you owe me $5, here's a chore you can do to earn it". That would be the end.

If my child had tried to hide it, then the ticket wouldn't be used. I wouldn't walk in to school, I'd consider that a $5 donation I'd made to the school, but I'd simply not use it. If I knew another family for whom $5 was a hardship, I might slip the ticket to them, but not in a way that embarassed my child.

 

[Molliday]

Am I the only one that would have been more concerned that my child went without lunch, in order to attend the game?

If you would have given her the extra $5 had she asked, then what is the big deal? It's not like she took an extra $5 out of your pocketbook. She did without, and she paid the consequence already.

 

[scrapquitler]

She went without lunch, which seems like a decent natural consequence to me.


I would leave it at that at her age.

I agree with this. You would have gotten her the ticket to the game anyway, and you can't go back and force her to eat the lunch. If she was hungry all afternoon, then that's a natural consequence.

 

[jsmith]

seriously? She's 12-going to that game with everyone else is wayyyyyyyyy more important than lunch. She went with out lunch-thats punishment enough-and mom needs to chill out a little-cause trust me this is along way from the last time this is going to happen. yea she disobeyed-but come on mom-shes 12-is it really reasonable "punish" her in some of the ways you talked about-because alienating an almost teenager will have long consequenses. So i would definately not go with any of the going into the school options-you could keep her home from the game-but personally i would make her work off the $5 for lunches and $5 for the ticket and call it good-she needs some decision making powers-and she needs to learn about making bad ones-with out being humiliated and as someone else said-micromanaged.

 

[Magpie]

I'd let it go - she missed lunch, she got hungry, that's consequence enough. Missing one meal isn't a crime.

Besides, since you were willing to pay for the game in the first place, this means you came out 5$ ahead on this deal!

In future, though, I wouldn't give her money for lunch, since you can't be sure what she'll spend it on. I'd just pack her a sandwich or top up her lunch account. Honestly, she's 12, and she's got money in her pocket. I know if that was my 12yo son, odds are good he'd use my money to buy chocolate bars and lattes and call it "lunch".

 

[tinker&belle]

I know that I've forgotten money earmarked at times and had to figure something out, my guess is that what she was doing (problem-solving) which is something that will come up as she gets to be older so I would chalk it up to life experience. I would be more worried she missed lunch.