so I gave dd lunch $ & she used it for somethining else

[Hannathy]

Wow I can't believe this question! Are you serious?

I'm thinking great she made a decision on her own and was pro active and solved a problem. Just what I want her learning to do and why I am raising her to be an independent thinker and problem solver. OP you made a mistake. You knew about the game and didn't give her money for a ticket and who knows they may have said in school the tickets are going fast, we won't sell more when they are gone, or time is running out, something that made it a priority in her mind and she said to her self I have $5 either eat or get the ticket that I really want and they may not have tomorrow. She chose the ticket and had to go without lunch but did it on her own..

I say YEAH way to go learning to make choices with consequences and decisions.

PS I"d be very annoyed at myself that I put her in the spot to have to make that choice, I should have given her the money for the ticket AND lunch.

 

[jodifla]

Yikes! You would have thought she used her lunch money to buy drugs with your reaction.


I agree...this was just good problem solving on her part. We all do this as adults, don't we, when we have limited funds?

OP, your daughter has a scant few years before she's an adult out on her own. There's no need to micromanage her daily existence.

 

[Christine]

Had you previously forbidden her to go to the powder puff football game? If so, then she was sneaking. If not, then nothing's wrong.

 

[csjordan]

I know that I've forgotten money earmarked at times and had to figure something out, my guess is that what she was doing (problem-solving) which is something that will come up as she gets to be older so I would chalk it up to life experience. I would be more worried she missed lunch.

I wouldn't call complete disobedience "problem solving" or a "life experience". She was told specifically not to spend the $$ on anything but lunch. Apparently is wasn't the "last day" the tickets were being sold, as the OP said the money wasn't even due yet. That wouldn't have even been a valid excuse if it were me, anyway. If she wanted to go to the game, she should have asked permission and gotten the $$ for the ticket from her parents.

She should have a consequence to bad decision. I wouldn't embarrass her, but at 12 she needs to be taught there are consequences to our decisions. She is not a toddler. She should know right from wrong, and if it's not taught early-on, there will be trouble in the teenage years. JMHO.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ds12 gets $15 a week for lunch, dd14 gets $20 (they go out at lunch). They can spend the money anyway they want. If they spend too much one day, they'll have to cut back the next day. I remember spending my lunch money on cigarettes and candy. They don't get an allowance. Dd14 babysits regularly, and ds12 does chores for my parents and their neighbors (weeding, trimming hedges...). I use the lunch money as a lesson in money management.

 

[Pigeon]

In my house, she'd miss the powder puff game and she'd be bringing her lunch from home for a couple of weeks.

I don't have any problem at all with my kids being embarrassed by stuff that they brought on themselves. That's part of the consequences.

 

[kymmyk13]

There has to be more to this, but OP is freaking out about nothing. If this is the biggest problem you are having with your child consider yourself lucky. I fear for you if you keep being this hard on her, she is going to rebel and you will have much bigger problem. If you are concerned about where lunch money is going then write a check. But you really need to chill. When I wa in HS over 20 years ago I never bought lunch with my lunch money, I always saved it for the weekends.

 

[gracie1]

In your post you mentioned that you told her the money was specifically for lunch and not for anything else. You also mentioned that you would have given her the money anyways for the tickets. So I'm not seeing what your so upset about since you would have given her the money regardless. Did she ask you in advance about getting the tickets??

I used to do the same thing with lunch money.

 

[palmtreegirl]

That's not something I'd hand out a punishment for, I'd just talk to her and explain that in the future I want her to eat lunch and if there's something extra she needs money for just ask me.

 

[Stitchfans]

She went without lunch, which seems like a decent natural consequence to me.


I would leave it at that at her age.

I agree with this person.

 

[ChrizJen]

Yep, I have to agree that at her age, skipping lunch for something she wanted instead, while not the smartest thing in the world, is not really punishable. She made the sacrifice to go without lunch. Maybe that was her idea of taking some responsibility for herself. Kids at that age are beginning to come into their own and are looking for independence.

I wouldn't punish her, but I'd probably mention to her that it's not really healthy to skip meals. And I'd also remind her that if she has something she really needs money for, to come to me and ask. Maybe even suggest ways she can start earning a little extra money around the house.

 

[HM]

It wouldn't have bothered me much at all. My kids who are 15 and 17 now, tell me that they only hear about half of what I tell them these days. It's entirely possible the 12 yr old didn't really take in the part about only spending the money on lunch when mom handed it to her. She might have thought she'd forget to ask for powder puff money later, had the right amount with her and thought, I'll just do it now and be safe. OP, you have to try and think like a 12 yr old when this type of thing happens. I don't think she 'deliberately' disobeyed your instructions. Don't be hard on her.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Am I the only one that would have been more concerned that my child went without lunch, in order to attend the game?If you would have given her the extra $5 had she asked, then what is the big deal? It's not like she took an extra $5 out of your pocketbook. She did without, and she paid the consequence already.

Why would I be concerned? A 12 year old isn't going to die from missing one lousy school lunch.

 

[barkley]

I wouldn't call complete disobedience "problem solving" or a "life experience". She was told specifically not to spend the $$ on anything but lunch. Apparently is wasn't the "last day" the tickets were being sold, as the OP said the money wasn't even due yet. That wouldn't have even been a valid excuse if it were me, anyway. If she wanted to go to the game, she should have asked permission and gotten the $$ for the ticket from her parents.

She should have a consequence to bad decision. I wouldn't embarrass her, but at 12 she needs to be taught there are consequences to our decisions. She is not a toddler. She should know right from wrong, and if it's not taught early-on, there will be trouble in the teenage years. JMHO.

i agree.

i have to wonder what's happened in the past that would cause the mom to have to specificly tell the kid that the money could be spent on nothing other than lunch-is there a history of deception with what the lunch or other monies given to her were being used for?

if i told dd that money was for an expressed purpose and she opted to use it for something else, that something else would be gone. in this case the ticket to the game would be of no use since she would not be attending. i don't care if it was the last day to purchase it-if i say money is for an expressed purpose it's for that purpose (if it was actualy the last day and dd spaced on telling me, then not attending would be the "natural consequence" of her inaction).

give me a break-it will not kill a kid to miss a powder puff game, i seriously doubt that "everyone" is attending anyway.

 

[Molliday]

Why would I be concerned? A 12 year old isn't going to die from missing one lousy school lunch.

That is not what I meant. I meant that I would be more concerned about her missing lunch, than the fact that she used the $5 on the game.

I've raised two teenagers. The rule in my house, is pick and choose your battles. She used her money for the game, and she went hungry as a result. I think I'd save my anger for when she makes a 15 on a test (as noted in another of the OP's threads this morning).

 

[okeydokey]

She already missed lunch so that's a consequence there. If you feel very strongly that it is not enough "punishment", then make her pay back the $5 also. Then she will ended up buying a ticket for an event you normally would have paid for. No way would I go to school or make her miss the game.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

At that age my mom would give me the money to cover a months worth of lunches. If I spent it on something else, I did without school lunch the rest of the month. My mother felt I was old enough to decide for myself what I wanted.

However, if this really is an issue for you then I would look and see if her school participates in

https://mylunchmoney.com

If they do then you can fund her lunch account from the computer and you never have to worry about her spending it in a way you disapprove of.

 

[Becky2005]

Ds12 gets $15 a week for lunch, dd14 gets $20 (they go out at lunch). They can spend the money anyway they want. If they spend too much one day, they'll have to cut back the next day. I remember spending my lunch money on cigarettes and candy. They don't get an allowance. Dd14 babysits regularly, and ds12 does chores for my parents and their neighbors (weeding, trimming hedges...). I use the lunch money as a lesson in money management.

I was thinking way back when before they had lunch accounts & thumb scanning days. My mom gave me $20/week for lunch. I got it on Monday morning and what I did with it was up to me. I usually did end up getting a Suzy Q & purple kool-aid with it in junior high. By HS, I would use that as gas money. I was very lucky that we had open campus and my boyfriend lived across the street from the school with a mom that was home and cooked us fantastic lunches (as we all got hooked on her soap opera too, so we would go there & watch "The Young and the Restless" while we ate) but if we didn't go there, it was off to Burger King or wherever with my $20.00 (or packing and actually eating in the lunch room).

The only problem I see is that the child was told SPECIFICALLY not to spend the money on anything other than lunch. The not listening part would aggrevate me since I'm assuming there might be a history of money being spent on other things besides lunch since it had to be stated up front about only using the money for lunch.

I'm not quite sure what the punishment would be but it would probably be something at home (more than likely a grounding or extra chore or something of that nature).

 

[Tink888]

I agree with the others that going without lunch since she chose to spend the money on something else was the punishment.

OP if the real issue for you is that you specifically told her not to spend the money on anything but lunch and she spent it on the ticket, then just don't allow her to go to the game. Going to the school isn't necessary. Just because she has a ticket doesn't mean she has to go the game. If the lesson/punishment is that important to you, write the five bucks off as the cost teaching her a lesson.

I don't get all the backlash against the OP either. Her kid, her money, her rules.

 

[barkley]

At that age my mom would give me the money to cover a months worth of lunches. If I spent it on something else, I did without school lunch the rest of the month. My mother felt I was old enough to decide for myself what I wanted.

However, if this really is an issue for you then I would look and see if her school participates in

https://mylunchmoney.com

If they do then you can fund her lunch account from the computer and you never have to worry about her spending it in a way you disapprove of.

our school is on a similar "cashless" hot lunch system-i love it!

rule of thumb here is i put enough on it to pay for lunch everyday. if you opt to pass on breakfast at home and eat at school you might find your account running short before i put more money on it. if that's the case there's always pb&j or other stuff you can pack with.

at the end of the year i look to see what's left on the account, and give the refund to dd (if it's not a case of skipping meals purposly to get some extra money which i can easily tell because i can look at the usage on a daily/weekly/monthly/quartely basis-and if she's skipping a bunch and taking packed lunches then i know she does'nt need as much put on the account).