smooth transition from deployment?

[iheartdisney]

Hi everyone, I've posted in here a few times and was hoping everyone could give me their tips that have worked for their family, and problems you have run into, that you didn't expect.

My DH comes home from his normal 6 month deployment soon, (not to any hazard zones) and this is our first deployment. I've been staying with my sister in FL since he left, since we also added a new member to our family while he was gone. (he got to come home for a week- left the day after she was born.

When he comes home, we'll be moving back to California, and I know its going to be hard for my kids to leave their cousins, even if they are getting thier Daddy back. Also, our new DD doesn't know him. How do you introduce a 5 month old baby to her daddy? I guess I'm a little sad too, about going back to having no nearby family support...

Any tips?

 

[powellrj]

no advise, just wanted to send hugs!

 

[Longsx3]

My Dh just got home thursday from a 7 month deployment, his first and things are as if he never left. However when Dh left we continued our routine the same as it was before he left...nothing really changed except DD(9) slept in my room, the day DH returned she went back to her bed. We made no other changes while DH was gone and deployment was not a reason for misbehavior, DD maintained straight A's and I had no problems from her.

Your children are obviously a lot younger than DD but I would say don't make a big deal about moving, especially in front of your kids because the will pick up on your sadness. Maybe you can have them help you pick out a welcome home gift for Dad and keep having conversations with them about what to expect after he returns.

As for the baby there isn't anything you can really do other than encourage the bonding, let him care for the baby and allow him the opportunity for some one on one time....maybe you need a hair cut and he can stya with the baby?? The baby maybe resistant to him because she doesn't know him but you have to give him time with her...where you are inclined to take the baby because she is crying, KWIM?

Finally next time you may want consider staying home when your DH deploys, I know it is hard to be a single parent especially when you have more than one child but for all of the Military Families I know it ends up being easier on the kids for those that stay put.

Congratulations on your Dh coming home!!

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

Firstly! YAY! He's coming home!

I am guessing because you said 6 month deployment, he's in the Navy. Everyone else seems to be out for much longer these days. DH got out of the Navy just about a year ago.

While I cannot offer advice on the children and moving issue, I can offer some just based on habits after they come home. My Mom works for the VA and one of the men in her office used to to do the "Homecoming counseling" for them onboard. Although I don't know how much they gain from it, I found talking with him over dinner one night really helpful.

One of the worst habits they seems to have is the want/need to come home and buy something incredibly expensive. It's the whole "I've earned this," deal. DH's roommate came home and bought a Cadillac beofre ever setting foot through his front door. We were moving in together and had little or nothing so we had the expense of setting up house. It was difficult to keep him in line and not make a huge purchase. I gave in on leather couches and that was it. Keep them away from retail shopping... TVs and cars and the pet picks.

They also seem to be so restless when they get home. They are physically and metally exhausted, but have that feeling that they need to be doing something at all times becuase their lives have been so regimented. It's walking a careful balance between allowing them to have down time with family, but keeping them busy enough that they aren't itching to be overly busy. I am hoping that with the new baby, that will help him stay focused. I found playing racquetball with Brye was the best thing for us. There were a few times I'd look at him watching TV and he was miserable. I said, "Do you want to go do something? Like go to the gym and play racquetball?" and that was usually perfect- kept him busy, occupied, away from the house (and malls), and was physical.

Don't fight!!! It's hard becuase they've been gone and you've managed just fine. But, they need to come home and take over that same position they left. Give a little/take a little. Instead if the, "We've managed just fine without out," try the, "While you were gone, we found that this worked," and show him how/what you've been doing.

Lastly, don't push the family dynamics. They will all fall into place. One of the wives told me how difficult it was when they came home once becuase the kids were angry and resentful (a 4 y/o and 6 y/o) that he's been gone for so long. They knew it was his job, but they were still hurt. Only time and patience will heal the wounds. Give him, yourself, and the kids, the time and space you need to get back into the swing of things and readjust to living as a family.

Good luck and don't lose sight of how wonderful this is! He's home!!

Thank you, him, and your family for supporting and defending this nation. It's a selfless commitment, and you're not nearly recognized enough.
xoxo

 

[Jynohn]

DH has been home about 6 months now from his 15 month deployment, and all things considered, it's been a smoother transition for us than I had expected. My kids are older (13 and 6) but they adjusted to dad being home without skipping a beat. I had a little bit of a tougher time, only because I was used to everything being done "my way" and suddenly had input from another person to consider!

DH has had moments that have been hard for him. I know he misses the guys in his unit after living with them 24/7 and depending on them for his own survival. He re-enlisted, and a lot of the guys in his unit have left after the deployment and I know that's hard for him. He also has a really tough time controlling his anger and sadness when he sees protesters in the street I also second what the previous poster said about them feeling like they "need a purpose." My DH struggles with being home and feeling like he should be "over there" helping his fellow soldiers still.

All that said, the redeployment wasn't nearly as traumatic as it was made out to be during all of the briefings they had the wives attend. After those meetings I was afraid I would barely recognize my DH because he would be a completely different person. He has changed, but in many ways for the better and our marriage is stronger than ever since he's been home.

Best of luck to you and your family, and tell your DH we said welcome home!!!

 

[DawnCt1]

DH is returning home tomorrow. He will fly home from Ft. Bliss. The big change for me is that I will have to cook dinner more than two nights a week. Our DSs are older and tend to eat on the fly, cooking what they like, hamburgers, bags of brocoli, salad, etc according to their schedules. DH's deployments are about 4 months long. He is in the Army Reserves Medical Corp so they will be deployed more often but for shorter lengths of time.