Smoking/Tobacco Use

[raysnkaysmom]

Just curious... I know in the initial stages of dating, you can say yes or no emphatically...
But, if you are already in a relationship, is the start of smoking or dipping acceptable?

Feel free to elaborate

 

[olena]

I never dated smokers and never will. If DH started using tobacco, there would be war. I grew up in a smoky house and with horrible allergies, infections and breathing problems because of it. I will never go back to it.

 

[Inigo]

Yuck. Anyone I've ever dated knew that tobacco use is a deal breaker. If they know that, and decide to start using once we are already in a relationship, I'd have to believe they don't really care about me at all. I started the relationship with the expectation that there would be no tobacco use, and I would consider it a betrayal if my partner cared so little about me that he would start using, knowing my feelings about the issue.

I'm one of those vocal people who isn't shy about saying I don't like tobacco usage. I don't lecture users. I figure it's their choice to become addicted to the drugs in tobacco, and I can't stop them from using. I just stay away from people when they're using. (nicotine is one of the most addicting substances there is.)

I should probably add I used to be the Life Skills Advisor for all the schools in my county. Part of my job was making presentations about why people should choose not to use tobacco or drugs.

 

[MoniqueU]

I put no I can't control their desires. You really in most cases can't control other peoples addictions and smoking is an addition. I know nothing about dipping tobacco that sounds pretty darn nasty to me in a way smoking never was. That being said I quit smoking cold turkey for the 2nd time in 6 years about a month ago (doing fabulous).
I bought my DH a few more packs of smokes so he wouldn't quit at the exact same time I did. I pretty much told him I don't give $**$* WTH he thinks he is doing or wants to do or how stressed he gets he is not to smoke. I have never done that. I don't know if he was ready to quit or not and fankly don't care. I have had rough days, one day I tried to get my son to drive me to the mini mart and called a friend to take me, they both said no so I had to have some wine to get through it. My DH has had to run alot and spend alot of time holed up in his bedroom. Fine d what you need to do but the two of us are not smoking anymore.Long term I am not sure how successful it is to tell someone else to quit smoking but I will deal with him one day at a time. If I catch him it will be back to square one, you are NOT smoking, give me your atm card the kid can put gas in your car for you and you don't need lunch money. I need my DH to be around long enough to take care of me when my sight finally goes. I am not playing around about this. I also want him in to the Dr to get his blood pressure checked.

This is just my current experience and probably doesn't apply to other people. No one could ever get me to quit smoking before. I would of ended a relationship over it myself. I can be stubborn and get so emotionally hooked to my ciggarettes it is pathetic. It goes way beyone a physical addiction for me that is why I just do it cold turkey its not the withdrawals that get me that is the easy part. People who don't smoke seem to think that smokers realize or care that they smell, are bothering others with their habit and that it is gross etc. I can tell you from my experience and I am being completely honest I either didn't quite grasp it all or flat out didn't care, my emotional well being took front seat to anything else.

Not sure my post will help but I thought I would give you both sides of it.

 

[LadyZolt]

Just curious... I know in the initial stages of dating, you can say yes or no emphatically...
But, if you are already in a relationship, is the start of smoking or dipping acceptable?

Feel free to elaborate

Um -- how old are we? If over, say, 25, no one starts using tobacco. They were probably hiding it form their date if they "start" using it over 25. If under 20, then you're very young and you probably wouldn't break up over it as it's likely to be very sporadic as opposed to a pack-a-day smoker who's been lighting up for 25 years. But tobacco use does tend to increase over time, and there is a lot more known about it now, plus it's pretty expensive. I quit smoking almost seven years ago and I'm really glad I did.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[novajeanjellybean]

No I wouldn't date anyone that smokes. That would be one of the first things that I tell anyone even acting like they would like to be in a relationship with me. My parents and my BF's parents all smoke and I've seen firsthand how hard it is to quit, not to mention the health issues associated with smoking.

 

[NotUrsula]

I don't associate with tobacco smokers. (The only exception is coworkers where I have no choice, but I won't socialize with them outside the office.) Total deal-breaker. While I'm sure that they might be perfectly nice people, being in the same room with them and sharing furniture makes me wheeze; so I won't do it voluntarily.

I have an ultra-sensitive sense of smell -- no one gets tobacco use by me without my noticing. I can smell it from a few feet away on someone who hasn't had a cigarette in a month -- the residue is in their hair, and no amount of washing will remove it.

FWIW, smoking is a guaranteed death sentence for anyone in my father's family; there is something in our genotype that makes us particularly susceptible to lung diseases. Dad was one of 9 kids; all but 2 smoked, all but 2 died of lung cancer. Several of my cousins have died of it, too. (I should note that my Dad gave up smoking when he was 30; lung cancer killed him at age 62.) I also lost my brother to it. I promised my father on his deathbed that I would never smoke or live with a smoker, and I've kept that promise for 35 years.

 

[RyeCrimsonMoon]

Eh, I've been known to smoke every so often, so I don't have the right to tell someone they should stop for me. I can't control their desires, and they can't control mine. This is coming from someone who also is in love with a guy who currently smokes, even before he started. So, it doesn't bother me at all! Even if it was someone else.

 

[MoniqueU]

What if someone was a long term reformed smoker, say 10 years and you had been married for 5 and something happened in their life and they started up again??? Do you just walk away??? Kids involved? Still pack up and go?

I know if my DH had given me the ultimatum to quit smoking or he was out of here I would of checked with a divorce atty to make sure I could afford rent, food, internet and smokes. IF the answer was yes we may of had to have parted ways. I know that sounds bat#### but thats how bad off I was.

Now I am so flipping the other way, I don't want to be ANYWHERE around a smoker, I don't want to be tempted. I don't want my DH around smokers but even if he is he better figure out how to deal with it. This crap just needs to stop and stop for both of us. I quit for 4.5 years and thought I had it licked til I got a bad report card of my sons. My DH kept smoking and I kept him around. Now I basically don't care what happens in our lives it just isn't an option for us. But if he did smoke he wouldn't get very far with me, like I posted earlier I am willing to make his life a living hell and he can starve at work before he gets money for smokes. He might be able to bum some but I would find out and again make his life hell.


There is alot to think about. Alot of people quit and that is it, alot of people quit for years even decades then go back to it no matter how adament and converted they hecame.
I don't think things are as easy or as black and white as some people like to think they are.

 

[HunnyPots]

I grew up in a house of smoke, with parents who allowed my health to be put in jeopardy for years - once when I was hospitalized for pneumonia, my mom even allowed people to smoke in my hospital room as I was gasping for air! (it was in the 70's before non-smokers had rights) She didn't want to offend anyone...
As soon as I was out of that house I vowed, NO MORE! I would not allow anyone else to pollute my air and I didn't care how good looking he was!

Fast forward 18 years, and I am sitting by my father's hospital bed, holding a pan for him while he pukes blood uncontrollably, as the cancer has eaten through every organ in his body, and his system is slowly shutting down. He died a horrible, horrible death that I'll never forget as long as I live.

I have made it my mission to educate my children about smoking and to do whatever I can to keep them from not only destroying their own health, but from spending their lives breathing second hand smoke and caring for their husband/wife when smoke-related illness takes over their life. Believe me, it ain't pretty...

 

[chesterpdt186]

Dating someone that smokes is not that bad of a thing. Yes i am a smoker but a considerate one.
1. Do not let them smoke in the car, house, resturant. Anywhere in a confined space. You would be amazed at how less someone smokes.

2. Do not let them smoke outside of designated smoking areas at disney.

3. Give them gum or mints all the time before the kissing starts.

4. No smoking around children. Adults can get out of the way

 

[aprilgail2]

I don't associate with tobacco smokers. (The only exception is coworkers where I have no choice, but I won't socialize with them outside the office.) Total deal-breaker. While I'm sure that they might be perfectly nice people, being in the same room with them and sharing furniture makes me wheeze; so I won't do it voluntarily.

I have an ultra-sensitive sense of smell -- no one gets tobacco use by me without my noticing. I can smell it from a few feet away on someone who hasn't had a cigarette in a month -- the residue is in their hair, and no amount of washing will remove it.

.

I won't have any friends that smoke- it is the nastiest thing possible to me. Even if they don't smoke around you they still reek of it all the time, clothes, hair, skin etc- I just can't be bothered with anyone that smokes.

 

[Topper]

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Smokers tend to be less educated and from a lower socio-economic class.

So why would I want to date someone like that?

 

[Darsa]

Smokers tend to be less educated and from a lower socio-economic class.

So why would I want to date someone like that?

Wow, way to judge and generalize in the most snobby manner possible.

That said, I'd never date a smoker; I grew up in a house with a couple smokers and will never ever touch the stuff myself. My DH was a smoker that quit before I met him, and I told him VERY early on in our relationship that it will end if he decides to renew his relationship with the cancer sticks.

JMHO, of course. I should make that my signature...

 

[kaytieeldr]

You can't control what someone else does; you can only control your response. Sure, you can put your foot down, but be aware of all the possible outcomes.

JMO, but "it depends how good-looking they are" is just too shallow to even consider

 

[cepmom]

Smokers tend to be less educated and from a lower socio-economic class.

So why would I want to date someone like that?

are you serious?

 

[MoniqueU]

The president is a smoker (or maybe he quit again) I think he is doing pretty well for himself and didn't he attend Harvard?

The OP said there was no tobacco use when the relationship started. How long has the relationship been going, what are the attachments. Lots of people say they would never be in a relationship with a smoker but if after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids your DH/DW picked up their old college pastime of having a few smokes when they drank and it turned into more would you just walk away?

There are just too many variables to talk in absolutes.

I know how I feel about smoking and what my approach is and will be if my DH takes back to smoking but I am not going to kick him out the door.

 

[Darsa]

I would tend to hope that my DH would care more about me and how I feel than lighting up. That's just my opinion, of course... YMMV

(sorry, I've never used that YMMV before and jumped at the opportunity LOL)

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Smoking isn't a big deal to me....but there's no way I'd date someone who dips.