smaller, stronger, with happy feet...Molly's weight loss journal (comments are fine)

[bumbershoot]

So....

I'm used to online journals, it's pretty much how I got my start online. But recently I've taken a break. However, Disneyland coincides with a time when I want to be smaller, stronger, and with happy feet, especially since it will be 2 days after my 20th high school reunion! And I like it around here, I need to get some of this out on "paper", so here I am.

In HS I felt huge, but I wasn't. I wasn't a size 0, but I was perfectly fine and fit. In college I felt huge, and although I was perhaps bigger than I had been, I wasn't a monster. My senior year I rowed lightweight crew, so I couldn't have been that hideous. Then came chiro school, and I know I'd let myself go a little bit, but nowhere near worth the nasty note anonymously put in my locker, commenting on my weight. A friend and I joined the Y, and I got fit again.

A few years later, I moved back to WA state, and needed a break from the years of working out. Unfortunately, that "break" has lasted WAY too long. I moved back at the end of 1996. Oops.

Since then my mom died, I joined WW and lost a bunch of weight, then I met the fellow now known as my DH, then we had some troubles and gained lots of weight together, then I called us out on it and we went to WW and lost a bunch of weight. Got married, I got pg and put on 60 pounds. I REFUSED to be the squishy new mother wearing overalls because nothing else fit, and at DS's first birthday I actually wasn't too bad! Even after that I OK; my avatar picture was taken 3.5 months after his birthday, and though I wasn't happy with the pic at the time (there's a serious common thread here), it wasn't so bad at all.


But then I entered my season (or 6 seasons) of discontent, and it seems I'm getting squishier and squishier.

At last October's Disneyland trip, I was wearing the pants I had bought a few weeks postpartum. Yagh.

And it seems to be getting worse.

My reunion is coming up, and I will NOT go if I still look like this. I've been looking forward to my 20th since my 10th, and I MUST go. After the reunion, we're heading down to Disneyland, and I don't want to feel bad while I'm there.

And when I say bad, I don't just mean mentally. My feet have been hurting. My knees, sometimes, feel like someone poured superglue into them. My hips, well, my hips might never be the same again. And the happy feet comment in the title...my feet hurt SO bad some days, I almost can't handle it. Joint problems run in my dad's family, I just don't think this should be hitting THIS early. I don't want to feel this way!

Hubby has been doing WW, and it's slowly working for him. I just don't feel up to WW. So I'm considering Jenny Craig, and found that I have a coupon through our health insurance (UHC). I just want someone to say "here's what to eat, here's when to eat it, NOTHING ELSE" so I can do it.


I also do Pilates. Well, from the winsor pilates DVD, not a class. That stuff worked SO well for the pre-wedding weight loss! It toned me that I looked probably 15 pounds lighter than I actually was. For some reason it's not working well right now. I think I still have some abdominal muscle issues from pregnancy, and I really should see a special Physical Therapist for help with that. I checked out "Lose Your Mummy Tummy" and need to buy it. Funny, LYMT recommends AGAINST Pilates, if you have any sort of diastasis...maybe that's the problem. I really need to buy that book.

runs off to amazon, to see if the GC I just got will cover it


Hmm, it has several recent negative reviews, and that reminded me of a few things I didn't like about the book. Will think about it.


So anyway, that's where I'm starting from.

 

[goldcupmom]

Welcome to WISH!!!

Sounds like you know where you're going and have a good plan to get there!!

I LOVE your name - Bumbershoot - reminds me of my mom! She just couldn't say the word 'umbrella'!

HAVE a WONDERFUL WEEK!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Molly, too funny, I have been running into you over on the Disneyland side and now I see you have started a journal over here! First of all Welcome to Wish! I can really relate to your story, I too have had some mighty sore feet resulting from my saga of gaining 100 pounds since high school! Seriously, it was wanting my feet to stop hurting, more than wanting to look good that got me motivated. And the good news is that once I took off my first 15 pounds, my feet stopped hurting. So I didn't even need to lose all that much to see some relief and improvement with that.

I think Jenny Craig might be very good for you. I have done that program before and its very nice to have that structure. I am back on Weight Watchers now but sitll think the Jenny thing can be highly motivating and really nice even if you only do it for part of your total weight loss journey. And it really is a journey. Think of your weight loss in parts, 10% of your current body weight at a time. For me that was 24 pound increments, one down three to go! If I think about the whole 100 pounds at once, all I want to do is cry and eat junk.

I think you should go to that reunion no matter what. You certainly won't be the only person there worried about how you look, lets face it in 20 years time lots of your fellow high schoolers will have changed and matured. Life happens!

I hope your journal helps you to keep focused on your efforts. We have a really supportive community here on the Wish Board and its helped me a lot.

Good luck!

 

[tbstein]

So....

I just want someone to say "here's what to eat, here's when to eat it, NOTHING ELSE" so I can do it.

So anyway, that's where I'm starting from.

Hello Molly!

A great thought! Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig can fit that bill. I have gone and looked into a system, but recently discovered that I am gluten intolerant and can't do a program like that. The struggles of reality! So I try to do a modified South Beach and Atkins. Thank goodness DH is willing to make meals that work!

Jump on in and join the online family!

Sending you good wishes for your new healthy life style, and for making it to your reunion at a size 10! And to have all the squishes gone!

Have a great week

Wendy

 

[bumbershoot]

Hi all!


Well, money got in the way of joining Jenny Craig on THIS paycheck. BUT, we did have enough to buy me Smart Ones for lunches and dinners for the rest of the month (it's what DH eats at work for lunch, too), and some desserts as well.

So I'm on my own for breakfast, but I think I'm doing OK. I also have to add in things like little salads and whatnot, or I'm not going to eat enough (from my time in WW I know that can really keep you from a sustained loss sometimes!). Today is the second full day.

I also found some vegetarian glucosamine, which I was VERY excited to find. Since glucosamine is usually from crab shells, and since my mom developed a pretty bad allergy to crabs in her 30s (on her honeymoon, oooooh, how romantic), and since I have never done the shellfish thing, I was a frustrated wannabe glucosamine taker. But now I can take it. Yay! No clue what it's made of, but that's OK.

Last night I was whining big time about being hungry. And I was sooooo going to eat two desserts, I had it planned out. But then I had the Smart Ones Double Fudge Cake, and it was SO incredibly good that I didn't want to chance "ruining" it by eating something else. And I didn't want to eat both of the cakes in the box. Man it was good.


In a way I'm glad I couldn't join Jenny quite yet. Whenever I have started WW, I go through a period of refusing to look at my starting weight. I didn't know if Jenny would allow that, and I'm not ready to know where I'm at right now. So we'll do 2, probably 4 weeks of it this way, perhaps drop a little bit of fat, and maybe then I'll be ready to see my "starting" weight at that point.

So for now I'll be going by the size banners, which is OK.

I also decided to have a REAL goal. All the time I was in WW I went by a goal that wasn't mine, just so I could be "free" sooner. I set it at the highest they "allow" for my age and height, to get to Lifetime sooner...and to have a goal that's not really my goal really messed with my head! So this time I'm just setting an ultimate goal, it might be crazy, maybe I'll never get to it, but it's what I really want.


Because of the reunion, I'm spending time on classmates.com, and they kept throwing these "put pictures up for free right now" links at me, and I realized my GOOD pictures are at least a year old. So the major chunkage has obviously been going on this last year (though I do recall an awful picture at Xmas-time when DS was 1).

As for going or not going...I know I wouldn't go if I don't lose. I skipped my 15 year college reunion, and I'm here in town, b/c a month before it I saw two people I hadn't seen in some years, and neither of them recognized me, and did that whole "oh wow, you look...different" thing. I felt sad afterwards, but I would have felt worse to get that from umpteen people.

So there's no way to go but, hmm, down?

Ooh it's noon, time for lunch! (isn't that the worst, how when dieting ALL you think about is your next mealtime?)

 

[bumbershoot]

Wanted to mention how lucky DH is. He's been doing WW by himself since last June, and he has *never* lost like a typical guy. He goes very slow, and setbacks take a LONG time to fix. He is an emotional eater, he sneaks food, and his mother is just EVIL to him about his weight (and she's the one who stuffed him to begin with, sigh). He did better when both of us were joining, but I just haven't wanted to do WW since DS was 1 (you see the link between stopping WW and gaining there?).

Just the other week, his co-worker asked to join him at weigh-ins. Her partner is Lifetime, and had been going, but didn't want to go 4 times a month anymore, since she doesn't have to. That left his co-worker without support, so she asked him. Now they are going on Fridays at noon, and it's so great!

And NOW, though I'm not doing any actual program, I'm TRYING to lose weight, rather than just complaining while shoveling food into my mouth. We're both quite sure he's going to start doing better, now that he has someone at work and someone at home on the journey with him!

Lucky DH.


Gotta tell ya, it's hard to have both of us trying to lose, while also trying to instill NORMAL eating values to our trim, strong, and healthy son. He's innately good at eating when hungry and stopping when full, and we have to NOT mess that up! It's tricky, though!

 

[tbstein]

Thought I would stop in again and say hello. Sounds like you are going to do just great. Smart ones are a good choice. For us, I do get Heathly choice, because kids will eat those, say they taste better.

Wonderful for your DH. My DH is 6'3" and 180 pounds. Boy, what I would do to be 180! He has always been thin, and other than being gray and slightly balding, everyone recognizes him from years ago. Oh well. Guess I will just go on!

Have a great week!

Wendy

 

[bumbershoot]

Things are still going well.

DH lost .2 at his weigh-in today, but he was wearing his jeans instead of his lightweight shorts. So really, we think he hit his 20 lb mark today (it's been almost a YEAR!). But he'll get it next week, and maybe if he has a SUPER week, he could get to 25! I keep telling him that once he hits the 20 lbs, he'll really start losing...he deserves to have at least a FEW weeks of losing "like a guy".

I'm feeling good. Hungry, but not starving. The hunger is annoying, but I keep telling myself "this is what a normal stomach feels like, this is what an un-stuffed stomach feels like". It's *sort of* working.

Tried a Smart Ones eclair last night. Eh. Still love the double fudge cake the best.


We mainly do Smart Ones b/c we're veggie, and as far as I can ever see at our main store, they have the biggest veggie selection. But when the Lean Cuisines go on sale, DH says their veggie meals are good, and he says their mac and cheese is better than the S.O.s. I'll have to check out Healthy Choice next time!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi Molly, sounds like you and your husband are doing well. I like Smart Ones too, and that double fudge cake is a winner. The eclairs are not as good as they used to be, not sure why! Keep up your hard work, being hungry at first is just as you say, annoying but it means the fat is burning away! I hear you about running into old acquaintences, I hate that too. Saw some dumb cheerleader type from high school a few years and for some insane reason said hello and remember me? Of course she had to tell me, how very different I looked! Not fun at all! Keep up the hard work, you can do it!

 

[bumbershoot]

Thanks!

Relatively good day, but also relatively bad yesterday. I kept finding myself with bits of DS's food in my mouth. My friends who have lost weight say that the FIRST thing you have to do (as a parent or kid-caretaker) is to NOT eat their food. Bad, bad me.

And then, all that snacking (really not all that much, but compared to what I need to be doing, too much!) my taste buds were primed. After DH and DS went upstairs for their part of bedtime routine, I had a second dessert! yikes. And I'd had the d.f.cake, so the eclair (I didn't even microwave it for the few seconds b/c I didn't want to alert DH to what I was doing...oh man that was bad!) that was frozen did, indeed, ruin the whole dessert experience!

Thank goodness I didn't have another d.f.cake in the freezer, or I could have been in trouble!

My friend is kind of jealous of me, doing all the Smart Ones...she has serious liver problems and her medications make it vital that she has a low sodium diet. And considering my lunch today had 640 mg sodium in it, that's just not a daily option for her.


Had the angel hair pasta with veggies, wow it was good! I try to use the small forks, rather than the "dinner" forks, to force myself to think about smaller bites and eating it slower.

Last night I had the 3 cheese marinara ziti, and didn't "have to" have a piece of bread with Earth Balance (organic butter substitute) on it, so that's progress! Which I destroyed with the eclair.


Eh, it's ALL better than what I was doing just a week ago!!!

 

[dabute]

Sounds like you are off to a great start. The first few weeks are hard. I hated feeling hungry. It will pass and you'll be used to eating less. Hang in there.

 

[bumbershoot]

Thanks!

I tried on my starting-size pants today (since our scale doesn't work, I'm going with sizes instead of pounds), and while I could still wear them outside the house, they fit MUCH better than they did the last time. So I don't get to grab a one size down banner, but I have faith that will come.

It's interesting. I've been wanting to lose weight for ages now, but have hesitated to start trying to. I've also been lying to myself for well over a year; avoiding the mirror, only wearing my slouchy clothes, etc. It's amazing how you can get your hands to take part in the lie...no, that's not a roll of squish, that's just me bending strangely...when I suck in my stomach and put my hand on my hip RIGHT there I can feel bone so that's fine...etc etc etc. Well today while showering, I looked down and could see my bellybutton. Which made me realize just how BIG that bumpy roll above my navel had gotten.

Good thing about me, is that once I put my mind to it, I lose fast. Until the end, then I slow WAY down. So this week has been really good in terms of seeing differences in belly, face, and bottom. I have the food in the freezer, it's good food, so I don't forsee issues with stopping.

****************
Editing to add a paragraph. What was interesting about the above is that I *think*, if I had forced myself to start a weight loss program before last week, I likely wouldn't have been able to do it. Rather, I waited (sadly I kept overeating while waiting) until it was something inside me that simply HAD TO change, I couldn't wait ANY longer...and now I'm going like gangbusters. I don't think I would have had that experience if I'd forced myself to do something I wasn't fully ready for.
*****************

I do, however, forsee issues with keeping myself from using our Melting Pot gift certificate... Or what's left of it, rather. We used a little over half of it several months ago, and found that even the one-by-one items we ordered were too much (having a full dinner would have been impossible). So we ended up with almost half leftover...yummy!

No, no, I must wait. DH has to have a few good weeks, and I need to get OUT of these pants...then we will see how I'm feeling.


Another reason to lose. We're getting ready to move, and it will likely be to a smaller place. So we need to get rid of stuff, and some good stuff to get rid of will be our "undergrown" clothes, which can then be replaced by old, too-small-right-now clothes (we don't buy trendy things, so most of our old clothes are fine to wear now), and we'll get rid of the big clothes as we go (some think that's jinxing it, but we've KEPT our old clothes on previous losses, and look what happened!), so we'll be able to get rid of some dressers.

 

[tbstein]

Molly, I agree with getting rid of the old stuff as it gets too big. I just did that before Christmas. I can't believe how much I had to get rid of. It was a wonderful feeling. I have purchased some things, mostly tops as I kept some of the jeans from a smaller me. Had to buy a dressy outfit since nothing fit. I had a nice jean skirt. Well, not to brag,but I will, it now fits around my chest instead of my waist! Yeah! But, what to do with the skirt? Giving it to my sister. I also have a demin jumper that is too long now. Glad sister likes demin!

Keep it up Molly! Doing this with DH is wonderful!

Wendy

 

[bumbershoot]

Well, I lost that one size and then just got stuck.

But now we've started walking like crazy, and even doing little jogging intervals (usually to catch up with DS). Most recently I started doing my 20 minute Pilates routines (Mari Winsor's "circle" DVD) again, and with 3 or 4 (didn't write it on the calendar each day so now I don't know) routines done, I can already tell a difference. Pilates, even from a DVD, can be quite amazing!

And on top of that, the walking is putting some sunshine on my skin and hair, so I just look healthier (Nicole Kidman's shade of white is lovely...blotchy pink and pasty is NOT) overall. Discovered that the Banana Boat sunscreen I'd been using is just terrible...I was blaming my deepening shade of pink on my body, but then I switched to WalMart's "No Ad" brand (same SPF), and my skin reacts differently. Either way I was turning colors, but the non-pink-turning No Ad gets my vote for least unattractive.

If anyone reading has pink and pasty skin and is happy with it, please know that I'm only disparaging my own skin, not anyone else's.