Six or 18 months from today?

[purplegirl247]

Running into a wee spot of trouble with the wedding plans. Sorry if this runs a bit long, but I think I'm too close to the situation to see it clearly, so any advice would be great!

The original plan was to get married six months from today, April 23, 2007. We have the location booked, the Disneymoon scheduled, Randy reserved, and I had started working on the invitations. All was going well. Well, except that my dear, darling soon-to-be fiance never actually...asked me. We went ahead with planning the wedding for time reasons but I haven't gotten the ring or the actual proposal yet (my fabulous fellow DISers are the only ones who know that we're secretly planning the wedding!).

Last night we had a long talk and it came up that maybe six months is too soon to get everything into gear (as an aside, this has nothing to do with our relationship; we know we want to get married--we just don't know when exactly.). Here are my pros and cons for each. Oh, and April 23 was my grandparents' anniversary and as I am really close to them, it's been my dream to get married on the same day.

April 23, 2007
*Con: DF hasn't asked me yet. I know he has something special in mind, and I don't want to rush him, but at the most I'll only get five months of that fabulous "I'm engaged!!!" feeling. Girl-y reason, I know, but I can't help it.
*Pro: The wheels are already in motion and in all likelihood I really could pull off an intimate wedding in six months.
*Con: We're trying to finance the wedding ourselves. If his or my parents offer, that's great, but I don't want to depend on them. (His parents especially are sort of squicky about that: he once borrowed $100 from them and paid it back within a week, when he found his checkbook again, but they still bring it up to this day!) I've budgeted and we'll actually be fine, but I'm sort of a worry wart...
*Pro: It's sooner! We've already been together for four years and I can't wait to be his wife!

April 23, 2008
*Pro: More time to save money; less stress financially.
*Con: Who knows where we'll be by then; we've been talking about moving out of state by next fall.
*Con: I know I have enough vacation saved up to take the week off in six months; I'm not 100% that I'll have it at whatever job I'll be at 18 months from now.

In conclusion, we have all sorts of emotional reasons to have it in six months but all sorts of practical, financial reasons to wait. DF has been very supportive (a little too supportive!) and says that he wants to do whatever makes me the happiest.

Help, you guys! At least give me some additional points to ponder...?? Thanks!

 

[sajetto]

Well, if it were *me* I'd go ahead with 6 months, but thats just me. I realized that "I'm just engaged" feeling doesn't last long. Once its announced everyone forgets about it in a couple of weeks and you will too once you are full steam ahead with planning a wedding. You can definitely plan a wedding in that amount of time.

However, not really knowing the details of you financial state it really could be a better idea to wait if things are really tight. You sure don't want the stress of money bearing down on you because weddings are already very stressful.Of course, most importantly he has to ask you so that's a big hurdle Good luck in what you decide

 

[Sirron]

The "we're engaged" feeling is not as strong as the "I'm married to the person I love" feeling. That's why annie and I have moved up the wedding several times. hahaha

 

[TinkBride]

This is going to come off harsher than I mean it, I promise! So please dont flame me........


But I would wanna know what the hold up is with getting that ring on my finger!

Then I would go with the wedding, but if you get engaged only a few months beforehand and magically already have an entire wedding and honeymoon planned that may look a little funny on your part. So roll with the punches, see how long it takes to get your ring, and THEN pick the date that works.

If he is ready to do it, then he needs to do it. (albeit, there may be circumstances or a special time that we are unaware of)

But, knowing me.......I would go with the six months, i can not imagine being all geared up for six months and then have to go to waiting for 18 months.....but I am impatient!

I totally agree with the others......the "I'm engaged" feeling is a little overrated and loses its glitz and glamour after about a month when your ring isnt as shiny and new. lol. Plus, it kinda starts to suck because you just want the "Im married" feeling, and it feels like an eternity away!

Good luck! Let us know what you decide!

 

[purplegirl247]

TinkBride, not harsh at all! I've been asking "where's the ring already, bub??" for months. For the first three and a half years, I was perfectly fine with our non-married state, but when my grandfather died this past year, I realized family was really important to us. We talked about it and put wedding in the forecast. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting, sometimes patiently, sometimes not-so-much for almost six months now! When I sat him down and seriously asked him what the hold up was last night, he said the big plan had something to do with fall and the weather being nice and unfortunately, since this is FLORIDA, the weather doesn't always cooperate (we broke three record highs this past week *sighs*).

Thanks for the advice; I think I really needed to hear that the "I'm engaged!" feeling isn't quite it's all cracked up to be. I've just been building up to it for so long that I sort of wanted to enjoy the feeling, you know?

Keep the advice coming; this is just what I need! Thanks!

 

[TinkBride]

When it happens you can still enjoy the feeling, you just don't need 6 months to do it. About 2-3 weeks should do!

If you are both in the right place in your relationship and in your hearts.......go for the 6 months!!!

 

[luvsmickey]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm kinda in the same boat! Except, we told our families what we are doing. As a matter of fact, my mom (not realizing what she was doing) kinda made us make up our minds by pushing us a little to see if we were serious. We have started planning the DFTW and have sent the contract and paid the deposit, bought the gown and booked Randy for the pics! I have yet to be officially asked!!! He told me if I wanted a DFTW that we were going to have to start planning and saving now AND he said he'd still do the whole proposal thing! Well, we needed to use the money I had saved due to an unexpected illness & injury! So, the moeny we were going to use for deposits turned into money to pay the bills! He ordered my ring (I know cause one of the girls let it slip a couple of weeks ago that it was in, I work in a Jewelry store as a Dept Mgr) But I told him the bills were more important than me getting the ring on my finger. Because it's not a seceret. I know that it's coming, and I have no idea what it looks like (but my friends at work helped so I'm sure it's everything I've ever wanted!) but, I would love to have it on my finger and make it official! I was actually thinking about it last night. I was thinking of everything we've already planned, not like it's even an option not to at this point, I told him he's not allowed to back out once he signed the contract we were sending to DFTW and that if he had any ideas about not doing this, he was not to sign it! So, he did and so I plan! Our wedding is in a little more than 6 months. And I'm sure that waiting would be eaiser on us financially, but I want to be married in the spring and I don't want to wait till the following spring to do it! I know that I want to marry him and I know that won't change a year from now, I just can't wait to be his wife and him my husband! And it would help us get custody of his son. So, we're full steam ahead with the spring '07 wedding!

Good luck with whatever you decide, but keep in mind, you don't know what the future brings and maybe next year you'll have the same finiancial situation you are in this year and putting it off didn't help in that department! And you've been together for years, it's not like your families will be suprised that you don't have somthing planned! Good luck!

 

[JJClemson]

I would go ahead and get married in 6 months. Since you have been planning for so long, it would be so difficult to wait an additional year! Imagine if you changed your plans to 18 mos from now, and then he asked you to marry him next week! I will have had an almost 19 month engagement and in my mind, that is too long. People sometimes forget we are even planning a wedding since it has been going on for so long. I agree with the other brides, the "I'm engaged!" feeling does not last very long. People are over it in a couple weeks, you're used to having the ring on your finger, then you just want the wedding to come already. Then again, if you do not have adequate finances, that can make things much more stressful. I think you and your almost DF need to sit down and have another talk and decide together what would be best. Good luck

 

[mickeyfan2]

If it was me I would do the wedding in 2007.

 

[Laurafoster]

I would go ahead and do it in 6 months too!! especially as you have sone so much planning etc already!

 

[Sparkles9306]

Another vote for the 6 months!

The "I'm engaged!!" quickly turns into wanting to plan the wedding and get married!! Since you've already started to plan the wedding, you'll be ahead of the game, all your family and friends will be impressed that you were able to pull off a wedding in such little time .

 

[AnnieBelle]

Six months for sure! My fiance and I are not telling some people in the family about the wedding until right before invitations go out to save us some sanity. They will be so impressed you had such a beautiful wedding in such a short amount of time!

 

[Skylarr29]

I vote for the 6 months as well. Things just might be more complicated later on because you never know what will happen. If you can have the wedding you want and will be happy with in 6 months than do it!

 

[jmmastra]

Go for the 6 months! I have been engaged for 10 months and getting married in 6 months (right after you ) Take it from me a 16 month engagement is TORTURE!!! Too much time to wait! I have changed my unofficial date 3 times. Yes, you would think that we have been able to save money...but things happen. We bought a house and eveything has gone to that. You never know what will happen in a year. Go for 2007...and if you are still there on May 1 stop by the wedding pavilion at 5PM

 

[purplegirl247]

It seems pretty unanimous that six months from today should be "the day." Now I just have to sit my fiance down and talk things through again; get his feedback. Poor guy. He *must* love me; otherwise he wouldn't put up with all my crap!

Thanks for all your help, DISers!!!!!! I'll keep you updated...

 

[ItGirl753]

I say do it in 6 months too....and BTW I am in the same boat -- no ring yet either, but we've been planning it since February!!!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

eek! that's rule number one of being in a relationship! never plan any kind of wedding, until you have the ring! i even told my DF that when we first started talking of marriage.

if it were me, i'd still go ahead with the 6 months and tell him to get the ball rolling! good luck!

 

[rescuerangers]

I'd go with the six months. We've been engaged since January 2006 and are getting married in January 2007. We only officially signed the contract with Disney at the beginning of this month and are going to pull everything off in 3 months. We were going back and forth on the date... and you can't do anything until you get the date. Plus we were looking to buy a house and that took up all our time.

Even though we knew it would be hard to pull off everything in 3 months we knew it would be so much worse to wait another year and have this over our heads for even longer.

 

[dznystar]

I was in your shoes a few months ago. DF and I had been talking about marriage for months. He knew I wanted the ring. We even started looking at them. Then he finally bought one and waited 3 months to have it sized. I knew it was coming, but it was extremelly frustrating. I didn't want to push him too much. My son was already calling him "daddy", which DF loved, and treats him as if he was blood. We had even gone to the wedding pavilion to meet with Gayle (his mom's friend) for some ins and outs about Disney Weddings. Anyways, the day finally arrived and he had something great planned at Cinderella's castle. It was worth the frustration. But the others are right when they say the "I'm engaged" feeling doesn't last long. DF and I have been engaged since April and the feeling has been long gone for months. Now its just getting down to making decisions about the wedding and getting ready for that "I'm married - Happily Ever After" feeling.
Good luck with your decision.
It seems like the group is unanimous. My vote is for April as well.

 

[JDR2b777]

I have been planning my disney world wedding for 2 1/2 years. We started dating - I knew he was the one. he was physched about the disney wedding and I knew it would take awhile to plan save and get my parents to go with the idea.

At our 1 1/2 year mark I told my parents "when we get married we are goign to have a disney wedding"... 6 months later (2yrs) to parents, "it costs this much to get married .. i need to call this summer to book". My man was right there with me - poor and all. Haha.. we were getting ready to graduate.

I felt ridiculous at times talking with disney not being engaged but I knew the time would come- we graduated this may - I kept telling him I need a ring soon or noone will let me further our disneywedding plans. 1 month later - ENGAGED (June)! By July I was on the phone with disney and my parents were excited and we sent in the deposit.

But all relationships are different. I knew where we stood - and money & graduation was standing in the way of our engagement - once that was over with I had no worries I would be engaged. My friends thought I was crazy - maybe I was - crazy in love.