Situation with my grandma & smoking any advice?

[Planogirl]

I would go but only stay briefly. I would also take my son but again only stay very briefly. Unless he has a medical condition, I don't think that brief exposure to smoke will harm him.

The decoration idea sounds real nice! You are very thoughtful.

 

[Michigan]

She can't smoke if she doesn't have them. Does she go to the store and buy them or does someone else? If someone else does they can just hold on to the and tell her she can only have one when they are with her. That way she will probably only smoke one or two a day.

 

[Planogirl]

Trying to force someone to stop smoking doesn't work and would even be kind of cruel at this point. They have to want to and would probably find a way to get the things. This addiction is hard and I feel for those who have it!

 

[chyam]

I would go because from the sound of it, you may not have too many more opportunities to do so. And oh yeah, don't mention the smoking, it won't accomplish anything at this point.

Have to agree........and I wouldn't mention the smoking either, sounds like it is something that she enjoys. Could you possible take her out of the house for a short visit (maybe lunch?) Perhaps she smokes so much when she is by herself because she is stressed, and worried knowing the end is soon? Just a thought but enjoy the last days you have with her to the best of your ability!

 

[Stitchfans]

I agree. If it were me, I would probably go see her occasionally but there is NO way I would subject my 6 yr.old child to that kind of smoke. I would feel like it was abuse to make my child "choke" on smoke.

Yes, I agree. Why subject that poor child to that? Then if she asks be honest. if she gets mad and explodes kindly explain to her that you will have to limit your visits more if she can not be understanding about it. No one wants to be around a nasty person, and a person who makes it so you can't breathe properly.

 

[LuvN~Travel]

I can only think of one thing, and be direct with her when she asks...
gas masks! For you and your son. I can't stand the smell and it gives me a headache. From all of those years working with smokers.
Good luck.
Kim

 

[Tiggeroo]

take your kids whenever you can. You've taught them smoking is bad. They're not going to start because of this. It's a good opportunity to teach them compassion, respect for elders, love, etc. Tell them I know grandma smells bad like smoke. See how sick she is because of it? She's sick and won't be here forever so we're going to see her even though she smells. When grandma started smokng they didn't know it was bad for you, and then it was too hard for her to quit. That's why we don't start smoking. I lost my grandmother to lung cancer/emphysema and my gfather as well. I'm glad for the 6 years my kids got to spend with these special people. Both of my grand parents started smoking in the 30's or so. They smoked unfiltered lucky's. I hated cigarette smoke but loved my grandparents. I wouldn't spend days cooped up in their house filled with smoke but I went to visit them as much as I could. I still miss them.

 

[Marseeya]

Trying to force someone to stop smoking doesn't work and would even be kind of cruel at this point. They have to want to and would probably find a way to get the things. This addiction is hard and I feel for those who have it!

I totally agree. I have an acquaintance who's caring for a very sick MIL and the MIL continues to smoke even though she's dying. My acquaintance harrasses her MIL constantly about the smoking (even as she's puffing away at a cigarette ). I've told her to just let her be. It would be one thing if she'd be willing to quit and keep it out of the house, but how could an 80-some-year-old bedridden woman handle quitting while still smelling it day in and day out??

 

[aprilgail2]

I do not allow my child anyplace there is a smoker so no way would I let her go visit in a house, no matter WHO it was.....If I felt I must visit myself I would wear some type of mask in there since I choke and gag around cigarette smoke....I would not subject my poor child to life threatening second hand smoke for anyone.

 

[chris1gill]

LOL, if she was anything like my grandma, I'd really tick her off. I'd go, I'd hide all her cigarrettes, open the windows for a few minutes so I could breathe and I'd visit.
She may be killing herself, but I wouldn't let her take me with her.

I think every once in a while it doesn't hurt for them to realize their stubborness was passed down.

I TOTALLY agree with this... you said she doesn't get out of bed... if she can't get out of bed, who is giving these cigarettes to her? Whoever it is should knock it off, at least while you are there!!!

Personally, if you never liked spending time with her, and she was difficult, I'd make one final trek to say good bye, that's about it... I would NOT subject my child to the smoke by the way, she may have chosen to make her health worse by smoking, but that doesn't mean that she has to make your child's health worse in the process.... I hope I don't sound too negative, but I'd be really careful about this

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

Thank you for the advice everyone. I really appreciate it. To be honest, I don't know how she's getting her cigarettes. Sometimes her brother down south sends them to her (he gets them cheap in Mexico I think). When she was well, she used to go out and get them herself. She tends to stock up (she freezes them) so this could be some of her stock that she's smoking.

I did go over there today and my brother and I decorated her house for her. I also offered to help her with her Christmas cards. I brought her flowers and a little guardian angel, which she was really surprised about. I visited with her for a little while and she only smoked a little bit. She seems to be doing better, can get to the bathroom on her own and was sitting up more. She seemed to have more energy and I even had her laughing really hard a few times. I have to say, I'm glad I went. And I kept my kids at my mom's-oddly enough DS didn't even want to go-which is very unusual so it worked out fine. I'll probably stop in tomorrow and say hi, but not stay long. You've all given me lots of things to think about and I"m thankful for everyone who reponded-it shed some new light on the situation! Thank you!!