Since when does being nice to your kids mean you're spoiling them?

[Snoopymom]

Has anyone else noticed this recently? I don't understand the perception that if you comfort or help your children, you're spoiling them?

Last night, I was telling a friend, who has kids, how my 4 yr old woke up in the middle of the night sobbing about a lost little toy that his friend gave him. I quickly found it sitting on the top of the trash (dh had thrown it away thinking it was junk), I washed it off and after ds hugged me as if I was a hero, he sweetly fell asleep with it in his hand. My friend condescendingly said, "oh, I would have just sent him back to bed crying." When I got defensive, he back tracked and rambled on about a fine line.

I can think of a couple of similar conversations or incidents... leaving Spectromagic, ds was tired and a little scared of the crowds, so I scooped him up, and I heard someone say, "she should make him walk", and I won't even mention some of the remarks from my mom and my mil.

I'm getting extremely annoyed with this nasty self serving macho attitude coming from everyone...family, friends, and strangers, and it doesn't seem to matter whether they have kids or not. I don't get it, if you can make a child feel better, loved or safe and it doesn't involve buying something or giving into something that they shouldn't do, why is that considered spoiling?

Ds is a tough independent little guy, a foster child for the first two years of his life, so I know I'm not turning him into a wussy kid. I'm showing him that I love him, I care and I'm teaching him that he can depend on me and trust me!

If we can't raise our kids to be caring, kind and gentle, what's the world going to be like in 25 years...full of mean selfish bullies?

Yeesh, I guess I was actually looking for an ear instead of an answer, because I don't believe that "fine line" is so thin. What do you all think? Thanks for listening!

 

[Serena]

If that is the case, I "spoiled" my kids all the time.

 

[DukeStreetKing]

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you don't show love and affection towards your children, you will be accused later on of being a cold, uncaring parent. If you do care about your kids, like you have stated, then you are accused of being soft on them.

Raise your kids as you see fit and don't worry what others have to say.

 

[holycow]

Sounds like your doing what is right for your DS! Loving him!!!!!

I wouldn't worry about what everyone else says....you're following your heart and that's the important thing.


Holycow

 

[Maleficent13]

I admit I don't have kids yet, but I agree with you! You sound like a great mom!

 

[disykat]

What you are describing is being a good parent, not spoiling. I was expecting to see a post about buying designer pajamas or something!

 

[ckay87]

I know people like that too and they drive me nuts. "Macho" is the word for that attitude.

I remember when mine were babies and I'd pick them up when they cried. I got that feedback a lot.

I heard this and I believe it - you can't spoil a child with love. You, as a mother, know when your child is being lazy or taking advantage of you. But if they truly NEED you, you know it. And being there for him is a display of love.

Sometimes I think the hardest part of being a parent is weeding out the garbage advice and opinions dished out by others.

 

[missyc]

People have said that I spoil my kids too. I correct them and say love, not spoil.
Our society has become all about me me me.

 

[Pete's Mom]

I treat my son the way I want to be treated. I like to be spoiled and pampered on occassion too.

 

[DawnCt1]

Originally posted by Pete's Mom
I treat my son the way I want to be treated. I like to be spoiled and pampered on occassion too.

You aren't kidding. If I lost something that was important to me, I would want someone to find it.

 

[heart4pooh]

My parents made sure they didn't spoil any of us. All five of us slept through the night at 6 wks. We were never made to feel special. And love was always conditional, and still is. My sister was diagnosed with brain tumors last year. They gave her two weeks to live. My parents couldn't believe that she never told anybody the symptoms she was having! During that period of time, I went to WDW with my mom. My poor 5yo son had a canker sore right at the front of his mouth and the first couple of days he barely ate anything. The third day he tried some french fries with ketchup. He started crying and reached for me. I hugged on him, then got rid of the ones with ketchup for him to try again. My mom leaned over to him and told him he should've taken care of it himself and not had to cry to mommy!!! I was in shock and said "My son can tell me any time he is in pain and I WILL try to help him. Maybe that's why Judi didn't feel like she could go to you until she was so far along!!!" That's the first time she was ever speechless. I say love on them and then love on them more!!! Ill go back to cleaning the house now...

 

[DisMN]

It's called compassion, empathy and TAKING CARE of your children.

And yes, I think we're raising a generation of mean, selfish bullies when I hear stuff like this. Sadly, I hear it often.

I think you done good Ma.....ya gave comfort to a young child. What a vaulable gift you gave to your little one.

 

[FINFAN]

Love/support and spoil away...there is some nasty evil out there...I figure I am just balancing it out.\You sound like a great Mom, and think of what a great Dad your son will be one day thanks to the way he is being raised!

 

[tlgoblue]

Helping a child feel secure in the middle of the night is not spoiling them. How many times have I rolled over in the middle of the night and snuggled up to DH because of some anxiety I was feeling. He never says, "buck up! Get over it" or anything like that, and I'm 40 years old. Is he spoiling me by wrapping his arms around me and comforting me back to sleep?

My DD was terrible about going to sleep by herself after we moved. Every night I had to lie down with her. "Mommy, if I close my eyes, I'm not really sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes." Every night for months. She was 3 years old, and boy did I take it from everyone! Even DH, who of course was miffed because it cut into his time with me. Yup it was a bummer, but you know what? When I look back, it was such a small thing, and it was precious time with my precious girl, time I wish I had now. She sleeps just fine through the night (She's 11), and has been for years.

One thing children get too little of these days is compassion. We push and push and try to give them every leg up, every opportunity, but it is comming at a cost. We expect them to be tiny little adults, eating in fancy restaurants, going to play dates, and juggling schedules that we, as adults, have a hard time just getting them to and from. I'm not saying that there is no place for teaching a child manners, and so on, but remember they are children first. Unsure of their surroundings, and how things work. The one constant they need to depend on is your ability to keep them safe and secure and help them. That is what loving people do, for every one they love. Humbug to those who think you are over indulging your child. Ignore them and do what you do best-Love your child!

Tracy

 

[Minnesota!]

I completely agree. I am a new mom, but I will pick up my son and comfort him and love him as much as I (or he) wants. I am not going to raise a child that doesn't know love. Spoiled to me is a brat. Who gets whatever MATERIAL things he/she may want. You cannot spoil a child with love. There is not enough love in this world to spoil someone. And even if there were, you best be damned sure that is how much I would love my child. I get so sick of people telling me that I am spoiling Lucas.

He sleeps in his crib. IF he wakes up and night and wants to eat, I give him a bottle. It's few and far between. If the kid is hungry, I am going to feed him. Hell, if I wake up at night with a rumbly tummy, I am going to get something to eat. Why not give him the same treatment? Or, if we both fall asleep when still in my bed. People tell me I am horrid for letting him sleep in my bed. It gets really frustrating.

 

[huckster]

you did the rite thing Mom who wouldnt want to be comforted when feeling scared down or low ..

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I can't stand the whole "make them independent" mantra. They are babies for crying out loud!

 

[DD2Disney]

Minnesota DS slept in our bed until he was a year old. It is something that i will never ever regret. I would definitely do it again.

Tricia

 

[tlgoblue]

People tell me I am horrid for letting him sleep in my bed. It gets really frustrating.

DS slept in our bed for, well, forever it seemed. Well beyond his first birthday. He now sleeps like a brick! Always did. HMMMM, maybe, just maybe he feels safe. Again, it's what's in your heart, not your wallet that counts.

Tracy

 

[Chim Chiminy]

You did the right thing mom.

People make comments all the time because I comfort DS11 still. Like I am making him less of a man because I allow him to have his feelings, to cry, and I comfort him.
In my opinion, I am making him a better man. One with empathy, who can tune in to others feelings.
It makes me so mad the things people say!