SIL watched the kids again....(long post)

[DizzieDizney]

Originally posted by battricia
If I remember correctly she took her things to help your SON, not herself... I think you're completely over reacting, and if I was her, I'd say no to helping out anymore, because apparently she can't do much right in your eyes..

Just to clarify.....she took "MY" things however I did purchase the supplies for the project...She didn't have to look far...everything she needed was right there on top of the instructions.....AND what are you talking about over reacting? As far as reacting to her...I did not.... I did not show any anger or displeasure w/ her...I just simply asked her why she didn't use hers instead of mine...that was the end of it...I laughed...but it really bothered me, I did keep it to myself. I just simply posted how I felt on this thread. I can't apologize for how I feel. That is how I feel and I can't change it. So call me what you want, say what YOU feel. Just don't get the story twisted!

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by DizzieDizney
Well then I'm am unappreciative then......because I never expected anything from her....She could of sat on her butt all day...I wouldn't of cared...all she was there for was to make sure the kids were fed and out of harms way....she could of gave them the play-dough and let them have at it....I don't care....the point is she went through my things and took as she pleased.....I mean are we forgetting the disney pins she ruined?!?!?!! Your right ...they are a pair of friggin socks..who cares....like I said they can be replaced..... if someone took a pair of your favorite whatever's ....wouldn't it bother you? And excuse me...w/ your drawer of $10 socks... But I have more important things to spend my money on then $10 pair of socks....so when someone ruins a pair of my $10 socks I'm going to be a bit upset about it! I guess some people are not as fortunate as you are...don't have to brag about it....thanks for making me feel like crap....since you failed to realize....I didn't take anything out on my SIL...I still thanked her...I still bought her dinner...although it really bothered me I didn't say anything to her about it...I shoved it off because I knew I could come here and post about it and get slammed by someone else! I'm not trying to say I went off on her...I'm not saying I started an argument w/ her....I realize she didn't have to watch the kids period....which if I have to remind you again.....I thanked her and took her home...so that is how my day went today...and tomorrow is another day....Thank Goodness the kids will be in daycare!

LMAO!~ I had no idea it would sound like bragging to say I had a drawer of $10 socks! I guess I must be rich! You know, if you didn't want opinions then you shouldn't have asked.

 

[DizzieDizney]

Originally posted by FreshTressa
I don't think anyone was trying to make you feel like crap. I am sorry you feel so bad about this. Families can be really difficult. (especially mine ).

I think you just asked what people thought and I guess some people did think you 'should just be thankful she was available'. When you ask peoples opinion, you are likely to get it!

I don't want you to feel bad!! We all have different values and I hope things work out better with you and her in the future!

Thank You...and I certainly realize that everyone has their own opinions...I'm trying not to dispute that....it's definately hard when I can't just tell SIL in her face how I truely feel because I don't want to come off unappreciative....and you're right we do have different values..and there is no problem w/ me and SIL..I never want to make any hard feelings or hatred towards her because she is family and I do care for her...just trying to let out a little frustration here instead towards her...but then I guess I'm getting a little sensitive

 

[Bojangles]

Maybe the kids got the socks out for her and said to go ahead and use the pins.

she had a pair of black socks with her that she wasn't wearing

You would want your kids to make a penguin with dirty socks your SIL had worn? Yuk.

I think you're making way too big of an issue out of a pair of socks. You SIL sounds like she was genuinely trying to help.

 

[DizzieDizney]

Originally posted by skiwee1
LMAO!~ I had no idea it would sound like bragging to say I had a drawer of $10 socks! I guess I must be rich! You know, if you didn't want opinions then you shouldn't have asked.

It's not the opinions I can't handle...it' the insults.....is $10 socks suppose to be cheap? I don't know what your financial situation is and you don't know what mine is.

 

[ez]

I think alot of us would be grateful to have some family around to help us out. Even 20 bucks for a day of babysitting more than one kid is an awesome deal Another thing is, it is easy to be oblivious to things someone else might value. I remember when I was teenager, I babysat these kids, and we made a cake together. Well, when the mom came home, she went ballistic that we used the cake mix...it was just ordinary, cheap cake mix, and at my house the cake would've been appreciated, but this woman went off!!! More recently, I posted that we were invited to a neighbors house, with my 9 year old daughter. Well, my daughter was playing nicely with a doll on the womans couch....AND UNBRAIDED THE DOLLS HAIR!!!!!!This woman, my good friend went absolutely nuts, the doll was an American girl in pristine condition since they got it years ago,yada, yada. Personally, I wouldn't know a $10 pair of socks from a $2 pair.
I guess what I'm saying is, I think your SIL had good intentions and was really oblivious to the fact that these things would upset you. Good luck resolving, or coming to terms with this situation.

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by DizzieDizney
Thank You...and I certainly realize that everyone has their own opinions...I'm trying not to dispute that....it's definately hard when I can't just tell SIL in her face how I truely feel because I don't want to come off unappreciative....and you're right we do have different values..and there is no problem w/ me and SIL..I never want to make any hard feelings or hatred towards her because she is family and I do care for her...just trying to let out a little frustration here instead towards her...but then I guess I'm getting a little sensitive

You have every right to your opinion. You also asked if you were being silly. I just stated my opinion. My mom is nice enough to watch my kids when I need her to. I would never feel out of sorts if she took the effort, especially without being asked, to help the kids with school work. She could take my best bra for all I care and create the most lovely pyramid for the kid's social study project and I would be thanking my lucky stars that she saved me the trouble! LOL! I guess after 3 kids I know when to just shut up and appreciate the effort made.

 

[DizzieDizney]

Originally posted by Bojangles
Maybe the kids got the socks out for her and said to go ahead and use the pins.

You would want your kids to make a penguin with dirty socks your SIL had worn? Yuk.

I think you're making way too big of an issue out of a pair of socks. You SIL sounds like she was genuinely trying to help.

"sigh" I am ...I know... I apologize ... I know she was trying to help... i would of never made her feel bad for using the socks....can we stop w/ the socks now??? LOL Thanks everyone for listening to me ramble..... do you guys hate me now?

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by DizzieDizney
It's not the opinions I can't handle...it' the insults.....is $10 socks suppose to be cheap? I don't know what your financial situation is and you don't know what mine is.

I think $10 is normal for socks. Isn't that the going rate for a pair of decent socks? I do know that after a long search looking for those dreadful knee highs, remember those, I finally found them. They were $15 a pair! Now that is ridiculous!

 

[DizzieDizney]

Originally posted by skiwee1
You have every right to your opinion. You also asked if you were being silly. I just stated my opinion. My mom is nice enough to watch my kids when I need her to. I would never feel out of sorts if she took the effort, especially without being asked, to help the kids with school work. She could take my best bra for all I care and create the most lovely pyramid for the kid's social study project and I would be thanking my lucky stars that she saved me the trouble! LOL! I guess after 3 kids I know when to just shut up and appreciate the effort made.

I wish I had my mom here to help out. My mother and father are all the way in Alaska Unfortunately all I have here is in-laws that never help out and my SIL who will but really would rather do something else. The truth is she is only watching the kids b/c dh is gone. She would never watch them for us if he was here and in-laws never do it at all. The situation is really strange and I'm not about to get into it all here. So me acting like I am is really selfish b/c it's like a miracle that she's watching them in the first place.

 

[battricia]

Originally posted by DizzieDizney
Just to clarify.....she took "MY" things however I did purchase the supplies for the project...She didn't have to look far...everything she needed was right there on top of the instructions.....AND what are you talking about over reacting? As far as reacting to her...I did not.... I did not show any anger or displeasure w/ her...I just simply asked her why she didn't use hers instead of mine...that was the end of it...I laughed...but it really bothered me, I did keep it to myself. I just simply posted how I felt on this thread. I can't apologize for how I feel. That is how I feel and I can't change it. So call me what you want, say what YOU feel. Just don't get the story twisted!

I'm sorry I threw in the 'her' in my statement, I do realize she took YOUR socks. You asked if you were being silly, and I stated that you over reacted, which is how I say things, rather than say being silly, so with apology, I will say that I do think you were being silly, however I do not hate you, and I don't beleive anyone that has posted does either. I think we were all trying to give you a different perspective, so that you don't lose your help on the weekends, and your sister doesn't lose her chance to spend time with the kids, which it seems she genuinely loves to do, and help you out at the same time. Hope this makes you feel a little better, i don't think any of us were trying to make you feel bad, just giving you some other opinions.

tricia.

 

[disykat]

Frankly, I would have been mad too. Mad that she went through my drawers. Mad that she did my child's homework (at least that's what it sounds like). I would have also been mad about the socks - but since I don't even own a pair of $10 socks I guess that's a moot point. I would be mad that she said she had socks of her own she could have used (I didn't see anywhere that it said they were dirty?), but "needed them" so she used mine. I would have been mad about the badges.

I think it's fine to be mad. I'd think it was weird if you weren't. I think it's apalling that she went through your stuff and actually destroyed items. She crossed way too many boundries IMO.

That said, probably like you I would come here to vent and not say anything to SIL. $10 dollars and some memories wouldn't be worth it - but I'd still be mad! I'd also be more careful in the future about what activities would be going on while she was in my home!

PS - I also have no family around to watch my kids. As much as that would be convenient, I still wouldn't want them going through my drawers!

 

[Jeanny]

next time, just hire a baby sitter outside of the in laws.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I also think its not that big of a deal. Alot of people I know don't have family around to even help them out if they needed it. My mil and sil watch my kids from time to time and yea things they do sometimes bug the crap out of me. But I don't say anything, because I appreciate they even watch them for me. My friends family lives a half an hour from her and they refuse to watch her kids. Even if paid. The badges may have upset me a little, but the socks, come on. Even at 10.00, there are worse things that could happen.

 

[tar heel]

Is your sil an adult or a teenager? Just curious.

You said that it was strange that your inlaws don't babysit for you and that you sil does only when dh is gone (that is, when you are in a bind). I don't find that strange. It just means they don't consider babysitting your kids part of their jobs -- my inlaws felt exactly the same way when they lived near us.

I would not have cared what sil used for a project -- I hate supervising projects. I would have been upset that she went through my drawers, though, and I would have said something.

 

[chager]

I can understand why you were upset, I would be too. I know alot of people don't have anyone that will help babysit but the point here is not that you are not thankful, it is she used personal items when you had left supplies. I'm fairly positive that those people that say "I would love to have someone come do crafts with my kids" would sing a different tune if they came home and found their babysitter had gone through their drawers and destroyed something they liked or destroyed something that meant alot to them. I would NEVER go through any else's items or use something with asking permission. To be honest I could get over the socks issue, but the badges would be hard. I think you handles the situation better then I would have. I would have told her that I left supplies for a reason and if she had a better idea she should have called me. I also would have explained she destroyed something that meant something to me (the badges). Socks I can replace, but I may not be able to replace the badges. Overall I think you handled things nicely even though you were upset

 

[HoneyPooh]

I think you handled it very well. You were allowed to be upset but you were smart to not let it out on her. In the end she was doing you a big favor and we don't get to have complete control of favors. I babysat for my very best friend for two years. My best friend's mother and my mother were best friends from 10 yo till they were 70 (when my mom passed away). Needless to say, my best friend and I have been closer than we are to our sisters since we were born. We were bathed together, napped together, and have been with each other through all the good and bad in our lives. Even with all of that, when I babysat for her at her house, I never EVER opened a drawer except in the kitchen unless she asked me to. She left out all the clothes she wanted put on the baby, all the towels for bathing, all the food etc. She would phone three times a day to see if I needed anything or had anything to report and if I needed something I would ask and she would tell me if that was okay and where to find that item. Her home was like my home but I treated it like it was HER home. She knew I would never do anything wrong in her home but I respected her privacy and her belongings as I would expect her to respect mine. I would never have considered cutting up or taking apart anything out of her home unless she had specifically requested me to(even then I would probably have had misgivings!). People are different and your SIL probably never thought twice about it (did she bring up to you what she had used or did you notice?). BTW, if I owned a $10 pair of socks I would never get to go on vacation. Those would be considered a luxury at my house. $10 is 2 1/2 days of school lunch money for my son, not a pair of socks. If I had a pair, they would probably be sacred at our house . I think the most expensive pair I have right now is a pair of bootsocks worth $5 and I found that steep . Good luck next time she sits for you.