SIL vent coming

[clh2]

I have a SIL who lives about 1000 miles away. SIL is my DH's brother's wife. SIL is in her late 40's. BIL and SIL do not have any children.

SIL thinks I should put my 10yo DD on a plane to go visit her in FL. This would involve - either me driving to Ohare - about 2 hours away - with no traffic to get a direct flight down, as there are no direct flights from Milwaukee.

SIL will not take NO for an answer. She is badgering me, badgering my DH. SHE EVEN HAD THE GALL TO SUGGEST IT TO DD!!! I think this irritated me most of all. Now I'm looking like the "bad guy" because this trip isn't going to happen.

I think nothing of sending my DD to a weeklong summer camp. She's actually at one this week. However, if anything goes wrong - I can be at the camp in about 90 minutes at the most.

SIL sees nothing wrong with any child who needs to fly across the country ALONE for any reason. Afterall..."kids do it all the time."

The other issue, since BIL and SIL have no kids - they don't get that they would somehow need to provide some entertainment for a kid for an extended period of time. They are pretty clueless on how nasty it would be to be around my child if she is bored.

It's been a long rant...but I keep wondering why she brought it up to my DD. UGGGHHHH!

 

[Kimberle]

yup, clueless!!

I'd never sent my 10 yo on such a trip!! Not it today's "terrorist age".

 

[doxdogy]

She is most definitely clueless. Tell her if she wants her to visit so bad, to come up and get her fly her down to Florida and then fly her back home again as her escort.

 

[deirdrefitch]

Originally posted by doxdogy
She is most definitely clueless. Tell her if she wants her to visit so bad, to come up and get her fly her down to Florida and then fly her back home again as her escort.

I agree! That is too far for her to fly by herself. I would also let DD know that you have agreed to these terms. The puts the bullseye on someone else. I have to be honest though, if I was not comfortable with her going, I would just tell them no.
SIL and DD will eventually get over it.

 

[Microcell]

I had to comfort a poor little girl who was 10 coming back to KC from Detroit and she was SOOOOO scared to be alone. We had her join us and we talked and stuff, but with every movement of the wings etc... she jumped and I was not her mother, so any real comfort was not to be had. I could only try to distract her. I support you 100%!

 

[heart4pooh]

When my oldest was 10 I sent him to Florida for spring break with my family - mom, dad, sister and brother. It was an awful experience!! After two days I wanted to drive down there to get him. It's a long story, but when he got off the plane he said he never wanted to fly alone or go down there again by himself. Listen to your gut instinct. I wish I had.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I have a MIL and SIL that are clueless as well! Good luck in your dealings! Mine seem to bring it back to me "coddling" my children too much... and then they get mad because I give my kids "too much responsibility!" Arghh!

Do not let them get to you!

 

[BabyTigger99]

Oh my goodness, I just had to respond. DH and I just put his 10 year old DD (she will be 11 this month) on a plane, by herself, to go to Florida from Milwaukee. She will be staying with DH's sister who works for Disney. She left on July 30, and will return on August 11. She had a direct flight from Milwaukee to Tampa. Her mom got to go with her to the gate, and her aunt was waiting at the gate for her in Tampa. We talked to her as soon as she landed. She said she was scared when the plane was taking off (she actually always gets scared at this part. Oh, who am I kidding, I do too!!), but after that she settled in for a great flight. We actually just got off the phone with her, and she is having a fabulous time.

BTW, the aunt and uncle she are staying with are in their late 30's and have no children as well. They say they like having someone around to spoil!

 

[lulugirl]

AARRGGHH.....I hate pushy people!

Your child, your decision. I think SIL is being quite rude.

 

[aprilgail2]

If you are not compfortable doing it then just dont....kids do do it all the time though, my friends 11 year old has more frequent flyer miles than me flying back and forth between his moms state and here to his dad and has been doing it for many years....its all what you are used to and comfortable with.

 

[Kallison]

No way -- no how would I let my 10 year old fly anywhere alone. Heck I wouldn't let my 14 year old do it either. Tell your SIL until she has a child of her own, she has no right to bully you into this decision.

 

[clh2]

Originally posted by Kallison
No way -- no how would I let my 10 year old fly anywhere alone. Heck I wouldn't let my 14 year old do it either. Tell your SIL until she has a child of her own, she has no right to bully you into this decision.

Unfortunately, SIL had to have a hysterectomy many years ago...so she will never have her own - and they would never adopt - since that child wouldn't be their own.

I am not trying to make myself crazy about this - but I don't leave my DD home for more than an hour here or an hour there. There is no way I would I stick her on a plane for several hours ALONE!

Also - when this BIL and SIL were staying with us 4 years ago at our home (it was a horrendous visit) SIL suggested that my DH and I go to a hotel one night so SIL and BIL could spend time with our DD. I just get the feeling that she needs to "play mommy" with someone.

I also think SIL has "issues" since she was an only child. While my DH and BIL are from a family of 8 kids - of which 6 still live in Wisconsin. So she feels like she is "missing something" since they only come up about 1x per year.

Thanks all for letting me vent...

 

[browneyes]

Tell SIL, while your dd is present, that you will agree to that IF she'll fly to Ohare and be there to fly to FL with your dd.

I'm sure your dd will let them know the trouble they'll be in if she gets bored.

 

[klmklm]

maybe a trial run? have her fly up to your house, and take her for a fun weekend, maybe to the Dells? long enough for the boredom factors and general reality of caring for someone that age to set in...

 

[Talking Hands]

At age 8 my daughter flew to Boston with her viola teacher and some of the other violin and viola students. I was a wreck especially when the airplanes were being diverted on the way back due to a tropical storm and the airline would tell me nothing. Turned out that the teacher decided to keep them an extra day in Boston and fly back after the storm but could not get through to contact all the parents.
Alone, she didn't do until she was13 and even then there were 2 other kids (friends) flying as well, heading for the same music camp.
Now days I would not have a 10 yo fly alone. AS someone else said, if she wants her to visit so much, fly up and escort her down.

 

[inaminute]

If the major problem is your daughter flying alone, then have the SIL fly with her--both ways, at her expense. I wanted my grandson to stay with us last summer and that's what we did.

If SIL wants your daughter to stay with her badly enough, she'll gladly do it.

I would never ask anyone to send their child on a flight by themselves. It's just too scary for everyone involved.

 

[PammyK]

From an aunt's perspective...

Last summer, I took my 10 year old nephew on the Wonder as his b-day present. He had to fly from Michigan to Orlando on his own. Now, he has been flying since he was a baby so that wasn't an issue for him. Flying alone was a concern for him, but NWA has a great system for UMs and he ended up loving the trip down as much as the cruise itself, lol.

Of course, it is your decision, and if your child hasn't flown very often, that makes a difference. But don't hate your SIL too much for wanting to spend time with your daughter. She isn't trying to cause trouble, she just wants to spend time with her niece. And yes, maybe she doesn't completely understand your fears about your child being so far away from you but from your post I don't get the impression that you really explained all of your concerns to her. As a childless aunt, I urge you to try to be as understanding with your SIL as possible because I don't think she is trying to be hurtful or badger you, I really just think she wants to spend time with her niece who she loves.

Oh...any you mentioned that your BIL and SIL only go to visit you once a year - how often do you visit them? Maybe you could take a family trip to visit them and you and your DH can take a couple days of that for a romantic getaway? I also think the suggestion to have your SIL come up and collect your daughter is a good option - is that something you have considered and/or discussed with your SIL?

And to the poster who said this
Tell your SIL until she has a child of her own, she has no right to bully you into this decision.

What a hurtful type of comment. You have no idea of the other person's circumstances and why she has no children. Your response was pretty much a slap in the face to any person who doesn't have kids and yet wants to spend time with their nieces and nephews. Many of us already feel like lesser citizens because we don't/can't have kids (even though we yearn to be parents) and comments like that are just another form of kicking someone when they are down. And just because the OP's SIL doesn't have children of her own doesn't mean that she doesn't love kids and doesn't want to enjoy a relationship with her niece. I don't see it as "bullying" I just see it as being someone who desparately wants to spend time with a niece that she loves. Why is that so terrible? Makes me feel very glad that my sisters are much more generous, loving and secure than some of the posters on this thread seem to be.

 

[want2retire]

Yes, we should be sensitive to the feelings of others. It is so sad and unfortunate that this sister-in-law cannot have the children she wants so much. But, if she really had her niece's best interests at heart, she wouldn't have spoken to her about the trip without getting the okay from the parents first. Maybe in her excitement she spoke first without thinking it through? Perhaps. But why does she continue to pressure this child's parents into complying with her wishes? Not to be insensitive, but as much as she may care about her niece, she is not her parent and parents make these kinds of decisions. As parents, we do what we think is best for our children. It is our responsibility and privilege. Just my opinion.

 

[Missy1961]

I support you--I wouldn't let my kids (if I had any) fly alone. End of story. Badgering or not.

But as an aunt, I wouldn't have any problems entertaining any of my nieces or nephews for a week, 10 days or whatever. In fact, in 2 weeks, I will be taking care of my 2 year old niece and her 5 year old sister while their parents are out of town on business. We're all looking forward to it. Just because I'm childless doesn't mean I can't handle kids.

 

[BrerMom]

We were in a very similar situation. SIL lives in FL and we live in MI. She still didn't have kids when DD was 10. She made the same offer. I wasn't ready; I think DD would have been fine. Everytime I go into protective parent mode, DH reminds me that the reason he's been so independent all his life is because his parents let him have opportunities at a young age. His fly-alone experience was before the airlines had the unaccompanied minor program and involved two flight changes and a hotel stay in the middle!

Now that I've seen first-hand that DD would be fine by herself if it were a direct flight - she's 13 now - I'd be willing to send her, but she hasn't been invited again.

As for the "wants to play mommy" comment, is there really anything wrong with that? She gets to spend time with her neice and her neice gets a lot of extra attention. Sounds like a win-win to me. The comment just struck me as mean, but maybe there are family dynamics coming into play that aren't in the thread.

I truly wouldn't worry about her being "bored." It's good for kids to learn how to entertain themselves .... or read a good book.