SIL rant: changes gift ideas and $$$

[HOGFAN]

fool me twice(actually more than twice ) shame on me.

SIL asked us this year if we wanted to go in on a gift for ILs. Says MIL wants a new dishwasher, that MIL has saved 'some' and that the rest of us(4 families) can just 'throw in' some cash to help MIL make up the difference. OKay, Im thinking we can do $50. I even talked to SIL LAST NIGHT, this was still the game plan. Today, we get at the gathering and SIL tells DH that things have changed. Instead, we are gonna let MIL pick out her own dishwasher, and the 4 families can pay for the whole thing and split it. Now, dishwashers range from $200-$600 plus. No way in you-know-where are we willing(or able) to do this. She also informed us that she bought DFIL something for his truck and that she will let us know how much we owe for that. WTH!! MIL also opens up a present(digital photo frame) that SIL tells her is from all the grandkids. No, she didnt consult us about that either. I guess she is gonna hit us up for that too.

Anyway, SIL is notorious for doing this. We agree for her to go pick it out. She always 'changes' the gift. Usually the original one 'looked too cheap' or 'they only had the more expensive version' in stock. So what looks like a reasonable $ to contribute turns into $$$.
I told DH that next year we are NOT going in on a family gift, we will do our own. As usual, I will probably come out looking like the family [edited for word filter], but I dont care anymore.

 

[C.Ann]

I agree - ditch the "family" gift idea for next year.. And as far as this year? Give what you can comfortably afford and not a penny more.. Let the SIL that changed everything around make up the difference.. If she whines, too bad.. She changed the game plan, she can absorb the extra cost..

Other than that, hope you have a really nice holiday!!

 

[Bluestars]

That's what I dislike about a "group" anything. There is always someone who doesn't contribute their share, or who takes it upon themselves to overspend and expects other people to shell out more money than they agreed to give.

You should give her $50 and call it a day. She had no right to change the gift without asking everyone participating. I wouldn't have any problem being firm with someone, especially if they were trying to take advantage of me or didn't ask me first. You agreed to what you could afford and felt comfortable with. The rest is her problem.

 

[Ephany]

My BIL was notorious for doing this. He'd say they should all chip in for something for FIL/MIL and then he'd end up going way over budget and getting mad b/c everyone else couldn't contribute more than the original agreed upon amount. DH would be guilt tripped into contributing more and I'd get angry b/c we'd have to sacrifice somewhere else. FIL/MIL have been slowly downsizing for the last few years and keep emphasizing they don't want more 'stuff', but somehow we'd get sucked in.

Thankfully we moved and it's much easier to avoid BIL now. We just settle on something ahead of time and tell him we've already purchased it when he calls. Everyone's happier now except for BIL and that's only b/c he liked getting the credit.

 

[Stacerita]

I agree with previous poster who said to give what you already agreed to give and call it a day. You shouldn't have to shell out more than you can because someone else went over the budget. Especially without asking you first.

 

[manning]

If $50.00 is what I committed to, $50.00 is what you'll get. That would be my stand and no backing down. And if SIL doesn't like it, tough. She'll have to make up the difference.

 

[dementia412]

I have a sibling who was well known for this sort of thing. There was some big stink once because we went out for dinner on my mom's bday and she expected someone (not sure who... maybe our mom) to pay my share (I'm way younger than my siblings) OR she thought everyone should pay for her kids too. She also stole gift ideas that were originaly going to come from everyone after poo-pooing the idea so we wouldn't buy it, and she always left my name off stuff because I wasn't paying (yeah I was like 9)

 

[luv2nascar]

My SIL is like this as well - I had to put my foot down. We threw a party for my FIL once and she wanted to send all the invites out okay. She went way overboard on the inviting. We ended up with a rather large party. We agreed to set amount for each of sibling to contribute.

On top of the amount I paid I made cole slaw, 10# hamburger BBQ plus rolls, rice pudding, and some other stuff. Day of party BIL tells DH we owe $60 more SIL spent more than set budget. I said sorry we agreed on budget plus we brought all this other stuff so no more money for us. SIL overbought like 500pc plastic utensil boxes and took them home. She included all these ziplock bags in the budget and packed all the food up and took it home with out asking the rest of us if we wanted any. NEVER AGAIN.