SIL bashing Disney and Disney princesses - what to do?

[letsgoreds]

Your SIL is entitled to her opinion. She didn't email you about this, just posted on FB (to the masses). I think it is really cool that there was a party where girls dressed up as historical figures. I didn't take it as a dig on you or DD3.

Some people think about the impact of their words on others, and dial it down. Some don't. It wasn't an attack on your family morals. Just be confident in your choices (agree not mutually exclusive), and don't spend so much time worrying about what your SIL thinks. Your DD3 will be pleased as punch to wear her princess nightgowns, and I doubt that SIL will even notice. No doubt her love of her little neice is way more significant to her stance on Disney princesses.

If it bothers you, I suggest blocking her posts (keep her as a friend). Please don't take this personally, but it feels like you are creating drama where it doesn't exist. I bet you $1,000,000 she doesn't have a clue that you are stewing about this.

I love Disney, but am personally not a fan of the old school messages that were sent to young girls (Cinderella, etc.). Do I feel it is harmful, no. Do I feel that the modern day princesses (Merida, etc.) are good models, yes. Am I glad to have 2 boys so I don't have to worry about all this, YES ; )

 

[chmurf]

1. Unfriend your SIL, if the only thing she does is personal attacks (even in disguise) there's no point in being friends.

2. Ditch FB altogether. That's the #1 place for trouble these days.

3. Don't pay attention. Haters gonna hate.

4. Don't retaliate, and don't even try to argue or make a point. It's useless. There is jealousy or envy around her harsh words and bashing. You're a fan, you're entitled to your opinion, your passions, family values.
Some people can't stand seeing other people be happy (or happier than themselves). If you start to argue, or try to defend your values, she wins. Just because you are right, you could be that right even if you worshipped a potato in the shape of Elvis Presley ...(ok, don't flame me now, lol) Right now you feel like you're under attack and need to defend yourself or fight back. But do you really need to defend yourself ? You don't because she doesn't have a say regarding your values in the first place.

5. she doesn't like disney, ok, she's entitled to her own opinion, and she's even entitled to say it, and even advertise it.
She's not happy about what you like. Show her you don't care. Keep on posting pictures in Disney costumes, don't even bat an eye when you display your disney treasures in front of her, her kids or family, it's your stuff, be proud.
She might keep on bashing, don't react, keep on posting and acting as is she wasn't even there. She'll get tired of it. And you know, people who always bash, post hateful comments, or despise people, have a tendency to get on other people's nerves. You're not the one who will shut her up. Her own friends eventually will

 

[JustAKid]

I'm not quite sure what this is has to do with theme park stategy or why we are discussing your FB/family/upcoming beach vacation troubles (sounds snarky, but it's not intended as such. It's a valid statement. ) Nevertheless...

I really don't understand what the big deal here is. You like Disney, she doesn't. You post pictures of your daughter in her princess dresses, which she, clearly, disagrees with and she posts about photographers and the "real" female heroes. I mean...it's a disagreement.

If you HATED apples, and she loved them, would you get upset for her posting a picture of an apple pie?

For argument's sake let's say she IS doing it passive aggressively. Perhaps your posts really get under HER skin, and she finds you to be flaunting and/or passive aggressive. All you have here is your perspective on the situation, your assumptions, and your feelings. Like Dr. Phil says, "No matter how flat the pancake, there are always two sides."

I wouldn't suggest talking to her, or telling her how you feel. I would suggest you do the same thing with her that you would anyone else - ignore it and chalk it up to a differing of opinion. She's never going to make you hate Disney, and it sounds like she's pretty set in her ways, too.

Live and let live.

P.s. I would speak up if she starts speaking to your children about it in a mocking manner.

 

[KathyTX]

I'd probably bring a Disney princess nightgown to the beach house as a gift to my 3 year old niece.

But that wouldn't be very nice...

 

[Magpie]

I LOVE your husband's "solution"! Seems like a perfectly fun and harmless way to vent frustration.

Let your daughter princess it up on vacation. Block your SIL's posts so they don't bug you. Pretend you never read them. And have fun!

And if your niece expresses any admiration for your daughter's nightgowns, then you have the perfect excuse to gift her with some this Christmas.

 

[glassslippergirl]

Personally, I do not think that enjoying Disney fantasy and teaching your children about important historical figures are mutually exclusive. And I do not think my children are so stupid that by watching Disney movies or playing with Disney toys, they will somehow not learn the difference between fantasy and reality. DH and myself are both very intelligent and successful. We both hold doctorate degrees. I own my own small business (a multispecialty group practice) and support our family while DH works part time and is a stay at home dad. I cannot think of a better way to teach my DD that she can grow up to do anything she wants than by showing her the example of myself!

!

I am curious, OP. If this is something that your SIL posted on Facebook (not directly on your wall), why do you think it is an affront to your family's values? Facebook is a place where people sound off their opinions all the time, and the princess topic has been hot this week with Merida's "makeover." Your SIL is entitled to her opinion. I don't think there is any reason this will lead to a confrontation on your family vacation in July. If that was your SIL's main goal, she would have made these posts much closer to your vacation. Just ignore what she posts on FB for a while, let your daughter wear her nightgowns on the trip, and, if she does bring it up, politely tell her just what you said to us on Dis (quoted above). Otherwise, have a great vacation.

 

[FortForever]

This week, we have been faced with many many anti Disney Facebook posts by SIL. Apparently, there was a photographer who chose to dress her 5 yo DD as "real" female heroes rather than "shallow fake" Disney princesses for her bday. She took b&w pics of her dd dressed as Amelia Earhart, Helen Keller, etc. SIL used this article as a way to comment about how she will never dress her DD as a Disney princess and instead teach her to respect the "real" female heroes.

Then the next day she posted a link to princess Merida's new makeover and used it as a way to bash Disney for trying to sexualize our young girls. Again, she kept commenting how she will never dress her DD as a princess and will try to keep her away from Disney's influence as long as she can.

She knows how much our family loves Disney and saw DD's bday picture as Belle.

For those who say SIL is merely sharing her opinion on fb and not trying to insult the OP, I would bring your attention to quotes above.

Even if this is her real opinion, she can share it without criticizing a family member. To make repeated posts disrespecting people who let their daughters dress like Disney Princesses is unnecessary, immature, passive aggressive, rude, hateful, and a host of other adjectives.

This is true because she is AWARE of her niece's interest as they are on her friends list. She KNOWS her SIL will see this stuff. There are custom post settings she could have used to keep certain people from seeing those posts. She chose to post it for her SIL to see.

I will add here that I, myself, do not like Disney Princesses. I don't think they're harmful, but I am tired of seeing them and have some other personal feelings as well. HOWEVER, I have several cousins and friends with young girls who adore them. I would never dream of saying anything that would be hurtful or insulting to any of them.

Yeah, it might be her page, but when did respect and common decency go out the window just because it's on fb? I also don't post many things I think are funny since my ultra conservative parents are on facebook and wouldn't want to see it. Keep in mind I am 49 years old, so can post whatever I want. Respect others!

 

[Cyrano]

Moving to community as this is a discussion between different view points rather than trip planning

 

[JustAKid]

For those who say SIL is merely sharing her opinion on fb and not trying to insult the OP, I would bring your attention to quotes above.

Even if this is her real opinion, she can share it without criticizing a family member. To make repeated posts disrespecting people who let their daughters dress like Disney Princesses is unnecessary, immature, passive aggressive, rude, hateful, and a host of other adjectives.

This is true because she is AWARE of her niece's interest as they are on her friends list. She KNOWS her SIL will see this stuff. There are custom post settings she could have used to keep certain people from seeing those posts. She chose to post it for her SIL to see.

I will add here that I, myself, do not like Disney Princesses. I don't think they're harmful, but I am tired of seeing them and have some other personal feelings as well. HOWEVER, I have several cousins and friends with young girls who adore them. I would never dream of saying anything that would be hurtful or insulting to any of them.

Yeah, it might be her page, but when did respect and common decency go out the window just because it's on fb? I also don't post many things I think are funny since my ultra conservative parents are on facebook and wouldn't want to see it. Keep in mind I am 49 years old, so can post whatever I want. Respect others!

I don't understand how the quotes give evidence to the fact that the SIL is trying to insult the OP.

I mean, she gave an opinion but that doesn't mean she's doing it specifically to insult the OP.

Moreover, I think that we can and should show a lot more respect on "public" sites but at what point do we start censoring ourselves? Perhaps your opinion here about you not liking princesses for your own reasons will upset the OP -- does that mean that you shouldn't have written your opinion? Of course not! Stating that you believe something different from someone else is not, in and of itself, disrespectful even if you know prior that the other person's opinion doesn't coincide with your own.

 

[emilyltd]

Well I must admit that the Princess thing leaves me personally with mixed feelings. Obviously, I enjoy Disney and we are having breakfast in the castle, etc. in other words, I enjoy the whole thing, but do have some issues with it. I kind of see your SIL's point. FWIW, my dd has costumes and I bought her a special one from Disney.com and she can't wait to wear it.

What I do think is rude is posting that stuff on Facebook knowing what she knows about your family. It is almost aggressively rude and incredibly judgemental, which is blech. Don't feel bad at all for letting your dd dress up in their presence and good for your DH for getting her more princess nightgowns.

 

[crashbb]

I don't understand how the quotes give evidence to the fact that the SIL is trying to insult the OP.

I mean, she gave an opinion but that doesn't mean she's doing it specifically to insult the OP.

Moreover, I think that we can and should show a lot more respect on "public" sites but at what point do we start censoring ourselves? Perhaps your opinion here about you not liking princesses for your own reasons will upset the OP -- does that mean that you shouldn't have written your opinion? Of course not! Stating that you believe something different from someone else is not, in and of itself, disrespectful even if you know prior that the other person's opinion doesn't coincide with your own.

Unless the posts included the line, "I will not dress my daughter as a princess, like my evil brother and his wife do to their child", I totally agree with you.

 

[tigger1972]

Thanks for moving this thread to the other board - I realized after I posted that I should have chosen the "family" or community boards and didn't know how to move it.

Thanks for all the responses. I love to hear varying points of view as that helps me put SIL's posts in perspective.

I guess what bothered me is she tagged me in her posts. And she knows how much DD loves the princesses but still chose to express how she thought parents who allow their children to dress like the princesses are damaging or hurting them.

I know I am one of those who always first thinks of others before speaking or posting. For this reason, I rarely post on Facebook. If I know a family member for example loves baseball and then see a friend post on how they are "sooo bored" watching a baseball game their husband drug them out to see, I am not then going to join the comment thread by posting "so sorry, I know how you feel, I think baseball is boring too!". Even though I may feel that way, I will decline to comment as I know my family member who loves baseball would be hurt by that.

That is just one example, but generally, the point is, it is hurtful to make comments in direct opposition to what you know a family member loves. It is even more hurtful to express that you think what a family member is doing is damaging their own child.

But again, I hate conflict and would never call SIL out on this. I honestly respect her point of view. I even shared it at one time in my life when I was younger, more liberal, and didn't have kids. I just don't like that she doesn't respect my point of view.

I like those of you who commented that SIL probably wasn't even thinking of DD when she made her comments. Whether that is true or not, this is what I will choose to believe. Better to give her the benefit of the doubt and just let it go.

I won't bring it up at all unless she does. I was just hoping for some good "talking points" to defend my point of view if it is brought up.

I also loved the video link!!

Thanks!!

 

[FortForever]

Unless the posts included the line, "I will not dress my daughter as a princess, like my evil brother and his wife do to their child", I totally agree with you.

She tagged her in the posts! Of course I didn't know this until just now. But it does back up my opinion.

As far as my opinion that I don't like the princesses, I stated that without throwing insults at those who do. Big difference.

But, anyway, the OP is choosing to ignore. Everyone agrees that is the best thing to do. The OP herself posted the best defensive statement if this happens to be brought up during vacation.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

She is entitled to her opinion as you are yours. I wouldn't worry too much about what she thinks. I would simply ignore it and move on. If she keeps pressing the topic, politely asking her to drop it since you cannot agree.

 

[lovelybelle]

I'm 20 and the princesses are my biggest role models still. So I completely understand how you feel OP! I hate it when people attack the princesses for being 'shallow' or 'weak'. Especially the classic girls. Cinderella is one of the strongest women I know

It does help to just ignore your SILs comments, though. I've found that it's easier to keep living your magical life than to try to change someone's mind on this topic. Those who can't see all of the wonderful qualities that make a Disney princess must be very sad indeed.

 

[capeseal]

Thanks for moving this thread to the other board - I realized after I posted that I should have chosen the "family" or community boards and didn't know how to move it.

Thanks for all the responses. I love to hear varying points of view as that helps me put SIL's posts in perspective.

I guess what bothered me is she tagged me in her posts. And she knows how much DD loves the princesses but still chose to express how she thought parents who allow their children to dress like the princesses are damaging or hurting them.

I know I am one of those who always first thinks of others before speaking or posting. For this reason, I rarely post on Facebook. If I know a family member for example loves baseball and then see a friend post on how they are "sooo bored" watching a baseball game their husband drug them out to see, I am not then going to join the comment thread by posting "so sorry, I know how you feel, I think baseball is boring too!". Even though I may feel that way, I will decline to comment as I know my family member who loves baseball would be hurt by that.

That is just one example, but generally, the point is, it is hurtful to make comments in direct opposition to what you know a family member loves. It is even more hurtful to express that you think what a family member is doing is damaging their own child.

But again, I hate conflict and would never call SIL out on this. I honestly respect her point of view. I even shared it at one time in my life when I was younger, more liberal, and didn't have kids. I just don't like that she doesn't respect my point of view.

I like those of you who commented that SIL probably wasn't even thinking of DD when she made her comments. Whether that is true or not, this is what I will choose to believe. Better to give her the benefit of the doubt and just let it go.

I won't bring it up at all unless she does. I was just hoping for some good "talking points" to defend my point of view if it is brought up.

I also loved the video link!!

Thanks!!

Okay, the fact that she tagged you completely changes my opinion. Load up on tiaras and princess dresses and parade your daughter around your SIL proudly. I'm sorry that you have to spend a week with someone who has such an enormous chip on her shoulder. At least your husband seems to be 100% with you on this issue.

 

[chimilady]

A little late to this discussion but does your SIL have children? Because I was a great parent before I had kids!

I'm a very big feminist and do believe many of the Disney princesses are weak and certainly not role models. We avoided it at our house, but at 3yo, my girls knew who each of the princesses were through friend @ school. So instead of bashing the princesses, I would watch with the girls and would use that as a time to speak to them openly about things that things I wanted them to learn. So instead of women constantly being rescued by men, I would talk about how that was great that it worked out for ______, but if you want to change your own destiny, you need to take charge and do it yourself. And the times that they would say something along the lines of needing a man to live happily ever after, I would correct them and talk about how falling in love is wonderful, but that being happy is so much more than that. Now my girls (5yo) are very much aware of the lessons I think are important and instead of focusing on the points of the princesses I find less than ideal, they talk about why they like certain things. And to be honest, most of it is because they get awesome jewelry and clothes, and honestly, who can blame a girl for having fabulous taste. Basically, if your SIL has a problem with it, I understand where she is coming from, however parenting is about teaching your children the values you feel are important. Ignoring princesses won't make them go away. Take charge and find a way to use your children's interests to teach the values you want them to learn.

 

[JennyWren]

I think all women have an inner princess whether we are a prim, proper princess or a warrior princess, etc...however we sometimes lose touch with her. Your SIL sounds like she is unhappy with herself. While part of me wants to tell you to be the bigger person and ignore it; the other part of me want to tell you to always give her DD princess-themed gifts.

 

[JustAKid]

She tagged her in the posts! Of course I didn't know this until just now. But it does back up my opinion.

As far as my opinion that I don't like the princesses, I stated that without throwing insults at those who do. Big difference.

But, anyway, the OP is choosing to ignore. Everyone agrees that is the best thing to do. The OP herself posted the best defensive statement if this happens to be brought up during vacation.

Hey! That's cheating!

Of course, now that I know she was tagged in the posts, it totally changes my opinion. With the post-tagging I think SIL just might be a jerk!!