*Sigh* Middle Schoolers!

[minniebeth]

I just have to vent my frustration with my middle schoolers right now...
I feel like a horrible mom but I know (at least I hope) I did the right thing.
DS 8th grade had a science project due today and I told him to put it on his backpack by the door last night so he doesn't forget it. He told me in his teenager voice (like all I ever do is nag him) that he won't forget it, yadda yadda.... I told him it wasn't a request, it was to be done....from yesterday to today, it is still sitting on our kitchen counter and he got on the bus without it, me saying goodbye to my kids knowing full and well he doesn't have his science project. If it weren't for his snotty attiude yesterday about it, I probably would have reminded him. He sometimes forgets other stuff from school, but sometimes I bring it to him, but I feel if I keep doing this, he won't take the responsibility of remembering things for himself, which he certainly will need more than ever next year in HS. I know he will get a missing assignment slip, he will not be happy. Ugh, life's lessons are sometimes harder on parents than the kids, don't you think?
Oh, middle school is hard (I'm talking for myself as well as the kids!)
( I have a 6th grader too...)
Have a day!

 

[MushyMushy]

I feel your pain! My DD is in 7th grade and she's developing quite an attitude. What makes it doubly hard is that she's never been a bit of trouble for me, but now she is so disrespectful and rude to us.

As I sit here typing this, I see her student agenda on the coffee table -- they get points taken off for not having it for class. I'm sure somehow it'll be my fault that she forgot it.

 

[cabanafrau]

I've tried to look at this from a different perspective, if only to comfort myself that I of course am a truly wonderful parent. Maybe the lesson truly hits home when they face the consequences of their attitude & behavior. I don't know, but that's my story & I'm sticking to it.

BTW, Mushy, of course it's your fault. You have crossed over the line into the parenting zone & of course know nothing. Didn't you get that memo? Welcome to my world.

 

[Jennifer S]

Ditto. I have a 7th grade boy. The attitude just stinks. So when do they turn back? 10th grade? I miss my sweet little boy who used to love me. Now I'm just a pain in his hiney.

 

[KAMLEM]

Minniebeth-

I can't believe what a horrible mother you are. You let your son walk out without his project and you knew he didn't have it. Don't you know that it's your responsibility to make sure they don't forget anything, ever, no matter where they are going? You should have reminded him over and over and over and over, until you actually saw him put it in his bag.

Obviously I'm just kidding. I have a 9th grader and a 7th grader, so I can sympathize. My girls always seem to forget something they need for soccer. I used to run down the list every time they left, but they would just yes me to death even if they didn't have everything so I quit doing it. It has gotten MUCH better. They know that I am not going to ask anymore, and if they forget their cleats well they just won't be playing.

What drives me the most crazy is when they accuse me taking something out of their bags to wash it without putting it back. I don't go near those bags, they stink to high heaven! If they want something washed they need to give it to me, I am not going out of my way to get it.

 

[ZuZugal]

From my DS; "Stop asking me SO many questions!"

I'll ask if he has his lunch money for the day, did he remember his book sitting on the table, does he need to go in early any day this week, etc.

I told DH I'm not going to ask him any questions any more...he can just figure it all out for himself. I'm giving it a week and we'll see where we stand by Friday.

 

[MidgeD79]

Some thoughts from an experienced mom: My job is to help my kids learn to be productive, self-reliant adults. I have had 6 kids 19 years apart. I had the first 4 by the time I was 25 and the last 2 in my mid-30's. I did what I thought was the right thing to do with the first group. My job was to be a mother ( I was a SAHM) and take care of my kids/house/husband in that order. It is not a surprise to me now that I'm divorced and my dd (now 27 - the others died and that's another story) calls me to "fix" everything for her. She has a hard time problem-solving and a really hard time when things don't go as planned. I thought the kids would learn by my example - WRONG! I now practice natural consequences. I use the timer for just about everything -from when breakfast is over, when we walk out the door, computer/Nintendo time, tv etc. This morning , my ds (10) walked out of the house wearing his underwear, polo shirt, and carrying his shoes, socks, jeans, backpack. He did take his medication for ADHD, didn't get to eat breakfast and didn't grab a jacket. He managed to get dressed before I dropped him off at daycare.
I remind him to get things ready the night before, but I don't tell him what to get. My dgs (5 - lives with me-his mom is one the kids that died) thinks he needs my help putting on elastic waistband pants and pullover shirt. He has major separation issues and wants/needs (not sure which) me to help him with everything. I will sit/stand near him, but that's all I do.
I know this is long, but as parents we need to decide what we want our children to be as adults and guide them to be successful at it.

 

[okeydokey]

Minniebeth, you have just done your son a HUGE favor. If he learns this lesson well, he may not forget next time. It's just one more of the million steps on the road to independence. There's no telling WHEN they will get there.

 

[friend of pooh]

As a teacher of 5th and 6th graders, I thank you. I think you are all going about things just right. So many times I hear, "My mom didn't put it in my backpack." My response is always,"I didn't give your mom homework, so of course she didn't put it in your backpack."

You are teaching your children a vakuable life lesson...responsibility. All too often in today's world no one takes responsibility for anything. It is always someone else's fault. SO yay for all of you!!!!

 

[DISshopkeeper]

Don't feel bad. Once I quit bailing my kids out of trouble, they improved dramatically.

We had LOTS of discussions about the "F" word.... In this case, FORGET!

 

[TaraPA]

I'm sitting here right now waiting for the phone to ring because DS11 (6th grade) forgot his lunch money. We had a blow up about this morning too - I put $2 a day into his lunch account to spend on lunch. School lunch is $1.75 - but since he chooses to buy ala carte, he spends more than $2 a day. So near the end of the month, his account is always empty, and somehow it's always my fault. Well today I drew the line & said so sad, too bad, use your own money for the rest of the month. He flipped out with attitude, crying (what is with these pre-teen boys & their girly crying fits?!?!) In the end I agreed to advance him his allowance for this week, and gave it to him. Fast forward 15 minutes, after coming back from the bus, here it sits on the island. No doubt he will call & ask me to bring it in. No way! He's a resourceful kid - he can wrangle a few bucks from his friends or go hungry. Do I feel guilty - yes - but not enough to get out of my jammies, off the DIS & in the car to run his lunch money in!

 

[*Fantasia*]

minniebeth, i feel your pain. i know exactly what you mean. i have a 6th grader too. for some reason, he seems to be doing better this year in public school than last year in catholic school. he was less concentrating with his school and always seem to forget to bring or turn in his rojects/assignments. i always had to drive back to school just to drop them off. the office staffs know me so well cause i'm usually there once a week or other week to drop off his stuff cause he forget to bring it.

 

[KerriSue]

I feel everyones pain. There is nothing worse than morning at my house with my DS13. He just doesnt understand why I yell so much in the morning. I think my blood pressure rises to dangerous levels from 645-730 every morning. The evil looks my son gives me in the morning is something straight out of a horror movie I pretty much have to drag his lazy butt out of bed every morning. This battle is turning me gray--fast.

Nothing is better than 731 in the morning. The minute my son is out the door and on his way to the bus

 

[Disney Doll]

At a certain age...I'm going to say it was around 11 or 12...my mother let us suffer the natural consequences of our actions (or lack thereof! ).

It does teach personal responsibility fairly quickly when one is hungry because they forgto their lunch money, or when one is in detention because they forgot an assignment.

OP, if I had a child who gave me attitude when I was trying to help him by reminding him about school related things, it would be a cold day in you-know-where before I'd save his butt by bringinig the project in.

Personal responsibility and consequences are beautiful things for kids to learn early in life!

 

[2Kds2K9]

I agree with everyone! Sometimes you have to let them "fail" to learn the lessons we are trying to teach them.

I have a DS14 and DD12. Both have forgotten things and I have sat here a the table wondering if I should be "super mom" and bring them to school. Then I think, no, I'll be a super mom by teaching them the consequences of their actions, or in-actions. Every day from 1st grade on up, they come home and do their homework right away. I tell them when they are done, to put everything back in their backpacks so it's ready for the next day and we/they are not running around looking for them. You would think this would be automatic for them by now. Nope. I still find books and notebooks out and about. I'll just mention that it's there, and continue on with my day. If it makes it into the backpack, great, if not, not my problem.

Same thing with shoes. I no longer go running around trying to find shoes. They are to take them off at the door and leave them. If they are not there, well I don't know where they are, I didn't take them off YOUR feet!

I keep telling my kids that if I can teach them patience, respect, and resposibility, then my job is complete!

Good luck!

 

[mamamary]

My son just started middle school. I'm not sure what happened over the summer because he is constantly forgetting stuff. Mostly it's stuff that needs to come home from school. I feel like I'm constantly on him. For a while I was putting an 8x10 piece of paper inside his back pack to help remind him of what he needs to bring home. That didn't work. So now he is on his own. I think he is sort of getting the hang of it now. His middle school seems to take points off for everything so he is starting to see the consequences of his actions (or lack thereof).

 

[kacaju]

*sigh* I have a 7th grader. I can't wait for her to get older and start being human again!!

 

[swkmom]

My dd is in the 7th grade as well. It's so nice to know I'm not alone. Her grades are a little better this year (still not where they should be) but the drama with her friends is a nightmare! I guess I should be thankful she actually talks to me about it.

 

[MushyMushy]

*sigh* I have a 7th grader. I can't wait for her to get older and start being human again!!

Maybe we need a countdown timer.

I got lucky, though. Just as the 13 year old started turning into an alien, the 17 year old started turning human again.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Alrighty...I will join today.

My 17yodd is mad because it is "senior skip day" and I made her go to school.

My 6th grade middle schooler was tardy again. She didn't quite get her math homework, it is a new quarter today so she has 2 new classes, and the creme de la creme...we were not able to get her room set up so she had to sleep in a spare bed. We finally moved into our house this weekend. She was not happy with us.

So alot going on....I am working on her room today, and laundry, and unpacking....bleech.