Sick of family's health secrets kept from me....

[Mskanga]

My mom is going trough a whole set of tests, we know she has alzheimers, just don't know how advanced it is and now the doctor's are running all kinds of tests to see where we stand. My maternal grandmother died of dementia ( which is directly related to alzheimers ).
Apparently , the doctor has been asking about the family medical history. Things have come out to the light that I was never told and the doctor told my sister that she should tell me immediately so I can be tested and /or monitored.
I knew diabetes runs in my family ( both sides ) , I knew that my father died from Cirrhosis of the liver ( alcohol related ) , but I didn't know that his father also died of the same , and my sister also has diabetes, she was told 6 years ago it was the hereditary type. Not until now has anyone told me anything , just because the doctor told them that all siblings must know.
I wonder how many more secrets are out there , that they haven't told me yet. I'm sorry to ramble with this , I suppose my sister's diabetes could also be related to her life long obesity , but then again , this is one more thing nobody ever talks about.

 

[Debbie]

Hi Olga, I can't make you feel better, but I can tell you that we're here for you. I think that you might be going through a lot of feelings yourself, right now. Anger? Fear? Distrust? (((Hugs))) hun! It's going to get better, I can feel it in my bones.

 

[karebear1]

Some people just don't feel comfortable sharing health issues with anyone. Even family members. Whatever their reeasons are really doesn't matter , So, try not to dwell on it. You know now what you need to know most about and you can work with that.

When I found out I had diabetes, I didn't tell anyone either- other then my husband. I was kind of embarrassed that I had diabetes. I know that sounds stupid- but the reason I had it WAS because I was over weight. 19 years ago when I was sitting in a Dr.s office and he look me straight in the eye and told me I would end up being diabetic in 20 years- if I didn't get my weight under control.. and I didn't. I ignored him and look where I am now. Maybe your sister is simply embarrassed not by the diabetes, but by the fact that telling would be admitting that she let herself go. Thaht she didn't care enough about herself to fix things. I don't know. But whatever the reason- it doesn't really matter. You know now.

Don't let it get you down- just work with what you know. If you're that concerned, ask the rest of your family if there are any other health issues that they are experiencing that they would like to share with you or that you should be aware of for a family history's sake.

 

[Jomrog]

I would feel the same way. I'm sorry about your tough time. Just wanted send {{{{hugs}}}} to you.

 

[geetey]

Mskanga
I am so sorry for you!! I know exactly how you feel because my family is one that doesn't talk about their illnesses either. Both dh and I have had things come to light in recent physicals that we had to dig to find out were occuring in our parents! (DH - high blood pressure Myself - high cholesterol) Now I am being a big blabbermouth and telling EVERYONE in my family! My mother refuses to go to the doctor because she doesn't want to know what's wrong. My father has high cholesterol, high blood pressure, enlarged heart, diabetes (but not on insulin).... I was SHOCKED! And pissed!!

Now when I go to the doctor, I pass on what I can and say... my family doesn't share a lot of their medical history so please check me like they DO have whatever you are asking about. I am doing everything I can to be healthy. {{{Hugs!}}}

 

[imgoingtodisney]

good luck and please get yourself checked for peace of mind

Last month my 51yr brother (5.5yrs older than me) had a sudden massive heart attack which lead to his having a heart bypass. This was his first sign of heart problems.

Our father started his health problems at 54yrs. He had a triple bypass, triple w/the branch and an angioplasty. He died at 71.

You can be darn sure my doc now knows this is hereditary. I have taken myself to the doc, had EKG, put myself on a lowfat/low cholesterol diet (doc said loose 20lbs), had the doc order me a nuclear stress test and had 4vials of blood taken for bloodwork. Im also asking for an echocardiogram.

This same brother also had breast cancer 3yrs ago. I have faithfully been going for my mammograms every year.

Good luck and have doc check you over. Its better to be safe than sorry.

 

[Mskanga]

You know, it's not that I am mad at them for not telling me about their health issues, I am mad because most of these things are hereditary and they affect me directly , I know that my father died from cirrhosis of the liver , from his heavy drinking , but I also found out that his father died from it and I never heard he was an alcoholic , I was also told by the doctor that cirrhosis can be hereditary and not only associated with alcohol consumption. My sister's diabetes I can understand if she does not want me to know that she has it because of her weight issue, but she should tell me that she has it so I can be aware that it could happen to me too.
To all those people that I should be asking these questions, I can't ask them, they are all dead.
I know when I was younger, my parents wanted to shelter me from all this, but I am a grown up woman now and I have children , I have to worry for them too. What scared me and ticked me off today was my sister's e-mail telling me to have my children checked for diabetes, where did this all come from all of a sudden? I'm totally aware of their family history on dh's side , but mine.....I wonder what else is there that I don't know.

 

[imgoingtodisney]

ya - DS11 got scared when we told him that heart problems are hereditary in our family

 

[loisg1]

Hi, Olga... Can totally empathize with what you're experiencing. Many hereditary health issues in my family, which for the most part I'm aware of. But DH's family is another story. Just bury your head in the sand and nothing will ever happen. Very frustrating.

But sending {{{{{hugs}}}} to help you get through this.

Lois

 

[Beanie]

Kanga, I don't have any advice to offer, but I wanted to send you big hugs!!!

 

[maryliz]

Sending you lots of {{{HUGS}}}. My MIL was diagnosed with cancer in the fall of 1994. My FIL told my youngest SIL about a year later, because he was so frustrated in keeping it to himself (MIL did not want anyone to know ... especially her kids ). My FIL finally told us Christmas 1996 when she was getting really bad. I was frustrated (and pregnant with their first grandchild), and felt betrayed, but what could I do. It was a tough lesson for me to learn that my dh's family was nothing like my family when it came to health issues, and 5 years later, nothing has changed. I think you should ask them if there is anything else that might be hereditary that you should know about. Try not to dwell on your anger/hurt feelings, but instead get the info you will need in future for the health of your own family. Hopefully you will be able to get some peace of mind when all is said and done.

Mary Liz