Sick of drama........

[Maverick0980]

So, by chance my sister had a child two months after my wife and I had our son. Big difference being that she had hers with a kid (yes, I'll call him kid cause he still acts like one.) she wasn't willing to marry because she "didn't know if she wanted the commitment" I held my tongue when I wanted to tell her that this kid is a bigger commitment to have him around than being married to him would have been.
Well, it didn't take long for him to bolt, he told her to work, would give her their son the minute she got home so he could go play video games with his buddies and then eventually threw a fit cause she left a can of formula at my parents house and ran back to his parents house. Now they split custody of him during the week.
Onto my rant: My sister has always relished her status with my parents (first girl after five boys, she did get special treatment) and now seems to want to use her boy to continue it. I've tried telling my parents I want to see my son more to compensate but my mom took it as I was telling her to pick between her two grandkids. (I think this attitude might be genetic. Also of note is that my parents DO see my nephew more mainly due to babysitting when my sister worked....though she was just fired.....and went to school.) Now, we are a religious family, taught all our lives to save sex till marriage so obviously my parents and I were disappointed when she announced her pregnancy but we've loved and supported her nonetheless.
So my sister texts me last week saying she thought my wife didn't like her, that she hates that our kids get compared and she's tired of feeling judged. I assured her my wife does like her, that we can't compare the two kids, they're two different personalities and (here's where it goes awry) that though I disagree with choices she's made, I know I cannot and will not judge her.
She starts into this huge diatribe about how I really am judging her cause "actions speak louder than words" (we hardly see each other and when we do i'm friendly to her......) She accuses me of "talking down about her son". (Never happened) I just kept trying to tell her disagreeing with behavior doesn't mean a judgment or that I'll cut her out of my life,, hate her, etc. Even my parents have expressed over and over they don't agree with her and maybe she isn't mature enough yet. (On a day she had custody she dumped her son off to go to beer fest, which irked my mom.) But she can't chew my parents out cause she risks them cutting off the financial support they've been giving. Myself, however, I can be attacked cause I know very well she'll give my mom her edited version and I'll have to try to get my mom to rework what she knows later. She basically turned everything to be MY fault. Like she claimed WE ignored her requests for playdates, even though it's always been us contacting her and she either cancels or quits answering us.
I'm just sick of her playing politics within the family. Also my parents are approaching their seventies and it pains me to see them effectively being parents again with their grandchild. (He sometimes is kept overnight.)
Sorry, I know it's long.

 

[mommasita]

Hi there..

Your sister does sound young, and very alone ... Maybe maturity on her part will happen with the wisdom that comes along with it..

Families can be so complicated, and it isn't easy..

I normally hate to say this, but my sister had a falling out with my Mother 8 years ago, and basically divorced us all.. There isn't a day that my heart aches and breaks about it.. I am watching it kill my mother, and although my sister and I were never close, she was the only sibling I had, as I lost my brother at a young age.. I probably made mistakes too, not listening enough to my sister maybe.. If I could turn back time, I would try and reach out more, seeing as she was single and feeling very lonely, but I can't..

Forgive me if I overstepped my bounds, just trying to give you another side of it.. Maybe try and go for a coffee just you and your sister, and having a heart to heart? If she is up to that, and clear up what bothers both of you..

 

[Maverick0980]

It's ok. Thanks for your input. I'd try that but she won't let this be resolved unless I admit I'm 100% at fault. She doesn't want anyone telling her they disagree with her party girl lifestyle, we need to say we think what she's doing is ok with us.

 

[mommasita]

It's ok. Thanks for your input. I'd try that but she won't let this be resolved unless I admit I'm 100% at fault. She doesn't want anyone telling her they disagree with her party girl lifestyle, we need to say we think what she's doing is ok with us.

I understand.. I really do... It puts you in a terrible position.