Should we invite MIL to Disney?

[bellebud]

I voted NO... defintely not, no way! Going to WDW with people you generally get along with can be difficult, forget about going w/ someone like her. I'm not saying anything mean about her either - she is who she is. But there's definitely something going on there... the stacks of stuf w/ trails to walk through is a mental illness. She just may never be able to "be there" in your lives the way you'd feel comfortable. Remember too, everyone has a different comfort level. My mom would gladly spend days w/ my kids, my mil sees them for a half hour every few weeks and has her fill. MIL doesn't love them less than my mom does, she just gets her fill much quicker. It's who she is, and who my mom is. My kids see the difference, and I explain it to them just the way I just stated it, and they're getting older and beginning to understand and not feel bad about it.

All your mil can offer is what she's already offering... if it makes you feel better and less guilty (you're a very good dil, btw), plan a few more short visits locally with her, or even on a regular basis, but keep them short and sweet and close to home. Maybe have a monthly family breakfast out (you, dh, kids and inlaws), or something like that. In the summertime, meet at the local ice cream place once or twice... things like that.

good luck and enjoy your disney trip!

 

[ammeador2]

I voted NO!! I actually took my MIL with me to WDW for 9 days It was a TOTAL NIGHTMARE!! That was 2 years ago. No mind you my MIL is not the kind that goes along with the program easily. I did all the research, planning, made all reservations all she had to do was show up. All she did was B***h! "Why are you so hot, why did we come in Sept, Why did this, Why did that, ARGH!!!! I wanted to strangle her. I will tell you we are not as close as we were. We talked everyday, now we talk maybe twice a month. It really strained our relationship. I can not take listening to her.

My DD and I just got back from a 9 day trip on Sept 20th and it was truly MAGICAL!!! My DD talks about the trip from 06, and she says that was not a fun as the one we just went on, and she was only 5 at the time. I didn't ask anyone to come with us, it was a girls trip, and it was awesome. I think if my MIL would have come it would not have been a good trip.

My DD gave her trip report in school last week and was talking about the last time we went we took my grandma. My grandma was a pain in the butt, so we didn't ask her to come this time. I just laughed, and told her teacher, well, she was right.

That is too cute! My DD would be the one to tell grandma to stop and try to have some fun!
I just feel conflicted...she was talking about maybe bringing her DH to WDW next year and I knew that we were going back so I thought that it might be a nice gesture if we invited her. Just so I can say.."look I am trying!" but then on the same note I don't want to ruin anyone's vacation. Disney is supposed to be magical not miserable.

I'm not sure why the tone of some of these posts are so accusatory . . . the OP's post seems quite legitimate to me. I've seen quite a few of her previous posts and she's always been nice and helpful - unlike many others that post on the DIS.

I completely understand the difficulty in having an unstable (mine's plain crazy sometimes) mother-in-law and a husband whom you love very much and trying to "get along" with their family dynamic. I've been doing it for about 13 years. It's a hard balance most of the time and confusing sometimes. You want to be kind and keep the peace, but sometimes it's hard.

OP don't take some of these posts too seriously. Until someone has really had to deal with a MIL with emotional/mental issues, it's very hard to understand the situation.

Thank you very much! That was nice of you! I would love to let someone borrow her! It's not that she's a bad person or that she's evil, she's just very very different and hard to relate to. She doesn't really speak to me, I try to keep her talking by asking lots of open ended questions. my grandma is a talker and she will talk to her a little. Usually I think my g-ma is rambeling and she's just nodding along!

 

[disykat]

Look, I would love for her to be in my kids life and to treat me like a person and to call her son! Why are you giving me such a hard time?

Please don't accuse me of deleting anything nasty - I simply deleted more of what I thought was legitimate advice. I repeated the advice people have been giving about not being able to turn her into something she's not. It appeared you were finally getting it, so I deleted my post so as not to belabor the point.

I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I felt like you weren't getting the point that many of us were trying to make. You can't make your MIL into something you want her to be - you have to deal with what she is. And, whether you like it or not, what she is probably isn't the kind of MIL who would be fun to have on a WDW vacation.

I don't like nastiness on this board and I wasn't trying to cause it. I simply felt either you weren't listening to us (or yourself) or you were playing with us. To me, it seemed very extreme to keep saying how horrible it would be and how much you wanted to invite her at the same time. Surely you can see how that is strange?

I have horrible inlaw issues. Certainly I wish things were different. However, you won't see me inviting mine on vacation because I wish things were different. I think it would be self-destructive.

I certainly hope you will continue to fight for a good relationship with your inlaws. Ruining my vacation wouldn't be what I would do or what I would advise anyone else (who asked me like you asked) to do though.

 

[disykat]

The other person deleted what was said so now I look like I'm whining!lol

And I learned never to delete advice that is no longer needed because people will assume I said something horrible!

 

[amyj1024]

Here's the thing, you need to do what is best for your family. My MIL is a loon, she has written DH and I nasty letters, and then wonders why we don't want to deal with her. She has gone months without seeing my kids or speaking to us, and then acts like she is so close to us. Everything that goes wrong for her is always our fault. She insists on being the center of attention--100% of the time.

I would not invite her to go on any of my trips. I understand you wanting a relationship with your MIL for your kids' sake, but you can change or control how she is. And my guess is you aren't going to help her see the light. Look at how she treats her own son. (this is the same type of issue I have with my MIL) I always think that if she is treating her own son this way, then why should I put my own children thru that. Grandma not calling or not showing up at a party or a get-together because she is not the center of attention. After 10 years of this, and it has only gotten worse since we had our kids, I have to just let it go and we do what is best for our family. DH has also had enough. We see her when we see her, but do not go out of our way to accomodate her.

 

[ammeador2]

Please don't accuse me of deleting anything nasty - I simply deleted more of what I thought was legitimate advice. I repeated the advice people have been giving about not being able to turn her into something she's not. It appeared you were finally getting it, so I deleted my post so as not to belabor the point.

I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I felt like you weren't getting the point that many of us were trying to make. You can't make your MIL into something you want her to be - you have to deal with what she is. And, whether you like it or not, what she is probably isn't the kind of MIL who would be fun to have on a WDW vacation.

I don't like nastiness on this board and I wasn't trying to cause it. I simply felt either you weren't listening to us (or yourself) or you were playing with us. To me, it seemed very extreme to keep saying how horrible it would be and how much you wanted to invite her at the same time. Surely you can see how that is strange?

I have horrible inlaw issues. Certainly I wish things were different. However, you won't see me inviting mine on vacation because I wish things were different. I think it would be self-destructive.

I certainly hope you will continue to fight for a good relationship with your inlaws. Ruining my vacation wouldn't be what I would do or what I would advise anyone else (who asked me like you asked) to do though.

I kind of percieved this idea as giving her a chance. Maybe to see a side of her that I have never seen before? I will be the first one to admit that a week with her would not be a thrilling time for any of us, but I would love to give her the opportunity to prove me wrong. I find myself making up reasons why she is the way she is.."maybe she had a bad day..etc" We haven't invited her, it was just an idea and I was looking for other people's opinions.

 

[ammeador2]

My dd is named Emilie too..only with an ie rather than a y. Sorry a little off topic!

She always shows up to things that we invite her to, I can't complain there. I don't want to hurt her feelings but I do try to make her feel like she's involved. I'm sure that it has to bother her that the kids spend the night my parents and FIL and whatnot and never her. But she's never said anything about it. Sometimes when she shows up it's hard to get her to leave. My FIL is the same way!

Here's the thing, you need to do what is best for your family. My MIL is a loon, she has written DH and I nasty letters, and then wonders why we don't want to deal with her. She has gone months without seeing my kids or speaking to us, and then acts like she is so close to us. Everything that goes wrong for her is always our fault. She insists on being the center of attention--100% of the time.

I would not invite her to go on any of my trips. I understand you wanting a relationship with your MIL for your kids' sake, but you can change or control how she is. And my guess is you aren't going to help her see the light. Look at how she treats her own son. (this is the same type of issue I have with my MIL) I always think that if she is treating her own son this way, then why should I put my own children thru that. Grandma not calling or not showing up at a party or a get-together because she is not the center of attention. After 10 years of this, and it has only gotten worse since we had our kids, I have to just let it go and we do what is best for our family. DH has also had enough. We see her when we see her, but do not go out of our way to accomodate her.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I'm not reading all the replies... I just voted No and saw the overwhelming 'no' answer. I was going to say yes initially until I read your story... I think it will just cause friction and lessen the enjoyment of Disney. If you want to include her...invite her to something smaller scale...like the pumpkin patch or something