should we bail stepson out of jail?

[becka]

{{hugs}} I can only imagine how difficult this is for your family.

I have to agree with everyone here that it is about time he learned to take responsibility for his own actions.

 

[abaldacci]

EZ
Do what is best for you and DH. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

 

[one_cat]

He's an adult. It's about time he took responsibility for his own life. Maybe if he'd had a job and been doing what he should he'd have 650.00 to bail his own self out.

 

[tiggerlover]

I am definitely with the majority, I would leave him in there. He is old enough to "face the music" on his own. He sounds very irresponsible and perhaps this will give him a wake up call.

Good luck, tough love is always hard. {{HUGS}}

 

[KimRaye]

Since this was bumped....

He didn't get into trouble WITH your help so, why bail him out With your help?! If DH's ex already said NO, I'd take it that she's done with him, is that why he's now coming to you?!

I'm not heartless, I'm just (sometimes) realistic. This young man needs more than Bail!!

I wish you & your family and his Mom, the Best. I couldn't do it to my DS myself but, I've never been in that situation.

24yo is just a little beyond tough love, imo. It's called Life & Reality & Consequences for actions! Again, jmho.

{{HUGS}}

 

[shortbun]

Detaching is a really hard thing to do alone.
If I was in this position, I'd find an
anonymous recovery
meeting for families of addicts for support.
They are pretty easily found in any city.
I would be telling myself:
"I didn't cause this, I can't cure or
control it."
The only advice I have about the bail
issue is this-if you post it, be prepared
to lose it. I never lend anything I'm
not prepared to lose. That way, my
expectations do not become my
disappointments.

 

[ryanpatricksmom]

Look at it this way...as long as he's in jail he can't use or sell drugs. The risk of being shot in a drug deal gone bad goes away. As long as he's living as he has been on the outside, he's safer in jail.

I would encourage him to take advantage of any programs available to him in the system (AA, NA, educational programs, vocational training, etc.) so that the time is not wasted, but leave him in, absolutely!

 

[Mamu]

Whatever decision you and your DH make I know it will not be easy {{{HUGS}}}

As for me I would leave him there. At 24 it's time to be an adult and to stop leaning on others. He has made his choices of making money off selling drugs. Better it be an undercover narc then someones son or daughter who may have died from the drugs.

 

[mom2boys]

KimRaye beat me to the post. Like she said, you did not make the choice for him to get involved with drugs. He is in jail as a direct result of HIS poor choices. Only he can choose to change his life. Perhaps a little jail time will give him time think about his future choices.

PS My cousin spent one night in jail for fighting. He'd been a fighter all through high school & college. He found out quickly that once you are a adult, the police don't just tell you to break it up & go home. Cousin doesn't fight anymore. He even tells his sister to watch herself when she's in the bars because he isn't going to jail to get her out of situation with some drunk. (He always jumped to her rescue before - another excuse to fight.)

 

[jipsy]

ez - it's hard to comment on your situation since we only know the brief synopsis; however, based on what you have said, I too vote for leaving him there. Here's why:

My ex-husband, whom I have been divorced from for nearly 18 years, is now 40 years old. His mother babied him all his life. She bailed him out of situations over and over and over again. Everything from bounced checks to drugs to theft. We calculated she probably spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $200,000 on him in the last 15 years. In the last few years of her life, she took out two mortgages on her home, which had been paid for since 1982, to pay off attorneys and debt which he ran up on her.

She is now dead and he is now sitting in jail awaiting trial for first degree kidnapping and robbery because no one will bail him out. He never grew up because his mother was always getting him out of trouble. There is no one to bail him out now. He never learned any lessons from what she did. He blames everyone for the situation he is in and takes no responsibility whatsoever for his actions. It is always "someone else's fault".

Take from that what you will. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[December99]

I'm another one that would make him stay. The hardest lessons learned are the ones we have to face the toughest ways!!!!

 

[Bob O]

Let him sit and think about what he has done wrong and suffer the consquences for his actions!!!!
if you bail him out yor are just providing a crutch for him and our a enabler IMHO.