Should I Say Something To My Child's Teacher?

[Joanne UK]

My youngest daughter started Yr 1 last week and she is really loving it. Her teacher is the same one that my eldest had in Yr 1 too and they both really like her. When my eldest had her I never had a problem with her apart from thinking that she never looked particularly happy.

Last year she had a more difficult class and made, what I considered to be some nasty comments to a friend of mine who was helping out about the children. On one occasion she was holding up their work and ridiculing it and saying how rubbish it was.

I really hoped that my youngest daughter wouldn't get her but she has. My friend again is helping out and has gone in twice so far. So far the teacher has said that there are 4 children who send a shiver down her spine and that there are 6 bright children, 2 in the middle and the other 22 are thick - she actually used the word thick.

She is 8 months pregnant (was seen today smoking) and so she leaves soon for a few months. I don't know whether I should say something to her or not. She is probably trusting my friend not to say anything but the fact is she has and it has got back to me and I'm not happy about the things she is saying.

I know there are a few teachers and TA's on here so any advice would be appreciated. I've never complained to or about a teacher before!

 

[UKDEB]

I'd say your friend needs to be talking to the Head Teacher. If you say anything it's just tittle-*******

 

[emily1982]

Personally I think your friend shouldn't be saying anything as she is a member of staff and you are a parent. If she has an issue she should be telling the head.

 

[Joanne UK]

My friend doesn't see anything wrong with what the teacher is saying though. She thinks its funny.

 

[jen_uk]

Im a teacher in a college and I have to be honest we do say terrible things about the students! Not to them tho! Its a hard job and there are always students we dont like or who we do think are really thick, now we never let on to the students how we feel but in our office we do talk about them. Its how we get thru the day and let off stress! As long as we are professional and the students never know how we feel I don't see the problem.

 

[Joanne UK]

Personally I think your friend shouldn't be saying anything as she is a member of staff and you are a parent. If she has an issue she should be telling the head.

My friend isn't a member of staff - she is a parent helper as am I too.

 

[PoppyAnna]

My jaw has literally dropped to the floor.....shocking.
I agree with Debbie, your friend needs to speak with the Head.
Out of interest, does your friend have children at the school too?
I would be devastated if I thought a teacher was talking about my child like this.

 

[jen_uk]

My jaw has literally dropped to the floor.....shocking.
I agree with Debbie, your friend needs to speak with the Head.
Out of interest, does your friend have children at the school too?
I would be devastated if I thought a teacher was talking about my child like this.

Hate to say it but they possibly are, teachers talk about students just like other people talk about co workers

 

[Joanne UK]

My jaw has literally dropped to the floor.....shocking.
I agree with Debbie, your friend needs to speak with the Head.
Out of interest, does your friend have children at the school too?
I would be devastated if I thought a teacher was talking about my child like this.

Yes my friend has a daughter in my eldest daughter's Yr 3 class and twins who have just started reception. She isn't particularly friendly with the teacher even.

To be fair she isn't calling my daughter thick - she would be in the 6 bright ones. I just don't feel that she should be calling any 5 year olds thick after knowing them for a week, to a parent helper whether she's stressed out or not.

 

[PoppyAnna]

Im a teacher in a college and I have to be honest we do say terrible things about the students! Not to them tho! Its a hard job and there are always students we dont like or who we do think are really thick, now we never let on to the students how we feel but in our office we do talk about them. Its how we get thru the day and let off stress! As long as we are professional and the students never know how we feel I don't see the problem.

I think it's one thing in a college - that's a situation with adults.

We're talking about young primary age children. My eldest DD started in Y1 this week and she's only been at school since mid January - how can she possibly already be judged as "thick". Young children can have many settling issues when they first start school. My daughter, for instance, hasn't really been looked after by many other people than Me since being born, just this morning she wanted to go in last to get the last longest cuddle with me because going back this week she is missing home after the long holiday.
How could I trust a teacher to get her though times like that if she's already judged a five year old as "thick"?
I think it has serious implications. Is she going to put the effort in to teach the "thick" ones as she should? Thank goodness she's going on mat leave.

 

[Cyrano]

My friend isn't a member of staff - she is a parent helper as am I too.

I agree that this is still a reason why she should say to the head teacher that she is not comfortable with the teacher's comments.

That said. As others have said often people will something to a colleague but never in public. I'd be tempted to ask your daughter what happens in class. If she gives you cause for concern then talk to the HT directly

 

[Joanne UK]

I agree that this is still a reason why she should say to the head teacher that she is not comfortable with the teacher's comments.

That said. As others have said often people will something to a colleague but never in public. I'd be tempted to ask your daughter what happens in class. If she gives you cause for concern then talk to the HT directly

My friend isn't uncomfortable with the comments though - I am! My friend enjoys the cosy little gossip gathering chats that they have and gleefully passes info on to me. She did it all throughout last year as well and although I thought some of the stuff said was inappropriate neither of my children were in the class so it didn't really bother me.

My daughter seems to be enjoys herself in her class, although she has said that Miss C****s baby is going to be sad, when I asked her why she said that it will have to listen to her shouting all the time!

 

[natalielongstaff]

Prent helpers are bound by the same rules as the rest of the staff...if your friend is gleefully passing information to you then she is almost certainly doing it too others ! if i was the head and this came to my attention whilst speaking to the teacher about her inappropriate comments im afraid i would be asking your friend to leave, whats said in the classroom should stay there, Also who hasn't moaned about their co-workers...its a way of letting off steam

 

[Tink2312]

From the perspective of someone who's had a teacher ridicule their work infront of their class, I think it's horrible for a teacher to make such unprofessional and hurtful comments about the kids in her care.

I had an experience where a teacher of mine (in yr 3) held up some maths work I had completed to the class to example how it shouldn't be done and basically scoffing at the work I had completed. This particular teacher was going through a messy divorce at the time and from what I can remember constantly took her frustrations out on us, her class. The boys got the worst of it and some days she would barely acknowledge their presence in class. It sounds silly to say this now, but as a result of her "teaching" I became (so I am told) a lot less outgoing and certainly more guarded of my work. Luckily a teacher in the following year was able to bring me back out of my shell and I was actually moved up a year (so clearly I wasn't as dumb as this particular teacher thought).

So, after all this what do I think? Well, it's not really your place to repeat gossip between two colleagues, if your friend feels the teacher has gone too far, then she should go to the Head.

Having said this, I would definitely monitor your daughter and what she is saying about the teacher in case these comments spill over into the way she teaches her class and treats your daughter.

It's such a shame when you experience this attitude from a teacher as there are so many great teachers out there!

Good luck

 

[Dimplenose]

Prent helpers are bound by the same rules as the rest of the staff...if your friend is gleefully passing information to you then she is almost certainly doing it too others ! if i was the head and this came to my attention whilst speaking to the teacher about her inappropriate comments im afraid i would be asking your friend to leave, whats said in the classroom should stay there, Also who hasn't moaned about their co-workers...its a way of letting off steam

I agree. I hope the teacher didn't use those exact words, and I won't defend her if she did, but you only heard this second hand. The real problem is that your school has a parent helper that likes to gossip and I think the head teacher ought to know - you can inform him/her of the content of the gossip at the same time if you like, but you personally don't directly have a complaint about the teacher.

 

[Lizzybear]

I think it's one thing in a college - that's a situation with adults.

We're talking about young primary age children. My eldest DD started in Y1 this week and she's only been at school since mid January - how can she possibly already be judged as "thick". Young children can have many settling issues when they first start school. My daughter, for instance, hasn't really been looked after by many other people than Me since being born, just this morning she wanted to go in last to get the last longest cuddle with me because going back this week she is missing home after the long holiday.
How could I trust a teacher to get her though times like that if she's already judged a five year old as "thick"?
I think it has serious implications. Is she going to put the effort in to teach the "thick" ones as she should? Thank goodness she's going on mat leave.

I agree. I work in nurseries and yes certain children do get on my nerves but I don't think it's right for teachers to be talking about children in such mean-spirited terms as 'thick' even if the child and/or their parents are unaware of what is being said, just seems really unprofessional to me and also not very constructive! Then again I would also venture to say it's not particularly wise to discuss adults in this way either as it can often get back to the people concerned and cause problems. I find it's best to stay out of those kind of discussions in workplaces..

 

[Vana]

While I don't agree with the teachers comments there is little you can do as mentioned before it was a conversion held without you being there. If your friend does not see anything wrong with the teachers comments then I would simply ask your friend not to talk to you about it.

 

[comingtodisney]

i would never call a child or adult for that matter thick. my dd 12 struggles with some of her studies at school, and comes out of her lessons once a week to get extra tuition. when we go to parents evening they say you could not ask any more from her she gives 100%, which always makes us proud. we encourage her to read every day, and she does her homework without any coercing. now on to the question posted would i approach the teacher, no as long as she was educating my child to the best of their ability and my child had not heard her saying it. it would not bother me. all i can say is there are people who are just plain ignorant and cannot emphasise with some of the difficulties others have. my dd bless her is not one of them.

 

[SLumley]

This is a difficult one.

I teach year one and have never used the word thick to describe a child's ability nor spoken to a parent helper about the ability of children in my class. I'm no saint - I just find that at 5 years of age a child can struggle at the beginning of the year and then suddenly take off and gain confidence in their abilities and labelling them in such away is offensive.
However I do think that your friend has been indiscreet. She is bound by confidentiality while supporting in class. Probably not legally but ethically. Personally I don't think that talking to either the class teacher or head would be productive but telling your friend that you feel uncomfortable with the things she has been telling you and ask her not to tell you things in future may be a solution.
I'ff you do decide to talk to her you may want to use 'I' statements like ' I feel uncomfortable when you tell me things about my child's teacher' rather than 'you should not be gossiping about school'. I statements can be easier for people to accept and may prevent bad feelings.

Let us know what you decide to do.

Sue

 

[Joanne UK]

I've decided that I am going to say something to my daughter's teacher rather than my friend. I have a good relationship with the teacher, I had no problems at all with her when she taught my eldest daughter 2 years ago.

Saying something to my friend will not stop the comments being made but if the teacher is made aware that the things she is saying are reaching the playground then she should have the good sense to be more discreet in future. I know that teachers have to let off steam and get stressed but it shouldn't be getting back to the likes of me - they should keep their nasty comments and insults confined to the staff room.