Should I invite entire preschool class to Bday?

[tw1nsmom]

I'm really having a hard time deciding what to do about the twins fourth birthday. Spencer and Katie turn four on April 2nd and I don't know if I should invite their preschool classes or just a few children. The problem is that neither have really bonded with any one child. They play with everyone. Also, Spencer isn't very social. We're working on it...his teachers say he needs lots of opportunity for interaction. Also, they are in the same school but different classes. That would mean I would be inviting between 25 and 35 kids (Katie goes 5 days a week in the "nonidentified" class...most of the children only go T/Th, or M/W/F...this increases the number of kids). Spencer only has eight children in his class.

We have a small house, so either way we would be having the party somewhere else. If we invite everyone we can reserve the community room at the firehouse and set up a carnival kind of party with different stations all around the room. If we invite just a few we would have it either at the children's museum, the YMCA, or other?

The other thing is that other parents have told me that only a fraction of the children will accept the invitation. That could make things easier.

I just don't want to leave anyone out, and I don't know which children to pick if I only invite a few. What would you do?

Dawn

(p.s. I tend to worry obsessively about most decisions...the more I post the more you'll see that )

 

[Auggietina]

I know when dd was in pre-school, their rule was if you wanted to hand out invitations to the children for bday parties at school, every child needs to be included. DD went to several bday parties for her pre-school friends, and yes only about a fraction went.

 

[Trish5768]

I have invited the whole class 2 years in a row now. I can't pick or choose having an older one that seemed to always be left out I know how badly that hurt him. I would never want to do that to a child. Not everyone comes, but most will. Its a fun if not adventurous afternoon. I strongly suggest you have a few adults there to help you or you will be overwhelmed. The kids love it! Have fun and don't worry-

 

[Pam]

When my DS was in preschool - we invited the entire class - which was around 25 - about 18 showed up at the party. We had it in our backyard and it was a Pirate party - with the different stations such as you described. It was a lot of fun.

When DS (and DD) were older - we had the museum, etc. parties with just a handful of kids.

 

[kimber79]

A lot of schools won't let you just give out invitations to "a few".......you have to include everyone ~ so to eliminate hurt feelings of not getting one! When my son was in preschool and kindergarten, I invited his entire class ~ preschool about 1/3 came and kindergarten about 1/2 came.

Have fun..........they are only little for a short time!!

 

[Girls Scout Leader]

I know that i will get flack for this, but I guess I would have a problem with a school telling me who I can and cannot invite. Or is the rule jsut if you are handing them out at school as opposed to mailing them?

Anyway, have you asked your kids which they prefer?

 

[JESW]

Invite the whole class and you may get half of them to show up.

This may sound mean, but I rarely took my kids to bd parties when they were that young. Most of the parties were on the weekend and that's the time when we do family things. DS9 never had a kids party until he was 7 and DD will probably start on her 6th bd. (she's 5 today!)

Good luck with whatever you do!

Jill

 

[Christine]

We always invited the whole preschool class. It's only now that my kids are much older that we just invite the specific friends they hang out with. In preschool, they are all kind of just friends with each other. They also don't understand being "left out." Invite them all, most likely you won't get them all there. We had a very successful bowling party with preschoolers.

 

[bananiem]

"I know that i will get flack for this, but I guess I would have a problem with a school telling me who I can and cannot invite. Or is the rule jsut if you are handing them out at school as opposed to mailing them?"
It's quite common for preschools and child care centers to state that if invitations are being handed out at school then everyone should get one to spare hurt feelings. It is usually stated that if you prefer to invite a handful then you are asked to mail them. Because of privacy laws the school will not (or should not, some do anyway) be able to give you the addresses. You can get them out of the phone book but some are unlisted. I just asked the parent at drop-off time if I could have their address and why.

 

[AirForceRocks]

Originally posted by Girls Scout Leader
I know that i will get flack for this, but I guess I would have a problem with a school telling me who I can and cannot invite. Or is the rule jsut if you are handing them out at school as opposed to mailing them?

At our school, invitations can't be handed out in school unless every child in the class is invited. If all of the children aren't invited, then invitations have to be extended in some manner other than through the class.

We have a school directory with everyone's address and phone, so it isn't really difficult.

Our DD is in 4th grade, and we still invite the entire class - they have a great time together!

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Hi Girlscoutleader -- it was the same way at our preschool. If you wanted to hand out the invites at school then they asked that you invite everyone so kids wouldn't be upset they weren't invited. Otherwise you could mail them.

Usually in our preschool you invited everyone because it was harder to tell at a young age who was friendly with whom.

 

[TINKTWINS]

I just went through this with my twins that turned 4 on January 14th. For a few weeks before their party I kept asking them who they wanted to invite. Shayne continuoisly named all his immediate family and cousins, no friends at school. I asked if there were any boys he wanted to invite he said no. Kaycie on the other hand does have 2 girlfriends that we invited only 1 could come and that was ok. Most of the kids dont seem to realize they are twins, Kaycie had been invited to a party about a month before hers and the mother felt bad as she didnt realize Kaycie had a brother. I think its a boy thing, they seem to be alot less social at this age. The party Kaycie went to, they invited alot of kids from school and honestly, they did not all play together. I wouldnt invite all of them.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Wow! Thanks for all the input. I really am leaning toward inviting everyone. I just have to see if I can reserve the room. It's free, you just have to fill out a form a month or so before hand.

I would ask the kids what they want, but I already know the answer to that question (they'll want everyone). I wanted to be sure that DH and I are agreed on what we're doing before I mention it to them. I would hate to get their hopes up for a big party only to tell them that we changed our mind and are only inviting a few.

Now for another question. Do you think it's okay to say "no gifts please" on the invitations, or do you think it's incredibly cruel? My reasoning on this is that if everyone brings a present for both of them, we could end up with between 25 and 70 toys to fit in the house. Their room already looks like a toy store exploded in it. They will be getting gifts from family and close friends (possibly later that day), so they won't be empty handed.

 

[Lewski709]

I think it would be fine to say no gifts, but I think your twins may feel hurt not getting them.

My opinion on the whole class is NO WAY, but do what you think is best. It just wouldn't be the best scenario for me, UNLESS it was a pool party at the Y or something where there was a usage fee but not a per child fee. The Y would also be responsible for watching the kids, not me. An activity would also occupy the kids and make it easy to just have cake and ice cream and go!

Good Luck

 

[Kimberle]

Hi,

I'm planning my dd's 5th (sigh!) bday party! I'm inviting all the kids in her class (20 total) plus a few friends and cousins. 26 total, I expect abt 15 will come.

Last year, I invited 25 and 12 came. I had 5 either cancel at the last minute (sick) or not show up. I had 3 come that did not RSVP.
If you invite the whole class, it's very unlikely everyone will come.

Our school does not have the "invite all or none" policy. However, the kids **do** talk. They know all the parties, etc. Even last year at 4.

As for the gifts, you probably won't be to "overrun". Though I'd never do it, I'm sure several parents will buy a gift that both children can enjoy. They also tend to spend $10-15 per gift. Brittany got lots of art supplies, etc. for her 4th.

In my area, we keep the focus on the "play" and not the gifts. We (and everyone else) opens them at home.

Enjoy your party! They are only little once!

 

[Piglet]

Just my opinion and you can take it or leave it -

I tend to like to keep things toned down a bit so I would have a smaller party with family and talk to the teacher about bringing in cupcakes and celebrating with each child in their own class. Since they are twins, I am sure they would love to have their very own little party and attention and maybe just give a little goodie bag that your kids could hand out to their classmates, which would probably eliminate your no gifts problem.

JMO - Melinda

 

[MerryPoppins]

I have several ideas.

I used to work at a preschool and we sometimes had parents bring cake for a birthday. That might be a problem since they are in different classes, but it would end the gift problem.

I think you could put "no gifts please" on the invitations, but your kids might feel deprived. Little people expect gifts when they have a birthday party.

What if you said something like "We share a birthday. We share a room. We'd like to share our gifts, too. Please bring one gift that both of us could play with." or something like that? Then you'd have half the gifts, your kids could open them and kids coming to the party only have to spring for one gift. Your kids could open together or take turns opening the gifts.

 

[Desnik]

When my DD was in pre-school their rule was if you were not inviting the whole class then mail the invite to the kids house. If the whole class was invited then you could hand them out. I would invite the whole class and out of 18 kids about 14 came.

DD is turning 6 in 2 weeks and we are having her party at the new bowling alley. I mailed out the invites b/c DD only wanted to invite certain kids. We just moved and she is new in the school so she only has a few friends so far. Her cousins are also invited. About 20 kids all together and I try to make that the max I will invite for her B-day.

As far as saying no gifts, I don't know about that one. I know that I would feel funny going to a party and not giving the kid a gift! I would just leave it so that if a parent asks what should I get them, I would then say something they need. Or then you can say no toys. We always open the gifts at home.

Also, I send in cupcakes, drink boxes and goodie bags to my DD's class and they have alittle party for her there.
Have fun!

 

[Stimpy]

DS's preschool has the same rule.....if you want to hand out invitations at school it has to be to all the kids. You can invite whoever you want if you give the invitations off school property.

That said....I will NEVER invite the whole class again! We went to a few BD parties for classmates and it was always about 3-4 kids showed up from his school. I thought "Ok, since everyone from school invited us, we have to invite the preschool kids" I'm thinking 3-4 kids would come......Nope all 14 kids came! On top of that we had to invite his non-school neighborhood and family friends. We wound up having 25 kids for a 4yr old party! It was out of control!

I did not mind paying for that many kids at all and were grateful they all wanted to share Sean's special day! Fortunately we had it at a kids party place and not at our house. The place was nuts!

We also really appreciated all the presents and hate to sound ungrateful but I'm sitting here looking at about 9-10 toys that are still in the boxes and he hasn't looked at yet. His Birthday was back in October! Since both DH and I have big families and all the kids gifts, it's out of hand. I really wanted to say no gifts and/or donations for charity instead but DH felt it wasn''t proper.

Good Luck with whatever you decide!

 

[disykat]

I would not invite everyone. I tended to invite the kids whose moms I knew and just handed them the invitation. In my experience, in preschool everyone came.

If you choose to have the big party, I think the no gift idea is a good one. (Personally I think those huge parties with gifts from every child seem just plain greedy!) Just tell your kids this is their play party and their gift party will be at home with mom and dad. I would put on the invitation that this is a birthday play party and please no gifts. Then add something like "if your child would like to bring a gift, please bring a can of food for the food bank". Then make sure someone is standing at the canned food table that can gush appropriately over the child when they give their contribution. Also, make sure if anyone does bring gifts that they are set aside and opened later - with a private gushing explanation to the giver about how much your child will enjoy opening it at their gift party.