Should I cancel..what would you do?

[riu girl]

This is the situation:
Have invested about $1000 cdn into non-refundable tickets with Independence air. Thats all the $$ invested to this point. Can change the tickets to another date but won't since I feel they will be no longer flying by next Christmas (the next time we could consider going)

Had planned 5 nights ASMo (have put down a deposit but can get it back), then a week at the beach with my mom and then fly home.

My mom has now cancelled her trip due to my step dads illness. My step dad has been battling prostrate cancer for 2 years. It was almost in remission, he insisted my mom go away for the winter (she was gong to spend three months in Panama City Beach, FL and I was to become my dads primary care giver except for the two weeks we were going to be in Florida) and now we just find out the cancer is spreading, slowly but spreading. Doctors don't seem overly concerned, will map out new treatment plan. But regardless my mom will be with him this winter.

My dilemma:
1) the only reason we were gong to Florida this Christmas was to be with my mom (I have never missed Christmas with her). Its the kind of relationship where I see her EVERYDAY and we live only about 3 minutes apart. Besides DH, she is my best friend.

2) WDW was not the main reason for this holiday but more like an add on. The main reason for going was to visit my mom.

I think we should eat the airline ticket money and cancel the whole trip but my mom says that we have promised WDW to the kids and it would not be fair to cancel (for their sakes). The kids are so excited about this trip (my fault totally for getting them so exicted, DISNEY is all we seem to talk about, DD7 has helped me map out each day, etc, etc)

What if my dad does not get better this year but dies and therefore, we missed our last Christmas with him? The doctors all seem optimistic so I don't feel this is a very realistic thought, but it is cancer so anything is possible.

My dad is so upset that we would cancel due to him and feels we are totally nutty to even be considering cancelling.
We have already planned a big family pre-christmas event with my parents so we will have "Christmas" just early thats all.

What would you do????????????? Cancel or go?

Any advice wold be appreciated.

Suzy V.

 

[ChisJo]

Can you change the dates of the air tickets so that you are just going to Disney? I know most airlines will charge a $100 penalty per ticket to change the dates, but most are willing to do it if they have the availability - that way, you are still able to spend Christmas with you mom, and then also have the time in Disney World with the kids as promised...
Just a thought...
Jo

PS - PD for you, your family, your mom, and your step - dad

 

[pampam]

It seems to me that your stepdad is going to feel responsible if you cancel your trip, and I'm sure that's not your intention. Of course you want to be with your family then. If you are willing to go at another time, then your kids would be accomadated, you will still make memories with your mom and stepdad, and your stepdad won't feel guilty for you not going away. I agree with ChisJo. See if you can reschedule. If you can take the kids soon, then they won't feel cheated either. Plus, you will be making memories with your children. If you go in January, for instance, you will be there in value season, and may even be able to get in on the Can $ at par.

 

[hockey mom]

I also would cancel the second part of your vacation but still go to Disney. Come home around the 23rd then you can have Christmas with your family.

 

[riu girl]

Thank you everyone for the info. I just spoke to my parents about the possibility of coming home on the 23rd and they don't feel it is necessary. It seems like I am the only person with the problem of being away from my mom at Christmas. My parents feel that the kids should "experience" the beach in Florida and are really pushing us to keep our trip plans in tact. DD7 is nicknamed "nature girl" and can't wait to collect shells from the beach. She seems more interested in that then WDW (but she has never been there yet so she has no idea what WDW is all about). She does seem intested in AK but thats about it.

I am trying to talk my mom into coming with us but she is not interested. She says she probably will go away for a couple of weeks this winter but wants to go to Mexico or the Caribbean. She feels with everything that has been going on with my dad, if she does get a couple weeks away, she wants it be on a VERY relaxing beach holiday.

Yikes!!!

Any more thoughts????

Suzy V.

 

[Sandyincanada]

Personally? I would still go to Disney either before Xmas or in Jan, kids are excited, your excited and it seems a shame to waste those plane tickets. I would skip the beach if your not really interested in going. I'm sure your daughter would be fine with it once she got to DW.

I can certainly understand your Moms point of view. With all the stress she is under, an All-inclusive vacation would be the perfect thing. I know I would want the same thing, no pressures, no family to take care, no one to worry about except myself for a week or two. I'm sure she loves you dearly Suzy, but from what you have said, it sounds like she needs time to herself.

 

[mbb]

Originally posted by riu girl
..... It seems like I am the only person with the problem of being away from my mom at Christmas. .....

If it makes you feel any better...this is going to be my first Christmas away from Mom and Dad

And I think it'll be ok...yep, a little sad on Christmas Eve when the phone rings, and Christmas morning

BUT!
We're having a Christmas feast this weekend - they're here - and we'll see them at WDW on Jan23...and we'll have Christmas again...

So...I say go
Have Christmas before...have Christmas after...and share your memories...laugh, pass around all the shells that you and your daughter collected...it's not what you planned...but it can be every bit as wonderful and magical...

Pixie dust and prayers for you...your mom and dad...

 

[wenabre]

Hi Riu Girl,
If being at home with your parents is important to you for Christmas, why not stay home and fly down for a shorter time after Christmas and have New Years' at WDW. That way you can have both. Hope this helps.

 

[Cujo]

Riugirl,

That is quite a lot on your plate right now.
You may want to consider that if you feel in your heart that your parents are truly okay with you going, you should go.
Illness, as you know, truly takes a toll on everyone. It may help them, seeing the joy that you and your family experience.
I always believe things are meant to be, although it can be hard to understand. Perhaps your parents need some time to just be the two of them this Christmas.
Best wishes to you, and enjoy your Chrismas.

It is touching that want to be there for your parents, God Bless You!

Sandra

 

[CdnMom2]

I also vote for adjusting the trip dates & locations a bit. Go to WDW before Xmas. Include 1 day at a Florida beach. Fly back home to your parents with lots of happy tales for the Grandkids to share. Nice trip. Still Xmas with the family that can't/won't travel. Nice lesson for the kids that our loved one's serious illness IS a reason for adjusting/cancelling a trip. The people in our life is what it's all about right? More days at WDW & in Florida can be possible again in your future; more days with Granddad are not in your control.

My beloved mother-in-law's last Xmas (almost a decade ago) still chokes me up. She always made a big deal of Xmas (as did I) & she was terminal with very weak immune system, but still at home. My 2 kids under 3 years at that time & myself caught bad cold AND pink-eye. A real handful at that time of year as I stumbed through with sunglasses & gucky eyes & eye drops everywhere. Family decision (she & I were both badly torn) was that we not come to our annual visit. DH & our oldest did. She passed away weeks later. Noone knew it would be that quick. Of course everyone holds to the belief that she was holding out to get 1 more Xmas. Unfortunately when these things get so tied in to a Holiday the reminders are always so painfully bittersweet. Every Xmas is for me.

Wouldn't it be great if your family could have it all at this difficult time. The kids get the WDW trip & A day at the beach you've invested so much energy (& some considerable non-refundable expense in). The grandparents don't feel this already awful disease has now deprived your family of this trip too. Your parents get some peace together (while your away). And everyone gets excited happy children's faces with lots of stories & photos to share together at Xmas. I know it's what I would want on my last one (& I KNOW my mother-in-law did). Perhaps the tales will convince your mother that she should give Florida a try with you guys in the future sometimes.

Sorry to get so lengthy again. Best wishes to you all whatever your decision.

 

[maryliz]

First off, sending you and your family hugs and pixie dust. If you are able to adjust your dates, and make it a shorter vacation, by all means, that's what I would do. If not, I would probably still go. You're going to celebrate Christmas before, so whether it's Dec 15th or 25th, it will still hold the same wonderful memories. And your parents will get a special joy of seeing all of the great pics and hearing the terrific stories when you return. It's the family time, the celebrations and the memories that count ... not what day the calendar says when you do it.

Good luck in your decision. I know it's a tough one.

Mary-Liz

 

[riu girl]

I just want to thank everyone for giving this issue so much thought. Your consideration and kind words really warms my heart.

I have spent the weekend pondering this and have decided to change nothing. We will celebrate Christmas with my parents the weekend before we leave. Santa will also be visiting our house that weekend (plus in Florida) so it will tie in nicely. For years my step dad has dressed up like Santa and runs up and down our street the night before Christmas. Hopefully he will feel up to doing this again this year. If not DH will do it.

My step dad has just taken himself off of anti-depressants (they make him feel weird he says) and is in a bad place right now. The last thing I want to do is to do anything that could hurt him mentally. He has even gone so far as to say he would move out if I cancelled/adjusted dates etc. so I will leave things as they are and spend as much time with him as possible before our holiday. I think I had better spend the next month getting him into additional counselling also since his mind is not good right now.
It is so sad seeing him like this.

Again, thanks everybody for your thoughts on this subject.

God Bless,
Suzy V.

 

[maryliz]

Suzy. I know this was a difficult decision. I think you made the right one for everyone involved. I know it's hard to get excited when you're feeling so many other emotions, but please remember that you Mom and Dad want you to have a fabulous vacation.

Mary-Liz