Should I be this angry (a little long, sorry)

[irisbud]

I have a major axe to grind with my BF. We have been together for over five years now, and we also work together. Actually, I work for him at the business that he owns.

When I first started working for him about five and a half years ago, everything was fine. There was this girl there who was a customer and I disliked her immensly (she is loud, rude, obnoxious, overly opinionated, a little dumb, and a little trashy). I found out soon that this girl was BF's ex-GF. Don't say anything bad about her around him, even though I am far from the only one who dislikes her, all of our other customers did too.

Fast forward six months. She decideds she wants to come work for BF. This is just before we get together. When she is around I might as well not exist. She is all things good and wonderful for the business, he explains. About three months later she quits. This process repeats itself several times.

I finally thought she was gone for good about two years ago. Even though BF disen't want to hear it, he knows how I feel about her. I told him that if she ever came back, I would have a major issue with him. He promised me it wouldn't happen. She's back.

I don't know what to do. I really can't stand this girl, and I can't stand his attitude about her. Everyone else sees it, too. They ask why he likes her, and all of the customers were astonished and some were a little angry that he allowed her to come back. BfF just goes on and on about how wonderful she is for his business everytime I bring it up to him.

I'll admit I am a little jealous that he treats her like a queen whenever she is around, and that I suddenly cease existing on the same plane as him from the moment that she steps out of her car in the mornings (always WAY late) to the moment she leaves (always early) in the afternoon. I KNOW there is nothing going on between them, So I think it is irrational for me to feel this way, but I can't help it.

Sorry for rambling, I just was hoping for some advice from someone other than my usual sources. Other opinions are nice to hear at times.

TIA

 

[jtnsami]

IMHO you have every right to be angry. He knows how you feel about this ex, yet he obviously doesn't give a flying rat's #@#!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

just deal with it, as CRAZY as this might sound, try being her friend. If he sees you trying it might make a difference to him and if she doesn't want to be your friend, he will see that too, and think at least you tried. If he thinks shes good for his business, and he's the owner, then i guess she just comes with the territory..SORRY!! HUGS TO YOU!!!!

 

[beckmrk04]

Yes- if this is the case you should be angry. After five years and he has so little respect for you- heck yeah- I'd be livid. And wondering why he has so little respect for me and my opinion. I'm sure there are other people he could hire, no?

 

[momrek06]

How can SHE be good for this business if she KEEPS QUITTING all the time? How can HE see that she is a professional in any sense of the word?

OP: Sorry about all this but the only thing that comes to my mind is....

"love is blind".....is he still in love with her? OR maybe he is just "infatuated" with her....just something about her that makes him "forget" your existense.

Hhhmmm...arriving late....leaving early....NOT good business practices at all.
I am just so confused why he thinks she is so GREAT.

I would not try to be her friend...that will just confuse the other employees because no one likes her and then all of a sudden YOU DO....

JUST DEAL WITH IT (as another poster said)!! Yup, before you know it she will have QUIT again.

 

[goofy's friends]

Since you can't do anything about his actions and choices, maybe you should do something about yours. Why still work for him? There is no reason you should have to put up with that day-in and day-out. It is his business and if she is good for business, then that is his decision. However, you don't have to stay around and put up with it everyday.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Since you can't do anything about his actions and choices, maybe you should do something about yours. Why still work for him? There is no reason you should have to put up with that day-in and day-out. It is his business and if she is good for business, then that is his decision. However, you don't have to stay around and put up with it everyday.

There is no way, if I was in the OP's shoes, I would leave that job now. Her BF obviously still wants to be around his ex, if he keeps hiring her back, when he knows she is not liked by the other employees and SHE KEEPS QUITTING. If the OP left the job now, she could not keep her eye on the ex and her BF. sorry, but there has to be a reason why this guy keeps hiring this girl back, when he knows his current, long-time gf doesn't like her.

To the OP...you said that if bf hired back again, you would have a major issue with him. I read that as maybe a threat that you may break up with him? (not a bad idea) He called your bluff, now you have to do something. This is the fork in the road.

 

[faith]

Your boyfriend probably still has feelings for her. No man in his right mind would keep hiring an ex back if he truly didn't want to injure his relationship with his current girlfriend. I honestly think I'd cool the relationship after you find a NEW job. Don't be a doormat for him.

 

[Princess4Eeyore]

Hi ... I think your bf is not showing much respect for you - best advice - communication - Talk to him and tell him that you are hurt - I mean he should know this BUT tell him like you see it!!!

 

[BuzzBoyMom]

Wow - your BF sounds very inconsiderate and not a very good business owner. Why would you keep hiring someone who is so unreliable AND someone who has personal ties. If he can't break the ties, you should seriously look at your relationship. Are you sure he doens't bring her back as an employee hoping one day he can brign her back as a GF also? Do you really want to waste more time with this man?

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I guess this is why they say never mix business with pleasure. He is not being respectful of you. I would look for another job and another BF. You deserve better. Love isn't suppose to hurt.

Lori

 

[Jennasis]

well I'll be the one to just come out and say it:

He's having an affair with her.

Sorry...I am so sorry. I know you probably don't want to hear that, and I'm sure YOU are SURE there's nothing going on between them. However, given the facts you have presented, it does not take a detective to see that there is something going on between them.

The best advice I can give you is to do one of two things (and I would hesitate to guess that you won't do either of them since you've already put up with his nonsense for this long). You can A) leave his sorry butt and move on with your life or B) tell him he has a choice, the ex or you and force him to fire her PERMANENETLY or you will walk away.

Yes, in answer to your original question, you have every right to feal angry with him. Please don't be blinded by love for him.

 

[Maleficent13]

Time for a new job and a new boyfriend.

I've been in a similiar situation...refused to see the signs. After the divorce, found a letter he wrote to the ex telling her he never loved me. So my advice is...new job, new boyfriend. Much luck!!

 

[MAKmom]

OMG I would loose my mind! That being said I bet you they are still fooling around. To steal a line from the new book about relationships it sound like your BF is not that into you. Take this as a RED FLAG in your life & RUN.

 

[laura001]

It sounds to me like your BF wants to have his cake and eat it too! There is absolutely no excuse for someone hiring an ex because she is good for the business when he knows how you feel.

If he does know how you feel, in my opinion he is being very disrespectful and uncaring. In a relationship, respect, truth and caring are very important. He needs to know how much this is hurting you, at that point if he doesn't rectify the situation immediately......in my opinion he is playing you and you then have two choices, stay and let him do it to you or get yourself out of the situation (easier said than done I know, but you need to keep your own dignity and self respect).

Sorry to hear that you are going through this, hope it all works out the way you would like.

 

[darrose]

Wow, five years is a long time to stay as 2nd fiddle in a relationship.
My advice would be to listen to your gut. His acting different towards you when around her has to hurt especially in front of all the co workers.
You have to decide are you willing to settle and accept being not the complete love of his life? Which means this kind of thing will happen for the rest of your life if you stay with him.
Or take a chance that there is someone else out there that will put you as number one in his life.
Perhaps now is a good time to start looking for a new job and thinking about a leaving this bf.

 

[lillygator]

I have to agree...I would find another job and another boyfriend....if he's this disrespectful while you are dating imagine married life with him.

 

[smilie]

I agree with finding a new job and boyfriend. Treating an ex better then your current GF is wrong. They may not have anything going on now, but the way he's treating her could lead to things down the road. He may be treating her good so she doesn't quit, but it's still wrong. ESPECIALLY when his GF is witness to it. Hugs to you, I know it's difficult to watch. I hope things work out for you soon.

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

I would also be very angry.

It is so obvious he doesn't care about your feelings. Like others have said, get a new job and a new boyfriend. I know, I wasted 7 years with the wrong boyfriend, 7 years of my life I can't get back
Find a man who will put YOU first not his ex!

 

[Crankyshank]

If he's not sleeping with her now, he either wants to or she knows something about him that he doesn't want to get out. Either way it's time to start finding a new place to work and a new boyfriend if he refuses to listen to you and treat you better.