Should I ask family to help pay for cabins?

[Belle5]

I have NOT read through all the replies.

I would hate staying in a cabin, that's just the way I am. I have no say in who is staying in there with me, ect. I would suck it up and do it, however, if it had already been paid for.

If I am paying...I am at the nearest Hampton Inn...just me and DH and maybe our kids in our room...no one else!

If you want them in the cabins I think you need to pay.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

Since it is such a large group, and includes relatives that you don't actually know very well and would not have invited on your own, I think I would enclose a note with the invitations stating that you COULD arrange for them to stay in the cabins if they wish, at a cost of $***, or else if they choose, these are nearby hotels/motels (include phone #).
Let them decide where they want to stay and how much they want to spend.
Putting a hold on the cabins in no way obligates them (or you).
Good luck!

 

[KarenAylwood]

My bolding.. I'm glad you said this because it is exactly what I was thinking. This situation seems no different to me than having a wedding and telling people "A block of rooms has been reserved at XYZ Inn at a special rate of $XX.XX per night" People going to a wedding wouldn't expect to have the bride and groom pay for their room, why would a guest at a retirement expect that? And if they don't want to stay at these cabins, they don't have to.

Totally agree. I was thinking it could be done just like a wedding block too. And like a wedding block- if the rooms aren't booked x amt in advance (usually a month with a wedding, two weeks here) then they are released.

See they are totally different to me. I would never invite some one to say my parents 50th wedding anniversary and then require them to pay to stay. I just wouldn't. I would invite who I could afford to lodge. So in my dads case with his 85th birthday, we invited his sisters and their spouse. We ( I have siblings) paid for them to stay 2 nights at the hotel where we had the dinner.

Same thing with my spouses 50th birthday celebration. I had a big party at an family style Italian restaurant. His sister and brother live out of state. I reserved a block of hotel rooms for 1 night and paid for it. I simply would not ask people to come to a party and then expect them to pay for it.

My 50th I wanted a girlfriend trip to Paris, (my dh did not want to go) so I invited my 2 BFF. I did not pay for their airfare but I did pick up the hotel room tab. It was my party, I invited them. it's not like a vacation we planned together.

I guess it's just there is no absolutes as long as everyone understands whats going on in advance.

I think it's very generous of you to pay for those rooms. If I was invited to someone's event I would never expect them to foot the bill. I expect everything at the party to be paid for but wouldn't expect to be put up by someone.

However if you wanted to guarantee everyone came, then I would foot the bill if I could. My parents paid for my sister's room and his friends' rooms for DH and I's wedding because they were travelling so far (500 miles- flight). Most of them were very surprised by this. I've never had my room covered and I've been to a lot of weddings/parties/showers.

I'd rather be invited to an event and not have my room covered than not be invited because the host couldn't cover my lodging.

Since it is such a large group, and includes relatives that you don't actually know very well and would not have invited on your own, I think I would enclose a note with the invitations stating that you COULD arrange for them to stay in the cabins if they wish, at a cost of $***, or else if they choose, these are nearby hotels/motels (include phone #).
Let them decide where they want to stay and how much they want to spend.
Putting a hold on the cabins in no way obligates them (or you).
Good luck!

I agree with this- just like a wedding block. Some will choose to stay, some won't. Since there isn't an obligation for the OP to pay for the cabins then I don't think she did anything wrong booking in advance.

Bottom line- if you want everyone to come and you can afford it, foot the bill. If you are stretched too thin then don't. I'd offer it up like a wedding block and give them the option to stay there but do not force them.

 

[2disneyboys]

I agree w/ some of the more recent posters...

I would maybe complie an email to all invitee's advising that they might want to make sure they make thier lodging arrangments as the hotels etc in the area will fill up quickly (& maybe even mention "some" of the hotels etc as some options) Then I would "mention" that I had reserved some cabins for use, but that they are "first come, first served" available and give a deadline on when they have to let you know if they are going to stay there. Tell them that the approx cost will be $XYZ for the 3 nights, but once the deadline date arrives, you can give each family exact costs.


This way, you have make sure everyone is aware of the options, and has a deadline on letting you know. And if your DH still wants to cover it, you can maybe agree to pay part of the cost & split the rest as a compromise with your DH?

There is nothing wrong with having the out of towners pay thier share, but only if you commucate that as an expectation so that they are not "surprised" If it would not be a hardship to your family, then hosting the entire thing would be nice, but if you go this route & someone offers some $, then I'd take it and apply it to the food or lodging or something.

Congrats to your DH!

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I have NOT read through all the replies.

I would hate staying in a cabin, that's just the way I am. I have no say in who is staying in there with me, ect. I would suck it up and do it, however, if it had already been paid for.

If I am paying...I am at the nearest Hampton Inn...just me and DH and maybe our kids in our room...no one else!

If you want them in the cabins I think you need to pay.

You made me think of something I haven't mentioned. These are cabins with A/C , full kitchen, full baths and flat screens. So they aren't Cabin-cabins. I bet some of you were picturing me putting folks in a shack. Also, we are putting family with family...all with their own bedrooms.

 

[Pigeon]

I didn't think they were shacks. But I don't want to stay with other people, period, including my siblings. I'd rather get a private hotel room, so I think sending info on a variety of accomodations and letting people decide for themselves is a good idea.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would not offer to pay for lodging at this point. You already have reserved the cabins so you are ahead f the game but your relatives do not need to know this. Put together a list of places in the area along with the cabins. Tell folks that you are willing to reserve the cabins, which would be more economical than a hotel, if people want you to. Give people a cutoff date so that you are not stick losing a deposit. Also let them know how many folks each cabin will allow so that if they want to share one they can decide themselves.

If your DH really does want to pay the bill then I would go along with it and then if someone wants to kick in you can always accept it. I know that if my lodging was paid for I would find a way to make sure I have covered the cost, one way or another.

 

[clutter]

If you can fit your family and dh's family (immediate) in two cabins, than I'd let people (aunts and uncles) know that you are 'holding' a third cabin until 2 weeks prior if they'd like to rent it, but I'd pay for immediate family. Or should I say the people that you and your dh really want to be there. But if you can't fit those people in two cabins and you'd have to rent a third to accomodate that, then let them know that there is "x" space available if they'd like (or on a first come, first serve), otherwise they'll have to plan for their own accomodations.

 

[cm8]

You made me think of something I haven't mentioned. These are cabins with A/C , full kitchen, full baths and flat screens. So they aren't Cabin-cabins. I bet some of you were picturing me putting folks in a shack. Also, we are putting family with family...all with their own bedrooms.

Hi, are you all staying at short stay. We love it there I hope you all have a great time and Congratulations on your husbands retirement

 

[North of Mouse]

Thanks for everybody's thoughts. Everyone is making some good points. I do see that I need to give a few more details though:

We didn't invite any of the aunts and uncles. We haven't invited anyone yet, as the event is four months away. My husband's parents invited the aunts and uncles. My husband's parents are flying into the town where his brother and sister and their families live. He is then planning for all of them to drive from there to here for the ceremony. For them, its a way to combine the retirement and seeing his family. Neither I, nor DH, had even thought of inviting them as they aren't close. DH's dad has gone to see his brother and sister (an hour and a half from us) without coming to see us in the past.

I didn't "dictate" where anyone should stay. I reserved the cabins months ahead of time, because that's what you have to do to get them. I reserved them for three days because dh's parents and my family have to travel a distance to get here and I can't put up everyone in my house.

I asked my parents, dh's parents, my sister and dh's brother about it beforehand so they could plan. They all said it sounded good. It has grown from there with all these other people coming. That is why we reserved an extra, large cabin. I'm am also keeping in mind that as it gets closer some of these people might back out. I can drop the cabin reservations without losing money if I give two weeks' notice.

Should I just drop the whole thing and let people figure out their own arrangements? Thanks for the input!

OK, with the extra info, YOU did not invite all these people, so NO you should not have to foot the bill. Tell them there are cabins available at X $$'s per night at the sight or there are motels close if they'd like to reserve them. To me, that would be totally crazy to be expected to pay all their expenses - hope you and the parents have more sense than that. Personally, I think I would drop the extra cabin now, tell them to book ASAP if they want one and let it go at that. Don't back yourself in a corner, because there are always those that will take advantage of you. Sounds like it's your in-laws deal, not yours and I would let them know that - surely your DH will see the reasoning behind that. My DH would, or else------------

 

[bear74]

I would expect people would realize that you can't put everyone up. I would just include the information and cost of the cabins and the names of local hotels with the invitations. That way you wouldn't be telling the guests that they must stay in such and such a place and pay X.

But I think that if your husband wants you to pay for all this, it is his event.

I think that when you extended the invitation to the ceremony you should have mentioned the lodging options. I would never expect someone to turn a retirement ceremony into a paid vacation for me, so as your relative I wouldn't expect you to pay for my cabin if I decided to stay for 3 nights. You should pay for the party or meal after the actual ceremony, but it looks like if you don't speak up you may end up paying for an expensive 3 day reunion. Not fair to you, but you need to let others know how much they are expected to pitch in. That is a lot of people to cover for that many days. This event you are planning isn't just a retirement celebration, it's a party for the family .

If I were attending an event like this, I would expect to pay for my hotel room, so yes, I think it's fair to ask them to contribute. $900 for three nights for eight family groups (if I'm counting right) doesn't seem like much to ask of them...if they each contributed just over $100 toward the rental it seems like it would be covered, and its not that expensive for them. I mean really, they'd have to rent a lot of rooms at a hotel and it would cost a lot more otherwise, and it wouldn't be fair for them to expect to stay for free.

My bolding.. I'm glad you said this because it is exactly what I was thinking. This situation seems no different to me than having a wedding and telling people "A block of rooms has been reserved at XYZ Inn at a special rate of $XX.XX per night" People going to a wedding wouldn't expect to have the bride and groom pay for their room, why would a guest at a retirement expect that? And if they don't want to stay at these cabins, they don't have to.

Oh boy, your guest list really snowballed because your inlaws invited the aunts and uncles.

What I would do (if money is a problem) is send invitations for the retirement ceremony and include a note that cabins are available for $xx amount if they desire. Mention that refunds may be given on a cabin if cancelled two weeks prior. Maybe also include a note with a hotel name in case people don't want to stay in a cabin.

Oh, to me having a retirement party is no different than a wedding or 50th birthday party where guests are given a meal but lodging, if they require any, are up to them.

Congrats to your DH for his many years of service

Since it is such a large group, and includes relatives that you don't actually know very well and would not have invited on your own, I think I would enclose a note with the invitations stating that you COULD arrange for them to stay in the cabins if they wish, at a cost of $***, or else if they choose, these are nearby hotels/motels (include phone #).
Let them decide where they want to stay and how much they want to spend.
Putting a hold on the cabins in no way obligates them (or you).
Good luck!

Totally agree. I was thinking it could be done just like a wedding block too. And like a wedding block- if the rooms aren't booked x amt in advance (usually a month with a wedding, two weeks here) then they are released.



I think it's very generous of you to pay for those rooms. If I was invited to someone's event I would never expect them to foot the bill. I expect everything at the party to be paid for but wouldn't expect to be put up by someone.

However if you wanted to guarantee everyone came, then I would foot the bill if I could. My parents paid for my sister's room and his friends' rooms for DH and I's wedding because they were travelling so far (500 miles- flight). Most of them were very surprised by this. I've never had my room covered and I've been to a lot of weddings/parties/showers.

I'd rather be invited to an event and not have my room covered than not be invited because the host couldn't cover my lodging.



I agree with this- just like a wedding block. Some will choose to stay, some won't. Since there isn't an obligation for the OP to pay for the cabins then I don't think she did anything wrong booking in advance.

Bottom line- if you want everyone to come and you can afford it, foot the bill. If you are stretched too thin then don't. I'd offer it up like a wedding block and give them the option to stay there but do not force them.

I agree w/ some of the more recent posters...

I would maybe complie an email to all invitee's advising that they might want to make sure they make thier lodging arrangments as the hotels etc in the area will fill up quickly (& maybe even mention "some" of the hotels etc as some options) Then I would "mention" that I had reserved some cabins for use, but that they are "first come, first served" available and give a deadline on when they have to let you know if they are going to stay there. Tell them that the approx cost will be $XYZ for the 3 nights, but once the deadline date arrives, you can give each family exact costs.


This way, you have make sure everyone is aware of the options, and has a deadline on letting you know. And if your DH still wants to cover it, you can maybe agree to pay part of the cost & split the rest as a compromise with your DH?

There is nothing wrong with having the out of towners pay thier share, but only if you commucate that as an expectation so that they are not "surprised" If it would not be a hardship to your family, then hosting the entire thing would be nice, but if you go this route & someone offers some $, then I'd take it and apply it to the food or lodging or something.

Congrats to your DH!

OK, with the extra info, YOU did not invite all these people, so NO you should not have to foot the bill. Tell them there are cabins available at X $$'s per night at the sight or there are motels close if they'd like to reserve them. To me, that would be totally crazy to be expected to pay all their expenses - hope you and the parents have more sense than that. Personally, I think I would drop the extra cabin now, tell them to book ASAP if they want one and let it go at that. Don't back yourself in a corner, because there are always those that will take advantage of you. Sounds like it's your in-laws deal, not yours and I would let them know that - surely your DH will see the reasoning behind that. My DH would, or else------------

all these are great advice. I agree with sending an email or invitation to the event and including info about lodging around definitely give 3 weeks notice because of the cabins. Congrats to your DH and thank you and your family for all you do for us.