Should I allow ex to go on trip???

[Abbigator]

yeah what did you do?

 

[Minnie]

Absolutely no way in H would I let X and the new wife go. That is just plain nutso

I tried one year to have a b-day party for my DS where my X attended with his mother as that is what they wanted. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!! And that was only for a couple hours

Stick to your guns and enjoy the trip (just the 3 of you )

 

[ldo]

NO--and here's why. You can all get along and that is good for your kids. But, you need to have some defined boundaries--and it is too soon after a divorce and remarriage to be a big happy family. Also, if you do this trip, what happens the next time?
I would say no and tell ex that he can take them for the 1st time to Universal--your kids will soon be at the age to really enjoy that, maybe even more than WDW. I would plead with him to not make it hard for the kids--and to not spoil their trip. Tell him if he chooses to make it hard for them, the kids will lose out.
If it were years later, kids were older, and everyone got along fine and family boundaries were well established, then I might be inclined to say yes with separate rooms--but not now. Good luck. Elaine

 

[jrandtysmom]

yeah what did you do?

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

 

[dbenlee]

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

That conversation sounds exactly like the one my wife and her ex had several years ago when he was still paying child support. Of course, now that he hasn't paid in several years he's been very quiet about the things we do and the places we go.

 

[aribelle]

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

I'd have thanked him for reenforcing my decision that we shouldn't try to spend a week together, lol. Sheesh....let me guess....he called you on his iphone, from his convertible, on his way from the golf course to his mcmansion before his "little" get together for 20 with filet mignon, to complain about a SINGLE mom being able to save up enough to take her boys to Disney.


It's all about choices! We're a two parent family, but I stay home (and homeschool) so we have only one income. Yet unlike our friends we have no credit card debt, our cars are 8 & 11 years old so they're paid for (though we'll likely replace one in the next year and have a 2-3 year loan on it, not at 7 year loan); our house will be paid off in 22 years instead of 30 at the rate we're going....AND we can afford to take month long trips to Disney not once, but twice this year (plus several shorter adventures). And my DH earns just slightly less than the average income for our area.

How....because we don't have cable, mega tv, or video games that sap your income with the extras, we eat at home 25 or more days a month; my husband takes his lunch every day, we don't have designer clothes or shoes, we don't go out every weekend with friends, we don't have season tickets to the baseball/football/sports. And when we were in Disney for a month Jan/Feb 08, we stayed off site, cooked 2/3 of our meals at home, came home with one purchased sourvenior each (but lots of memories).

Sorry....don't mean to rant and rave, but just got to listen to my FIL complain about us not being here for Thanksgiving (i.e. ME not cooking) when we told him the kids and I are going to DIsney again. He lectured us on how we could live closer to him (expensive community) if we didn't "waste" so much money on Disney. Ummmm, I like our poor little neighborhood...it's quiet (neighbors don't have parties with 100 people at their pool/BBQ), safe (no one here has a home alarm, because we don't have enough worth stealing, lol...the thieves may live here, but they "work" in FIL's neighborhood), and friendly (lots of people retired and home instead of both people working). I'll take the simple life with frequent vacations over the luxury life and no time for vacations!

Good on ya for telling him no! You'd have been miserable and your tongue would have been half it's size from biting it during that trip with him around!

 

[TheLittleRoo]

Ya know.. there was a dad on Dr. Phil just yesterday feuding with his ex-wife over every little thing. I loved what Dr. Phil said to him about griping over child support. Basically, "They're your kids, pay the child support. If you think you are paying too much, go back to court and ask to have it modified. If the court thinks you are paying the appropriate amount, STOP COMPLAINING. Just shut up and pay it!!"

There's a reason the court set the amount where it did. I hate it when men whine about paying a court ordered amount of support. That number didn't come from my dreams, b/c if that was the case, it would be triple the amount.

Sounds like you got rid of a "real WINNER" - - congratulations on that!

 

[dizneychik]

Don't feel guilty.

Just let them know this is your time with the kids and if they want they can take them at a later time.

How would they feel if you asked them if you could go on a trip(not just Disney but any location) with them and the kids.

If you don't want them there. There is no reason that you should be guilted(is that a word ) into invading on your time with them.

 

[momxx5]

I have not read many of the respones, but I wanted to say, God Bless You.!You are great woman, especially a great mom, to even consider such a trip.

I don't think I'd have the strength to entertain such an idea.

No matter what decision you come to, I am sure you will be able to have a great trip.

Wishing lots of pixie dust.

 

[sunnyday123]

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

Ok. Now you seriously must be divorced from MY ex husband!! After all, HIS child support is the reason I can live in MY house and drive MY car and BUY things for me. Oh, and I also manage to use it for my "beer" money. Because I truly just work for the pure fun of it.

Good job just ending the call. Trust me, for alot of men ( not all ) this is a sore subject. They don't feel they should have to help support their children because they have them one night a week and every other weekend. They buy them food and clothes for when they have them. ( My ex seriously said this to his lawyer, who immediately called mine and said he would try to get him to agree to what we sent just to get him out of his office.) They never get over the anger, which is partly fueled by the fact that they realize they made a huge mistake. Mine has even told his employer they could stop it ( so he could have more $$ for vaca ) because he had a "reserve".

Go to Disney with your boys, and have the best time ever. Put your donkeys-behind of an ex out of your mind and just accept he is who he is, and you don't have to deal with it ( much ) anymore!

 

[I'mAlittleBitGoofy]

OK I need some advice. I am a single mother to 2 boys (age 7 & 4). I 've decided to take them to Disney this year for their first trip. My ex-husband is remarried and after I told him what I was doing, he now has decided that he and his new wife should be allowed to come along on the trip so they don't miss out on the boys trip to Disney. They think that we should try and get a family suite at ASMU and they'll pay the difference over what I was originally going to pay. At first I laughed and said the hell you will but now they are trying to make me feel guilty and even said something to my boys about them going on the trip with us (which of course the kids would love to have their dad there.) Am I being selfish for not wanting to go to Disney with my ex-husband and his new wife (yes we all get along but still), share a room with them and have to spend a week that I was so very much looking forward to with my boys now with them as well. Am I looking at it negatively or should I be seeing some positives here (because I'm not)? The only positive is that then I would have some help instead of traveling alone with the boys but to me that isn't really looking like much of a positive. I do feel a little guilty about their dad not being along on the trip for the boys but isn't that what happens in a divorce? Should I be the bigger person and allow them to tag along? Sorry for such a long rant.

My advice, from a second wife who has taken her stepkids to Disney. It's YOUR trip and do not let your ex dictate what you should do. If you want them there, that's one thing, but if not, let him take them another time. I too get along very well with my husband ex wife, but taking a vacation together would not happen. Good luck whatever you decide!

 

[I'mAlittleBitGoofy]

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

Should have read ahead, good for you! Now you can go and have a good time without feeling bad!

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

He should be thankful you are making excellent memories for your boys... and spending time with them. It's too bad he can't see the bigger picture.

ENJOY your vacation!

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

 

[DevilDuckie]

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

None of what I want to say about his comment will get pass the filter here on the DIS. I have LOTS of words but none of them are very nice. The best I can manage is "buttwinkie."

 

[mrsheppo]

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions! I told him that I didn't think it was best for everyone if we traveled together and that he and his wife could take the boys for a 1st trip with Dad. He wasn't happy but said he understood and that he doubted he could afford to take them himself because he has child support to pay!!!!!! Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

OMG that's what my ex said when I took my kids on their first Disney trip, it was on all that child support he had to pay. No it was just me saving for 3 years to pay for the trip. Now the kids are grown and he still has never taken them on vacation and we got divorced 16 years ago.

Good for you for sticking to your guns and not allowing him and his wife to hijack your vacation.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

Then he said it must be nice to be making enough on his child support that I can afford to take them to Disney (child support has always been a hot topic between us) Needless to say I ended that conversation quickly before it became a HUGE argument!

Our exes must be clones of one another!

My ex once made a comment about how he just knew I was going to go out and buy a Mercedes with the child support he pays. What he pays doesn't even cover 1/2 of DD's daycare expenses. I just laughed. It's all I can do because the alternative would probably cause me to be locked up, serving a life sentence.

 

[jrandtysmom]

Our exes must be clones of one another!

My ex once made a comment about how he just knew I was going to go out and buy a Mercedes with the child support he pays. What he pays doesn't even cover 1/2 of DD's daycare expenses. I just laughed. It's all I can do because the alternative would probably cause me to be locked up, serving a life sentence.

I know that feeling all too well. It's sad to see so many other parents dealing with this with the other parent of their child(ren). I keep wishing he'll "get it" but I doubt it. I guess when your not the one taking care of the child and their day to day expenses, you don't really understand how much it costs to take care of them. I've explained to him before that his child support doesn't cover much and I only wish he was financing my hair, nails, massages, BMW payment, beach house mortgage and multiple vacations I take each year - but unfortunately that little bit he pays doesn't even cover his children's expenses let alone mine. (BTW - I have none of those things I listed, he just treats me as if I do with ALL that money he is paying me. )

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with most posters. I think OP should have welcomed the DEx and his new wife. I'm sure some places offer a senior discount!

Just kidding before I get flamed! I'm 41 so I'm not that far away. Just wanted to bring a little levity to draw attention from the fact that OP's DEx is a petty, whiney, coattail riding, cheap butthead. IMHO of course.

 

[surfergirl602]

OK I need some advice. I am a single mother to 2 boys (age 7 & 4). I 've decided to take them to Disney this year for their first trip. My ex-husband is remarried and after I told him what I was doing, he now has decided that he and his new wife should be allowed to come along on the trip so they don't miss out on the boys trip to Disney. They think that we should try and get a family suite at ASMU and they'll pay the difference over what I was originally going to pay. At first I laughed and said the hell you will but now they are trying to make me feel guilty and even said something to my boys about them going on the trip with us (which of course the kids would love to have their dad there.) Am I being selfish for not wanting to go to Disney with my ex-husband and his new wife (yes we all get along but still), share a room with them and have to spend a week that I was so very much looking forward to with my boys now with them as well. Am I looking at it negatively or should I be seeing some positives here (because I'm not)? The only positive is that then I would have some help instead of traveling alone with the boys but to me that isn't really looking like much of a positive. I do feel a little guilty about their dad not being along on the trip for the boys but isn't that what happens in a divorce? Should I be the bigger person and allow them to tag along? Sorry for such a long rant.

two words my dear: HECK NO!!!!!

There's NO WAY I would let him bully into getting a disney trip out of me!!! That's just what he's doing, bullying! I would tell him that they can plan their own trip. How awkward would that be? Staying in a room with your ex and his wife with your children? Weird. Stick to your guns. This is a mommy and son trip. Not a mommy and son, with the ex and his new wife tagging along to spoil your fun.

ETA: I see that you already told him no. Good for you.

 

[tina_la]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree with most posters. I think OP should have welcomed the DEx and his new wife. I'm sure some places offer a senior discount!