Should I allow ex to go on trip???

[Wendy5055]

Yes, oh breezy one.....

Can I ever again find myself in the good graces in these uncharted waters?

No, wait, you were calling me a prince weren't you????

You are a prince if I can be a princess...actually, I would like to be Queen of Disney!!!!!!!! wha ha ha ha ha (little evil laugh for effect!)!!!!!

 

[ilovediznee2]

Are they serious!?!??!?!! I couldn't imagine my ex and his wife going along with me and my girls to Disney! On the other hand, if there were some way to "lose" them in Orlando... hmmmmmmmm...Maybe at one of those aligator farms... hmmmm... )
I would say take the trip as you planned. If they want to go there, they can go some other time.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I can't say from my own experience; still married and it's 1st marriage for both dh and myself so I won't be offended if you tell me I have no clue what I'm talking about but...
I'm guessing there will be many Firsts that you and your ex will both be missing out on and that's just the way it is when people get divorced. For right now it's their 1st Disney trip. Maybe your ex will take them on a Disney cruise and you will miss that First. or maybe their first bike ride with no training wheels or their first time boogie boarding at the beach, first ATV ride, first ski trip... You get the jist of it. You both can't always be together for every first experience in life.

Again, JMHO but I think this should be you and your boys together. This is beautiful quality time without the stress of everyday life getting in the way. If your ex wants to plan a separate trip, let him. This was your idea and your vacation.
Heck, it was hard for us last Nov. when my parents, brother, and SIL came with us. Naturally people want to do different things and it becomes a committee decision for every little thing: where should we eat, what attraction next, what time should we leave, stay to see Wishes? etc. I think it just give more opportunities for you and your ex to disagree and give his new wife control. Ugh, I'd rather be at work.

It's one thing to "take the high road" and compromise with some things for the sake of the children. If you can share the cost of a Chuckie Cheese birthday party, that's great but that's about as close I'd ever let things get.

Enjoy your vacation with your children!!

 

[jrandtysmom]

I can't say from my own experience; still married and it's 1st marriage for both dh and myself so I won't be offended if you tell me I have no clue what I'm talking about but...
I'm guessing there will be many Firsts that you and your ex will both be missing out on and that's just the way it is when people get divorced. For right now it's their 1st Disney trip. Maybe your ex will take them on a Disney cruise and you will miss that First. or maybe their first bike ride with no training wheels or their first time boogie boarding at the beach, first ATV ride, first ski trip... You get the jist of it. You both can't always be together for every first experience in life.

Again, JMHO but I think this should be you and your boys together. This is beautiful quality time without the stress of everyday life getting in the way. If your ex wants to plan a separate trip, let him. This was your idea and your vacation.
Heck, it was hard for us last Nov. when my parents, brother, and SIL came with us. Naturally people want to do different things and it becomes a committee decision for every little thing: where should we eat, what attraction next, what time should we leave, stay to see Wishes? etc. I think it just give more opportunities for you and your ex to disagree and give his new wife control. Ugh, I'd rather be at work.

It's one thing to "take the high road" and compromise with some things for the sake of the children. If you can share the cost of a Chuckie Cheese birthday party, that's great but that's about as close I'd ever let things get.

Enjoy your vacation with your children!!

I think what you said was perfect, thank you! He has missed out on many firsts, many of the things you mentioned, because he was not there. I'm sure there have been some things I have missed out on but I doubt very much as he doesn't have them too too often for that to happen. I'm so glad I posted this here and have gotten pretty much the same opinion as my own. I am confident I don't need to back down in my original thoughts which were "HELL NO!" Now I can turn back into and keep waiting for October to finally be here!

 

[maryrego]

I would say Hell no

Its amazing how people can make you feel guilty when there inviting themselves along. I was placed in a similar situation. Its not fair to you.

 

[Goofy'slady]

Two words... HAIL NAW!

Nuf said.

T.

 

[TexasMinnie82]

Two words... HAIL NAW!

Nuf said.

T.

My words exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is YOUR vacation. If he wants to take the boys to DIsney, he can plan his own dang trip!!!!!!

 

[TheLittleRoo]

Two words... HAIL NAW!

Nuf said.

T.

Those were my first two words too! I just didn't know how to spell them!!

 

[MRYPPNS]

But it would be so funny if you all went and some CM commented about how nice it was that you took Grandma with you on your family vacation.

Looks like we will be there at the same time....I'll look out for the happy family of 3!

 

[bookgirl]

I might do this if.....they had thier own room and the boys would spend half thier nights with them. They paid for half of the boys airfare, food, and park tickets. After all if they want to share the fun they should also share the expence of the boys vacation.

 

[pbharris4]

I think what you said was perfect, thank you! He has missed out on many firsts, many of the things you mentioned, because he was not there. I'm sure there have been some things I have missed out on but I doubt very much as he doesn't have them too too often for that to happen. I'm so glad I posted this here and have gotten pretty much the same opinion as my own. I am confident I don't need to back down in my original thoughts which were "HELL NO!" Now I can turn back into and keep waiting for October to finally be here!

I was thinking exactly what she was. I think you are doing the right thing. Always trust your first instinct. I think if he wants to do WDW with the boys he should book the week after you. If he manipulated you like this in your marriage, I could see why you divorced him. Even if you're boys are disppointed...they will forget as soon as they hit Disney. This is you and your boys quality time together. Enjoy it..they grow soo fast.

 

[DevilDuckie]

That opens a whole new thread. I had thought about telling him that he could come solo but didn't think that was fair on my part to her (because I think he would jump on the offer) I don't think I'd want my husband (if I ever decide to get one again ) going off on a vacation with his ex-wife and kids. Or maybe that's just because I was married to someone who wasn't very trust worthy so I'm skeptical.

I suppose you could invite her and not him...

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

Be kind, be firm, be diplomatic. No. Thank you, but no. Enjoy your sons.

 

[sandiegosusie]

My question is this...if this wasn't your kids first trip would you even consider vacationing with your ex-husband? Take Disney out of the equation.

My ex-husband and I have gotten along for years now. I think you have to decide if bringing he and his new wife/family along is what is best for the entire picture. Personally, I wouldn't. But I always think of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore-Kutcher. They are more of the exception than the rule. I just think its too uncomfortable for my situation to do that...

 

[Fizban257]

I've been divorced for a long time. We married young and it didn't last. I don't know that I would have ever asked to go along on a Disney trip because our divorce was pretty bitter. That said, I have over the years done many things similar to this for the sake of our son.

My ex-mother-in-law spent Christmas with me and my family one year because she and her daughter were feuding and she hadn't seen her grandson in months. (My ex actually moved states and wouldn't give her mother a forwarding address or phone number). I also took my son (during my custody periods) to my ex-mother-in-law's company picnics for about three years in a row so he wouldn't miss out on the party.

In 14 years of divorce I have had custody for only two of my son's birthdays. The first of those, she planned a party at McDonalds, told him about it and then asked me if it was o.k. -- I let him have the party. The other, I spent the entire day with her and her new husband at an amusement park with our son, at my expense.

I think the idea of sharing a room is completely creepy. Other than that, I think your boys would love to have you both there. If it were me, I think I’d try to find a way to make it work.

Divorce sucks, but it sucks most for the kids. We adults ripped their lives apart because we couldn't work things out -- for whatever reasons. I've always felt that I owed it to my boy to do what was right by him regardless of how it made me feel. I'm the adult and I’ve always believed it was my place to act like one.

To this day, I still don't get along with my ex. But I'd do just about anything for my boy, including spending a week with her at Disney World. In fact, we're going in Sept. and my wife and I have already considered offering for my ex to come along (at her expense).

I have tried to show my son through example that a man does the right thing, no matter how awkward or difficult. I didn't want a divorce, but I got one. It's my job to protect him from the fallout as much as humanly possible.

That's my two cents -- I hope I haven't offended.

 

[siestakeys04]

Well I am not divorced but that would make me real uneasy. Whos idea was it HERS or his?? Is she the kind of woman that tells him why cant we go to disney to and pushed him into asking?? Well he should have thought of that earlier. You were planning just you and the boys so let it be just you and the boys.

Tell them let them experience disney with the boys for the first time with dad on another vacation. Don't feel guilty you owe no one anything. If your boys keep asking just tell them that you really wanted to take them and spend time with them. Maybe get them some special gifts.

Tell ex hubby and new wife to give them some disney dollars if they want to really do something.

 

[tonilea]

That sounds like it would be about as much fun as a diabetic at a chocolate convention.

 

[TheLittleRoo]

To this day, I still don't get along with my ex. But I'd do just about anything for my boy, including spending a week with her at Disney World. In fact, we're going in Sept. and my wife and I have already considered offering for my ex to come along (at her expense).

As a divorced parent, now remarried, I hear you but I wonder what effect it has on the kids to see their parents "getting along" since it's a common fantasy among children of divorce that their parents will reunite someday. I personally have never thought it was healthy to project a false image of mommy and daddy romping and laughing and getting along, b/c I didn't want DS4 holding onto the hope that we'd get remarried to each other.

Have your kids ever talked about that over the years? Did you explain anything prior to them or did they just roll with it and it was no biggie?

About the most I can manage is to be composed and courteous to my ex when my DS is around. I try to be courteous other times too, but it's hard when he does things purposely to create havoc in my world and make me look like the bad guy...

 

[jrandtysmom]

I've been divorced for a long time. We married young and it didn't last. I don't know that I would have ever asked to go along on a Disney trip because our divorce was pretty bitter. That said, I have over the years done many things similar to this for the sake of our son.

My ex-mother-in-law spent Christmas with me and my family one year because she and her daughter were feuding and she hadn't seen her grandson in months. (My ex actually moved states and wouldn't give her mother a forwarding address or phone number). I also took my son (during my custody periods) to my ex-mother-in-law's company picnics for about three years in a row so he wouldn't miss out on the party.

In 14 years of divorce I have had custody for only two of my son's birthdays. The first of those, she planned a party at McDonalds, told him about it and then asked me if it was o.k. -- I let him have the party. The other, I spent the entire day with her and her new husband at an amusement park with our son, at my expense.

I think the idea of sharing a room is completely creepy. Other than that, I think your boys would love to have you both there. If it were me, I think I’d try to find a way to make it work.

Divorce sucks, but it sucks most for the kids. We adults ripped their lives apart because we couldn't work things out -- for whatever reasons. I've always felt that I owed it to my boy to do what was right by him regardless of how it made me feel. I'm the adult and I’ve always believed it was my place to act like one.

To this day, I still don't get along with my ex. But I'd do just about anything for my boy, including spending a week with her at Disney World. In fact, we're going in Sept. and my wife and I have already considered offering for my ex to come along (at her expense).

I have tried to show my son through example that a man does the right thing, no matter how awkward or difficult. I didn't want a divorce, but I got one. It's my job to protect him from the fallout as much as humanly possible.

That's my two cents -- I hope I haven't offended.

No you haven't offended, you actually made me cry (but in a good way...yes it's a woman thing). Those are my feelings in my heart for my boys and that was what I was wanting to do, but there is still the part of me that doesn't. That is why I posted here because I feel so torn. I want to lead by example, be the bigger person and show them that we can all get along, but at the same time I don't want to be a doormat for the rest of our lives for my ex to walk all over and use my boys to do it. Your last part

I didn't want a divorce, but I got one. It's my job to protect him from the fallout as much as humanly possible.

is exactly my feelings, it is my responsibility to be the adult and if I am the one to hurt, so be it before I will allow them to be hurt but for that their dad takes advantage. He knows that those 2 boys are the most important thing in my life and that I will do anything to spare them anymore pain then I've already caused them by a failed marriage.

Thanks Fizban for your 2 cents, they mean alot. If my ex would handle himself even half the way you sound like you've handled your parenting/divorce, we'd be in a lot better shape then we are (and maybe even still married) but he hasn't.

 

[danceintherain]

I didn't read everybody else's answer, because there's a lot, but here's my opinion.
If you would be uncomfortable with them being there, then don't let them come. However, if it would make you less comfortable to not have them there... the guilt trip etc, then let them come, but insist they get their own room, none of this "Family" Suite nonsense. That way your boys can alternate between rooms, and you won't have to deal with them as much (by them I mean your ex and his wife...) Also, you could possibly invite a friend to come with you... that way on night when your boys are hanging with their Dad you won't be entirely alone... unless of course the prospect of being alone appeals to you.
I guess this way would be more expensive, but not for you since you were already planning on paying that much. Your ex and his wife will just have to deal with it...