Should a child be penalized for a parent's behavior?

[C.Ann]

Generally speaking, no.. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule - in which case I would need a whole lot of info before voicing my opinion one way or the other..

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Did you miss the quotes around "deadbeat"?

I'm sure that no one is actually calling parents deadbeats, I was merely using that word as tongue-in-cheek shorthand for "parent who does not take the school involvement expectation seriously enough." The more common word (that the kids will normally use) is "slacker." BTW, this is a private school.

The thing about using dress-down days this way is that the kids don't look at it as a privilege; they look at it as a given that on a dress-down day you dress down, and they consider it punishment to be required to wear their uniforms when everyone else is wearing jeans. In the higher grades the kids who are not in uniform tease the ones who are; there are lots of cracks about having "slackers" for parents.

The really offensive part AFAIAC is that the teachers are always given lists of which families had parents in attendance so that they can police the dress-down days, and the teachers invariably develop a subtle attitude about it. For instance, it will almost always be casually mentioned when you attend your parent-teacher conference. The kids whose names are always on the list are regarded as being from "fine families" while those whose parents do not or cannot attend start to be treated as somehow pitiable.

I still don't think it is okay to imply it tongue in cheek.
Especially since the school is essentially not considering it tongue in cheek.

I always feel bad when teachers (that i know now) complain about Open Houses and how it is somewhat bad that parents don't attend as though they don't care about their kids.

My mom never attended on in her life of parenting. So I guess the teachers did think she was a deadbeat since the implication is if you don't go to a voluntary event, it means you don't care.

(And to me--that is much much different than signing something that says part of participation is mandatory showing up/helping out kind of stuff. )

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

DS played a club soccer game a few years ago in which the opposing team started the game with 5 players (kids were playing 8 v 8). The team had 5 more players on the sidelines. The referee called out the coach and said he had to play more than 5. The coach responded that he was tired of players being late to practice, and he wanted his team to understand the repercussions. He had told the players that if they were not on time for practice, then they wouldn't start in the game. The ref relented, and the game began. After 5 minutes, and with his team down 2 goals already, the coach fielded a full team. We could hear him at half time telling his team, "See what a difference 5 minutes makes." The game ended up being close. The other team could have won, particularly if they had started with a full team.

DS still mentions this game several years later whenever the topic of being on time comes up.

That is a cool story.