Shallowness

[MrsSparrow..]

Do you consider yourself to be shallow?

I didn't, but something that happened to me recently made me rethink this. So let me just rant on, and feel free to share your opinion about being shallow

I've always said that intelligence and being funny is the most attractive thing and what I look for in guys. But in the past three days, I've been infatuated by someone who I know really likes me, and is both intelligent and funny, but he just isn't that good looking .

Looks wise, he is cute. I don't do 'cute', I do more rugged and harsher good looks, possibly slightly more masculine. So when I look at him, there isn't an obvious attraction based on just looks, which I thought would never be important to me. I still consider that to be shallow and pathetic, but somehow I've turned into that :/

But his personality is just perfect. He is hilariously funny, ambitious, intelligent and spontaneous. So much about us is similar yet also so amazingly different. I am in no way 'random', spontaneous or able to let myself go easily, whilst that just comes naturally to him. We agree on things like religion, education and loads of other stuff, which is weird because sometimes my opinion isn't always the easiest to understand.

I've never met someone who I've so easily been able to click with. It takes me days for me to have a good conversation with someone new, but this happened within hours, during a 'gathering' in our friends shed. Which doesn't sound too romantic, but we just talked all night. We also went out today, and talked loads too.

I dunno whether I can see myself being with him though because there is no physical attraction , I always assumed personality would be enough. Even though everything about him is perfect, there is just still something stopping me from going for it. I hate the idea of me being shallow. So maybe I am just a little shallow? Who knows.

Saying that, I just have this gut feeling? You know that feeling?! Lol. It is hard to explain. I can't focus on anything, it takes me ages to sleep and even though I am hungry, I can't eat. This has all happened in three days :l and I realise that I sound like a pathetic 16 year old, but I never thought this would happen to me.

Wow, that was long If anyone has read that, I praise you

What are your experiences? Have you ever been with someone based on just their personality/looks alone? Anyone with similar stuff?

Discuss being shallow

 

[imabrat]

Yes, I know I'm shallow when it comes to the male species. I can't help it, but I'm not going to date someone who isn't remotely attractive to me at all. Yeah, there can be that emotional spark, but I need that physical attractiveness too.

Flame me.

 

[jbcheerchick93]

well i dont think you're shallow. at first, wiht my BF, there was really not that much physical attraction. i mean, i love him, but he is just kinda cute. he has awesome muscles though, its amazing. but his personality is so insane that we fit together and it doesnt even make sense maybe just give it a little time or try kissing or whatever and see what happens. maybe you need to appreciate the little things about his looks. give it some time and maybe you'll get more attracted. if not, it sounds like you gained a great friend!

 

[miley2g8]

I don't call it shallow just self aware. I do like to hang out with pretty people is what I say but the truth is that I just like to hang out with people who take care of themselves. They don't have to be the typical "attractive" look but if they put forth effort is what I prefer to associate with. Ya know the whole 'birds of a feather' saying...

 

[MrsSparrow..]

Yes, I know I'm shallow when it comes to the male species. I can't help it, but I'm not going to date someone who isn't remotely attractive to me at all. Yeah, there can be that emotional spark, but I need that physical attractiveness too.

Flame me.

Lol, thats what I'm feeling now and I'm a little worried about myself

well i dont think you're shallow. at first, wiht my BF, there was really not that much physical attraction. i mean, i love him, but he is just kinda cute. he has awesome muscles though, its amazing. but his personality is so insane that we fit together and it doesnt even make sense maybe just give it a little time or try kissing or whatever and see what happens. maybe you need to appreciate the little things about his looks. give it some time and maybe you'll get more attracted. if not, it sounds like you gained a great friend!

Thats actually really good advice I might try and see what happens next weekend then If not, like you said, we could be great friends.

 

[imabrat]

Why are you worried?

I'm shallow, I admit it. I'm not going to sit there and make out with a guy that I have 0% attraction to physically. A good partner is someone who you are attracted to looks wise and personality wise.

 

[CrazySteph]

Hey, don't feel bad. Of course we all want to end up with someone that we're attracted too!

I think that everyone is soo afraid of becoming shallow that we forget that.. (not nessarily 'looks') but being attracted to the guy we like, is one of the BIG points in the relationship, and we forget that sometimes.

You're not shallow at all! You even admitted that he is cute! The problem is that you're just not attracted to him like that!

the perfect guy has to have the WHOLE package, right? I would HARDLY call this shallow

Oh! and my current boyfriend, I am SOOO attracted too! and it makes it SO wonderful, or a heck of a lot easier lol I think we all need to be attracted to whomever we date.

 

[Disney Dork]

Honestly?

I always try SO HARD not to judge on looks or let them dictate who I hang with/talk to.

When I was younger, I was constantly ripped apart because I didn't look too great. I had major acne, FRIZZY curly hair, crooked teeth, a gap between my two front teeth and glasses. Not to mention, my fashion sense was near to none.

I was torn apart so much, that I know how it feels to be judged that way and don't want to do it to other people if I can help it. So...I'm seriously always trying to look past that and see them for WHO THEY ARE instead. And if I ever start thinking "Ohhh. Wow." then I seriously get like "WAIT A MINUTE! NO! STOP! YOU DON'T KNOW THEM! THEY COULD BE NICE! D: " in my head.

Things didn't start changing for me until I got my hair straightened. And a year before that I got braces (and ended up being stuck with them for 4 years )

And honestly? I really think that's horrible! It's not looks that matter, it's who they are inside. I figure that, as long as the person has the right personality for me, they keep themselves CLEAN and attempt to keep themselves as healthy as they can, then the rest doesn't really matter.

After all, I could always just kind of be like "Hey, dude! Don't you think that maybe this shirt over here would look SO adorable on you?! Yeah?! LETS BUY IT!" ^__^

And no, I wouldn't force anyone to wear anything stupid. Because that would be stupid and annoying....and I'd irk myself.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

I think Im a bit shallow.

I would date someone who wasnt the most attractive BUT I always have crushes on cute guys. I wont like a guy unless he's cute but if I got to know someone who wasnt good looking and that guy was really nice ID date him


get it?

 

[StitchfansJr]

Yes, I know I'm shallow when it comes to the male species. I can't help it, but I'm not going to date someone who isn't remotely attractive to me at all. Yeah, there can be that emotional spark, but I need that physical attractiveness too.

Flame me.

ITA, Sonya.

 

[Shelton123]

Yes, I know I'm shallow when it comes to the male species. I can't help it, but I'm not going to date someone who isn't remotely attractive to me at all. Yeah, there can be that emotional spark, but I need that physical attractiveness too.

Flame me.

ITA, you need to have both. You don't have to be smokin' hot, but you can't be ugly. I'd say it has to add up to at least 150%. That is, like 50% attractive, 100% personality, or the other way around, or 75%/75%. The girl I'm with now, IMO, is like 200% but that's crazy that she accepted me asking her out... because I'm seriously not that good looking.

But IMO, that isn't shallow. Shallow is when everything depends on how other people look. Like if someone's name is weird, they can't be your friend/girlfriend/boyfriend. Or if they're not good looking in terms of just friends. But having a requirement for physical attractiveness in a BF/GF is not my definition of shallow.

 

[KidGoofy]

I'm shallow too then. But I do believe you can become used to there looks and the physical attraction doesnt matter.

 

[Axel]

Physical attraction is part of any good and lasting relationship. It's bred into humans as a whole. Subconciously or (with some types of people) conciously, we all want the most beautiful offspring and the nicest family.

I'll come right out and say it, I'm a shallow person in this regard. I am very unlikely to start a relationship with anybody I don't feel a certain physical attraction for.

And face it, if you can acknowledge that he's "cute", there's at least something there attractionwise, or you wouldn't have been able to notice that.

 

[reid_man]

i think everyone is shallow. nobody wants to date someone they think is bad-looking. well at least that is what i say. my friends think im shallow because i said i would not go out with someone who weighed 400 pounds. honestly, would you date someone you weren't attracted to?

 

[disneychick2721]

Physical attraction is part of any good and lasting relationship. It's bred into humans as a whole. Subconciously or (with some types of people) conciously, we all want the most beautiful offspring and the nicest family.

I'll come right out and say it, I'm a shallow person in this regard. I am very unlikely to start a relationship with anybody I don't feel a certain physical attraction for.

And face it, if you can acknowledge that he's "cute", there's at least something there attractionwise, or you wouldn't have been able to notice that.

ITA.


Honestly I am shallow.
I admit it.
Im not saying that you have to be drop dead gorgeous, but you cant be disgusting or gross looking.

Im shallow in other ways though.
I think of myself first, but honestly the way I see it, how can you help someone else if your not in check first ?

 

[Sparx]

i'm not shallow. i've dated men who were very overweight, men who were very underweight, men who were drop dead sexy, and men who's looks could have left a lot to be desired to some people.

but, there was something that made me date every one of those people. and it was never how they looked. yes, sometimes their looks were icing on the cake, but i never held physicalities against anyone.

i don't feel that i'm the most attractive person, so i don't hold the way anyone looks against them, because thats how i would want to be treated.

my boyfriend is, in my opinion, the most beautiful person in the world. and today, he came home to me in sweat pants and a sweatshirt with my hair in a mess. and he looked at me and told me that i'm beautiful. and, to him, i am.

when you love someone, they are beautiful in your eyes, no matter how they look to anyone else.

at least thats how i feel.

 

[chisnpeke]

I dated a guy who I didn't think was the best looking but when I started dating him I thought he was attractive enough. Over the time we dated he gained a lot of weight and didn't take care of himself in general and it just didn't make him look good at all. His personality changed among other things that made us break up. I can't be with someone who doesn't care what they eat at all and just eats a bunch of junk when they are continually putting on weight. Then he complained about how he looked. Well stop eating Taco Bell every single day!!!

I think it's important to have some level of physical attraction but personality is the most important.

Some guys are really attractive but I'd NEVER date them because they seem so stuck up in their looks. Like "I'm hot and I know it"

I love it when guys are hot and they don't even seem to know.

 

[chisnpeke]

i'm not shallow. i've dated men who were very overweight, men who were very underweight, men who were drop dead sexy, and men who's looks could have left a lot to be desired to some people.

but, there was something that made me date every one of those people. and it was never how they looked. yes, sometimes their looks were icing on the cake, but i never held physicalities against anyone.

i don't feel that i'm the most attractive person, so i don't hold the way anyone looks against them, because thats how i would want to be treated.

my boyfriend is, in my opinion, the most beautiful person in the world. and today, he came home to me in sweat pants and a sweatshirt with my hair in a mess. and he looked at me and told me that i'm beautiful. and, to him, i am.

when you love someone, they are beautiful in your eyes, no matter how they look to anyone else.

at least thats how i feel.

I tend to agree with this. I like personality, but I also have to have an attraction to them. I have a friend who is really nice but I don't feel attraction to him so I could never date him...kwim?

I've also had physically attraction go away so I don't feel "it" for the person anymore. I might still care but not like them physically. I guess that makes me shallow in some way.

 

[imabrat]

I dated a guy who I didn't think was the best looking but when I started dating him I thought he was attractive enough. Over the time we dated he gained a lot of weight and didn't take care of himself in general and it just didn't make him look good at all. His personality changed among other things that made us break up. I can't be with someone who doesn't care what they eat at all and just eats a bunch of junk when they are continually putting on weight. Then he complained about how he looked. Well stop eating Taco Bell every single day!!!

I think it's important to have some level of physical attraction but personality is the most important.

Some guys are really attractive but I'd NEVER date them because they seem so stuck up in their looks. Like "I'm hot and I know it"

I love it when guys are hot and they don't even seem to know.

Hmmm...sounds like me! And NO!, I will not put the tacos down!

 

[KidGoofy]

I dated a guy who I didn't think was the best looking but when I started dating him I thought he was attractive enough. Over the time we dated he gained a lot of weight and didn't take care of himself in general and it just didn't make him look good at all. His personality changed among other things that made us break up. I can't be with someone who doesn't care what they eat at all and just eats a bunch of junk when they are continually putting on weight. Then he complained about how he looked. Well stop eating Taco Bell every single day!!!

I think it's important to have some level of physical attraction but personality is the most important.

Some guys are really attractive but I'd NEVER date them because they seem so stuck up in their looks. Like "I'm hot and I know it"

I love it when guys are hot and they don't even seem to know.

thats exactly how i feel...I have no idea how a girl thinks about me...but I make myself feel comfortable and hopefully that works out...and I always try to stay confident