Seperating twins by grade level?

[mommaU4]

I have twin girls age 5, both in Kindergarten this year. Right now it appears that one is doing better than the other in school. I'll find out for sure when I go to the teacher conf this month. Anyways I got to thinking (never good) and wondered what would happen if one of them didn't pass or wasn't ready for the next grade.

Not saying this will happen, or if it did, then I wouldn't have a say in the matter I guess, but how hard would that be for the twin who had to stay behind?

I mean how would you explain that to them? And they would have to be explaining that to everyone they meet for the rest of their school years. Because as soon as anyone found out they were twins the most obvious question would be why aren't you in the same grade. Could be really hard on them.

Well, I guess there's no sense worrying about something that may not even happen. I'm a worrier, just ask my DH. I play the "what if" game alot. Okay let it go and move on.

 

[Terri C]

Oh my. I don't have an answer but I do appreciate your concern. I'm the sameway...I can play the "what if" game all day. It drives me nuts, and usually, the worst case scenario I was so afraid of doesn't happen.
Sending hugs your way

Terri

 

[Buckalew11]

I know 2 sets of twins that this happened to. One set they separated (held one back and passed the other--very tough on the one left behind) and the other set the parents just opted to do tutoring for the other twin. If I had twins and it was possible I'd probably want them separated in different classrooms (but hopefully not separate grade levels.)

 

[Ranatra]

I'm a twin, I have a twin sister. When we were ready to go to first grade, my Mom told us that one of us was ready and one of us was not ready, so she held us both back for another year. She did not want us in separate grades, and I have to agree. Probably not a good idea.
Btw, she never old us which one of us was ready and which one of us was not. Smart Mom.

 

[Beth76]

I can't imagine having to make that decision. I'm having enough trouble deciding if one kid is ready to start K in the fall. I would have to say though that the one twin would have to be pretty far behind in order for me to consider it. I would probably opt for using tutors rather than holding back.

 

[Ratpack]

As a teacher, we take these things into consideration before retaining anyone. I even think that one of the scales/evaluations we use asks if this child has a sibling that is the same age or one age above or below. Self esteem is a key issue when holding a child back. If this would be a huge blow to their self esteem- it would be worthless to withhold.

I would say that being this young, I would wait another year..the child may just catch up and do well the next year. Good Luck!

 

[mommaU4]

As a teacher, we take these things into consideration before retaining anyone. I even think that one of the scales/evaluations we use asks if this child has a sibling that is the same age or one age above or below. Self esteem is a key issue when holding a child back. If this would be a huge blow to their self esteem- it would be worthless to withhold.

I would say that being this young, I would wait another year..the child may just catch up and do well the next year. Good Luck!

Thanks to you and everyone else who posted.

As I said I play the "what if" game too much for my own good, so hopefully after the teacher conf this will be a non-issue.

We almost had to make this decision at the beginning of the year because when they did the pre-testing, they felt one was more ready for K and the other would do better in the schools High Five's class. When I called the teachers to get their opinions on what I should do, they talked it over and said they should both try K. I just hope we didn't make a mistake then.

 

[paigevz]

Well, I am teaching twins right now, both girls, and was seriously thinking of holding one back, but the other is ready to go on, and I thought of those same things you brought up. I decided I couldn't do it. I'll send them both to summer school even though one doesn't need it, and hope that if one passes "the test" next year then the other does too! They are summer birthdays, and this one is not quite up to par in reading, really below level in math, and has some work habit issues that will cause her fits in 3rd.

It would be very hard if I was a parent having to think about that. Do you hold one back and have them repeat even if not needed, or send on one that isn't ready? I don't think I could let one go without the other, just because, like you said, they'd always be explaining it and it would make the one held back feel badly her whole school career.

 

[mommaU4]

It would be very hard if I was a parent having to think about that. Do you hold one back and have them repeat even if not needed, or send on one that isn't ready? I don't think I could let one go without the other, just because, like you said, they'd always be explaining it and it would make the one held back feel badly her whole school career.

Yep, exactly. I hope, hope, hope this won't happen. And for any of you who always wanted twins, it ain't all fun and games!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I would do whatever I could for that not to happen! Whether it means tutoring, extra help from you, extra school help, etc, I think it would be very hard for her having her twin go on. Maybe there are extreme cases where it's the right decision, but I think it would be rare.

How is the reading coming along with your girls? One thing that Jake really likes is the Learn-To-Read Treasure Hunts http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/07...ref=sr_1_5/103-9149772-7300636?_encoding=UTF8 If your girls are in the early reading stage they might like this. You could either do two hunts or have them work together on one if the reading levels are different. Or they could take turns. Jake asks for me to do the hunts with him and it's a good way for them to practice basic reading.

Did you have fall conferences? How about report cards?

 

[barkley]

i find this concept interesting. there have been so many threads with passionate posts from people so upset that their individual child might be held back or not enter a grade at the "appropriate" age-yet with the concept of twins it seems that most (that have so far posted) believe it acceptable to hold one twin back (who has no need for it) to protect the feelings of the other.

despite the most encourage consolation to a child there is always some degree of emotional "stigma" to repeating a grade-i can't imagine intentionaly putting a child through this when they are capable of advancing. perhaps if the twins had a phenominal bond that necessitated them being in the same classroom wherein it would cause the advancing twin trauma due to separation-but in the absence of that?

i am not a twin nor the parent of a twin, but i have/had friendships with twins and universaly they have always appreciated when their parents/teachers/coaches treated them as individuals-supporting their individual strengths, helping them with their individual weaknesses.

i think were it my decision i would have to look at what i would do if i had 2 children (non twins) who by virtue of birth were in the same grade (born in january/born in november)-if one were in need of repeating a grade would i mandate the other to?

p.s.-at the end of last year we were told my son was not ready to advance to 3rd grade. we opted to hold him back in 2nd-during the summer there was a huge change in his fine motor skills and maturity-he re-did and completed the second grade curriculum before christmas of this year. he has moved on to the 3rd grade curriculum and will move into 4th next year, "on schedual". alot can happen between now and next september-a child can always be reevaluated for class assignment.

 

[momx3boys]

I worry about this too. I have 5 year old twin boys. Their birthday is in October so they are still in a 4 year old kindergarten. They won't start kindergarten until August. One of them doesn't do as well in school as the other, they are in seperate classes and it doesn't bother them. One can do alot more than the other, I just hope as he gets a little older he will catch up. I wouldn't hold one back, but I have thought how would they handle it if one did need to stay back.

 

[anut4disney]

We are actually going through this now. They are 6 and sister is in 1st grade and brother is in kindergarten.

They were preemies and dgs has always been a little slower than his sister, so when the end of prekindergarten came she was ready for kindergarten but he wasn't. He is actually reading a little better than she was at this time in kindergarten.

It doesn't seem to bother them at all about being in different grades. We haven't made a big deal about it and it doesn't seem to bother them one bit.

Of course the day that they start riding a different bus for middle shcool might be different because they are very close and even though they rarely see each other in school when one is absent the other talks about missing the absent one.

 

[helenm29]

It's a really hard decision to make! When my twin boy and girl were in first grade my husband and I both saw a huge difference in the way they were learning so we held my daughter back. She is now in 6th grade while her brother is in 7th and she still had problems. In the long run, I am glad we did what we did or things could have been so much worse.

 

[CherCrazy]

Holding kids back a year to let them mature is pretty common now. Kids in our area ( I can think of three girls in my neighborhood alone ) just use the excuse "oh my parents held me back a year". I really don't think it has the same stigma as it used to.

One of the girls is a twin, who was held back without her twin brother. They are both outstanding kids, extremely popular, very active in sports, and are lucky enough to have friends in BOTH grades. They are both in college now.

Another one of the girls was sent to a private school for a year by her parents because she just was not quite getting "it". I think she repeated second grade at her private school. Well, she came back the next year SUPER ready for third grade and has been an honors student ever since.

So it works! And to the poster with the twins with the October birthday...I would hold both back another year. It's not just school work that you need to worry about...when your kids get to high school and they are the youngest by far in the class, you will see a difference in maturity levels and the things they may get into that they are not really ready for.

 

[JennaTX]

That would be a tough decision, hopefully like you said, it won't happen.

Since they are in Kindergarten, I don't think there is really any "stigma" anymore about holding them back, Kindergarten is much harder now a days!

 

[mommaU4]

Just came back to check on this. Thanks for the responses.

If one of them does need to stay back then that's what we'll have to do. I wouldn't hold the other back too because that wouldn't be fair. Although when it's twins it IS more of a consideration because they will be questioned about this.

Think about it, if you met twins and then found out one was in a higher grade wouldn't you wonder why? It's just natural to question that and there's no shame in being held back. If your not ready then your not ready, BUT people can be hurtful especially kids even if they don't mean to and I would hate for it to affect her confidence later on.
Of course it could be equally damaging to have her constantly struggling to keep up if she's not ready. Nothing will turn a kid off to school faster than feeling like they can't do it.

There's no easy answer and to answer Tigger&Belle's question I have been working with them on their reading. We started a book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Lessons which was recommended by some of the people here who had used it. (Thanks for your info too, I will check it out)

Their older sister reads to them and we have flash cards but they don't listen to me very well. I don't know how homeschoolers do it! I get frustrated with them easily and they don't want to sit still for me. I'm not their teacher, just mom.

Anyways we have a conference this month so we'll know more then. I have a real issue with this school and their idiotic K schedule but that's a whole other topic!!

 

[barkley]

Just came back to check on this. Thanks for the responses.

If one of them does need to stay back then that's what we'll have to do. I wouldn't hold the other back too because that wouldn't be fair. Although when it's twins it IS more of a consideration because they will be questioned about this.

Think about it, if you met twins and then found out one was in a higher grade wouldn't you wonder why? It's just natural to question that and there's no shame in being held back. If your not ready then your not ready, BUT people can be hurtful especially kids even if they don't mean to and I would hate for it to affect her confidence later on.
Of course it could be equally damaging to have her constantly struggling to keep up if she's not ready. Nothing will turn a kid off to school faster than feeling like they can't do it.

There's no easy answer and to answer Tigger&Belle's question I have been working with them on their reading. We started a book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Lessons which was recommended by some of the people here who had used it. (Thanks for your info too, I will check it out)

Their older sister reads to them and we have flash cards but they don't listen to me very well. I don't know how homeschoolers do it! I get frustrated with them easily and they don't want to sit still for me. I'm not their teacher, just mom.

Anyways we have a conference this month so we'll know more then. I have a real issue with this school and their idiotic K schedule but that's a whole other topic!!

i so agree with you on the homeschooling! i have the utmost respect for parents who successfuly manage to do it-i've taught and tutored other people's children but trying to do it with my own children? just working with them on homework, reinforcement of basic skills... sometimes ends in tears (and it's not my kids who end up crying ).

best wishes with your decision-i wish your school was set up like ours with k-2nd all in the same classroom, then it would'nt be an issue for a couple of years, and by then they might likely move into 4th together (seems like so much of this stuff resolves with practice and maturing during those few years ).

oh-and i wanted to mention, if your daughters use the computer at all-the "living books" software went a big way with encourageing reading in both my kids. they are inexpensive (maybe 9.99 each) and take popular books like "little critter", "bearenstein bears"...-and they can be set up to be heard initialy but then they read them aloud themselves (and can click on the words to get different things to happen on the "page" (like click on tree and the leaves turn into butterflies and hover around the page).

 

[mommaU4]

oh-and i wanted to mention, if your daughters use the computer at all-the "living books" software went a big way with encourageing reading in both my kids. they are inexpensive (maybe 9.99 each) and take popular books like "little critter", "bearenstein bears"...-and they can be set up to be heard initialy but then they read them aloud themselves (and can click on the words to get different things to happen on the "page" (like click on tree and the leaves turn into butterflies and hover around the page).

Thanks!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

What a great thread! We are facing a similar dilemma with our two sons, currently ages 3 and 4, both with November birthdays. Matt, the oldest, is in SDC (special day class) preschool due to speech/language/developmental delays. He has an IEP, but due to the cutoff (Dec. 1) the district has to send him on to kindergarten later this year. His teachers and school psychologist all agree that he isn't ready, but he has to go and they said they can provide him with the specialty services he'll need. We have the option of holding him back on our own, but then he wouldn't get the speech and language services he needs. They've basically us that Matt will most likely have to repeat kindergarten twice, which means that he and his younger brother Austin will be in kindergarten at the same time. We aren't sure what to do. We don't want Matt to have a complex about it, but at the same time we don't think it's fair to hold back Austin if he's ready to go. Our other option is to hold Austin back and put him in extended preschool until he starts kindergarten, so that way he gets to "go to school" like he wants to do. This might be an option in a twins case, because no matter how wrong it is, reality is that they will always be compared to each other, and holding only one back isn't worth causing that twin to have a complex about being inferior or feeling as if he wasn't as smart as his sibling. You want to encourage each twin to have their seperate identities, but I think it would be easier and more beneficial to them to start them out on the same level in kindergarten and then let each one adapt to their own abilities as they get older.