Separation Anxiety

[becka]

It looks like DS is having some problems with separation anxiety and as a result I am having some major problems with "mommy guilt".

Thankfully I am not the person who drops him off in the mornings or I would probably be literally sick every morning. Starting last week (Thurs/Fri) DS got very upset at daycare after DH left. It took them 30-45 minutes to calm him down and then he finally fell asleep. After he work up he was perfectly happy and calm.

On Monday, we were lucky and nothing seemed to bother him. We thought maybe he was just not feeling well late last week. Well yesterday DS started screaming just before DH was going to put him in the car. He cried the entire way there and really started screaming when DH left. I ended up calling the daycare about an hour later and they said he just had calmed down and they thought he was going to lay down and sleep for a little while. When I called later that morning they told me he was really happy as soon as he woke up from his little nap and had even started walking around there (the first time he walked there - he has been doing a little at home for a week or so).

Well today DS started crying in the car. He calmed down just a little when DH got him out of his carseat but started screaming again when he handed him over to the teacher and when he realized DH was leaving. DH said he could still hear him screaming when he was leaving the building and DS's classroom is in the middle.

I think we are in fact dealing with separation anxiety but it is hard on me. I feel so guilty. I can almost hear him screaming in my head while I am sitting here. What makes it worse is that he is not calming down quickly. It seems like everything I read says that usually the kid cries for 5 minutes and then it is over but DS is screaming for 30 minutes to an hour until he just gets so exhausted that he has to sleep (even after just waking up from 12 hours of sleep that night).

I know this will eventually pass (or at least I hope he won't go off to college screaming) but right now it is very difficult for me to deal with. It is hard enough dealing with my own feelings of missing him but to realize that he misses us so much that he is screaming like that just breaks my heart.

 

[kdibattista]

Everything will be okay!!!! Hugs in the meantime.

 

[browneyes]

When my dd was a baby, she had separation anxiety real bad. When she was in preschool, she did real well. I think she was happy to be away from her colicky brother though. My ds had separation anxiety until he started Kindergarten. He still has it now if he spends the night with my mom or my brother. I think it's much tougher on us moms than it is on our babies. Good luck. {{hugs}}

 

[Serena]

I am not one to give good advice with this. I was so bad in dealing with this that I think I made it worse. Whatever you do, don't change the schedule to try and make things better. It will get better, it really will.

 

[snoopy]

My little one still has it too, Shannon - he's 4. It darn near breaks my heart to have him clinging to my leg in the mornings - its only sometimes though, and usually when he is still groggy/not woken up completely. It happened last week as I was dropping him off - usually I can reason with him that I will be back at 4 - but this day he wasn't buying it. So I called work, told them I would be late, and rocked him in the rocking chair while reading him a story. He was fine after that. He just needed a little more Mommy time, and my manager is very flexible and understanding, thank goodness.

I wish I knew what to tell you, Becka. This too shall pass, but in the meantime, its a hard thing to deal with!

 

[ahutton]

We have 2 girls, 3 1/2 and 15 months old. They have gone through phases of this many times. It started around 11 months or so, was bad for a month then got better. There was another round that DD2 is going through right now, and another right around DD1 second birthday. They vary in degrees, but in the child development class I took they said the best thing to do is give them a kiss, tell them you love then and reassure them you will be back. It helps me feel better, and I know that I need to be here at work, doing my job, for the good of our family and my sanity. I still feel bad sometimes but I know this is the right thing to be doing. Hang in there and here's some PD!

 

[debster812]

It's heart wrenching, isn't it???

Becka, it sounds like you guys are doing all the right things. Just keep checking in with daycare, and know that this too WILL indeed pass.

 

[Amy]

Oh Becka, it WILL get better!! Just keep to a routine, don't change anything, and eventually the crying fits will stop. My boys were like that, and it just about broke my heart. Now, they're 11 and 13 and don't want to be seen with me!! (We went to their school picnic and I had to walk behind them and their friends. But they sure wanted me around when they needed money, LOL!) Hang in there!!

 

[believe]

DD#1 went through a similar phase and she didn't even go to daycare, her dad was/is home with her during the day. She would wake up and sleep in the hall, to catch me leaving. If she caught me leaving she would block the garage door and tell me she didn't want me to leave. I did find ways to not 'wake' her, one was buying a quieter hairdryer....but the guilt was still there. It was worse with DD#2 because for some reason her and DH did not hit it of for a while. I was ready to quit my job. It did get better.