Sending a Thank You for a gift received?

[ArielRae]

Ok wanted to get everyone's point of view about this since Christmas is almost here. I believe that if you get a gift in the mail or from some online place, from someone that doesn't live near you that you can say thank you in person that you should call, mail a letter or send out an online thank you for that gift. I bring this up cause my sister in law has two kids and we would send gifts and would not get any thank you's from her or the kids even when they got older so we stopped sending things. My mother in law (her mother) has told me when she takes them out shopping they only want the expensive clothes and aren't appreciative when she gets them anything. So it has been a few years and now sister inlaw has a new child so we sent a birthday present (December birthday 1yrs old) and a Christmas present. I know it is foolish to think we might even get an easy thank you thru Facebook since she posts a lot on there but nope nothing. DH thinks we should start sending presents again to the kids since their mother is now divorced single mom but I don't think so. If they are unappreative then why should I waste my time and money sending them anything. I always make sure I send out thank you's to those I can't thank in person when my DS(3) is given anything and he will learn if you can't thank them in person try to send out a thank you in some other way. So am I being to hard on them or that it is just right to show some appreciation and thanks that they thought of you?

 

[pfp258]

Well I guess it depends on the reason you are giving the gift. If you are simply giving the gift to check up on whether they will send a thank you, but they haven't in the past, I would say skip it. You probably won't get a thank you this year either. If you are giving a gift from a pure place in your heart, I thought of you and wanted you to have this, then I would say enjoy the gift giving.

Yes, it is unfortunate that too many people these days don't send ( phone or e-mail) thank you notes to acknowledge another's kindness but don't let it get to you.

My children were taught to write thank you notes at a young age. Each year they receive new boxes of stationery and pens on Christmas morning. I hope they will always continue to thank those that were kind enough to think of them all year round.

 

[clh2]

Good manners cost nothing...except perhaps a postage stamp.

I stopped giving birthday gifts years ago to the nieces and nephews on my side of the family. I reluctantly gave them money at graduation. Nope-no thank you notes either.

My DD is now almost 20, and she writes beautiful thank you notes, granted she has had years and years of experience.

I received a much-appreciated thank you note from a neighbor, who I did not know well, and the note was just a simple 2-sentence note stating:thank you for your graduation gift. I appreciate the support.

That was it. How hard is that???

Sorry, your post struck a nerve. So I am in the "of course TY's should be sent camp". Even at 3, a quick crayon scribble on your note is cute!

 

[SandyinMonterey]

I ALWAYS send Thank you notes. Mostly by "regular" mail too. I live in California and my best friend lives in NJ. We send each other something on birthdays only and this year my best friend not only texted me to say thank you but she also sent a thank you card and called. My sister doesn't send thank you notes but always calls and I call her. I just bought a box of thank you notes to said out to people for after Christmas. In return, we do receive many thank you's for Christmas presents, etc. but not all. Personally, I feel it's important to do. If someone took the time to buy me or husband or daughter something, I can take the time to write a nice thank you note.

 

[clh2]

Ok wanted to get everyone's point of view about this since Christmas is almost here. I believe that if you get a gift in the mail or from some online place, from someone that doesn't live near you that you can say thank you in person that you should call, mail a letter or send out an online thank you for that gift. I bring this up cause my sister in law has two kids and we would send gifts and would not get any thank you's from her or the kids even when they got older so we stopped sending things. My mother in law (her mother) has told me when she takes them out shopping they only want the expensive clothes and aren't appreciative when she gets them anything. So it has been a few years and now sister inlaw has a new child so we sent a birthday present (December birthday 1yrs old) and a Christmas present. I know it is foolish to think we might even get an easy thank you thru Facebook since she posts a lot on there but nope nothing. DH thinks we should start sending presents again to the kids since their mother is now divorced single mom but I don't think so. If they are unappreative then why should I waste my time and money sending them anything. I always make sure I send out thank you's to those I can't thank in person when my DS(3) is given anything and he will learn if you can't thank them in person try to send out a thank you in some other way. So am I being to hard on them or that it is just right to show some appreciation and thanks that they thought of you?

Sorry, forgot the rule

 

[LJSquishy]

It's just sad that her kids haven't been taught to be appreciative and thank people for gifts they receive. I'm a huge believer in sending thank you notes or verbally thanking them over the phone/in person. I never send out thank you notes but that is because we never get any gifts...if we did, I absolutely would.

One of our nieces and our nephew aren't very appreciative of gifts they receive (they are 7 and almost 5, brother and sister) and they've never taken care of their toys. Everything always ends up broken. It's hard not to get angry with the kids, but it's not their fault -- they weren't taught to take care of their belongings. Their mom does send thank you notes in the mail for birthday gifts and such. At Christmas, we all get together on Christmas Eve and watch them open their presents from us so they thank us then. We have 2 other nieces who take care of their toys so we really enjoy gifting them items. Our newest niece is just an infant but I'm hoping we'll get a "thank you" from her parents at Christmas.

 

[irishsharon]

I am terrible about sending thank you notes but I do try to call or email. I'm sure I am talked about by my perfect note sending sister-in-laws Everyone has their faults and you cant blame the kids for what their mom does or does not do.

 

[crisi]

Your husband's sister? And he thinks the kids should get gifts? Buy them gifts, don't expect to be thanked, but its your husband's family - if he wants to help out his sister by buying her children gifts, lack of thank you notes is not a good reason to override him. But tell him he gets the hassle of picking out the gifts and getting them sent - and, depending on how you manage money in your household, work out how much.

Your sister, no thank you notes, you get to call the shots.

Different families have different expectations for each other. Don't stress your marriage over his sister's kids thank you notes. Even a little tiny bit.

 

[aliceindisneyland]

Well I guess it depends on the reason you are giving the gift. If you are simply giving the gift to check up on whether they will send a thank you, but they haven't in the past, I would say skip it. You probably won't get a thank you this year either. If you are giving a gift from a pure place in your heart, I thought of you and wanted you to have this, then I would say enjoy the gift giving.

Yes, it is unfortunate that too many people these days don't send ( phone or e-mail) thank you notes to acknowledge another's kindness but don't let it get to you.

My children were taught to write thank you notes at a young age. Each year they receive new boxes of stationery and pens on Christmas morning. I hope they will always continue to thank those that were kind enough to think of them all year round.

Well put, and I love the idea of giving fresh stationery each year; thank you!

 

[chris31997]

I will put a differant spin on this, just cause you get a "Thank You" does not mean they appreciate the gift. I have nieces that are pretty good about sending thank yous but really do not appreciate what they have.

I do not worry about the thank you any more. It is more about teaching my kids to think of others and to appreciate what they have. We try to get the thank yous out, either thru email or Skype(thanks to distance and time) but our family knows that what they get us is trully appreciated.

 

[lost*in*cyberspace]

I will put a differant spin on this, just cause you get a "Thank You" does not mean they appreciate the gift. I have nieces that are pretty good about sending thank yous but really do not appreciate what they have.

I do not worry about the thank you any more. It is more about teaching my kids to think of others and to appreciate what they have. We try to get the thank yous out, either thru email or Skype(thanks to distance and time) but our family knows that what they get us is trully [sic] appreciated.

If you are really thinking about others, take the 2 minutes it takes to write a thank you note or make a phone call. What is wrong with thanking someone for a gift you really don't like or need? It's called having manners.

I have a set of nieces and nephews (now grown) who never thanked me, so
I stopped sending gifts.

 

[Darcy03231]

Ok wanted to get everyone's point of view about this since Christmas is almost here. I believe that if you get a gift in the mail or from some online place, from someone that doesn't live near you that you can say thank you in person that you should call, mail a letter or send out an online thank you for that gift. I bring this up cause my sister in law has two kids and we would send gifts and would not get any thank you's from her or the kids even when they got older so we stopped sending things. My mother in law (her mother) has told me when she takes them out shopping they only want the expensive clothes and aren't appreciative when she gets them anything. So it has been a few years and now sister inlaw has a new child so we sent a birthday present (December birthday 1yrs old) and a Christmas present. I know it is foolish to think we might even get an easy thank you thru Facebook since she posts a lot on there but nope nothing. DH thinks we should start sending presents again to the kids since their mother is now divorced single mom but I don't think so. If they are unappreative then why should I waste my time and money sending them anything. I always make sure I send out thank you's to those I can't thank in person when my DS(3) is given anything and he will learn if you can't thank them in person try to send out a thank you in some other way. So am I being to hard on them or that it is just right to show some appreciation and thanks that they thought of you?

Tell your DH if he wants the kids to have presents he's more than welcome to go to the store to do the shopping, wrap them and ship them. It probably won't get done.

 

[Granny square]

I love my nieces and nephews. I give them gifts because I love them. No more no less.

 

[packofjedis]

My husband's two nephews have never, ever thanked us for gifts. They're now 19 and 22. We would talk to them on Christmas Day and they'd never even mention the gift even if we specifically asked what they got for Christmas. It got to the point where we'd send the gift to the grandparents and have them deliver it to make sure they actually got it. But we never stopped sending gifts. We would joke about them not mentioning it…..

Meanwhile, my kids not only thank the relatives as soon as they get on the phone, but they send a thank you card as well. My kids hate writing them all out, but since we live out of state, a lot their gifts come from people we don't see often.

So my advice is to send the gifts. Especially since your husband thinks you should and they're his relatives. It's not the kids' faults that they have no manners. It's the parents' faults. Don't penalize the kids.

 

[Pooh2]

For years we sent birthday gifts to a niece and nephew on hubby's side, the parents never acknowledged the gifts were received so I got confirmation receipts when sending. My hubby said to stop sending them gifts. Made my Christmas list easier this year.

My kids always grumbled when they were growing up about doing thankyou notes after their birthday and Christmas, but they are now in their 20s. Whaddya know!! They still send thankyou notes!

 

[antmaril]

I always send a written (snail mail) thank you note. My DS (27) had a birthday earlier this month and he sent a thank you note to his aunt and uncle for an Amazon gift card he received from them.

Last Christmas, I sent a picture in a frame to each of my nieces and nephews of them with their Grandfather (now deceased) when they were young. The frame said " Grandpa and Me". I don't see my nieces and nephews much anymore because I am estranged from their mother (my sister). I received two Facebook thank you messages and the other two didn't acknowledge the gift. Quite honestly, I don't know how you don't thank someone for a gift.

 

[katie111]

Clearly you want some type of thank you & I don't blame you. I would just call after the gift should have been received and ask whether or not they received it. Just say that you hadn't heard from them so you wanted to make sure it didn't get lost in the mail. At that point they should at least thank you for the gift. You can judge for yourself whether or not you think they appreciated it and decide what to do next time from that.

Also does she send your child anything for birthdays or Christmas? Maybe she feels guilty that she can not reciprocate so she would actually prefer that the gift giving stops. We talked with both DH's and my families a couple years ago to decide what made sense in terms of gift giving as there were more & more nieces & nephews being born each year. We decided to do a grab with a set limit. If you have 3 kids you buy for 3 nieces & nephews, if you have 1 kid, you buy for 1 niece or nephew. Usually we see each other during the gift giving but on a couple of occasions we have not. Sometimes well get a thank you call sometimes not, but its not a big deal as we all feel that the system is fair to everyone.

 

[Vidia2]

Sometimes, not always, thank you notes aren't really about manners or being appreciative or anything at all. I try to think about the giving itself and not worry about what is going on at the other end or getting anything in return. I assume that most people will be happy that someone was thinking of them. If not, then they have something to re-gift.

 

[crisi]

Tell your DH if he wants the kids to have presents he's more than welcome to go to the store to do the shopping, wrap them and ship them. It probably won't get done.

If he's like my husband, it will take him two minutes on Amazon and you'll want to give him a budget.

In my experience, and it may be just my husband, saying "I have a hard time buying for your family, your family is your job," has worked very well. I don't come from a gifty family - (every year my two sisters and I pay for my parents Netflix subscription for Christmas - yeah, we aren't gifty at all) and he comes from a very gifty family (a big gift and multiple small gifts that my reaction to is "why would I want this in my house" - but I smile and say thanks before moving it to the Goodwill bin). I don't meet their expectations when it comes to gifts, so I don't. He wants the expectations met, he'll do the work to meet them - and he does.

 

[Girlfriday17]

I could have written that same post. That's why this year is the last year for Christmas gifts and age 5 is the end of birthdays. Between DH and me we have 10 nieces and nephews. If they don't care to say they received or like a gift, then why should I. Needless to say this is DH's side. It was actually his idea. I have only 2 nephews and 1 niece and they are 16, 10 and 6 respectively. They actually pick up the phone and call us themselves to say hi and thanks. Since we live a few hours away my niece and nephews are more excited about us coming to their party than the gift. We tend to do experiences with them the past few years anyway.